I was completely worthless. It was only natural that Miya cast me aside. She wasn’t to blame.
The root of the problem was me, after all. I was the one at fault. It was all because of me. Miya had done nothing wrong. If anything, she was a saint for hanging in there for fifteen long years.
I sneered at myself as I knocked back another drink.
It had now been six months since Miya left me, so I had an entire year of adventuring experience under my belt, all told. But in spite of that, I hadn’t grown one bit. Here I was, drinking away my earnings for the day again... This had become a daily ritual for me, which only made me even more hopeless.
I was currently in a pub popular among adventurers for its cheap drinks, sitting with the party I’d joined for the day’s job.
You see, after parting ways with Miya, I wandered from odd job to odd job without settling in with a fixed party. It doesn’t sound so bad to put it that way, but the simple truth is that there was no place for me. I don’t have a combat skill to my name, just useless Mapping. No one wanted me. No one welcomed me. And in return, I hardly bothered to learn people’s names.
It wasn’t like I was trying to push people away. I just kept my distance and did my best to make a name for myself in the adventurer scene here in town as I moved from party to party. You never get any work with a bad rap, after all. Especially not if you’re a loser like me.
Things would have been much easier for me if I hadn’t chosen to become an adventurer... But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t give up on my dream.
After losing Miya, I felt like I’d have nothing left if I let go of becoming an adventurer too. And that terrified me. So I choked everything back and forced myself to keep going... That’s how I’d managed to get this far.
There were times I’d been cursed for my uselessness. Times I’d swallowed my pride and taken jobs carrying luggage and gear for other parties like a pack mule. After Miya left me, I didn’t have a use for dignity anymore anyway.
And that was why I chose to drown my woes in booze like this after work. Oddly enough, casually drinking and chatting with my party members du jour was a good way to make connections and score more invites on odd jobs. Telling the tale of how I’d pulled Mapping and been abandoned by my childhood friend was always a big hit over drinks, too. Everyone loves a sob story.
So before I knew it, the sad story of my life became my go-to story to share. Some people burst into laughter when they heard it. Some expressed their pity. Some even cried for me. But in truth, I didn’t care how they reacted so long as they listened to me.
Because the person I really wanted to talk to was no longer around. That killed me more than anything.
What would Miya think if she saw my deadbeat ass right now?
Doubts like that filled my head every night. Would she burst into laughter too? Would she feel sorry for me? Probably neither. Why should she feel anything at all? She cut me loose long ago. She abandoned me... No, that wasn’t right. I drove her away.
It was half a year ago now...
“We should go our separate ways, Note.”
Miya had said she wanted to talk, and she dropped that as soon as I sat down.
“...”
Even if I’d wanted to reply, my throat didn’t cooperate. I’d had a feeling that moment would come one day. I’d known deep in my heart of hearts... I had relied on Miya too much.
Pulling a trash-tier skill like Mapping was the end of the road for me. That singular thought kept me from putting effort into anything. In a sense, I’d already given up on our dream of becoming top-rate adventurers together.
For the first month or so of adventuring together, I tried to put my heart into it but quickly lost motivation. It felt like there was no point in someone like me even trying. After seeing Miya’s abilities for myself, it crushed me to see her soar to heights I could never hope to reach. She worked so, so hard for my sake... and that broke me.
I tried not to let it show, but Miya had always had sharp senses. She probably realized I’d given up inside. That I was trying to fool her into thinking otherwise. I kept up the charade for five more months, and Miya kept playing along.
But no relationship like that lasts.
There wasn’t any particular incident. No straw that broke the camel’s back. It was just a weight we both carried. If something had happened, if Miya had said something... maybe I could’ve fixed myself. Maybe we could’ve saved our relationship.
But Miya was too nice. She didn’t say anything. She just kept silent... until she couldn’t anymore. Until she broke too.
I knew that day would come. My brain told me it would, but my heart just wouldn’t listen.
I don’t really remember what happened after that.
No, that’s not true. I remember; I just don’t want to. So I can say it’s all a blur, right?
The only thing I remember clearly is that Miya was crying as she left. Probably because of the words I spat out in spite. I really am the worst. Utterly pathetic.
That’s my greatest regret. If I couldn’t be worthy of Miya, I at least wanted to see her off with a smile. I wanted my last memory of her to be her beautiful smiling face. But a loser like me couldn’t even manage that.
I’ll probably never see her again.
Miya left here—an adventuring town called Broad—as though she were fleeing. Someone of her caliber should have no trouble getting work as an adventurer, even in the highly competitive royal capital. She could honestly reach the top of the adventuring world. She’ll probably end up so famous that the entire kingdom knows her name one day.
Miya wasn’t just strong; she was beautiful too. With her stunning looks, the whole world would fall in love with just one glance. Everyone would want to get to know her. Get to know her story...
A story that I won’t be a part of.