Chapter 110

Rei nodded slowly. “While Ouka has lost Shiren, she has forged a new bond. No one can deny this fact. Real life cannot be reset with the press of a button as one does on the NES, no matter how much one wishes.” “Just now, you used the NES as a stand-in for all games, didn’t you? I hate to break it to you, but most games don’t have a button like that anymore.” “This is not the appropriate time for such a retort.” “I don’t mind if things can’t go back to how they were before. Even if they did, Ryou would only be attached at the hip to someone else who isn’t me.” “You are his elder sister. There is nothing you can do about that.” “I will fight until the laws are amended! But…” Rei looked up at the gaudy, low, gothic ceiling. It was hard to tell if it was the color choice or the design that made it seem so low. “…it’d be even worse if Ryou was unhappy, and I have a feeling he won’t find happiness like this. Ehem, ehem.” I need to get out of here and look at the sky, she thought. This place was suffocating. “Don’t you ever go outside, Ominaeshi?” As time passed after the establishment of the Holy Sacred Blood Empire, Shiren found rhythm in her new life. In the morning, she would study with the tutor Sairi had hired. This tutor was a better teacher than Rei, but it was a bit awkward working with a stranger. In the afternoon, she attended to her work as emperor. That said, all this “work” entailed was greeting guests who came to visit and stamping some documents. She would eat dinner a little after six, then read manga in her hotel room. Then she would wait for Sairi to return. “How strange… This is a very interesting manga, but I’m not enjoying myself at all… Is this room too fancy…? It must not be suited to manga-reading!” Shiren tossed the manga away and sprawled across her bed. The soft mattress gently cradled her…sort of. Not really. No soft bed could soothe her discontent. She wasn’t sure what was wrong, what was missing. “Maybe it’s time I stop lying to myself…” She knew the truth. And if she continued to brush it off, saying all she needed to do was be patient and endure, it would soon be too late. Time was quickly running out. Her eyes snapped to the desk. She got up and quietly pulled open the drawer. Though she knew what was inside, she still found her heart clenching when it entered her field of view. For some reason, she felt like she was doing something very wrong. It was the note Kiyomizu had left with her—a dry, emotionless note, one that held only a telephone number. A number that might change her life. She stared at the digits for a little while before closing the drawer. This wasn’t the time, not yet. There was an order to these things. She couldn’t go looking for help far away just yet. After all, she still had people she could rely on right by her side. It was then that Sairi returned from work. Her crisp, creased suit flattered her—she truly looked the part of an executive. “Welcome back, Mom.” “Goodness~. It seems there was a little incident with an intruder. The new order of the Virginal Father was thrown into chaos because of it, though it seems they successfully sent her packing.” “An intruder…?” “Her name was Rei, or so I hear. They found her on the twenty-fifth floor of their headquarters. She tried to escape but made the mistake of leaping out the window. The police even showed up. What a mess. Hmm? Is something wrong?” “Oh, it’s nothing…” That was, without a doubt, her old tutor. Shiren wasn’t sure why she was here, but it was likely she was looking for something. If it were anyone else, I’d be asking if they survived, but I have a feeling Rei would somehow make it out of a fall from the twenty-fifth floor… Probably. Once she determined Rei was most likely fine, Shiren stopped thinking. “Because of that, among other things, the meeting got started a little late. It’s fine, though, since the nation’s still running smoothly.” “Sounds like you had a busy day. Do you want some tea?” “You don’t need to attend to little things like that. You can be more imposing, Shiren. You’re the emperor. There’s nothing you need to worry about.” Shiren remained silent, biting her lip. Her worries were only growing. In fact, they were already threatening to crush her. But she couldn’t give up now—she still hadn’t told Sairi anything. “Mom? I have a favor to ask.” “What is it? If there’s something you want, just ask. Don’t hold back. You’ve done enough of that in your life already.” Sairi’s smile was big and kind. It was like an embrace, easily wrapping Shiren up in its warmth. And yet it wasn’t enough. “I—I want to see everyone I left behind in the Empire…” Shiren had fully intended to look Sairi in the eyes when she said that, but she found her head drooping instead. She was afraid. What if Sairi didn’t understand? Even if she said the words, it would be pointless if she couldn’t communicate her real feelings. “Shiren…” All that came back was her name. Was Sairi going to be angry with her? Disappointed in her? “I’m lonely… Mom…” Shiren felt herself