Chapter 121

CHILDREN RECORD SIDE -NO. 9- “Well, it is what it is. That’s all.” “…Huh?” The “huh” that meandered out in my pathetic-sounding voice was quickly absorbed by the imaginary realm we were in, a space of pure white as far as the eye could see. Or was it a “huh” at all? Maybe it was more like a “guhh” instead. He stood there by the bed, scratching his head. “I mean,” he said softly, voice not making it very far past his lips, “you know… I think you’re just overthinking this, is all, Haruka. Killing or being killed… What’s that even really matter, you know?” Then he sat down on the bed. “Man, there is just jack shit to do in here, isn’t there?” …Huh. I guess I’ve really told him a lot in here, haven’t I? Konoha was the full nature of my ability, and it was that ability—me, I suppose, in so many words, as Konoha—that had killed Shintaro, the young man who was before me now. But for all the impact it seemed to have had on him, I might as well have said “Remember that book you lent me? Well, I kinda lost it.” Did the message come through okay? Maybe I better try it again. …Yeah. One more time. “Um, so listen! Shintaro!” He looked up at me, startled, motioning for me to continue. “Uh, I’m gonna go over this one more time, so would you mind hearing me out on this?” “No, I definitely heard you, Haruka. You said Konoha was your ability, and it’s Konoha’s fault that I died. That sort of thing, yeah?” “Huh? Uh… Oh. Yeah.” I guess my story had come across, actually. So well, in fact, that it took me aback. Perhaps exasperated at my wavering little act, Shintaro let out a long sigh. “I’ve been remembering a lot of things,” he said. “What I was doing before I went to the Kagerou Daze, why I’m here, that kind of thing. That ‘clearing’ dude got me after it jumped into Konoha’s body. It’s not your fault.” “B-but… I mean, this whole thing is happening because I just wanted to see my friends one more time. If I didn’t have to think about anything like that…” That girl had said her abilities had the power to make their masters’ dreams come true. And Konoha was definitely the result of that. It had created him, and then he’d run into the Mekakushi-dan. If I hadn’t had any stupid ideas like that, there wouldn’t be any Konoha at all. Shintaro wouldn’t have had to lose his life. Even now, the sheer hopelessness, that bottomless pit of despair when I lost my life was fresh in my mind. And now I had made a precious friend of mine taste those same emotions. Looking through Konoha’s eyes at the outside, I naturally knew how much of a bad guy that “clearing” person was, and how terrible the powers he had. But even so, I just couldn’t will myself to think that none of this was my fault. “…Well, if you’re gonna put it that way…” Shintaro slapped a fist into his hand. “…I mean, that thought never would’ve occurred to you if I had never made friends with you in the first place, right?” “Wha…? No!” I sat up, leaning forward to protest. “No, not at all! None of this could possibly be your fault, Shintaro!” Shintaro just gave me a nefarious grin in response. It was his way of saying that he wasn’t serious. I loosened the vise grip I had just put on my bedsheet and relaxed back into bed. “You know, knowing that you wanted to see me… Nothing could’ve made me happier. There’s no way I could pin the blame on you.” Now Shintaro had a cheerful, sincere smile all over his face. …Ah, here we go again. I had been stealing peeks at the outside world the whole time through Konoha’s eyes. When Mr. Tateyama said I looked like one of his students, when Hibiya and Hiyori were sucked into the Kagerou Daze…you name it. I sat and watched it all, like an idiot, unable to do anything. Every time Konoha met someone new, I started to loathe him more. He was passive, cowardly, oblivious to everything… Exactly like me. I hated his guts. But Shintaro still called someone like that his friend. Right up to the end, he looked out for someone as wishy-washy as I am, trying to protect my weak, irresolute heart, which could fly away at a moment’s notice. Even when I spoke to him on that summer’s day about my illness, Shintaro was just as gentle with me. He’s always been this kind of savior to me. “…Wh-whoa! No crying, Haruka! I hate it when people cry on me!” “Huh? Oh, um, s-sorry…!” Having had it pointed out to me, I hurriedly wiped the corners