Chapter 112

“Replacement lives…?” Something like the “souls” Azami mentioned earlier? I waited for Azami to continue, only to see her bring both palms out in front of her. “I originally held sway over ten different powers. It turns out these could be used as a replacement for human lives, but apparently, different powers could be more, or less, compatible with certain people. And sadly, both my daughter and her daughter were compatible with just one power—the same one, my ‘combining eyes.’ The power I used to control the Kagerou Daze itself.” Her voice began to shake. “I had no idea which one I should breathe ‘life’ back into. But my daughter stepped up and told me…She wanted me to give it to her own child. That she didn’t need it. So…” She could go on no further. She started sobbing. …It was so incredibly cruel. If only one “life” could work for the two of them and it couldn’t be split up, one would naturally have to decide which would be resurrected and which condemned to death. But her daughter gave up her lone chance for the sake of her own child—Azami’s granddaughter. I could only assume she was gone forever. “…Ever since then,” Azami continued, still sniffling, “I haven’t been able to handle any of my own abilities, much less the Kagerou Daze. I’ve still hung on to my ‘opening eyes’ skill, if barely, but there’s no telling when it may disappear…” Azami looked down at her palms, face tinged with anxiety. The abilities that take the place of lives, the true nature of this world…It was so far beyond the realms of reality, but her story all fit together, oddly enough. It didn’t feel like she was lying. But something still didn’t make sense. “All right. I understand that…but, Azami, what does that have to do with me getting swallowed into this world?” Azami looked terribly pained. “Don’t you see?” she sobbed out. “I ordered the Kagerou Daze to ‘bring in two people on the brink of death.’ I never told it to stop!” I had trouble digesting this for a moment. Presumably, Azami lost the ability to give orders with that final one—which was “bring in two people on the brink of death.” My mind began to construct a theory that I didn’t like much. “Wait…So you mean…” Azami quietly nodded. “The Kagerou Daze is sucking in ‘two people on the brink of death’ over and over again. Bringing them in here, into this world without time, leaving them to wander aimlessly without even being granted the gift of death. Just like it did to you.” Her blood-red eyes, laden with sadness, turned toward me. I felt like my heart was about to skip a beat. It would have, normally. That was how twisted and confused my head was. But my heart wasn’t racing—or, for that matter, moving at all. It was long over for me. I knew Azami wasn’t lying. If she wanted to unnerve me, she could’ve told me all kinds of scarier tales…and if it was a lie, her eyes wouldn’t have been that sad. Kagerou Daze…A world without time. If it’s been set to take in people two at a time, that must mean my sister is somewhere in here as well. Sitting somewhere in the dark, just like I was before I encountered Azami… If “dying” means not feeling anything anymore…then this really is hell in the end, isn’t it? We’re going to be locked in here forever, never dying, never disappearing. But it was odd how I didn’t feel anything in the way of fear. Just a seemingly boundless sadness, one that filled all my heart. “…Wh-why can you use that?!” Azami suddenly shouted at me. Her crimson eyes were wide open again, just like when we first met. I wasn’t sure what she meant by “using” anything. I hadn’t done anything in particular, apart from sit by the table, lost in thought. “Huh? What do you mean by ‘that’…?” Azami got up off her chair, ignoring me. Then, without warning, she thrusted her arm toward my chest. “Whoa!” I shouted in surprise, standing and turning around to dodge it. “What’re you doing? Did I do something I shouldn’t have…?” My voice stopped at Azami’s behavior. I was turned away from her, standing on the opposite edge of the window in front of the chair. She, meanwhile, was pawing at the air above the chair I had been sitting on before, like a cat playing with a toy. She kept intoning “Hey…Hey…!” as she did, like some kind of mantra. …Great. I broke Azami. All the worry about her granddaughter must’ve pushed her over the brink. But I couldn’t blame her; her story was compellingly sad, something that came across all too clearly as she relayed it. Just talking about her must have made something crack in her mind. I felt terrible about it, enough so that I decided to give Azami, still shouting “Hey!” repeatedly, a reassuring pat. “Aaaagh!!” She leaped up on the spot and fell, taking the table with her. I reared back, put off by this even more bizarre behavior. I had no idea what was driving her to act like this. She rubbed her now-tender hip a bit, then glared at me so sharply I could almost hear the zing sound effect. “Wh-why’d you have to surprise me like that? What are you thinking, you fool?!” “Fool?” I shot back, resentful of this sudden barrage. “I was just worrying about you! Besides, why were you ignoring me just now?!” “Nnngh…,” she said, faltering at my verbal attack. I thought she was going to fire back; getting that reaction instead was something of a letdown. Considering her attitude, she was kind of a wimp, I supposed. Azami, still on the floor, pointed up at me. “Y-you’re the one who vanished into thin air,” she said, more softly this time. “You can’t expect me to hear you when you’ve disappeared like that.” “Disappeared? What are you even talking about?” She limply curled back her finger, her face in total confusion. “You just used ‘concealing’ on me, didn’t you? How do you expect me to see you then?” …This is a waste of time. What is this girl even saying? It was getting annoying, I thought as Azami gasped once again. “W-wait,” she said. “Did you use that unconsciously…?” “I told you,” I shouted, “I have no idea what you’re talking about! Start making sense for a change!” Azami shivered in response, curling her legs close to her body. “Um, sorry,” I said, not expecting it to affect her that much, and she nodded in reply. Considering she was a grandmother, she was acting awfully childlike. Coming to her feet, she placed her right hand on my side. “You just used an ability that’s known as ‘concealing eyes.’ When you use that, you can make both yourself and nearly anything else invisible to other people.” “Oh…? Wait, I used that? When?!” “Just now, like I said. Just using that unconsciously…It’s so much like how I used to be,” she said as she brought a hand to her forehead and sighed. I used a “power”? What is she talking about? All I did was sit down and think a little. I didn’t say any magic words or wave my hands around or anything. I must have looked terribly doubtful to Azami, because she said, “Wait one moment” and turned toward the small desk nestled in between the shelves. She rummaged around the drawers a bit before coming back with a small hand mirror. “Here,” she said bluntly, pointing it at me. “Do it again.” “Huh? I told you, I’m not using any power…” She continued to point the mirror at me, lips pouted. My face in the mirror looked extremely irritated. I didn’t know how to “do” anything, and how could I, anyway? I thought about protesting again, but her silent pressure finally broke me down. I closed my eyes, trying to focus on some vague idea. Like before, nothing in particular came up. Just a picture of my sister, the girl swallowed up in here with me. …Why did I have to think about that? It made me recall everything again. Thinking about her only made me feel sad. “…Look, Azami, this isn’t accomplishing anything. I think you’ve got the wrong idea or…something…” I opened my eyes to find Azami grinning at me in a “There, you see?” kind of way. But it was just her. The image of an irritated-looking Tsubomi Kido in the mirror was gone—all it showed were the shelves that loomed behind me. “What the…?!” “Just as I said, you can use it!” she said, lowering her mirror and giving me a slap on the head with it. It didn’t hurt at all, surprisingly. “Whoa…A-Azami, how do I get back to normal?!” Before I could finish, an exasperated Azami showed me the mirror again. It was filled with my alarmed expression. “That’s how ‘concealing eyes’ works,” she said. “You don’t have to be so suspicious of me, you know.” I marveled at this as she went over to prop the table back up. I was invisible just now. Totally. It was enough to surprise Azami, even—that catlike act must’ve been her searching for me. And the way she ignored me when I protested… “Hang on, so you can’t hear me, either?” “What’re you talking about?” she said as she fixed the desk’s position. “Of course not. You could’ve shouted at the top of your lungs, and I wouldn’t hear a thing…as long as you don’t touch me.” I swallowed nervously. These ‘concealing eyes’…Powers like these actually exist. Azami was telling the truth. And while I’d had trouble believing everything at first, she must’ve been telling the truth about creating this world… I stood there, stuck dumb, as Azami took a seat and sighed. “By the way, Tsubomi, where did you get that ability? Because I never ran into anyone like that when I was still in the outside world.” “No, I…” I shook my head. “Like I said, I’m just as surprised as you are. I had no idea I was capable of using this.” “Ooogh,” Azami groaned, perplexed. I was clearly not giving her the answer she was looking for. It must have been incredibly frustrating. …And Azami used to be in my world? She talked about absorbing her daughter into this one, so I assumed she must have lived with her family over there…but why was she holed up in here right now? It was a mystery to me. She sat there for a bit, stewing to herself, then raised her head suddenly to look at me. “Wh-what…?” “No, I…I think I’ve got it,” she said, giving herself a few convincing nods as if that would explain anything. I leaned forward, prodding her to continue. “Like I said,” she began, choosing her words carefully, “the Kagerou Daze swallowed you up because you met the conditions I gave it. You were just about to die, right?” “Yeah, that much is true…I think.” “But this is weird, though. When I brought my family in here, they weren’t in any state to walk around and talk to me like you are.” Indeed. She described it as “horrible” a moment ago, and that did make me wonder a little—why was I in perfect condition, then? “I was thinking,” Azami continued before I could ask. “Maybe you’re uniquely compatible with the ‘concealing eyes’ skill in some way. You have to be, or else you couldn’t use it.” “Compatible…?” I stated blankly. “I’m not sure how it happened, but essentially, that power is serving as a ‘replacement’ for your life…You should be glad for it,” she said, turning her face downward so I couldn’t gauge her expression. It seemed there was a little bit of sadness to her lips. I thought over what she had said, then realized what she meant. Azami’s granddaughter had gained a power that gave her a second lease on life…and then she escaped this world. Which meant that—presumably—I was about to, too. Suddenly, I felt something heavy squirm in my chest. Something I wanted to spit out, but I couldn’t get it to budge at all. An indescribable feeling of guilt that I could never forget. Azami