tense up. Waiting for an answer was painful. This was the loneliest she’d been in her entire life. She might have been able to bear it if she’d never known anything else, but back in the old Empire, Shiren had experienced a life that was, quite frankly, like a dream. She’d come to appreciate happiness. “Of course.” As she sat there, gaze downcast, she felt a gentle force pressing around her. Sairi was hugging her. “I should have noticed sooner. I’m sorry. I don’t have a lot of experience as a mother.” “No, it’s okay. I should have said something…” Shiren’s lips turned up in a smile. She recalled what Kiyomizu had said: Giving up on something before you needed to was the same as running away. It was careless. A path was opening up before her, all because she had mustered the courage to step forward. “You don’t have to stay away from them forever, of course,” Sairi said as she stroked Shiren’s hair. “I don’t intend to start a conflict with Akinomiya for decades. I’ll see what I can do.” “Really?! How soon?!” Shiren’s eyes went wide. So people actually understood her when she expressed her feelings—there had been no need to worry. “Can you wait a year? That should be enough time for me to figure something out.” “What?” A whole year? That was way too long. She wouldn’t make it in time. Relationships between people were like food: They had expiration dates. Once that date passed, they would fizzle away, like they’d never existed in the first place. From her reaction, Sairi seemed to understand what was going through Shiren’s head. “Shiren, we’ve only just created our nation. On the surface, we exist in opposition to the old Empire in Akinomiya. I know it sounds stupid, but adults can’t offer their support without little reasons like that. We need help from a lot of people to get a new country off the ground. That’s why I worked to show that we’re different from the old Empire—so that we can gather that support.” Sairi’s words washed over Shiren. Her mother had understood, but it hadn’t changed anything. Shiren couldn’t move the world of adults with feelings alone. “So if we go and make up with the old Empire barely a month into our existence, all the people who came to support us will be very upset. Then everything we’ve worked to build will collapse around us. All we’ve done now is apply the glue. It’ll be another year before it dries and sets. I guess that feels a little long to you, Shiren. You don’t experience time the same way adults do, after all.” A little long? “Isn’t there anything we can do…?” asked Shiren. “You went through a difficult time where you were all by yourself, didn’t you?” How could she ever forget? Ouen had died, Sairi had vanished, and Shiren had been ejected from the castle—she’d spent her days treated like a criminal. Even now, she had no idea how she’d managed to overcome that hardship. It must have been because she never once consciously thought of “overcoming” it. She had hunkered down and sat still, as though waiting for a storm to pass, and eventually found that it had ended. She had been like a lifeless zombie, just doing what she could to avoid dying again. But Shiren was no longer a zombie. Her heart had come back to life because of Ryouta and the others. And that heart wasn’t going to last a year. She would become a zombie and lose all feeling again. She wouldn’t even be jealous or envious. Her emotions would simply vanish. But only Shiren knew that about herself. “I know it might sound odd coming from me, but you didn’t give in back then. You’ll be fine. You know exactly how long you need to wait this time, and—hey, you’re the emperor now.” Shiren knew what her mother meant. Back then, it would have been impossible to believe she could be treated this well. She was more than blessed in the material sense. So much so, she was probably due for some karmic punishment. People no longer looked at her with distaste—instead, they had worship in their eyes. The problem was that wasn’t enough to fill the hole in her heart. She didn’t need material wealth. She didn’t need reputation. I wonder what Ryouta’s doing right now… Her days with Ryouta had been so much fun. This lifeless hotel room stood no chance against them. She could remember being frustrated with him, getting angry, and worrying over him, but looking back, she found she now cherished all of it. Not even she understood why. She began to wonder if Ryouta had been exuding some kind of intoxicating cloud. He must be having a great time with Big Sis, though… If she could, she wanted to put everything back the way it was and stay by Ryouta’s side. She knew that would never happen, though. It would be asking way too much. Everyone would probably be disappointed with her if she so much as said it out loud. But either way, she at least wanted to go back. “I’m the emperor, right, Mom?” Shiren asked. Her tone and expression were calm, like a child asking for her mother’s permission. “Of course. If you weren’t, we’d have a huge problem on our hands.” Sairi offered a relieved smile—maybe she had