Tohko had her stockinged feet propped up on a folding chair, turning through the pages of a book as she listened to the rain falling.
Today’s meal was a magnificent hardcover edition of The Iliad, the epic poem by the blind poet Homer chronicling the Trojan War.
Her black braids poured over her shoulders down to her waist like cats’ tails, her long, perfect eyelashes casting a faint shadow over her eyes. One slender finger played with her lips—a habit Tohko had while reading. Sometimes she would nibble on her fingertip.
The dust-caked windowpane was wet with rain. There was no light from the setting sun today.
I stopped in the middle of my writing to ask, “Do you like anybody, Tohko?”
“Hm? What did you say?”
When she was lost in a book, she didn’t really register people talking to her.
“Oh, did you finish my snack already?”
Light broke out across her face. It was so typical of her to let her fixation on food interrupt her reading, despite how much she was focused on her book.
“I asked if there’s anybody you like.”
“Of course there is. Let’s see, Gallico of course, and Dickens, and Dumas, oh and Stendahl, and Chekhov, and Shakespeare, and don’t forget Olcott, and then there’s Montgomery, and Farjeon and Lindgren and MacLachlan and Cartland and Jordan, and also Saikaku and Soseki and Ōgai, and Kenji Miyazawa and Yuichi Kimura, and, and, and…”
Tohko went on and on, looking as if she might start drooling at any moment, until I interrupted. “I’m not talking about food. And who are Cartland and Jordan? Basketball players?”
“You mean you don’t know who Barbara Cartland and Penny Jordan are? They’re both famous romance novel authors. Cartland’s The Key of Love is essential reading. It’s about the daughter of an American oil baron who hides her identity and falls in love with a rich, handsome man.
“And Jordan’s Silver was even made into a comic book. It was a huge hit. I definitely recommend that one, too. The shock of being betrayed by the man she loves turns innocent Geraldine’s hair silver. She decides to get revenge on the evil man, and in order to make him her prisoner, she starts taking superintense lessons in seduction from a handsome tutor. The tutor is a sexy, wonderful guy.”
We were getting further and further off track here…
“Okay, that’s enough. I get it. Tohko, what I meant was… have you ever been in love?”
“Huh?” Tohko cocked her head, bewildered. “In… Lovecraft?”
“No, not Lovecraft. Have you ever had feelings for someone? Not hunger, feelings, as in love, as in a relationship.”
“In that case, I’m always in love.”
“I told you I’m not talking about food. I’m asking if you’ve ever been in love with a person.”
I felt tired. No matter how depressed I was, I’d been an idiot to think I could talk with this girl about romance.
Then I noticed Tohko smirk, a distant look flashing in her eye.
Huh? Where had this mature, serious aura come from? I could practically hear the strains of a noir theme playing in the background. Was it possible that Tohko’s past contained a painful experience with love?
“Well, you see… I’m inside a zone of romantic slaughter.”
“Uhhh, what? What’s that supposed to be?”
I had steeled myself for anything, but a voice strained by incredulity escaped me nonetheless.
Tohko turned a nihilistic gaze to the rain-soaked window and began to tell her story in a matter-of-fact tone that was yet replete with sorrow.
“At the beginning of this year, I asked a lady in Shin—to tell my fortune in love. She told me that I’d been inside a zone of romantic slaughter ever since I was born, and even if I fell in love I would just be spinning my wheels and peril would crash down around me like a raging storm. Even if I were accepted, she said my love would be short-lived and would shatter into hundreds of itty-bitty pieces. So she told me to focus on my studies and hobbies and not even think about falling in love.”
“You mean that lady who sits outside the I—tan department store, who’s always got the big line? You waited to see her?”
“Yeah. Snow had dusted the city cold and white that day.”
“Why would you go line up on a snowy day?”
“I thought it would be less crowded that way. It only took thirty minutes to get my turn.”
I felt a headache creeping in.
“You wanted the lady in Shin—to tell your fortune that badly?”
“I am a girl, you know. I want to know what my fortunes in love will be, just like anyone else. But to find out I’m in a zone of romantic slaughter… that was hard to hear. Oh, but guess what! She said that the romantic slaughter would end in seven years and then I would meet the man of my destiny!”
Pensive Tohko disappeared in a flash of cheer that filled her face. She leaned forward eagerly.
“She predicted that seven years from now, in the summertime, I would meet a man wearing a white scarf and standing in front of a bear with a salmon in its mouth, and we would fall into a fated love. And she made sure I understood that my love line was shockingly short and that this would be my first and only chance at love, so I had to be sure to make something of it. So unfortunately, I’ve sworn off love for the next seven years.”
“But why would that guy be wearing a scarf in the summer? And if you try flirting innocently in front of a bear, you’re going to get eaten.”
Tohko pouted. “You’ve got no imagination, Konoha.”
“You’ve got too much.”
“Well, I am a book girl.”
“You can’t just wave everything away with that excuse. But you know, never mind. Sorry I interrupted your reading.”
Tohko looked troubled. “Um… did something happen, Konoha?”
“No.”
“Is there… someone you like?”
I looked away.
Rain tapped against the window.
“No, there isn’t someone I like. It’s nothing. That’s the best…”
Nothing happening.
Not having a crush on anybody.
I could live in peace, without pain, or sadness, or disappointment.
I prayed that every day would be that way for the rest of my life.
I was never going to fall in love again.
Tohko looked at me in silence.
One year earlier, when she’d dragged me into the book club, I had often made Tohko look sad. Every single time she made a face like that, I thought how unfair it was, considering what she was like. But still I’d be filled with embarrassed remorse.
“I’m going to go home. Sorry.”
The silence was making me uncomfortable, so I got up, leaving my story half-written.
I opened the rusted locker and saw that the umbrella I’d left there was gone, just as I’d predicted.
“Here.” Tohko held out a pale violet pocket umbrella with a cheerful smile. “I’ve still got your umbrella. You can use this one.”
“What are you going to do, though?”
“Oh, I’ve got my umbrella. A really big one.”
“… I see. Then thank you.”
“Sure thing. See you tomorrow!”
She waved at me, her smile deliberately bright and untroubled.