Chapter 1:
The Scrap Immortal, Third Time Entering the Heavenly Capital
“CONGRATULATIONS, Your Highness.”
Hearing this, Xie Lian looked up, and he smiled before saying anything. “Thank you. But can I ask what you’re congratulating me for?”
Ling Wen-zhenjun stood tall with her hands folded behind her back. “Congratulations, you have won first place on the chart of ‘Heavenly Official Most Hoped to be Banished Down to the Mortal Realm’ of this calendar cycle.”
“Well, no matter what, first place is first place,” Xie Lian said. “But since you’re congratulating me, is there anything that’s actually worth being happy about?”
“Yes,” Ling Wen replied. “First place on this chart receives one hundred merits.”
Xie Lian immediately said, “If there are any similar charts in the future, please absolutely call me up.”
“Do you know who second place is?” Ling Wen asked.
Xie Lian pondered for a moment, then replied, “That’s too hard to guess. After all, in terms of ability, I should be able to take the first three places myself.”
“Pretty much,” Ling Wen said. “There isn’t a second place. You’re so far ahead that you’ve left everyone in the dust.”
“That’s too great of an honor,” Xie Lian replied. “Then who was first place for the previous calendar cycle?”
“There is no previous winner,” Ling Wen said, “because this chart was first established today.”
“Huh?” Xie Lian was taken aback. “You don’t mean to say that this was a chart set up just for me?”
Ling Wen replied, “You can think of it as, you just so happened to make it in time and just so happened to steal first place.”
Xie Lian grinned, his eyes squinting into crescents. “All right. I’ll be happier if I think of it that way.”
“Do you know why you got first place?” Ling Wen continued.
“By popular demand?” Xie Lian guessed.
“Let me explain the reason to you,” Ling Wen said. “Please look at that bell.”
Xie Lian turned his head to gaze toward where she pointed, and what he saw was an extremely beautiful sight. There was a grand palace temple made of white jade, abundant towers, pavilions, and gazebos, with heavenly clouds lingering about as streams flowed and birds danced.
He took a good look for a while, then asked, “Did you perhaps point in the wrong direction? There’s no bell anywhere.”
“I didn’t,” Ling Wen said. “It’s right there; don’t you see it?”
Xie Lian looked again seriously, then answered honestly, “I don’t.”
Line Wen replied, “It’s all right if you don’t. There used to be a bell there, but when you ascended, it fell because of the tremors.”
“…”
“That bell is older than you, but it has a spirited character and enjoys a good spectacle. Whenever someone ascends, it tolls a few times in applause. When you ascended, the tremors were so strong that the bell tolled like mad and couldn’t stop at all. In the end, it shook itself off the bell tower before it finally ceased. And when it fell, it crashed down onto one of the heavenly officials passing by.”
“Um…is everything better now?” Xie Lian inquired.
“Not yet. It’s still under repairs,” Ling Wen replied.
“I meant that heavenly official who was hurt,” Xie Lian clarified.
“The one it hit was a martial god,” Ling Wen said. “A flick of his hand and the bell was chopped in two right then and there. Now, please look over at that golden palace. Do you see it?”
Again, Xie Lian looked to where she was pointing and saw amidst the haze of clouds the resplendent golden glazed roof. “Ah, this time I see it.”
“It’s not right if you see it,” Ling Wen said. “There wasn’t anything there before.”
“…”
“When you ascended, the golden pillars of the golden palaces of a number of heavenly officials collapsed from the tremors, and their glazed roof tiles shattered. There are some that won’t be so easily fixed, so the heavenly officials could only put together some last-minute palaces to make do for the time being.”
“And I’m the one responsible?”
“You’re the one responsible.”
“Mm…” Xie Lian asked to confirm, “So I’ve offended many heavenly officials since the moment I arrived?”
“If you can make amends, maybe not,” Ling Wen said.
“How do I make amends?”
“Easy. With eight million eight hundred and eighty thousand merits.”
Xie Lian grinned again.
Ling Wen added, “Of course, I know you don’t have even a tenth of that amount.”
Xie Lian replied earnestly, “How do I say this? Even though I’m very sorry, if you want just ten thousandth of that amount, I don’t have it.”
The faith of mortal believers was converted into the spiritual power of a heavenly official. Every stick of incense they lit and every offering they gave were thus called “merits.”
Xie Lian turned solemn in place of the smile and asked seriously, “Are you willing to kick me down from here and give me eight million eight hundred and eighty thousand merits for it?”
“I’m a civil god,” Ling Wen said. “If you’re looking for someone to kick you down under, you’ll need to find a martial god to do it. The harder they kick, the more merits they’ll give.”
Xie Lian heaved a long sigh. “Please allow me to think about what I should do.”
Ling Wen patted his shoulder. “Don’t worry, there will always be a path when the carriage reaches the mountain.”
“Boats always sink when they reach the pierhead for me, though,”2 Xie Lian said.
If this were eight hundred years ago, when the Palace of Xianle was at its peak of prominence, eight million eight hundred and eighty thousand merits would be nothing; the crown prince could throw it out without batting an eye. But the present wasn’t the same as the past, and all his temples in the Mortal Realm had long since been burned to the ground. He had no believers, no incense, and no offerings.
There was no need to say more on the subject. Either way he had nothing, nothing, absolutely nothing!
He crouched by himself on the side of the main street of the Heavenly Capital feeling distraught for a while before suddenly remembering: he’d ascended for almost three days now, but he still hadn’t entered the communication array of the Upper Court. He’d forgotten to ask what the verbal password was.
The heavenly officials of the Upper Court had gotten together and set up an array that could instantaneously allow the consciousness to communicate and pass on messages. Once ascended, one must enter the array, but a password was required for the consciousness to find the designated channel. The last time Xie Lian had entered the array was eight hundred years ago, so he didn’t remember the password at all. He let his consciousness scatter to search and saw a channel that seemed to be what he was looking for, so he went in randomly. The moment he entered, he was blasted by an outpouring of crazed yelling from all directions.