Chapter 57

EPISODE 3 LET’S INTERRUPT THE FORMAL MATCHMAKING SESSION! “You’ve grown quite skilled,” Sasara called with a cheerful nod, finishing off the last training session before the fateful meeting. Her face was flushed from practice, and her damp hair was somehow alluring. “Yeah, I’d be really disappointed if I didn’t improve after all that.” On the other hand, Ryouta was exhausted, on all fours on the tatami. He wouldn’t be able to stand for a while. “You have a knack for swordplay. If you continue, I am certain you will grow to be an excellent fighter in the future. I guarantee it.” Sasara’s voice was bright. Maybe she was thinking of him as her apprentice. There was no greater honor for a coach than to see someone under their guidance grow. “But”—her expression immediately clouded over—“it’s almost impossible for you to win against Masatsuna Toraha. Imagine a praying mantis versus a car. A mantis can have all the fighting spirit it wants; the car will simply flatten it.” “Yeah, I guess a superficial crash course wouldn’t do anything…” He had been ready for this, but he still hated hearing the truth so plainly. “But, Sasara, it’s not like we don’t have a chance. I’ll do everything in my power.” If he bowed out now, she would be destined for a future she didn’t want. For a noble, it was difficult to choose a marriage partner with total freedom, but if Sasara hadn’t accepted her fate, he couldn’t do so easily either. “Shiren was the same. She had just accepted her lot and decided she wasn’t going to change. But if you give it a shot, you might be surprised at the results. I’m sure you—” “I appreciate the sentiment,” Sasara replied with a kind smile. “There is a chance. But I will not force you to risk your life for a slim possibility. I will not be destroyed, after all.” “But you can’t give up just yet. We still have time.” “I have said nothing about giving up.” She quietly balled her right hand into a fist. “I will use our final option,” she said solemnly. “What is that option anyway? Don’t do anything that would hurt yourself.” From the way she was refusing to tell him, Ryouta naturally imagined the worst. “No need to worry. I’m sure it will be fine.” “It’s making me really nervous… But it is just a day away, so I’ll wait.” If he knew ahead of time, he might start overthinking and ruin everything. That was likely why she was keeping him in the dark; it wouldn’t be wise to worry him at this point. “Well, I must return the key and start on other work. I shall be returning home now.” “Sure, see you tomorrow.” They parted ways, and Ryouta trudged home. He was nervous, but they weren’t completely out of ideas, so this wasn’t a lost cause. “She hasn’t said she’s given up, at least. It does kind of bother me that she won’t tell me what it’s all about though—” His cell phone rang. It was Alfoncina. “Oh, Ryouta, is your practice finished? I want you to drop by the cathedral on your way home. I promise I won’t do anything weird~.” “When you have to tell me you won’t do anything weird…” “I made too much boiled taro, so I’ll give you some to take home. Come on over~.” “All right. I’ll drop by.” When he got to the cathedral, he dropped five sacred yen into the donation box. Alfoncina didn’t typically appear unless one made a donation. … But this time she didn’t appear at all. “Huh, she should be in. Don’t tell me…” This time, he put in one hundred sacred yen. No response. “Huh, maybe she suddenly had an errand come up… Wait, no way…” This time, he put in five hundred sacred yen. Wham! The door to the main shrine flung open. “Hi there, Ryouta! Come on in!” “I shouldn’t have to pay money when you ask me to come here!” “Oh, no need to be so harsh. Only one coin is a small price to pay for what you’re about to get~.” “That was not one coin! This cost me six hundred and ten sacred yen!” “No need to be harsh~. This could easily cost thirty thousand sacred yen~.” “Wh-what are you going to do…?” Ryouta tensed slightly. “You’re not going to take me somewhere and try to bite me, are you…?” “No need to worry. I am serious today. See? I’m dressed differently.” Once she mentioned it, Ryouta realized her clothes were much fancier than her normal archbishop ones, and heavily accessorized. “No sexy plans. I am not lying today.” “Today, huh? You could stop lying every other day, too!” “Come in, now, and please sit down in the center here~.” A single cushion sat in the middle of the grand cathedral hall. Right in front of it was a grandiose altar. The space was meant for rituals, by his guess. Ryouta did as he was told and sat. “Okay, but what are you—?” “Here we go!” Alfoncina took a deep breath. “Haaah, yamyamyamyam, yunyunyunyun, hyohyohyohyo, kyukyukyukyu, monmonmonmon, haaaah~.” “Why are you singing in tongues?! Are you contacting aliens or something?!” Alfoncina’s melody was very strange