The next morning, Claudia found herself standing beside her father and elder brother, dressed head-to-toe in mourning garb. Her father greeted each visitor while she and her brother gave only silent nods of appreciation for everyone’s attendance.
When she first saw her father and brother, looking far younger than she last remembered them, she nearly broke into a smile. Thankfully, she had enough sense to suppress it.
During spare moments between greeting their guests, Claudia stole glances at Virgil. We really matured fast in the year after Mother passed away, she recalled. That was true physically, though Claudia reached her full height at the end of that year and grew no more. By the time the graduation party rolled around, Virgil was a whole twenty centimeters taller. The way he towered over her, glaring down his nose, made her stomach shrivel.
At the time, I was intimidated, but seeing him as young as he is now, he looks adorable.
Claudia and Virgil had inherited their father’s raven hair and crystal-blue eyes, but their beautiful—albeit sharp—features came from their mother. In the future, Virgil’s looks would leave many a woman swooning, but now, he looked more boy than man—thus triggering a woman’s innate motherly instincts.
I used to envy my brother for his silky-straight hair, but knowing that my own wavy locks are just like mother’s makes me think maybe they aren’t so bad after all. More than anything, she preferred to resemble her father as little as possible, given how detestable she found him. It’s not as though I don’t understand where he was coming from, but still.
Claudia’s mother was rigid when it came to proper etiquette, on top of being very outspoken and opinionated. Even after her death, thick tension lingered over the estate. It had been so stifling when she was alive that perhaps it was inevitable Claudia’s father had lost himself in a mistress. It wasn’t unusual, really. She had encountered many such clients at the brothel as well. The men there sought comfort from sex workers rather than mistresses of their own.
What I cannot accept is how he has essentially abandoned me and Virgil by offering all his love to Fermina, Claudia thought. Perhaps it was because their faces so resembled their mother’s that he wasn’t as fond of them, but it didn’t change the fact that they were his children too.
Unlike their father, who could flee and seek solace, his children were confined to their oppressive estate—a fact she wished he’d considered. If there was anything that greatly bothered her and Virgil about their mother, it was that she had never shown a modicum of compassion, even toward her own children.
It’s like the carrot and stick without a carrot. It didn’t help that, as Mother’s milk-sister, Martha acted as Mother’s puppet.
In part, Claudia couldn’t help but lament that the situation would have been much improved if only Martha had been the one to provide the carrot, thus striking a better balance within the household. Though she was head maid at their ducal estate, her original employment had been with her mother’s family estate. She was brought to her father’s estate when Claudia’s mother married into the family.
And that’s also why she was fired the moment Father brought his mistress to live with us.
Her father had no attachments to anything his late wife left behind, not even the help. Claudia was glad of that at first, since it meant suffering less incessant nagging, but now she felt like Martha’s departure had been a mistake.
First, I should start by keeping Martha at the estate. If I can prove how necessary she is to the household, surely Father won’t fire her, right?
Plus, growing closer to Martha would give Claudia another ally. Martha had worshipped Claudia’s mother for years, after all. Claudia couldn’t picture her being too pleased about the duke bringing a mistress into the household.
Most of all, I need to strengthen my own position in the house if I’m going to save Helen.
Claudia maintained a mournful expression on her face for the fresh loss of her mother, but at her sides, her tiny fists balled with renewed determination.
✦ ✦ ✦
Once the ceremony wrapped up, the only people left in front of Claudia’s mother’s grave were her close family. Claudia’s father was quick to turn on his heel and start toward his carriage, anxious to leave. Her heart hardened at that.
Claudia threw herself at her mother’s headstone and wept, just as she had with Helen’s grave before she went back in time—no, actually, she sobbed even harder this time.
“Mother, why have you left me behind? Don’t…don’t leave me all alone!” Claudia wailed at the top of her lungs.
Her father paused, bewildered by her sudden fit. Virgil was also speechless. Both men were accustomed to her short temper and subsequent outbursts, but never before had they seen her so vulnerable, with tears streaking down her cheeks as she openly shared her emotions.
Of course not. I only ever cried when I was alone.
Her mother was the one who’d taught her that. Aristocrats weren’t allowed to cry in front of others. Claudia may have detested her studies, but she’d been thoroughly brainwashed by her mother’s teachings.
“Claudia, you’re embarrassing yourself.” Virgil placed a hand on her shoulder. His words were harsh, but his voice was too weak for a proper scolding.
Though only older than Claudia by two years, Virgil had likely sensed the love hidden behind their mother’s harsh discipline. As with Claudia, their father showed no interest whatsoever in him. The only love he’d ever known was his mother’s. His loss was just as great as hers. Despite her death, he was still trying to uphold the values she’d taught them.
Claudia continued weeping, throwing her arms around him. “Who cares?! Don’t you feel lonely at all with her gone? I do! Now that Mother’s passed, who am I supposed to rely on?”
Their father frequented his mistress’s home and rarely returned to the family estate. Even Virgil was busy with his own studies and only ever saw her during mealtimes.
“Claudia…” Virgil’s voice wavered, thick with emotion. He carried the same grief. Tears glistened in his eyes, finally spilling over as a sob racked his chest.
The sadness Claudia felt at her mother’s death was genuine, but a part of her remained eerily calm through this.
Father and my elder brother claim to place great importance on proper etiquette, but both have a fondness for delicate girls who don’t fit that rigid mold. Her father’s mistress and Fermina were a prime example of that. But hell if I let myself lose to them.
This was more about her pride as a former sex worker than as a noble lady.
“I promise you I’ll be better from now on, Elder Brother. I’ll even take my studies seriously. So, please…don’t leave me.”
“Of course. I promise I won’t. I’ll be right here by your side. In Mother’s place, I’ll be the one to protect you,” Virgil assured her.
The two made this vow in front of their mother’s grave. Their father looked on awkwardly from afar. Mentally, Claudia stuck her tongue at him. Hmph! Serves you right to learn just how disgusted your own children are with you and your behavior. But I suppose I should extend something of an olive branch here.
It chafed her to give the man anything, but he was her father and the head of their house. She couldn’t ignore his authority.
Claudia slipped out of Virgil’s embrace and made an exaggerated show of wiping her tears as she faced the duke. “Father, I swear to you too that I will be a better daughter…in hopes that I might eventually earn more of your approval.” As she finished, she purposefully shed another tear, letting it carve a trail down her cheek. It was difficult for her to use all the same techniques when her body was so much smaller than she had grown accustomed to, but she somehow managed to time it perfectly.
“Uh, right.” His eyes softened—a good indication her acting was effective.
Even though her father hated their mother, it didn’t seem as though he harbored the same resentment for his children, at least. If her mother had only been a bit kinder, things between them might have been different.
Anyway, this is only the beginning. If Fermina is a she-devil, then I’ll surpass her and become the most heinous, wicked she-devil who ever lived!