Side Story:
The Crown Prince Prays in the Dark
NO SOONER HAD SYLVESTER plopped Claudia onto his lap than he found himself fighting his own lust for her.
“May I push you down on this sofa and have my way with you?” he asked in a husky voice.
“Of course you may not.”
His arms were around his beloved before he knew it, pulling her close. It wasn’t really his fault for wanting to put his hands on her more than usual, he reasoned.
The church had approached Claudia through Gique. She was the obvious choice to serve as A Priori during the Saint’s Festival. If the church wanted someone dignified and cultured to serve as a female leader for the upcoming generation, no one fit the bill better than Claudia. Her reputation had grown substantially after their engagement ceremony. The Evans Company, whose business ventures spread well beyond their own home region, had done well to support her growing popularity. Not even the kingdom’s own information network could match the power of merchants.
Claudia’s appointment as A Priori was as much a boon for her family as it was for the royals. Everything was going smoothly.
Though I fail to understand why purification completely prohibits touch with the opposite sex. Sylvester would welcome the prohibition if he were the only man allowed to touch her. That was how he preferred things, anyway.
Alas, the rules stipulated that not even the men in Claudia’s family could touch her, so there was no room to negotiate an exception for himself. And worse, she would have to start observing that prohibition starting tomorrow.
This was all so sudden.
It wasn’t as though they wouldn’t be able to see each other anymore, but it certainly felt like it. Sylvester knew it was temporary, only until the Saint’s Festival, but that meant two or three more months of being unable to feel the warmth of her body in his arms. That was one of the few things that pacified the vicious beast lurking deep within him.
His body was toned and taut, but hers was soft and supple. The night of their engagement, he remembered how comforting it had been to feel her warmth through the thin fabric of her clothes. He regretted how pitiful he had been, but the memory still soothed him. If he let down his guard, his carnal desires might overwhelm him. That wasn’t the only reason he liked touching her, though.
I thought I would be able to maintain reason. Now, I’m not so certain.
Once they were done with their discussion, silence fell between them. He sensed tension in Claudia. Normally, nothing could fluster her, but when they were alone together, she became more conscious of him. He couldn’t get enough of that.
Heat bloomed in his chest, an intense affection for her overtaking him. Her pale nape peeked from beneath her hair, seducing him. He pressed his cheek against it. He longed to plant a kiss there, but he feared he wouldn’t be able to restrain himself. His lips would start to wander, and he’d want to taste all of her.
“I love you, Dia,” he told her, the emotion too strong not to express.
Sylvester loved everything about her. Every wavy lock of her hair. Everything that made her her. His immense affection for her was like an inferno in his core. It was almost painful, creating a heat that built behind his eyes. It was a familiar sensation, one he knew well because of her: love.
“You have my whole heart,” he said.
“And you have mine,” she responded in that soft voice of hers.
He longed to see her face. What expression was she making? He pulled his cheek away and peeled back the dark curtain of her hair so he could better examine her profile. A sweet aroma flooded his nose, making him dizzy. His head started to careen to the side before he caught himself.
It was Claudia’s favorite rose perfume, and it blended perfectly with her natural pheromones. His body reacted instinctively. There was no way to stop himself. Reason could not override this; his male impulses were taking over.
Claudia seemed to detect danger and recoiled, but it had the opposite effect.
“My apologies, but don’t move right now,” he pleaded.
“All right.”
Each time his desire bested him, he felt pathetic. Why was it so difficult to control himself? He wanted to be more composed with her, to be someone she could always rely on. But no, whenever he was with Claudia, his carefully constructed facade crumbled to dust.
Sylvester sucked in a long breath. He didn’t want to bring any more shame upon himself before her than he already had. When he exhaled, her hair tickled his cheek.
Her lips were like soft flower petals moistened by morning dew as she, too, breathed out. At long last, she was craning her head so that he could see her. Her cheeks were flushed, indicating her body was feeling it too.
This is far too dangerous. His reason was holding on by a thread that had grown so taut, it was fraying. Sweat broke out across his skin, making it damp. Despite knowing how precarious the situation was, how close he was to losing total control, it was hard to tear himself away. Dia must feel the same.
Claudia could hop off his lap and put distance between them if she wanted to, but she remained obediently seated. She hadn’t said anything, but he could interpret her thoughts and feelings through the rough sound of her breathing.
