EPISODE 4 LET’S STAY AT A HOTEL IN TOKYO! “I’m nervous… I’m so, so nervous…” “Shiren, you’ve been talking about how nervous you are for I don’t know how long.” “That’s because I am nervous, Big Sis. Really, unbelievably nervous…” They sat in one of the Empire’s chain bars, Bura-Bura. The chain ran four locations: the main establishment, the Old Akinomiya Station bar, the downtown bar, and the castle bar. The reason it had taken up a spot in the Imperial castle was because Ouka had apparently lent out a part of the building in order to raise money. Here, in the castle bar, sat Shiren, Ouka (accompanied by Sasara), and Tamaki (accompanied by Kokoko). They had invited Kiyomizu along as well, but she told them that she was too busy praying for Ryouta’s safety and cursing Alfoncina to come along. Rei had tripped and fallen from a bridge into a river, so she was on her way to the hospital. Her injuries might have been life-threatening, but no one was worried since they all expected her to recover anyway, which was why no one contacted her little brother. “That snake of a woman and Ryouta are staying overnight together!! Something’s going to happen! It’s even weirder that his sister is totally cool about it!” “Worrying about this now isn’t going to help you one bit. Here, have some more oolong tea. If you need a refill, just ask. Everything here is two hundred eighty yen.” “Ha! Like I’m in the mood to eat or drink anything at all! Oh, waiter! Can I have a fried egg and a buttered potato and a sardine salad and pickles with some extra pork kimchi?! Oh, and some yakitori with the skin on!” “You’re eating plenty.” “This is stress eating… ’Cause I’m stressed.” “Still, the food here tastes cheap… Well, it’s not as though I hate second-rate cuisine, but it doesn’t seem they’re pursuing better flavors, like ramen does…” Sasara wasn’t eating much. “What were you expecting? Everything is two hundred eighty yen. You need to come down to the commoners’ level sometimes. Luxury is the enemy. Practice simplicity. Those who do not work do not eat. When in an all-you-can-drink situation, you must drink your money’s worth.” Ouka came up with a random assortment of wise-sounding phrases. “Incredible, Lady Ouka! So many proverbs!” “Oh, they’re nothing.” And indeed, they literally were nothing. “Lady Ouka, shall we go get ramen for round two to wrap up this gathering? I know it’s not a good thing to have more ramen on an empty stomach, but I know a place that serves the most refreshing bowl. It’s an entirely new sensation, this salad-style ramen…and then when we’re tired afterward, we can make a quick stop at a hotel—” “And, Shiren, I think you’re just scared because you don’t know what Alfoncina is really like,” Ouka interrupted, completely ignoring Sasara. “What she’s really like? Isn’t she just all about money, power, and men?” “That’s just a front. She’s honestly very pure, so I doubt things will get as bad as you imagine.” “But she’s actually bitten Ryouta already! And she has a countless number of minions!” “Oh, that’s because as archbishop, she needs to make subordinates. She’s used to biting, but nothing more.” “What is that supposed to mean…?” “That means her bites haven’t evolved into romantic feelings, and they never go beyond that. I at least haven’t heard rumors of her promiscuity or anything of the sort. He’s just an outlier. She has no other priests her age, and none of her minions are romantically involved.” “Oh yeah, when I interrupted, she did say I’d saved her…” Alfoncina had seemed considerably embarrassed when she was biting Ryouta. Now that she thought back on it, Shiren considered the possibility that Alfoncina might have stopped the ritual on her own, even if she hadn’t interrupted. “Exactly. That’s why you shouldn’t worry so much about it. Even though it is true that it’s probably not safe to leave them alone together, I doubt anything untoward would happen so long as they’re not in love. She does like to tease people, but that’s only her persona. It would never be anything more than a joke to her.” “Ah, that gives me peace of mind.” Sasara looked relieved. “Why you, Sasara?” “Oh… Well, I…I love you, Lady Ouka.” “Are you trying to hide an inconvenient truth with that comment?” “No, everything pales in comparison to my