Chapter 170

CHAPTER 12 A Beginner Lost in a Maze of Love Looking down impassively at the checkered board, Monica tapped her black knight into place. Sitting across from her was Robert Winkel, a young man with black hair and a sharp, masculine face. He was a transfer student from the Kingdom of Landor, who had come to Serendia just to have a rematch with Monica. Robert retreated his white queen, and Monica immediately moved her black bishop. “Checkmate.” “…You beat me.” The moment Robert’s head lowered in defeat, Monica’s brow loosened, and she went back to her usual uncertain expression. Monica liked chess class. She liked how facing the game board made her forget her worries. She could absorb herself in the game even more so when playing against Robert, the only person in the class who could compete with her. It bothered her how he always launched into conversations about marriage and betrothal, but she quite liked playing chess with him. Robert stared at the pieces on the board, his face serious as he reflected on their match. “My endgame was poor. I wanted to put a new play I’d come up with into practice…but my forte was too powerful. I should have done things more cantabile.” “…What?” “Perhaps I could have eased into a gentler crescendo.” “…Um…” Why was he suddenly throwing out musical terminology? Sensing her confusion, Robert explained proudly, “Mording kindly instructed me. He told me my words lack musical elegance, and I am attempting to put his guidance into practice.” Monica turned stiffly toward Elliott and Benjamin, both of whom had been watching their game. Elliott seemed to be staring off into the distance, but Benjamin folded his arms and nodded approvingly. “The way Winkel speaks is too stiff, too formal to win over a lady. Love must be whispered with music, with elegance. Understand?” “Um, no, not really,” said Monica. “I’m sorry…” Elliott propped his cheek up on his hand and grinned, narrowing his droopy eyes. “Don’t worry, little squirrel. I have no idea what he’s saying, either.” “Flowery words and refined grace are key. Romance demands them! You must be brillante! You must be grazioso! You must have impeccable sensibility to play the melodies that shake the heartstrings of noblewomen!” Benjamin flicked his flaxen hair as he delivered his impassioned speech. Robert wrote it all down verbatim in his notebook. He took everything absolutely seriously. Monica couldn’t understand a single word of what Benjamin was saying. Normally, she would have simply chalked it up to her lack of understanding when it came to romance and ignored him. Today, though, his talk reminded her of Bridget. Young Felix must have been her first love. Over a week had passed since Monica had learned of her circumstances, but she couldn’t stop thinking about how sad Bridget had looked. “Romance and love, um…they don’t seem very fun to me,” she said out loud. Elliott and Benjamin looked up at the same time and stared at her. It was very unusual for Monica to use words like those. “Oh? Really, now? I see…” For some reason, Elliott smirked like a know-it-all. Benjamin pushed up his hair. “Naturally, it is only my viewpoint that romantic love ought to be flowery, elegant, and wonderful. At times, love takes the form of a lonely, yearning lovesickness. Other times, a heart may be filled with envy. And at still other times, a cruel fate may rip two lovers apart! Ah, yes, one in love may even agonize over their own animal passions! Every type of love is both ugly and beautiful! Do you understand now, Miss Norton?!” “…Um, so, is love ugly, then? Or is it beautiful?” “Ugly and beautiful! It is both at once!” “Um, er, I don’t really understand at all. Can you phrase it like an equation…?” There was a deep rift between Benjamin and Monica. One put everything into the language of music, while the other understood things best as mathematical equations. It was unlikely that the chasm would ever be bridged in their lifetimes. As Monica tried to think things over, her brain utterly confused, Elliott stared at her, narrowing his eyes even further. He looked like a bully about to strike. “I guess even a little squirrel can’t avoid the subject of love. Then again, I had a feeling this was coming ever since the festival.” “…Huh? Oh, no. Um, I wasn’t talking about myself, just—” “Well, I don’t think it’s very decent of you to pursue love beyond your station. A nobleman must choose a fitting wife.” “Huh? Well, okay.” Love beyond her station? Monica wondered what he was talking about. Nothing like that had happened during the school festival that she was aware of. All she remembered was running into some intruders who hadn’t belonged there at all. As she sat there, confused, Elliott assumed an even haughtier demeanor. “Couples who ignore class are bound to regret it. Most stories on the subject end in tragedy, don’t they?” “Elliott! Your outdated thinking is exactly what brings about those tragedies! Ah, but the will to cross such barriers makes those tragedies even more beautiful! Sorrow gives birth to beautiful music, whether or not those involved wish for it. Oh, what a crime it is! How sinful!” Benjamin passionately made his case to Elliott, but he was soon stricken by his own words and looked up toward the ceiling in agony. Elliott shrugged, then turned a wry smile on Monica. “…That said, you are the foster daughter of the former Countess Kerbeck. As long as you receive suitable education, I suppose there is a possibility for a proper match… After all, he’s a foster child, too.” Who is “he”? wondered Monica, even more confused. Benjamin’s eyes popped open, and he stared at Elliott. “This