indeed. She started dancing in circles around Ryouta, waving a staff decorated with pleated streams of paper, like what a Shinto priest at a shrine would use. “Hanhanhanhan, rurururu, sumsumsumsum, haaaaaah~.” “This might be the creepiest thing I’ve ever seen! Is this some recent trend or something?!” “Shut up,” Alfoncina said to him, her face more terrifying than any she’d ever made in front of him before. Her voice was filled with the dignity of an elder. She wasn’t playing around. “This won’t take long, so sit still.” “O-okay… I’m sorry…” —The weird song went on for five minutes. “Haaaah~. Ryouta Fuyukura~. Yumyum, sunsun, heniheni, chanchan, hiruhiru, panopano, haeeeeeee!” Alfoncina froze in a sort of pose. “I’m done. Huff, puff… Whenever I do this, I lose about two pounds… Maybe I’ll put some mayonnaise on my lunch today…” Alfoncina limply slumped to the floor, but her legs folded beneath her in an almost coquettish way. “Was it really that much work? That was a long dance… Good job…” “You should now have the Goddess of Blood’s protection, Ryouta.” Alfoncina’s expression immediately brightened. “What was that, anyway…?” It didn’t seem like a joke, but he still didn’t understand what exactly had happened. “I was praying for you, Ryouta. You seem to be in some danger this time~.” “Danger? What do you—?” “You’ve crossed many dangerous bridges so far, Ryouta. You’ve always been lucky in the end, but you never know when your luck will run out.” “Uh-oh, this sounds way more serious than I imagined!” She came to sit beside Ryouta and stared at him. “This is because you’re greedy, Ryouta.” “Greedy? I don’t think I want a lot of stuff…?” “You can only share the burdens of so many people in life. You’d be all right just with Shiren, but when you add Ouka and Tamaki, the weight may become too much to bear. And now Sasara. Don’t you think you’re approaching your limit?” “Burdens? I’m just helping out my classmates… I don’t really have other motives…” “Yes. It’s most dangerous when you’re unaware. To be honest, I had no idea we would reach this point.” Alfoncina appeared to be treating Ryouta as a big problem. “But I did all I can. There is no more I can do for you as the archbishop.” “Thank you. I’m sorry to have caused you all this trouble…” “Well, besides the more erotic things.” “No, thank you! Seriously!” Alfoncina had bit him once, almost turning him into her minion, which would have prevented him from going home forever. Alfoncina was serious when it came to this. “I’ll leave the rest of the prayers to Kiyomizu~.” “What? Kiyomizu?” The next moment, someone hugged him from behind. “Ryouta, dearest! You keep making bad connections lately! I’m the only one you need!” “Oh, Kiyomizu. Could you just let me—?” “You will most certainly find yourself in danger, Ryouta dearest! Which means I will purify you with my sutras! I will use the Kannon Sutra that is a part of the Lotus Sutra! Seesonmyousoguu, gaakonjumonpii, busshiigaainnen, myouiikanzeeon, guusokumyousouson, geetoumuujinnii, nyoochoukannongyou, zennoushoohoushoo.” “You’re way serious about this! You’re not joking, are you?!” “Of course! I will always genuinely love you, Ryouta dearest! I want you to understand that in this life, and not end up in nirvana!” After hearing several of Kiyomizu’s sutras, Ryouta went home. “I’m back~. I’ll start making dinner right away, so just hang on.” “Ugh! Ryouta, you reek of incense… What happened?” Shiren immediately asked. “Did you go to somebody’s funeral…?” “Could you stop inviting bad luck talking about these things?” The people at the cathedral had been really worried about him, which in turn had shaken his confidence even further. Kiyomizu had told him the sutra was a blessing to get him out of most trouble—which meant both she and Alfoncina were assuming that trouble was on the way. Did they have some kind of clairvoyant abilities…? I hope I’ll be okay tomorrow… I hope nothing happens… Well, those prayers were to protect me, so I should be fine… Shiren closed the manga she was reading and then took Ryouta’s hand. “Wh-what is it, Shiren?” “Ryouta, let me just say one thing about the meeting tomorrow.” “O-okay… I’ll make sure not to die…” “Obviously; don’t invite more trouble… I just don’t want you to forget…” Shiren’s grip tightened around his hand. “Forget what?” “That you’re my minion. Don’t go marrying other girls without my permission.” “Well, of course not. The whole point is to ruin Sasara’s meeting. I’m not going there to marry her… If she ended up marrying me instead of her cousin, we’d be right back where we started.” “That’s fine. You do tend to throw yourself into danger without a second thought when you see someone in trouble, though… I admire your servile spirit, but it shouldn’t be too much…” “I know. I’ll be fine,” Ryouta promised, meeting Shiren’s eyes directly. His