Things were going well for the most part. We’d just managed to muddle through our interview, had gotten their recommendations, and were walking through a hall with the other visitors now.
“Would be nice to do fireworks both before and after, but it might not be in the budget. Anything catch your eye, Yumeko?”
“Barrel breaking…would be nice.”
“That’s a classic. Let’s ask about it.”
We were deep in character and extremely interested in everything the staff had to suggest, even going as far to continue our deliberations in private. Only thing was, we were wasting everybody’s time. There was one other nuisance.
“Um, hello, Earth to Nukumizu-kun, can you stay on topic? Focus on the mission? Forget how to sing, Mr. Canary?”
A certain mosquito in my ear was eager to rain on our parades.
I furtively covered my mouth before replying. “The tour’s starting soon. Eyes on the camera so you can make yourself useful, please.”
“Pardon my partner. Asagumo-san here. The image is a little shaky. Can you stabilize it?”
Pros always expected the world of amateurs.
“Trouble?” asked Shikiya-san. Her head fell quizzically to one side. I remembered that the camera was the ornament in her hair.
“Deal with it,” I replied to our invisible puppeteers. “It’s a feature.”
Then I disconnected.
We exited the building and walked out into the actual “garden” part of “garden wedding.” Outdoor couches and chairs littered the lawn. Walls taller than myself surrounded us on all sides, offering complete privacy. At the end of the expanse was the crowning jewel of it all—the chapel. The same modern white and brown. A small, picturesque waterway separated it from the rest of the venue.
That was the place. Where we were supposed to whisk Tanaka-sensei off to for a secret photo shoot with Shiratama-san.
Our guide and interviewer noticed me staring. “Would you like a closer look?”
“Is that okay?” I asked.
“Of course. Follow me.”
We crossed the bridge over the waterway. Shikiya-san followed a step behind me, her attention on the rest of the lawn behind us. “Are we…practicing?”
I could think of nothing more appealing, but now wasn’t the time.
“Just seeing the chapel,” I said. “Can you keep the cam…stand up straight?”
“Gimme.” Her hands snaked around my arm, clinging to it. Sensory overload. Her perfume. So soft. Arm in heaven.
Suddenly, my ear was blasted by harsh, guttural grunts. Yanami oh-so subtly clearing her throat.
We stepped inside moments after our guide. It was a straight path down the aisle to the altar, with rows of pews on either side. A large window on the far wall opened up to a small, pristine waterfall. Gentle sunlight bled through the windows to our left and right, bouncing in just the right way to make the room appear to glow on its own. A fan on the ceiling turned slowly, hypnotically, solemnly.
Shikiya-san clung to my arm as we absorbed the ambient calm. But wasn’t her dad supposed to be the one walking her down the aisle? And the groom would be waiting at the end to take the young florist, Yoshida Yumeko, as his bride. Punk.
By the time we reached the end, my righteous fury had faded enough to let me realize something: There was nowhere to hide in here. The pews weren’t solid. They had spaces in the backrest, so those were a no-go, and the walls were smooth. No corners or conveniently uneven architecture. Even if we managed to get Tanaka-sensei here, how was Shiratama-san supposed to get the drop on him?
“Nukumizu-kun,” Asagumo-san said, sensing what I had. “Can you find anything that could be used as cover? Furniture? Any nooks or crannies?”
“I mean…”
I didn’t even see any station for sound equipment or anything. Probably hidden away somewhere so it wouldn’t detract from the atmosphere. The place was barren. Correction: almost barren.
The altar. A podium stood there, much like in a classroom. I guided the camera—autonomous Shikiya-san model—closer to it. It was pretty basic. The other side was open. Not a huge space inside, but enough to potentially hide someone.
I felt it a bit to give my hand for scale, then nonchalantly moved on. Next, I gave the place a quick walk, measuring its size in paces.
“All right,” I said. “Ready to get going, Yumeko?”
She cocked her head and gave me a confused look. “We aren’t…practicing?”
“Uh, in public?” I shot a glance at the guide standing by the door, who promptly smiled and left. How considerate.
Shikiya-san took my hands, stood us on the altar, and looked into my eyes. “What next?”
“Well, um, a priest would say a bunch of words, uh, w-we’d exchange rings, say our vows, or… Yeah.”
“Yeah? After that?”
After that? After the rings and the vows?
I swallowed. “Then we…kiss, I guess.”
“Excuse me!” Yanami shrieked in my ear. “We’re right here!”
I’d forgotten about her. Entirely. Her very existence as an individual.
“Hey, we’re just trying to stay in character. Get the vibe down. It’s important stuff.”
“Making out isn’t in the script!”
Sure wasn’t. Frankly, though, I was almost glad for the bickering. Pretend or not, being with Shikiya-san like this was bad for my heart. I started to leave.
But her pallid hand was faster. It snatched the earbud right out of my ear. “So we kiss…and then I’m yours?”
“Um!”
She stuffed the earbud into her chest and leaned in close. Closer. Closer. My reflection in her pale eyes grew.
“W-well, technically we have to actually get married first!” I sputtered, voice cracking. She stopped. “The, um, paperwork’s what makes it official. Not the kiss.”
“Paperwork…” She thought about that. Then nodded. “Foiled by bureaucracy.”
Whatever that meant, it was sufficient to get her to free me and start staggering toward the door. I hurried after her. When I caught up, she forced the earbud back into my hand. The one that had just been in her chest. But, well, Yanami would get naggy if I didn’t check in again.
With reverence to the new and exciting implications now in my ear, I pushed open the heavy chapel door. The guide greeted us with a smile.
“Sorry about that,” I said.
“Let me show you to our reception area next. We’ll have samples of the course meals you can expect from us there.”
“Free samples?!” howled Yanami. “I didn’t know there’d be food!”
Because no one had told her. Also, ow, my eardrum.
Practicing saintlike patience, I followed our guide to the reception venue. Thank god Yanami wasn’t around or we’d be cooked. But that was just one of many reasons her being here would lead to disaster.
“Excuse me, what are you two doing there?” a new voice in my ear interrogated. Sounded like an older guy. Security, probably, come to crack down on the antenna-wielding weirdo causing a scene in the parking lot. There was no room for doubt in my mind.
I sighed, doing my best to ignore the frantic excuses the B-team started to hurl.
“Something wrong…Kazuhiko?” Shikiya-san asked.
“Nothing, Yumeko. Nothing at all.” I sighed again and stuffed the earbud into my pocket.