sensed an Imperial dignity in Shiren’s bearing. The emperor was the most powerful person in this country. That meant she didn’t have to listen to the archbishop. Shiren had found her answer. And so she decided it was time to start her rebellious phase. The next day, Sairi returned home late again. Shiren would normally have been lonely, but this time, it was a stroke of luck. She took the note out from the drawer. This is the first decision I’ve made since leaving the Sacred Blood Empire. Her hands were shaking. Slowly, she punched the number into the phone. Each press had a terrible weight to it, as though she was inputting the code for a missile launch. Perhaps history itself would change because of her selfishness, if only a little. Once she’d pressed the last number, the line connected. “Hello, this is the Holy Sacred Blood Empire PR Department—” If Kiyomizu could be trusted, Shiren just had to vent to whoever was at the end of this line. But what if she was wrong? What if a random person from the Holy Sacred Blood Empire answered? Even if there was an informant or a mole somewhere in the organization, that didn’t necessarily mean they would answer the phone. She might be making a fatal mistake. M-maybe this isn’t a good idea… I have no way to check, though… “—This is customer-service representative Kiyomizu Jouryuuji!” “Hey, why are you answering the phones?!” All of Shiren’s apprehensions vanished as she made the jab at Kiyomizu. “Whose side are you on?! Are you everywhere at once?!” “Why must I suffer the indignity of working under the people who usurped the order of the Virginal Father? My family’s finances may be in shambles, but about one and a half billion of my own assets were left untouched. From that, I withdrew about three hundred million and bought a few people off.” “You have that much money?! I never imagined you had it that good in life!” “Money can’t buy happiness.” “That sounds a little hypocritical coming from a billionaire!” “More importantly, you understand what it means for you to call me, right?” “Oh, uh, yeah…” All of Shiren’s tension had vanished the moment she heard a familiar voice. “If you have no need of me, then I’m hanging up. You know I’m not obligated to help you, right?” “I—I want to go back…” “If you don’t finish your sentence, I can’t tell where you want to go.” “I want to go back to the Sacred Blood Empire. I want to be with my friends…” At Kiyomizu’s urging, Shiren was finally able to put her feelings into words. There was a short delay before Kiyomizu gave her response. “Well said. I see you’ve progressed.” “M-maybe…” “Then all you need to do is cross the border. It’s so close! Only a little over nine kilometers away as the crow flies.” “I can’t. The entire hotel is surrounded by people from the new order…” Sairi’s underlings were positioned so as not to give them any blind spots—not even an ant could slip through unnoticed. At a glance, they appeared to be hotel security, but they were, in fact, members of the order of the Virginal Father. These were not members of the Kiyomizu family’s faction, but those under Sairi’s control. Of course, they were there to protect Shiren, not to keep her locked up. But right now, there was little difference between the two. “That level of security is nothing. I came in through the window last time, remember?” “Don’t act like I’m the same as you! That was totally a humblebrag!” “In that case, I’ll see what I can do to create a favorable scenario.” “A favorable scenario?” “Yes. You’ll still have to do your part, though.” Shiren finally had her chance. A smile crossed her face for the first time in a while. “All right, I’ll make sure I succeed!” “Oh, I forgot to mention one thing.” “Hm? What is it?” “Just because you’ve told me how you feel over the phone, that doesn’t make everything okay. There’s someone else you need to make sure to tell.” “Huh…?” “Well, no one asks a go-between to propose marriage. Anyway, I’ll be calling to follow up.” Kiyomizu abruptly hung up, cutting Shiren off. “She’s really not the nurturing type, huh…” Shiren sighed and turned to look out the window. As usual, the city was glimmering in the dark. Shiren, too, thought the night view was beautiful. For some reason, it seemed to be asking her to stay—that a passing moment of hesitation would make a mess of the rest of her life. “No, I am going…to…” Her voice was weak. She had told Kiyomizu, but would she be able to say it again to someone else? “I need to tell…Ryouta…and my sister…” Shiren saw her face reflected in the mirror in front of the desk. Her expression was just as apprehensive as it had been before she made the phone call. There were still many hurdles to overcome. Scritch, scratch, scritch. Ryouta could hear the sound of pen on paper from his side. Scratch, scritch, scratch. He needed to do his homework, too, but the sound was so loud in his ears that he couldn’t concentrate. Scritch, scratch, scritch. Scratch, scritch, scratch. Scritch, scratch, scritch. “Hey… Ouka?” Unable to put up with the noise anymore, Ryouta