is a surprise. You’ve grown much more open-minded. You used to be fixated on status above all else.” “…I wouldn’t say I’ve changed. I just figured the two former commoners suited one another.” Who in the world could he be talking about? thought Monica. “I’m sorry…,” she said quietly. “I really don’t…understand any of this.” Robert, who had been silently writing down everything Benjamin said, finally looked up. He always looked people right in the eye, but at the moment, his gaze was boring into Monica with newfound intensity. “It will be all right, Miss Monica. I’m a beginner when it comes to romance myself. I think we both have plenty of room to grow and learn.” “O-oh.” “I read once that love is a lot like chess—a high-stakes game of strategy and tactics. I’m quite proficient in chess. Therefore, I believe I will be able to learn the rules and moves of love in the same manner. Let’s both strive to learn more, as fellow amateurs.” “Oh… Okay, I guess…?” Benjamin thought of everything in terms of music, while Monica’s head was full of equations. Robert was the same, but for chess. Monica still hadn’t realized it, but all three of them were separated by great, uncrossable gulfs. So what is love supposed to be anyway? Maybe it’s just part of the reproductive process… But animals can reproduce without it, so… Wait, then is love not required for the survival of a species? As Monica groaned in thought, the four students heard a low voice rumble above them. “Stop chatting in class and get back to your games.” Looking down at them was a stern-faced man with a bald head—their chess teacher, Professor Boyd. The four of them apologized in unison and immediately began rearranging their game pieces. That same day, Monica headed to the library after school. If she didn’t understand something, she needed only to do some research. But after arriving at Serendia Academy’s vast library building, she came to a stop at the entrance. …Where would one look to find a book that explains love in a simple and easily digestible way? Benjamin had been going on about how love was like music, so maybe it would be in the music section? Or perhaps music history? Then again, love was a physical phenomenon, so maybe biology was the correct choice. Or maybe classical literature… As she stood there in the entrance, humming in thought, she heard someone call out to her. “Hey, Monica! Here to study?” Glenn rushed over to her. Albert, the third prince, was at his side, followed by his attendant, Patrick. Glenn could often be found in the library these days studying magecraft with the prince. Albert helped Glenn with the academic aspect, while Glenn, who was good at flight, taught that to Albert. “Hello,” said Monica. “Um…is your cold all better, Glenn?” “You betcha!” he exclaimed, though his voice was a bit quieter than usual out of consideration for their surroundings. “But you’re looking a bit unwell. That’s quite a scowl.” Glenn bunched up his eyebrows until his face was covered in wrinkles. Apparently, he was trying to mimic her. Next to him, Albert stuck out his chest. “Monica, if anything is bothering you, you can rely on me. We are, after all, friends.” “You really like emphasizing the word friends, huh?” “Patrick! Be quiet! That wasn’t necessary!” Albert turned a glare on Patrick, then resumed his air of royal dignity. His eyes, however, were practically sparkling. It seemed he really wanted her to ask for his help. In the end, she decided to just come out with it. “Um, well… I want to borrow a book about love.” “Oh, a romance novel? Those are right over here.” “Oh, um. No, not like that. I want something that will explain the definition to me…” Albert and Patrick both stopped speaking, and Glenn frowned as if he’d just heard a difficult word for the first time. “The definition of love…,” he repeated. “Uh, what do you mean?” “I don’t know. That’s why I’m here…” Monica found it very hard to explain herself when she didn’t even understand what she was talking about. She played with her fingers until Patrick put a hand to his chubby cheek and made a suggestion. “You might want to check the philosophy section, in that case.” “That’s a great idea, Patrick! You’re so clearheaded!” Albert’s face lit up at his attendant’s suggestion. “Philosophy gets right to the essence of things. I’m sure it will help you.” “W-wow, Lord Albert. You’re amazing!” Monica’s plain praise almost made Albert tip over backward. He seemed really happy. I see. Philosophy… Philosophy, huh…? Monica had never studied philosophy before. Maybe that was why she didn’t understand romantic love. “Thank you so much. I’m going to go…um, philosophize! See you later!” Breathing roughly through her nose, Monica headed for the philosophy section. When it came to romantic love, one person jumped right to the forefront of Monica’s mind—Selma Karsh. Monica had met Selma right after transferring into Serendia Academy. Back then, Selma had been distraught and desperate over her fiancé Aaron. It was the first time Monica had encountered this incomprehensible phenomenon. Selma had begged them to save her fiancé, no matter what it cost her. At the time, Monica’s reaction had been very sober. How can she expect so much from another person? And now, seeing Bridget so desperate over this matter with Felix, Monica confronted a similar question. How can Lady Bridget bring herself to do all that? Monica had been at the academy for over half a year now, and she had many more friends. But she still didn’t understand what it felt like to be in love. Despite her lack of comprehension, though, she understood that it was something she couldn’t just dismiss. That