only intention was to give his master some peace of mind. Still, this is kind of embarrassing… We’re even holding hands… “Yes. I believe you, Ryouta.” Shiren answered her minion with a smile of trust. And then her face flushed red. “So…to seal it in stone…could you let me drink a little— No, never mind!” Shiren shook her head. “I can’t do that. It is shameful for a master to test her minion. I have to trust you!” “Uh…Shiren, is something wrong?” Ryouta could tell there was. “Don’t worry about it! Go crash the matchmaking meeting! Y-you should go to bed early so you’re ready for tomorrow! I’m not going to bite you in the morning, either!” “Thanks…” Her consideration only made Ryouta more uneasy. I really hope nothing happens tomorrow… Then came the day of the meeting. Ryouta was in the Nine-to-Eleven convenience store, where he would be meeting Sasara. He’d never been to her house before, so he wasn’t exactly sure where it was. Or maybe she lived somewhere in the castle? He was dressed differently from his usual—a morning suit with his sword at his waist. He’d decided to dress up, in case a T-shirt was uncouth, and equipped himself in case he did need to fight. And also to convince everyone that he was also in the emperor’s personal guard. “Sasara still hasn’t showed up. I’m sorry, Shijou. I’ll still be waiting here for a bit,” he said to Tamaki, who was working as the store clerk. “Of course. You’re free to make yourself at home, Ryouta. You may pick your nose and I will say nothing at all.” “I’m not gonna do that.” “You may even take a look at the adult-only stand.” “I really don’t need preferential treatment!” “But all the pornography is taped shut, so you can’t read it anyway, right?” “I don’t know anything about that at all! I don’t even know what to say to that! I’ll read magazines for kids my age or whatever instead!” “Oh, are you more turned on by the fan service in teen comics?” “Can we stop talking about this?! I shouldn’t be reading them for free anyway, so I’ll go look at the snacks!” And in the snack aisle he found a familiar face. “You buying something?” “Oh, hey, Kokoko. Nice to see you actually working.” The bunny-eared girl came to stand beside him. Despite the shape of her ears, her name meant fox-fox-girl, and she was the daughter of a god enshrined in one of the mountains in the Empire. She used to shoplift from the Nine-to-Eleven, and now she was employed there. “I’m not sure. Do you recommend anything?” “These The-Ramen-Shop-Everyone-Lines-Up-For–flavored chips are pretty good. Crunch, crunch.” “Ramen shop flavor? What kind of ramen? Crunch, crunch. Hey, these are pretty tasty.” “Right? Crunch, crunch. I like the 9 Little Chocolates, too. Nine balls of chocolate in a compact—perfect for short trips. Nom. Try one.” “Nom. Yeah—sweet, but not too sweet. I think they’d be great to take along on the Shinkansen. Oh, but you don’t have the Shinkansen in this country— Huh?” It was just now that Ryouta realized that she’d taken the chips and chocolate from the shelves. “Hey! You opened them before paying for them!” “This plum gum wakes you right up, too. Chew, chew.” “You’re opening them all! Are you allowed to give out free samples?!” All the snacks around him had been opened, like at a club meeting when no one wanted to do anything. “Kokoko, please do not open the goods! I have a snack for you!” Tamaki cried from the counter. “You just don’t understand. I like it best when I eat what I want, when I want. I’m thirsty now, so I’m gonna grab a drink.” “Wait, wait.” Before she could add another crime to her rap sheet, Ryouta grabbed her ears. Bunny ears were extremely convenient for grabbing. “Let me go! My ears are not handles!” She wriggled in protest, but she wasn’t strong enough to wriggle away. “Listen. The reason you’re working at this store at all is because you caused them problems. Take this seriously. You may have bunny ears, but you still have to follow human rules.” “No! I’m a fox! I’m not a bunny! You’re making me hopping mad!” “Don’t make bunny puns! It sounds really forced!” “Waaah! Why won’t you accept that I’m a fox?!” Kokoko burst into tears. Since she was a kid, once the floodgates were open, they wouldn’t be stopping anytime soon. Ryouta was beginning to suspect he should have left well enough alone. “C’mon, this isn’t something to cry over…” Deciding he shouldn’t keep her restrained while she was crying, he let her go. Kokoko rushed straight toward Tamaki. “Sis Tamaki, he’s bullying me!” she cried, hugging Tamaki tightly. “No, I wasn’t bullying—” “He’s a bully! He told me that abura-age is just made from the dregs of the tofu-making process and that it’s a crappy thing to eat!” “One, that’s a really rude thing to say, and two, I didn’t even say it!” “Listen, there’s a restaurant in Sakai, Fukui that offers abura-age steak! The highest quality