spoke up with a frown. “What? I’m not showing you my answers. You can do this on your own,” Ouka replied, her expression blank. She seemed fully focused. “That’s not what I meant. Shouldn’t we do this in different rooms…? I can’t relax.” “Why? You’re my minion—stay by my side.” “That’s true, but we don’t have to do our homework right next to each other…” “This is what the work of a minion entails. Do your job.” The work of a minion. When she put it that way, there was really nothing he could say back. “My minions need to have a relatively high level of academic ability. Get into a good college. Get in through the back door if you must.” “Why are you already considering illegal options?!” “Incidentally, you can legally be accepted at the University of the Sacred Blood Empire even if your grades are bad, so long as you pay twenty times normal tuition.” “Stop trying to legitimize shady deals!” “If you don’t want to pay, then study.” It isn’t that I don’t want to study. It’s just kind of difficult in this situation… It wasn’t that he hated being around Ouka. Not at all. In fact, getting to study in the same room as his first crush was one of the greatest privileges of his life. But something’s different… If they were still in love with each other, shouldn’t they have a different sort of relationship? To put it frankly, shouldn’t they be boyfriend and girlfriend? That seemed like the normal order of things, but it didn’t seem like they were heading in that direction. They were just existing in the same apartment together. It felt more like he was living with a grouchy sister. Ryouta’s actual sister, Rei, had doted on him because of his curse, so he’d never actually had the experience of living with a grouchy sister. If he had, though, she’d probably have been like Ouka. Am I supposed to ask her out…? Hmm… But she did explicitly call me her minion earlier… He had a feeling the “minion” excuse was turning every relationship here into something lukewarm and noncommittal. Sure—it was effective when two people weren’t close. Serving as someone’s minion was a much more intimate relationship than being strangers. But once that distance had been closed, things were a little different. If they tried to get closer, the status of “minion” would push them back apart, like two magnets with the same polarity. I never wanted to be her minion. I wanted to be her boyfriend. “You haven’t touched your homework for some time now.” Ouka was staring at him. “W-we all work at our own pace, okay…? Are you done?” “Yes. I finished a while ago. You know I’ve received special lessons for gifted students since I was a child.” Ouka attended school and did her homework, but it seemed that was only a formality. “Special lessons? Did Shiren have to take those, too…?” “She dropped out after ten minutes on the first day and never attended another session.” “That’s way too early to drop out!” “I remember our tutor saying, ‘She must have been born under an unlucky star.’” “It was so bad that they had to bring fate into it?!” “Sigh, and now we’re talking about Shiren.” Ouka planted her elbows on the table and rested her head in her folded hands. “Oh… Sorry…” “Why are you apologizing? It’s not as though I’m trying to forget her. I never could.” Ouka flipped through her notebook, as though stalling for time. Ryouta could feel a little gust from the movement of the pages. “Just a moment ago, you were wondering if we should move things forward, weren’t you, Ryouta? If this is really all there is to living together.” “Basically, yeah.” “I don’t want things to stay like this, either. I want us to be all over each other.” “ ‘All over each other’…?” “Oh, don’t get blushy about it. That’s what happens when you live together. But I can’t stop thinking about Shiren, and I just can’t get in the mood because of it. I guess I’m a lot nicer than I thought.” They were supposed to be moving on with their relationship, but the past—Shiren, that is—was holding them back. “I feel the same way. And Alfoncina, when she called me to the roof earlier—she was really mad at me.” Maybe she couldn’t stand to see Ryouta walking around like a shadow of his former self. As someone older than him, she could probably see all his faults. “Hmph. She has no right to be angry with you. She is just like me.” Ouka’s mood turned sour as soon as she heard Alfoncina’s name. “What do you mean by that? Oh, because both of you hold power and you’re both schemers?” “There’s no point in hiding it anymore, so I’ll just tell you. She has a crush on you, Ryouta.” “Uh-huh, okay…………………… Wait, what?!” Ryouta dropped his pencil. He couldn’t even think about studying at this point. “Keep your voice down. I’m honestly shocked that you’re shocked after all this time.” “But why would she have a crush on me? There are way better people out there…” “Romantic relations cannot form between two people who have never met and don’t know each other. That’s all there is to it. People of high status have very few chances to meet those of the opposite sex, which makes