Yellow-green lights danced next to the corpses.
“The fireflies here are pretty creepy, aren’t they?” Yuki poked her face out from above my head.
After the talks ended and everyone else settled down to rest, I made my way to the morgue outside town. There were two main reasons. The first was to examine the bodies, which I hadn’t been able to do during the earlier chaos. Though perhaps because it was late at night, I found myself strangely unmotivated.
“Why are they swarming around the corpses? Are they eating them or something?”
“They say that once fireflies become adults, they only drink water,” I answered quietly. “Maybe they came to drink the blood.”
“They’re creepy either way.”
“There were also fireflies flying around the corpses the morning after we dealt with that first group of undead. It’s possible they’re just common in this area.” What would otherwise be an elegant sight instead resembled hitodama in a place like this. On second thought, the temperature is starting to drop. They feel a little out of season, but maybe this species is different.
“Huh. Anyway, that aside,” Yuki said, changing the subject, “was there something you wanted to tell me?”
Yuki seemed to have guessed the second reason.
“Not really,” I replied awkwardly. “I just wanted to think to myself.”
“Oh? Well then, I’ll listen to you think out loud. Go on.”
I feel like Yuki’s been speaking out more these past few years. She’s lived for almost a century, so maybe she’s grown... But I think it’s more that I keep demonstrating my shortcomings, forcing her to step up.
“This has become more trouble than I expected. Where did I go wrong? I know you told me to back out, but looking at it logically, I don’t think there was any way for us to back out amicably at that point. I always meant to keep the imperial court at arm’s length, yet here I am getting tangled in their affairs. I guess ever since reincarnating, I’ve been mistaken on a fundamental level.” Sensing that Yuki was about to call me out, I decided to beat her to the punch. “I know what you wanna say—this is all my fault because I thought I could be cunning and make use of the Hero. You’re right, that was uncharacteristic of me. But back then...”
“No.” Yuki’s denial surprised me. “I don’t think that’s the cause. It’s something more basic. This is a matter of your resolve.”
“Huh? My resolve?” I asked, not expecting her answer.
“Yes.” Yuki nodded. “Why is it that you’re able to save those with whom you share a bond? Why do you wield power capable of destroying palaces, defeating spirits no human could hope to match, and even stopping natural disasters for the sake of others?”
“Well...”
That was the nature of humanity. Many might find it unexpected if a person known as a villain were to extend a hand to a child who had tripped, but few would consider it abnormal. Regardless of how often they showed it, all humans carried the instinct to help one another. I was simply one such person, as ordinary as any other. But it was clear that Yuki wasn’t looking for such a trite answer. I gave her the conclusion I had once arrived at within myself.
“Because it’s not a big deal for me. Destroying fortresses, defeating powerful enemies, and quelling disasters are all equivalent to helping a fallen child to me.”
Many would help up a fallen child, but far fewer would stick around and tend to the child’s wounds. There was a limit to how much effort one would expend for another. However, when it came to force, my limit was far higher than that of others. Because I was the strongest. It was what I had desired, and I had managed to reach that peak. That was all there was to it.
“That’s why you never should’ve tried to help people in this world,” Yuki said quietly. “You shouldn’t have gone further than helping up a child who tripped. What did you do when that boy with the evil eye died during that tournament, or when the Hero girl was taken to the palace? The power you wielded then was far beyond what ordinary people are capable of, was it not? Did you even for a moment consider abandoning them so that you could live this life in peace?”
I didn’t answer her.
“It might have been trivial to you, but to other people, it was power beyond comprehension. It was inevitable that you’d draw the attention of politicians the moment you wielded it. Even if you hadn’t gotten involved with the Hero specifically, I think it was only a matter of time.”
“Ordinary people are weak,” Yuki continued. “They submit helplessly in the face of violence or disaster. But you didn’t have the resolve to kneel like they do, Master Seika. You didn’t have the resolve to accept pain. I think your death in your previous life made you cautious, but it didn’t give you the resolve to be able to watch those close to you die and bear the torment of regret. From that moment, it was impossible for you to ever live a normal life,” Yuki said, her voice firm.
“If you made any mistake in this life, I believe it was that you never resolved to live as someone weak and powerless.”
I stood there frozen, my mouth hanging open. It was in part because I had never expected Yuki to go so far, but more than that, her lecture was so unshakably correct that I couldn’t muster a single word of rebuttal.
“I-I have nothing to say for myself... Looking back, you’re exactly right,” I groaned. My vague feeling that nothing was working had been neatly put into words, and suddenly it all clicked. Was I really so stupid that I needed Yuki to spell it out for me?
“I’m glad to see you’ve taken it to heart,” Yuki said, her tone composed. “I also feel relieved to have gotten that off my chest after so long.”
“If you’ve been thinking it for that long, you should’ve said something sooner.”
“To be honest, I was confused from the moment you summoned me, but I assumed you had some deeper goal and didn’t want to overstep. If I could turn back time now, I would’ve spoken up.”
“Wait a second. Didn’t you actually encourage me to help people back in Rakana, and then again in demon territory? I wasn’t convinced I should do it.”
“I didn’t think abandoning them would get you to change your way of life. While you might forsake those with only faint ties to you, if something like the Hero girl getting kidnapped were to happen again, you would wield your power without a second thought. Then abandoning them would’ve been pointless. It’s better not to have any regrets in that case. That’s why I made the suggestions I did. I wasn’t confident at first, but now I’m sure I made the right call.”