tilted an eyebrow at my pained expression. My reaction puzzled her, no doubt. Declared dead once, then granted the right to live again—most people would jump for joy at the concept. Even in this world, too, there must have been tons of people who’d want nothing more than another chance at life. Rin among them, I’m sure. She didn’t deserve to die in that fire. She’d make so many people so much happier if she were still alive. …So why was I deemed the “compatible” one? “Wh-what’s wrong?” a concerned-looking Azami asked. “Is leaving this world making you—?” “I don’t want to go,” I whispered, stopping Azami dead in her tracks. “What was it you said? ‘Concealing eyes’? …I don’t need it. Give it to someone else. I don’t want to be resurrected, anyway.” Azami whirled to her feet, worried. “What are you saying? You still look more than young enough to me. Besides…you had a family, too, didn’t you?” Something about her seemed far more human than a lot of the humans I knew on the outside. She had created a world and performed all manner of other superhuman tasks, but everything about her suggested she and I were alike. It was weird…but really, she was a nice person. And I could tell she was looking at me and picturing her own child and grandchild. I knew I had no business saying what I was about to say. I was being terrible. “No, I don’t. Nothing at all. I killed my own father just before I came here.” I could hear Azami emit a small, soft sound that nevertheless sounded like a scream. Her face was discolored with grief, as if she had been plunged into a deep well of despair. Really, what makes her so nonhuman, anyway? This person, worrying herself sick over someone she had only just met—people as kind as her are rarer than hen’s teeth in the outside world. Compared with her, me and my father…we’re far more like monsters than she is. …If anything, it’s Azami who deserves to get out. This used to be Azami’s power, I guess—it wasn’t a matter of being “compatible” or whatever. Then she could get to see her granddaughter again. That’d be far more meaningful than someone like me getting back out. I had resolved to tell her this, but Azami stopped me just as I opened my mouth. “…You had to, didn’t you?” The words stabbed deeply into my chest. She approached me, cautiously, and continued. “You, you must have had some reason for it, didn’t you? Killing your father…I mean, you’re such a nice person.” She tried to put a hand on my shoulder, I guess in an attempt to soothe me. But no matter the reason, I just couldn’t accept it. I audibly slapped her hand back. “I’m not nice at all!” I shouted. “I killed another person! How could…How could you ever understand that?!” The words echoed a little in the book-lined chamber as I stared her down. It was followed by a small, stony silence. I wonder what Azami felt—stepping up to reassure someone, only to be snapped at in reply. Nothing about her face indicated fear anymore. Her jet-black hair waved in the air as she watched me, and I could no longer tell what she was thinking. Then, slowly, Azami opened her mouth. I turned my eyes away from her face, unable to stand it anymore. She could say pretty much anything right now, I thought. If she tells me to leave…I will. I closed my eyes, waiting for it, only to be taken by an oddly nostalgic feeling from the top of my head. It was something I thought I’d never feel again, and it made my tensed-up body relax. “…You must have been scared. Alone. I used to be like you—afraid, running wild. I killed…many times.” Her palm gracefully caressed my head. I couldn’t respond, trying too hard to hide my own rushing emotions. I didn’t know if she knew that or not. “It was my husband and my daughter who saved me. And I think you’ll find someone soon who’ll be your own savior. That’s why…” She brought her head closer to mine. “…I want you to live. Don’t choose death for yourself. That’s just foolish.” “Then…Then I want you to come with me, Azami. I…I can’t put up with these horrible memories by myself…!” Azami gave me an apologetic look. Oh, what am I even saying now? I never acted like such a spoiled brat to my own mother, even. I knew she couldn’t. If she could, she would’ve left long ago. But after thinking for a moment, she said, “Look this way,” stared at me, and fell silent. The moment she did, every hair on my body stood on end. The mere act of her looking at me suddenly made the entire atmosphere change. Her eyes, red as pomegranates, were imbued with enough force to absorb everything they gazed upon. It wasn’t fear, exactly. It was the first time I felt that way in my life. A kind of frightened awe, I suppose. It was hard to so much as lift a finger. “I am going to use the lone ability I still have with me. Once I do, I’ll be able to convey to you all the thoughts, all the emotions I cannot put into words. I will show you how to truly use your ‘concealing’ skill.” I couldn’t reply nor even nod. It was like my body had been turned to stone. Azami showed me an expression I had never seen from her before—one of a sad loneliness. “The power to ‘conceal’ works on memories as well. It can envelop and cover all of them—even the saddest and most unbearable memories that have eaten into your mind. I want you to forget those memories…Forget about me and live a happy life.” I struggled to open my mouth. This was probably the end. I had to get at least one word out before then… “…Ah. And if you run into my granddaughter in the outside world…I hope you’ll befriend her.” Come on. Convey this feeling. Put it into words… “…All right. I promise.” At the very end, Azami quietly nodded, the tears welling in her red eyes. “…‘Projecting eyes.’”