it easy for misunderstandings to occur. That is all.” Ouka apparently had no qualms about sharing Alfoncina’s feelings freely. “Should you have told me this…?” Ryouta, on the other hand, was feeling a little guilty. “It won’t change anything. Alfoncina knows her station. She will not cross any lines, and I know you aren’t going to ask her out. See? No problem.” “You’re pretty ruthless, even to your elders…” “I’d prefer it if you saw this as an expression of my close, casual relationship with her. She’s an adult, after all. She’ll be fine. The problem is…the child.” “You mean Shiren…?” He couldn’t think of anyone else. Ouka didn’t give a verbal reply, but the discontent and discomfort in her eyes was confirmation enough. “Sigh. If only your parting with Shiren had been more of a clear break.” “I wish I could put an end to her,” Ouka muttered. “Whoa, don’t put it like that…” That almost sounded like she wanted to kill her sister. “I used that word on purpose. If we don’t put an end to her, we’ll be stuck like this forever. Meanwhile, she’s having a grand old time in that new Empire of hers. It’s not fair.” “I guess… But it’s not like we can just wander over and say hi. We haven’t even established diplomatic relations yet.” “Exactly. We can’t reach out first, or we’d lose face. That would mean we’d acknowledged their existence as a nation.” Obviously, they couldn’t acknowledge an entity that would go on to oppose them. “Yeah…” Shiren’s departure from the Empire wasn’t just a personal affair. She now stood at the top of a very troubling organization. Ouka’s position essentially prevented her from reaching out. It would be difficult even to create a point of contact. Physically, the distance wasn’t very great, and yet Shiren felt so far away. “But that was the better thing to do at the time.” Ouka’s gaze dropped to her worksheet. Her answers were written in handwriting so neat that they could have been printed on the page. Ryouta didn’t know the correct answers himself, but he was pretty sure she had gotten them all right. He didn’t even see any eraser marks. There were no traces of doubt. Ryouta followed her gaze and wished the answer to their own problems was as clear-cut. Better did not mean ideal. When Shiren had announced she would be leaving, she was clearly unhappy. Did they have no choice but to continue their lives on parallel tracks like this, never meeting again? Just then, Ouka’s phone rang. “Hello, what is it? Let me guess—the bill raising taxes we were keeping secret from the public was leaked by the tabloids? You’ll have to stop publication. Now.” It sounded like Ouka was up to no good again. “What…? When did that…?” She was now fully concentrated on her phone call. Whatever the news was, it came as a shock. Ouka’s eyes were open so wide, they looked like they’d fall out of her skull. Ryouta watched her, hoping it wasn’t anything bad. It sounded like she was being fed a rather lengthy explanation. “Of course. There’s no problem if they’re the ones approaching us. But this sounds a little fishy. Would Sairi really do something that doesn’t benefit them at all?” Ryouta could only hear Ouka’s side of the conversation, but he could tell this was something vital to the country. “Well, even if it is a trap, we just need to be prepared, and we won’t fall for it.” There was confidence in her eyes. “Fine, I give my consent. At least it will clear this proverbial fog, though I’m not sure what will happen when the sun’s finally out. I don’t think anyone does. All right, move things along, but quietly. Put a hold on the five-year tax-increase project.” “Was that about the Holy Sacred Blood Empire…?” “Yes. It sounds as though their leader wants to meet with us. She wants to discuss the future of the Sacred Blooded.” “Does that mean Shiren is—?” “Yes.” There was a complex mix of emotions on Ouka’s face. “I don’t know what she’s thinking, but this might be my chance to put an end to her.” “Please don’t take things too far…” “I don’t plan to. But even I have no idea how things are going to pan out. At least, I won’t until we see her. This whole thing is a black box.” Ryouta understood what she meant. “I haven’t figured out my own feelings yet, either. I’m happy I’ll be able to see her, but I’m also terrified. But either way, I have to go.” All paths were converging on a single point. Every one of them would have to experience this event or remain unable to grow and mature. “Yes. This will serve as a rite of passage, a step toward the next stage of our lives. Of course, there’s always a chance we won’t succeed.” Then a wistful smile spread across Ouka’s face. “Sigh~. This must be how Shiren felt, right before she reunited with Sairi.” “What is the meaning of this?! No one told me anything!” Sairi was hounding the PR department. An outrageous decision had been made without her knowledge. Someone had asked the leader of the Sacred Blood Empire for the opportunity to meet, and they had done so in the name of the leader of the Holy Sacred Blood Empire. This was premature. Far