abura-age has the rich umami that comes from soybeans and an irresistibly crisp texture, and it’s really good if you put some grated daikon and a special sauce just for the steak on top! There’s also something called a fox burger in Toyokawa, Aichi, which is renowned for its inari-zushi and Toyokawa inari—” “Okay, okay, I get it, you love abura-age, enough with the trivia!” Her depth of knowledge in the fried tofu dish only emphasized her identity as a fox. “Oh my. But you are at fault here, too, Kokoko, so you need to think about what you did,” Tamaki warned her. “But according to the teachings of monks Hounen and Shinran, even the worst people can be saved by praying to Amida Buddha! So I’m fine the way I am!” “Agh! She acts like a kid, but she knows just enough to be weirdly difficult!” “Some consider the belief that doing good things alone will give you salvation to be like testing the gods and Buddha, even a form of blasphemy, so I think just mindlessly praying to be saved is way better!” “Don’t tell me you’re just pretending to be a kid and you’re actually super-duper wise? I really don’t understand your character!” She did have divine blood in her, so maybe she had a longer life span. Maybe she even had some omnipotence or omniscience. But Ryouta had only seen her a few times, so he wasn’t sure about that. “But please do try not to do it again, Kokoko.” Tamaki gently patted Kokoko’s head. “Okay, Sis Tamaki… I’m sorry.” She seemed attached to Tamaki. And Tamaki was a good big sister. “Business has been doing a bit better since Kokoko came, and it’s been fun.” “I’m glad to hear that. You kept talking about how the store was about to go under.” “Yes. Simply talking about the hardship doesn’t change anything—I read that in a self-help book once. Instead, you can invite happiness by talking about how happy you already are. That’s why no matter how bad things get, I can avoid the pain just by insisting that I am not in pain. I will be happy if I insist that I am happy. I am happy. I am happy!” “I…don’t think that’s right, but I dunno…” But he couldn’t reject her happiness, so he ignored her. He turned the topic back to Kokoko. “If business is doing well, then you must really be a god, Kokoko. You brought in good luck.” “Sure am. I’m super important, so be nicer to me. I don’t have power over luck, but I can generally tell if someone is going to be happy or not in the future. I’m making sure Sis Tamaki won’t be too unhappy.” “Huh, that’s an interesting power.” “So listen, Sis Tamaki.” Kokoko pointed at Ryouta. “Don’t get close to him. His unhappiness will rub off on you,” she declared. “What? Why, Ryouta? He should be much happier than me!” “Yeah, that’s right! Don’t be rude!” Ryouta added. “Indeed… You could not acknowledge the possibility you would ever be unhappier than me… No person could ever find more woe than a girl like me…” “No, Shijou, that’s not what I mean! I just got mad when she acted like I was contagious…” Conversations got complicated whenever Tamaki was around. “Kokoko… I bet you still hold a grudge, don’t you?” “I’m not lying. This guy’s going to get neck-deep in some major misfortune. He might even get himself killed. It’s probably best you don’t associate with him.” “Y’know, there are some things you shouldn’t say…” But Ryouta was stumbling over his words—he knew what she was talking about. Alfoncina and Kiyomizu were super worried about me… Just give me a break… The entrance chime sounded. “I am sorry I’m late, Ryouta Fuyukura.” Sasara entered the store. “Oh, morning, Sasara. Let’s get goi—” Ryouta’s eyes widened. Sasara was wearing a frilly dress that was no embarrassment at all, perfectly fitting for a noble young lady. Where do they sell clothes like these? It looks like a stage costume…and yet it’s scarily perfect on her. You would never guess she was a swordswoman at all. Right now, she was a well-bred young noblewoman. It was almost impossible for him to think that she’d ever lifted anything heavier than a fork in her life… “Why have you fallen silent? Is my dress so bizarre?” “N-no, that’s not it at all…” Even Tamaki and Kokoko were enraptured by the sight. So this is what noble blood is like… Those clothes look so good on her, like she was born to wear them… “Shall we be going, then? I have the car waiting in the parking lot.” “The car? You don’t have a license, do you?” Sasara gawked at him. “Why would I drive? I have a chauffeur. They are nice to have, so I suggest you hire one for your household.” “Spoken like one who has no idea about the Fuyukura finances…” “Ahh, a personal chauffeur…,” Tamaki cooed. “That is what makes the rich different from everyone else. It’s beyond my means to even imagine such a thing. I should embrace my fate as a convenience store clerk and the joys that life brings. I shouldn’t be hoping for any more than that…”