love for you, Lady Ouka (kashing).” “I feel like you’re just using my name as a cover… I must say I’m not fond of that.” “What are you all worried about anyway?” Kokoko, upon finishing her fried egg with mentaiko, joined the conversation with the tactlessness of a child. “I don’t see what any of you need to worry about, even if Ryouta’s with the archbishop. So what if they’re glued together? Or is Ryouta getting glued to someone else something to worry over? You people don’t genuinely want to be with…him, do you?” The air around their table became awkward. Tamaki, who likely felt responsible as her caretaker, grimaced. “Um, I’m sorry… Please don’t blame her… This is my fault… I neglected to give proper supervision… Ah…I suppose my judgment failed the moment I decided to bring a small child to a bar… Oh, did you invite me along today because you pitied me? Did you really not want me here…? In that case, I’m sorry I came along anyway… Next time, please tell me up front you don’t want me to come… That would be much easier on me…” “No need to apologize, Big Sis Tamaki. I’m the older one here. Oh, waiter, a shochu on the rocks, please.” *She is of drinking age. “But even if you all did have romantic feelings for him, then a marriage would just be asking for trouble from a societal perspective. You’re the emperor, Ouka; your social standings are too different. And rotten as you may be, Shiren, you’re still the emperor’s little sister, so that’s not going to work out. And it’s only sensible for you to marry a nobleman, Sasara. Ryouta’s just a fake noble, you know.” “Y-you’re right… It’s just as you say… I—I understand…” Ouka’s lips were pulled tight. “Ha-ha… You’re a total brat, but you know what’s going on…” Shiren was sweating in weird places. “I do not even consider the possibility anymore…” Sasara’s head drooped as she smiled. “Let me say this as your senior in life. If you marry above or below your station, you will only find misery. Listen to those moments of hesitation. Marriage for love started becoming more popular around the Meiji era, so I’ve seen a lot of these tragedies.” *She is at least one hundred years old. “Oh, please, Kokoko… You don’t have to lecture everyone… Apologize to them…” “And so if there is any one person who’s the perfect fit for Ryouta”—Kokoko patted Tamaki’s back—“it would be Big Sis Tamaki.” !!! Everyone immediately turned to look at Tamaki. “Um…Kokoko, please don’t speak such nonsense… The only ones who would be a good match for the most ignorant of the ignorant of the ignorant of the ignorant masses such as myself would be crickets, pond bugs, and worms…” “And he’s not much different from a cricket or a pond bug. It’s not like he has any other noble backups, and two commoners would find a whole lot more happiness than a commoner and nobility. And he at least has a hardworking core, so you can do some honest labor at the convenience store.” “Please… Stop… That’s unthinkable…” Tamaki’s face was bright red. She was thoroughly shaken by this whole ordeal. “““……””” The other three all wanted to say something, but it was difficult to argue with Kokoko’s logic. “Oh, and this is only if you really like that Ryouta guy, Big Sis Tamaki, but if you did, you could have some kids, too.” ““““Pffft!”””” Everyone else but Kokoko spat out their drinks. “Hey! That can only happen once they reach adulthood! You’re getting way too into this!” “Exactly! Even if they are legally allowed to get married next year, she shouldn’t be having babies in high school! Society just won’t allow it!” “This is a topic we leave for our second or third round of partying!” “But considering how complicated the Shijou family homelife is, people would just blame that environment if she got pregnant in high school. And her family convenience store would be the one hiring her anyway, so it wouldn’t really affect her chances of getting a job.” “Y-yeah…I guess you are smart…” “What a funny thought, ha-ha…” “I think we’re getting a little carried away here…” “Basically, if you like him, ask him out, Big Sis Tamaki.” “A-ask him out? I don’t know any date spots, so we can’t go anywhere… I could only take him on a tour of the best spots to commit suicide or a tour of illegal garbage dumps…” Those sounded like awful tours. “Still, it