Atop a ship floating in the tranquil sea, I was on my hands and knees, collapsed on the floor of the deck as the people around me tried to cheer me up.
“I see... Pleased to meet you, Mary,” the mermaid said.
“Yeah, same... Thanks...” I muttered.
“Th-That was amazing, Lady Mary!” Safina said, trying her best to offer praise. “You were able to ad-lib a song on the spot and introduce yourself! I wouldn’t have known what to do and would’ve just stood there frozen with fear.”
“Y-Yeah,” Magiluka added. “You sang like you were used to this scenario. You were very skilled and handled yourself expertly.”
Of course, neither of these ladies were saying a word about my actual singing. I was mortified, ready to crawl into the nearest ditch at the earliest possible moment.
When Frederika had told me to sing and I improvised an introduction, I personally felt like I’d produced an awkward result. I hadn’t been totally confident in my singing, but I knew that I wasn’t awful either. I’d seen musicals and movies and television with singing, so there’d been a time when I’d thought that maybe I could burst into an eloquent number.
Unfortunately, what this event had taught me was that I was the type who could only sing as I was told. Improv required me to think through a different lens, and I lacked the aptitude. Plus, I was so weak mentally that I’d had no confidence to suddenly burst into song, so I’d failed to hit some notes, making the whole thing quite awkward and cringeworthy.
Ultimately, all this had meant that while I hadn’t been god-awful, I hadn’t been particularly good either. It’d left those who’d heard my song a little perplexed as to why I’d been sometimes off-key and slightly off-rhythm.
Ugh, I would’ve much rather just been atrocious at singing—so bad that it wraps around to being good, you know? I’m so mediocre that people don’t even know how to cheer me up! This is the absolute woooorst! The surface of the deck was all I could manage to look at as I internally screamed my woes.
“A decent ad-lib counts as a pass in my book!” Frederika reassured me.
I’m really not sure if I’m happy to hear that... Also, like, if the ability to ad-lib is all that mattered, why did I have to show my singing skill? I wasn’t sure what I was being tested on, but I hoped that this would be the end of it. I was terrified of the prospect of staying stuck in musical mode.
You know, I was so sure our journey was over right then and there when we’d run her over. I should shift my attitude and consider us lucky we could befriend a mermaid who knows about the spirit sea’s domain.
While I was still busy being devastated by how I’d sung, Queen Belletochka quickly ended the music and introduced the rest of my friends in short order. I just don’t get it, man...
“Hee hee, I had faith that you’d be able to skillfully form ties with Frederika, Little Mary,” the queen said. “The Argent Holy Woman certainly lives up to her reputation.”
“Does that title have anything to do with this?” I asked, turning to the queen to protest the unfairness of it all, but she flashed her usual laid-back smile. I guess she wanted me to be Frederika’s first contact with the people on the ship who weren’t her.
“By the way, Frederika, there are quite a few things that I’d like to ask you,” the queen said.
“Oh? And what would those be? ♪” Frederika sang back.
“U-Um, pardon me, but may I let you down?” the crew member interjected. “I’m not keen on flying around while carrying someone so important.”
“We’re having an important conversation! Keep quiet and carry her!” Emilia ordered.
“B-But...”
I mean, I get it. Carrying an important person must be so nerve-racking. You’d constantly be afraid of dropping them, and that might actually cause you to drop them. I, for one, wouldn’t want to take on that role.
“She’s right! ♪” Frederika added. “And you get to be so close to me, the renowned dancing queen of the mermaid world! Tee-hee! Aren’t you ecstatic?”
“Uh, but the fish part is kind of slimy and a little gro—” the crew member started.
“A slap for your insolence!”
“Gah!”
I watched on with sympathy when the crew member’s very insensitive remark was met with a smack from Frederika’s tail. The crew member, who’d flown up onto the deck, was stunned by the blow, and Frederika’s slimy—I mean, elegant—tail made her slip out of his hands.
“Oh deaaaar!” she cried.
I thought that she’d land on the deck when one of my friends reacted. He’d been in bed seasick this entire time and lucked into some physical contact with Rachel like a harem protagonist— Ahem, I mean, he’d fully recovered after being generously nursed back to health by Rachel.
“Whew, that was a close one,” Sacher said.
We all fell silent. A young knight holding a beautiful mermaid was like something straight out of a painting. I saw Rachel stiffen, but maybe I was imagining things.
“Th-Thank—” Frederika started.
“A second later and our prey would’ve flopped off the boat. So, like, do mermaids count as a kind of monster, or what?”
“A slap for your insolence!”
I’d assumed that Sacher would take the unsuspecting harem protag route, but this fake protag was too clueless for that. His absolutely rude remarks earned several smacks from the mermaid’s tail rather than a new love interest.