I need to calm down. No matter how hot his blood ran, he had to cool himself. You must stay conscious of your actions.
If he let his mind go blank, let his body act on instinct, that would be the end of it. And what good would it do him if Claudia hated him for it? If he made her afraid of him in the process? That was a future he hoped never to experience.
The resolution was obvious. He needed to cut himself off and stop indulging in her. After another deep breath, he released his hold on her, moving her to the seat beside him. He could sense her relief in the air immediately, and he knew he’d done the right thing. There was something lonely about not being able to touch her, but the inferno in him was slowly subsiding.
What had he hoped to accomplish by having her so close, anyway? All he’d done was show her once again how poor his self-control was. Sylvester reproached himself for his actions. I wonder if she’s disgusted with me.
He had made it perfectly clear how much he desired her. It probably made him less of a gentleman, but it was better than trying poorly to conceal it—which he feared might lead to a bigger tragedy. Claudia was always accepting of his immaturity when it came to this. There were times she lost her patience with him, but he was grateful she’d never been turned off by it. He was the one disgusted with himself because this seemed to happen every single time they met.
Now Claudia had to undergo purification for this holy ceremony in the spring. He should apologize if he offended her. There really was no other way around it. As Sylvester resolved himself, Claudia beat him to the punch by leaning against his shoulder.
“Do you mind if I stay like this for a little bit?” she asked.
“A little bit? You can stay like this forever,” he said. There was no need for Claudia to even ask for permission. The moment he felt her weight against him, his heart leapt into his throat.
“How I wish I could,” Claudia said sadly.
Their time was limited, especially because of their respective positions in society. Those at the top of the social hierarchy had the fewest moments to themselves. And when they did, that time could be cut short once a problem cropped up. That was what made him so loath to pull away from her.
No, he corrected himself, that’s just an excuse. Their positions didn’t matter. Even if they had more time together, it wouldn’t be enough to satisfy him.
Their hands linked, fingers weaving together.
“I’m always taking advantage of your kindness,” Sylvester muttered. He would make selfish demands, and she would indulge him. He couldn’t take that for granted.
When his mother complained about his father, all her dissatisfaction was a result of his father’s pride. She had impressed upon Sylvester the importance of never taking anything for granted in a relationship—for if one did, it could damage the trust between them. The experience hadn’t been his own, but the exhaustion on his mother’s face had left a lasting impression. For as loving and amicable as his parents’ relationship was, there were still issues.
Claudia glanced up at him. “I’m the one taking advantage of yours,” she insisted.
“For instance?”
“Right now. I’m taking up all your time.”
“And I’m taking up all of yours,” he reminded her.
Surprise registered in those beautiful blue eyes. There was more she seemed to want to say, but she hesitated. Claudia finally tore her gaze away, squeezing his hand instead. “I, um… I’m always relying on you to resist temptation,” she muttered, voice strained with embarrassment.
His throat suddenly felt dry.
“I know it’s better for us not to have too much close contact, but I can’t pull myself away. I don’t have enough willpower,” Claudia said.
Sylvester had been the first to put distance between them, but she had gone out of her way to push up against him. Honestly, Sylvester loved that.
“It’s dangerous, true,” he admitted. “Ashamed as I am to say this, I’m walking on a tightrope here.” That tightrope was his reason, and it was in danger of snapping any second—whereupon he’d lose himself to his baser urges.
Claudia smiled, letting out a little giggle. “But you still respect my choice, don’t you?”
She was far too defenseless, especially since she assumed there was no further danger as long as they were bantering. He knew it was because of the trust they had built over all this time together. It was rewarding in its own way, but it left him feeling conflicted. Mostly because he wasn’t sure whether he could continue to resist temptation, particularly when she stared up at him with those dewy eyes. Her features softened, long lashes casting shadows over her cheekbones.
I cannot allow myself to betray her trust, though, can I? Least of all after she’d verbally reaffirmed her faith in him. Sylvester savored the warmth of her hand in his, using his free hand to pinch and twist the skin of his thigh. He had to restrain himself just a little longer. Whether he liked it or not, someone would soon come to usher him along to the next appointment on his schedule. Holding her in his gaze was enough to help him overcome most anything.