could work out. If you took him to the suicide spots and said to him, Let’s die together, he’d probably say something like If we do anything together, I’d rather live, and then you’ll get a flag for his route.” “I-impossible…” “Or you could talk to him for an hour and tell him exactly how awful your homelife is; then he’d probably say something like Then let’s build a happy family together.” “No, no…” “You don’t even have to go through all that trouble. Just tell him to come to the store and sleep with him, make him your minion, whatever. I bet he’d probably give up at that point, too. If you tell him to take responsibility for being your first, then he won’t be able to run.” That was when a strangely violent miasma started filling the bar. “Huh, I suddenly feel so much stronger. Like I could crush this wine glass with one hand…,” said Shiren. “It almost feels as though you hate me now!” Tamaki cried. “Oh, I know. I was thinking about making a convenience store–exclusionary zone at 3-5 Chimatsuri-cho, and I’m tempted to go through with it,” Ouka added “Th-that’s my address!” “Lady Ouka, I was hoping you would build a dojo at that very spot, if you please.” “Y-you’re going to shut us down!” “I don’t really care about politics. Hey, Tamaki, we’ll always be BFFs wherever you move!” “You’re assuming I’m going to move anyway!” It felt like an unfortunate slip of the tongue that was now coming back to her to put her in a detrimental situation. “Um, um, um…can we change the subject? You know, to Her Excellency and Ryouta, for example!” Tamaki was doing her best to shift the conversation. Her store was in real danger. “A-all right… Anyway, Alfoncina is a proper young lady, so I don’t think she’ll make any of those mistakes. And she’s going to Tokyo for work anyway. She always gets the job done, so I doubt anything would happen to her the day before,” Ouka said. “Indeed…she is single-minded when it comes to any endeavor—rather, she strikes me as a workaholic…” Sasara acknowledged Alfoncina’s work ethic, too. “Exactly. You know Kouko in her manga, right? Kouko’s so serious that she keeps failing. That’s basically who Alfoncina really is.” “Huh, is that so…? I suppose I didn’t read too much into it…” Kouko was always trying to do things earnestly, but Rouko and the other characters never got the hint, which served as the basis for all the gags in the manga. At least partway through the run, Kouko became less of a main character and more of a butt monkey. She just couldn’t keep from commenting about the others’ antics. “She really does only think about work, and she’s never had any guy friends, either. So it’s fine. It’ll be fine.” “But you know the danger is still present, right? Oh, waiter, umeshu and water, please.” Kokoko joined the conversation again. “What danger could there be? I have known Alfoncina much longer than you have.” “The archbishop is earnest and hardworking and has no male friends, right?” “Yes. That’s exactly right.” “If someone like her got to spend an entire day with someone who was essentially her first male friend, then wouldn’t she mistake her own feelings as romantic interest in him?” “Huh…?” “If she’s never really interacted with men before, then she may categorize all her feelings toward the opposite sex as romantic. Wouldn’t that mean she is more likely to lose control? And now they’ve gone alone to Tokyo, so no one can get in their way.” Once again, the air in the bar froze over. “And people get excited when they travel; that environment usually encourages the development of romantic feelings. Plus, they’re heading to Japan, a foreign country where she has no other friends. They’re going to be together the whole time. It’s like you’ve sent them off saying, All right now, enjoy your new life together.” “W-well, that’s why I had her write a pledge, s-so there’s nothing to worry about…” “Y-you’re right… You made her write that pledge, so there shouldn’t be a problem…,” Shiren chimed in. “Lady Ouka, would you mind if you told me what it said…?” Ouka showed Sasara a copy. “So you had her say that she would not make him her minion, I see…” Sasara pressed her right hand to her forehead, as though she had a headache. “To be honest, this pledge is riddled with loopholes…” Sasara sighed.
Chapter 77
12 min read