My husband, who was already wildly unhinged on a regular day, took my flustered explanation and, as always, twisted it into something that left me totally off-guard.
“You probably don’t realize it, but whenever we kiss, there’s this moment when you completely surrender. I can tell, in that moment, that you trust me completely, that you only see me. I love that moment more than anything, Cece.”
Why does he always do this?! Why is he always so devastating at the worst possible time?! Why would he get into such a detailed commentary on our kisses?! What am I supposed to say in return?!
“W-we really need to go before the flowers start wilting!”
If I let him talk anymore, I’d die of secondhand embarrassment and wouldn’t be able to face the grave at all. I jumped to my feet and yanked his hand.
Today, we’d come to visit Andreas Webber’s grave on the hill that overlooked all of Bern. We were going to tell him that we were heading to Barlefeldt, the nation under dragon protection.
As I expected, Barlefeldt had asked for the return of the magic stone embedded in the greatsword after the funeral. We were going there on account of that request, and also to investigate the blessing of the dragon, which seemed to be why the Empire was targeting me as the Saint. This was our second official diplomatic journey as the second prince and princess, and with Barlefeldt’s dragon crown prince being as infamously combative as Lucas, I had a feeling this trip would be even longer…
That’s why we wanted to pay our respects first, and I’d asked Lucas to teach me how to make a flower crown as an offering.
Lucas followed behind, chuckling to himself, then plucked the crown off my head. And then he roughly hung it upon Andreas’s sword.
It was his wife’s idea to use the sword instead of a cross. She said it better suited a knight like Andreas. Lucas himself had embedded the sword deep into the rocky hilltop, and then he had Lord Barnabash test whether it could be pulled out.
Even a dragon couldn’t move it. It was a grave, but it had somehow become the stuff of legend.
Since we had to return the Barlefeldt magic stone that had been in his sword, Lukie had embedded a replacement crafted by applying all sorts of spells to a monster core. It was the only one of its kind in the world, and it also helped protect the capital from here on this hilltop.
Andreas Webber would remain Bern’s Hero even in death. That was what Lukie wanted. I squeezed his hand tighter.
He stood silently, his gaze lowered at the gravestone with Andreas’s name etched into it. He didn’t say anything.
But in his golden eyes, I caught a glint of frustration. I wasn’t sure how to comfort him, so I blurted out the first dumb thing that came to mind.
“So, um. Are you just gonna keep wearing that flower crown?” The moment I asked, a breeze swept through and scattered the petals.
The pieces fluttered in the air, swirling down to land around the gravestone, and Lukie watched them. Then he murmured softly, “I was told that if someone puts it on you, you’re not supposed to take it off until they or someone else removes it.”
“When?”
“When I was thirteen, right after I met you. Someone told me to bring a flower crown for the Holy Night, and they said it then.”
The way he tipped his head as if revisiting the memory made him look just like a boy.
I was grateful to Andreas for giving me the chance to see this side of Lukie. I smiled to hide the tears welling up.
“Did you put the flower crown on him yourself?”
“He teased me. He said, ‘Let’s see if you can do it, Shorty.’ And of course I put it on him after that,” he said with a smug look. And even though his expression held no trace of grief, I could tell his master would always be in his heart. That alone was enough to make my heart ache.
“He he he. So the marshal just left it on?”
“That damn old man wore it all the way home to his wife without a hint of embarrassment.”
“Wow! So if I hadn’t taken yours off, you would’ve just gone home like that, too?” I teased him to keep things lighthearted, but his hand reached up to my cheek, and before I knew it, he was gently wiping away the tears I hadn’t even realized were falling.
“If that’s what you wanted, I would’ve.”
He didn’t tell me not to cry. He didn’t try to stop the tears. His kindness broke something in me, and the tears just kept falling.
I forced a smile and reached up to stroke his cheek in return.
“R-really? I think people would definitely tease you, though.”
I hinted that I meant people besides Andreas, and his beautiful face immediately twisted with distaste. He ducked his head, making me laugh out loud.
“Take it off, please.”
“Ha ha. You’re doing exactly what your master did, Lukie!”
“I didn’t have a choice!”
He looked like he’d just realized it himself, his eyes twitching with frustration, and so I gently took the flower crown from his head.
I couldn’t help but think this gentle part of him must be something he inherited from Andreas, too.
I paced the crown upon the sword, and after that, I quietly laced my fingers through Lucas’s, leaning into him and soaking in the tranquility of the moment.
Neither of us said, “Let’s go.” We both knew this peaceful time wouldn’t last.
I want to stay by your side. That’s all I want. To live together, side by side. Why is that such a difficult wish? How many times do we have to prove our love before the world finally accepts it?
Even so, I love you for refusing to let the miracle of our meeting end with just that, for struggling, reaching out, and never giving up.
Just standing beside you and healing your wounds isn’t enough to protect you. If I want to keep this one-of-a-kind place you’ve given me as your wife, then I need the strength to hold onto it myself.
That was why I could never give up this love, not ever.
And maybe that was why I could already feel that someday soon, I would have to let go of this hand. Not to leave you, but so we can stand back-to-back instead of face-to-face, and confront the trials we’d each have to overcome.
But for now, just for now, please let me stay in your arms.
Let me believe that just for this moment, your arms exist only to protect only me.
Please forgive me for wishing that.