too premature. There were quite a few obstacles left to overcome before they could even start thinking of mutual concessions. “My deepest apologies… Her Majesty stated that you were already aware of this, Lady Sairi…” The manager of the PR department was in disbelief as she bowed her head over and over. She, too, had been shocked that diplomacy was proceeding without Sairi’s knowledge. This whole affair was a bolt from the blue. But it was already too late. Their side had just asked for a meeting. They couldn’t just call back and say, Sorry, we changed our minds. What I don’t understand is why no one brought this up with me… I’m almost certain there are no factions or cliques in my organization… Could there be a traitor from Akinomiya in our ranks? But I thought I’d conducted thorough background checks of all employees… No—perhaps she was thinking about this too hard. Sairi considered the matter once again. This was Shiren’s decision. She remembered how pained Shiren had looked when she’d told her to wait a year. If Shiren really did make this decision on her own, then that wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing. That would mean she’s trying to carve her own path. Sairi’s expression softened. Now that she thought about it, she realized Shiren had never been the type to make big decisions like this. Even when she spoke like an adult, she hesitated to set her own direction—she was the type to fall behind and let others lead. It probably didn’t help that her older sister was the type to act boldly in front of a crowd, but either way, Shiren had been stuck in the role of little sister. That hadn’t been a problem in the past. Ouka was destined to lead a country in the future, and all that was asked of Shiren was to behave and stay out of her sister’s way. But now that Shiren was emperor of the Holy Sacred Blood Empire, that wasn’t enough. It was a good thing if she’d done some growing up while Sairi wasn’t looking. No one was going to die as a result of this decision. “What’s on the docket for the meeting anyway?” A smile back on her face, Sairi resumed gathering information. “U-um… Well, it will be a social gathering over a meal and will take place at the restaurant on the top floor of the Oshiro Royal Hotel.” The bewildered PR manager told Sairi everything she knew. “Hmm, I doubt there will be much political talk in a situation like that. All right. I’ll readjust the schedule for that day. We’ll manage somehow. I’ll take charge of the menu, too. We’ll give them the warmest welcome imaginable.” Sairi’s anger melted away, and the PR manager seemed genuinely relieved. That was when Shiren came in. “Mom…” She looked like a guilty child whose pranks had been found out. Sairi knew that expression—Shiren was aware she’d done something bad. She’s had that same expression ever since she was a child. Well, she is still a child, after all. It warmed her heart, and she felt the urge to scold Shiren melt away. This girl couldn’t pull off a complicated scheme even if she wanted to. “I’m sorry! I wanted to see everyone so badly, and…” She ducked her head timidly. “…I couldn’t help it. I acted on my own, and—” “I heard what happened. To be honest, this wasn’t a good move, but it’s already been scheduled, so we’re going forward with it. I’ll make sure the schedules of all those meant to attend will be open.” Sairi smiled and patted her daughter’s head. That’s right. I have no right to scold her. There’d been no way to take Shiren when she fled, but whatever her reasons, Sairi had still left her behind. No excuse would ever be good enough. For that reason, she would accept little things like this. If Shiren caused problems for someone else, then it was Sairi’s own fault—she was the one who had raised her, after all. It wasn’t like Shiren was going anywhere. “It’s natural to want to see your friends. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.” “Th-thanks…Mom…” “You must have wanted to do this so much that you didn’t care if I scolded you, right? And that means there’s no point in me getting angry with you. Just make us proud as the emperor of our new empire.” “Yeah. Okay. I’ll do my best…” As Sairi patted her head, a mixed expression crossed Shiren’s face. Sairi didn’t notice that expression. Nor did she notice that, unbeknownst to her, her daughter was becoming someone new—someone she couldn’t control. Meanwhile, Shiren knew that Sairi no longer understood her. She had changed so drastically in such a short amount of time, after all. She had gone through things her mother could never imagine. If she wanted to outwit Sairi, she would have to use that to her advantage. Her chances of success were slim. No—not even Shiren knew how things would turn out or even what she really wanted. But she had to do it. She would be giving up on so many things if she quit now. The feelings in the depths of her heart were telling her she had to see them. “I’m sorry, Mom,” she said, barely a whisper, not loud enough for Sairi to hear. “Hmm? Did you say something?” “No, nothing.”