Sofie listened to my story silently. As soon as I was done, she mumbled but one thing: “You kept something so important from everyone?”
“Yeah.”
“And you don’t feel guilty?”
“I’m not completely heartless.” I just wasn’t as honest as Sofie. I didn’t share her high moral standards. “I simply felt it would be better to stay silent, so I did. I believe everyone’s happier this way.”
Telling the team about the Headhunter’s attack wouldn’t have benefited anyone but me. Jin would’ve felt guilty for causing me trouble, and then there was the increased risk of exposing the Headhunter’s identity after he’d done me a solid in the end. No one would have benefited from knowing that I’d relied on Hugel to rescue Neme either. If circumstances had been different, Leyfa could have been killed too. I didn’t want my friends involved in all that. I was the only one who needed to dirty their hands.
“Are you saying it’s okay for me to keep hiding the fact I’m Lord Deanlurk’s daughter who tried to kill Jin?”
“Why not? If that’s what you want to do and you believe it’s the best option, then yeah.”
Personally, I believed there were plenty of better secrets to keep. The only reason I’d pried into Sofie’s was because it clearly pained her. If she had secrets that had nothing to do with her life as an Arriver, I wouldn’t press her. I’d only done it this time because I thought leaving it be would cause more suffering.
“You don’t need to feel guilty about anything,” I told her. “Just choose what’s best for you.”
If the guilt was too much to bear, she could open up if she wanted. But if she wanted to bear it silently, then she could stay quiet. I would respect Sofie’s choice either way.
Her eyes cast downward, she said, “I’ll keep it a secret, then...” She’d chosen the same option I had. “No one would be happy to hear it, and I think I’d like to try living life with people who don’t know my past.”
“Sounds good.”
“Besides, Force is better off unaware of my history. He was involved in my father’s murder, so there’s no telling how he’ll react finding out I’m a Deanlurk.”
Apparently Sofie was already aware that Force had played a part in Jin turning on her dad. Lord Deanlurk had sent Jin to assassinate Force originally, but Force won Jin over with his charm and turned the tables on the lord. How would he react if he found out Sofie’s last name was Deanlurk? Would he resent her as the daughter of the man who’d wanted him dead? Would he hate her as the girl who’d put a hit on his best friend? Or would he feel guilty toward her as the daughter of a man he’d had a hand in killing? I’d known the guy for a good while now, and I had no idea.
“So you knew about Force too, huh?” I asked Sofie.
“The Headhunter told me,” she explained.
“I didn’t think you were aware.”
“How come?”
“I figured that you wouldn’t have joined the party otherwise.”
Most people wouldn’t agree to join forces with their parent’s killers. Sofie had every right to hate Force as much as she did Jin.
“I actually regret asking the Headhunter to kill Jin. It was a rash decision,” she explained. “When he told me he’d failed, I was truly relieved. You might find that hard to believe, though.”
“I wouldn’t doubt you over something like that.”
“The truth is, I understand. My father was completely in the wrong. But I didn’t want to accept that... If I did, there really would be no one left on his side. So I’ve childishly closed my eyes to it all.”
No one could blame Sofie for feeling that way. What was wrong with wanting to stand by the people you loved? If anything, she deserved to be commended for taking on the world alone. Her heart was beyond reproach.
“That’s why I don’t feel any particular resentment toward Force. I may not be able to get as close to him as the others, but I believe I can handle being in the same party.”
“I’m glad to hear it. Thanks for sticking with us.”
“You don’t have to be grateful to me. Just protect my secret. Now that you know the truth, you can’t go telling it to the others.”
“I know. I’ll promise you that much. We’re secret-keeping accomplices now.”
And so we made a promise under the moonlight. With no one else around, it was like we were the only two people in the world. We hadn’t signed a contract or crossed our pinkies, yet the commitment we’d made to each other was absolute.
“Accomplices... That doesn’t sound too bad.”
Sofie digested the words, then nodded contentedly. Thus we broke free of the unhealthy debt binding us and began moving forward as partners in crime, each helping the other carry their burden. That was the moment Sofie truly became a part of the Arrivers.
“If we’re accomplices, I don’t have to hold back anymore, right?” she asked.
“You bet. We’re partners now.”
“Then I have one thing to say.”
“Yeah, sure. Get whatever you need to off your chest.”
“In that case...” Sofie took a deep breath. “To be honest, I really think there’s something wrong with you for inviting me into the Arrivers when you knew that my father’s killer founded the party.”
“Huh?!”
“I mean Jin, but there’s also Force too. You assumed I was none the wiser and basically scammed me into—”
“Hey, wait a minute...”
“I’m not done yet. To begin with, how could you rook someone into joining your party because they’re indebted to you? That’s the behavior of a villain. I fundamentally have no respect for you.”
“Haha, okay... Maybe that’s enough for now...”
“You’re the one who told me to get whatever I need to off my chest. Or was that some sham too?”
“No, that’s not—”
“Then shut up and listen.”
With that, Sofie began to unload on me. She complained—and not just about me. She griped about the way Leyfa treated her, about her family’s circumstances, and then some. She was venting eighteen years of pent-up discontent. Our conversation carried on into the night...but I didn’t mind so much.