of my eyes. The backs of my hands were now dripping, it felt like. I was crying out a river. “Dahh, all this snot! Um, something to wipe this with! Anything! …I guess there isn’t anything, huh?” “Nngh…” I felt so pathetic, so embarrassed. I’d been trying to be this mentor figure to him, and I’d completely failed at it. I fought off my flowing tears, exasperated at myself. It wasn’t until I had a small puddle in my hands that I finally regained my composure. Shintaro breathed a sigh of relief, crossing his arms behind his head. “You know, though,” he said, “what’s up with all this? “I mean, I died and all, so I shouldn’t expect much else, but I guess we can’t do much for them from over here, huh…?” His eyes swam in the air, seeking out some magic solution within the sheer white that surrounded us. I could see why he was worried. Everyone in the Mekakushi-dan, all those friends who’d accepted Konoha, were probably having a terrible time right now. And thinking about how it was Konoha who’d triggered it all… It just sucked the cheer right out of my body. “It’s just so…frustrating,” I said. “I haven’t been able to see a single thing through him since ‘clearing’ took over.” “Yeah, well, I doubt having a view of the action would change much. There’s nothing we can do to get back to the other side, right?” “No… I don’t think so. At least, I can’t think of anything.” The Kagerou Daze swallows up people on the brink of death. And once it does, it only lets you out once it grants you a new life…one instilled with an “ability.” Azami’s ten abilities had found ten suitable candidates to take over already. In other words, we had no way of getting out right now. This, at least, according to what that girl had told me. Hell, though, even if there was an easy way out, I’m not sure I’d be in much of a mood to use it. Everyone was caught up in this world because they were mere seconds away from death. Being in this weird thin line between life and death was what allowed us to talk to each other, but going back without an ability to help us survive would probably leave us just as vulnerable to a quick death. If Shintaro went back right now, without any ability finding him suitable… Oof. I didn’t want to think about it. “Well,” Shintaro said, “I guess it wouldn’t be good for the dead to go sticking their noses back into things anyway. Like, I suppose dead men do tell some tales sometimes, huh?” He gave me a self-effacing smile. I stiffened up. Talk about black comedy. As far as I could tell, Shintaro didn’t have any physical injuries. Neither did I. The Kagerou Daze tended to depict people as they pictured themselves, no matter what they actually looked like. And I guess my consciousness affected more than how I looked. This white space we were in seemed to be a reflection of my mind as well. Come to think of it, when I first ran into that girl in this world, that was kind of the first thing she told me. The moment she appeared, the world of white around me exploded in a rainbow of colors. It really captivated my eyes. …Yes. I had only started to think about that because the pure white that had enveloped us suddenly began to change. It was that “golden hour,” when the orange sun seems to melt into the dark-blue night sky. In the blink of an eye, the white that was my world was repainted into a fantastical array of colors. “…Eep?!” Shintaro almost fell off the bed, so surprised was he at this near-instant metamorphosis. The unexpected “visit” made me hang my mouth open, unable to close it. She was always so sudden like that. Then, out of nowhere, I heard the footsteps of someone wearing loafers. Looking in their direction, I found her, standing still on a familiar wooden classroom floor. “Um… I guess it’s been a while…huh?” Out of nowhere, Ayano was there, hiding her pleasant smile as she stood in the middle of the sunset-drenched school classroom. The wind coming in from the open windows made her trademark red scarf bob up and down. I could only imagine the indescribable shock this must have been to my friend. The mere two years of eternity that had separated the two of them had begun to come apart once more. “Nah, not really. Pretty short, if anything.” I couldn’t guess what Shintaro meant by those stout words, or by the tears that fell from his eyes. But I was such a crybaby that the same thing happened to me.