was why she wanted to know. What was this emotion that moved Bridget’s heart? Five days after Monica borrowed a book on philosophy from the library, she attended an after-school tea party with Lana and Claudia. There, her face grave, she broached the subject. “Um, Lana, I was wondering, um…if I could ask you a question.” Her words came out sounding uncharacteristically formal. Lana returned her teacup to its saucer and turned to face her. “Oh, would you like to know this year’s most popular dress colors? Or about makeup? Or some simple hairstyling tips?” Monica shook her head. “No, um… Lana, have you ever, um, been in love?” Lana went completely stiff. She looked like she’d just had the shock of a lifetime. Then, a moment later, she was leaning halfway across the table. “Monica… Do you have a crush on someone?!” she demanded excitedly. Claudia turned a cold gaze on Lana’s boisterous behavior. They were in a larger room rather than a private salon. Several other students were enjoying themselves at other tea tables. Lana awkwardly sat back down in her seat. “This is so sudden! What happened? Who is it? …You do have a crush, right?” “Oh, um… No, not me. There’s someone else I know who’s doing everything they can for the person they love, and…” For some reason, a broad smile broke out on Lana’s face. She looked truly happy. “I see. Someone else is doing everything they can for the one they love. And? Tell me more!” “Okay. That person really, really wants to meet the one they love… It seems like being in love makes a person able to do things they normally wouldn’t.” “Oh yes. Love will do that to a person.” As she watched Lana nod in perfect understanding, Monica thought, Lana’s so amazing. Unlike her, Lana knew exactly what romantic love was. I knew I could always rely on her, she thought, continuing. “I’ve never really tried to understand love before, so I still don’t really get it…” Monica had become absorbed in reading the philosophy book and had wound up thinking a lot. “But then, um, I had an idea.” Behind her light-brown bangs, her round, greenish eyes sparkled. “If I could use an equation to express the relationship between romantic love and that increased desire to act, I think it would prove very useful.” “Wait,” interrupted Lana, her face serious. But Monica’s gears were turning now, and they would not be stopped. “I read a book on philosophy in search of a definition for love, but in many cases, they used analogies, saying ‘love is like a fever’ or ‘love is like music,’ which didn’t make much sense to me. I doubt that abstract, vague expressions will help me here. I’d like a stricter, clearer definition saying what love is, not what it’s like. It would be even better if it could be described in a mathematical equation. The book I read said it was a form of desire, but it didn’t say what sort of matter forms in a human body as a result of being in love. Nor did it give me a medical description of the manner in which it affects desires, which I’d need to really understand. And—” “Wait, wait, wait!” Lana had her head in her hands now. Claudia, who had continued to wordlessly drink her tea, finally offered a remark: “A medical description? …There is no cure for a fool stricken with love.” Her tone made it sound as though she found the whole thing utterly banal. “Awww…” As Monica’s words stuck in her throat, Claudia continued flatly, “Love itself is abstract. It takes different shapes depending on the person. If a mathematician could clearly define it, then that would certainly be a sight to see.” “It takes different shapes…depending on the person…” That came as a shock to Monica, but it made sense, too. The equations that composed a human’s body and the way they thought about things were different from person to person. Didn’t it make perfect sense that love would be different for each person, too? “Um! Lady Claudia. What is…love to you, then?” she asked. Many would have gotten angry at the rude question, but Claudia answered easily. “I want to be someone special in Neil’s heart.” “Then wanting to be special to someone…is love?” Wanting to be special to someone—that was an emotion Monica found difficult to understand. What Monica wanted wasn’t special treatment as the Silent Witch or one of the Seven Sages, but a normal life where she wasn’t special at all. “…I wouldn’t want to be treated…specially. I like it when people are…normal to me.” She was supposed to be investigating love, but now she felt like her own, completely unrelated emotions were getting mixed up in the discussion. When Monica fell silent, Lana made a “big sister” face and offered a suggestion. “Oh, I think it can also be love if someone makes you feel at ease when you’re together. My father said so anyway.” Monica’s eyes widened. That was the opposite of what Claudia had said. Lana twirled her flaxen hair and pursed her lips. “Love isn’t just about making your heart race. You can just as well fall in love with someone who makes you feel calm and relaxed.” “Someone who makes you feel calm and relaxed…” Who was that to her…? Monica gave the first answer that came to mind. “The person I feel most relaxed around…is you, Lana.” Without saying anything, Lana patted Monica on the head. She’d read a book and asked her friends, but Monica still didn’t understand romantic love. She knew it was different for each person, complex, difficult, and something everyone treated as precious… Just as Monica loved and cherished her beautiful world of numbers. For the time being, that was Monica Everett’s answer to the question “What is love?” She was, of course, still an amateur when it came to romance.