Chapter 106

BLANKMIND WORDS 4 “…All right.” It was two in the afternoon on a sunny day in August, insects chirping in the trees. After sizing myself up in the full-length mirror and wrangling with a comb for half an hour, I finally managed to tame my bed hair down to submission. “Wow…I’m really a girl.” I patted myself on the back. I had truly outdone myself: There was a frilly blouse, a dark-blue skirt—and a pair of shoes that had a cute blue ribbon on each toe. The Tsubomi Kido reflected in the mirror now was no longer the indolent sloth of old…or so I told myself. Ever since Rin invited me on a shopping trip to town three days ago, I had been pawing through the hand-me-downs she lent me, obsessing over every potential choice. If I was just venturing out by myself, that would be one thing—but I was going to have my sister next to me the whole time. If I dressed in just any old thing, I couldn’t even imagine how abashed I’d feel. However, it certainly wasn’t like I went out all that often. I had only the slimmest of knowledge about fashion, but I couldn’t just go up to some servant and say, “Do me up so I look pretty and stuff, please.” Thus, I had spent the past three days deliberating over the very core, the entire civilization, behind clothing. What seemed straightforward at first turned out to be an endlessly complex, meandering path, and it finally led me to this outfit. I turned to my right side, then my left, twirling my skirt in the air. Even beyond the frontal view, I thought, All right, I’ve made something of this…I guess. Like this, at least, pedestrians passing us by won’t think, “Who’s that stray mutt lurking at the feet of that ravishing young woman?” Stealing a glance at the old-fashioned clock on the wall, I realized it was almost time to go. “…Well, here we are.” The moment I no longer had to worry about my outfit, I suddenly found my mind starting to race about other things. I had never gone shopping with someone before. What could I even discuss with her? Just act natural, like you always do, I said to myself. But this girl staring at me in the mirror? That’s not natural. It’s not me. It’s some kind of idealized Tsubomi from another world. I didn’t know what my sister really intended when she invited me, but if I was leaving the house, I at least wanted her to have fun with me. But was I going to make it through today? Without making any clueless mistakes? Act properly, the way I was supposed to…? There was a familiar knock on the door. I turned toward it. It was a bit early still, but I knew who it was as the door creaked open. Rin smiled as she saw what I had done with myself. “Wow. You look really cute in that, don’t you?” “Huh?! Uh—Th…thank you very much.” I thought she was deeply mistaken, but more than anything, I absolutely wasn’t expecting any kind of compliment. I lowered my head down, feeling my cheeks catch fire. But my sister let out a little air, accompanied by a “hmph” that indicated something wasn’t to her liking. “Uh…hmmm…” I struggled for words as she crossed her arms (now, this was back to normal for her) and stared at me. “Tsubomi,” she said, “‘thank you very much’ isn’t right, is it?” This was a head scratcher. I thought I had expressed enough thanks for the praise. What didn’t she like about it? “…Ah!” Then I realized why that wasn’t good enough, and what my sister was expecting instead. I was filled with a creeping feeling of shame. It was hard to get used to some of her demands—but I made a promise, and I couldn’t pretend I didn’t…Well, here we go. “Th-thanks! For…For the compliment!” This was so embarrassing. If I looked in the mirror right now, the flames would probably be visibly roaring off my face. “Hmm-hmm-hmm!” tittered my satisfied sister. I felt there was something a little melancholy to it, but maybe it was just my imagination. Then, (once again) just like always, she patted me on the head. “Well, great. Maybe you aren’t quite used to it yet, but a promise is a promise. Try to see this through, all right?” Despite all the talk of “seeing this through,” this promise we enacted with each other really didn’t involve a ton of heavy lifting on my part. Last month, on that evening I ruined my sister’s blouse with all my sobbing, my sister offered me a set of rules to follow. First, if either of us was feeling down about something, we would try not to hold it in—and tell the other person. That wasn’t a promise, I supposed, as much as a suggestion for my sake. She talked about how I seemed to be the kind of person who bottled it all in if left to my own devices. I never noticed that part of me before. But since she was saying it, I reasoned, it had to be true. She told me it wasn’t a pain having me around at all, but looking back, I suppose that promise was based a lot on what happened out there by the gate that night. Our second agreement was to not get worked up too much about our father. Listening to Rin, it sounded like the weird way he held himself was something that had bothered her for years. She had tried to reach out to him several times, but it was like grasping at air. Maybe our father was a little strange, but if you thought about it, that was all he was. Not strange in an abusive way. He never forced us to do anything. “I know he’ll turn you off sometimes,” Rin told me, “but I want you to just grin and bear it, all right?” I had no reason to shake my head at that. Our third promise was the toughest one to carry out, but generally, it boiled down to: “We’re sisters, so stop acting so formal around me!” I was in total agreement about this. I didn’t like it much myself, especially given how we were technically in the same family. I would have done away with it long ago if it weren’t for the servants pushing it on me. “Proper etiquette reigns even among close circles,” as they put it. So I readily agreed to all three of those promises, but somehow, that third one was the toughest nut to crack. Once you fell into the habit of acting overly polite toward someone, it was nearly impossible to stop. I knew I shouldn’t have tried keeping it up for so long. I doubted we would, but if we ever had a little brother or something to deal with, I’d make sure both of us ordered him to knock it off with the formalities. It’d be for his own sake. “Well, if you’re set to go, how about it? A pity it’s so hot outside,” Rin said, clearly distressed at the news. She must have not liked the heat at all, either. “I’m all set, so that’s fine by me, thank…” She scowled at me. “Uh, I’m ready! Let’s do it!” “Perfect. Shall we?” Rin relaxed her face again. Eesh. “I was thinking we could have some ice cream while we were out. There’s this one place I’ve heard good things about, but do you like that kind of stuff?” “Oh, I love it!” I couldn’t have asked for anything more. Going shopping means that you get free ice cream, too?! “Well, in that case, get ready for as much of it as you can stand! Ooh, this is gonna be fun.” I was spellbound. So she likes desserts, huh? I thought as I took my purse off the back of my chair and joined her out the door. Then, without any particular thought behind it at all, I peeked at my room. Nobody called me back in. I hadn’t forgotten anything important. All I heard were the cicadas through the window I had left open for ventilation. …Oh, but if I had but listened a little closer, I might have heard it. The sound of the long, lilting violin among the insect cries.