Once the visit concluded, Claudia returned to her carriage with Helen.
“There is no end to my worries,” she muttered. No matter how much she did, it didn’t seem to be enough. She couldn’t tackle everything by herself.
Is there anything I’m missing?
Her visit with the female refugees had ended without issue. Seeing how forlorn so many of them were had made her painfully aware of her own inadequacy.
“You’re doing a wonderful job. Now, pardon me…” Helen moved from her seat and slipped onto the cushioned bench where Claudia was, then wrapped an arm around her mistress’s back. “Remember what you told your people before? You must first take care of yourself.”
Claudia let a small, strangled laugh escape. “You’re right.”
With Helen’s consent, she rested her head against the maid’s shoulder. Closing her eyes helped her concentrate on Helen’s warmth.
“You were chosen as A Priori, my lady,” said Helen. “You’re very strong and self-possessed, it’s true, but that doesn’t mean these things have no effect on you.”
Someone as empathetic as Claudia tended to identify too much with others’ pain. It was important to know one’s limits and draw boundaries where necessary. Normally she could do that, but she had underestimated how much she could handle when she embarked on this visit with the female refugees.
“Right now, you’re exhausted,” Helen said. “Please rest.”
“All right.”
There was more Claudia wanted to do. Her mind was racing with other possible strategies for improving the refugees’ lives, but she obeyed Helen’s advice and let those thoughts melt away. If Helen was pointing out how mentally fatigued Claudia was, then she must have been in a sorry state indeed.
“I’ll do an aromatherapy massage for you once we return to the estate,” Helen murmured. “You should eat something delicious too.”
“I worry the refugees would be furious if they heard that.”
“Then their anger would be completely misguided. The people who started and are continuing this war are the ones who should be exercising self-restraint, not you. You have done absolutely nothing wrong!” Helen said with righteous indignation. “When have you ever oppressed those refugees? Never! You’ve worked yourself to the bone for their sakes. You’re allowed to indulge yourself.”
Claudia lifted her head to gaze at Helen’s face. Those amethyst eyes softened, peering gently back at her.
“You’re terrible at letting other people take care of you,” Helen told Claudia. She gently patted Claudia on the head, which left her feeling like she was three again—not that she really remembered what life had been like for herself at that age.
“Is it that different from taking care of myself?”
“Yes, and it’s arguably more important right now. When you are completely worn thin, taking care of yourself might not be enough. But don’t worry, I’ll help you.”
Claudia giggled. “That’s reassuring.”
Helen held both arms open wide. Claudia didn’t hesitate to fall into her beloved maid’s embrace, burying her face in the soft swell of Helen’s chest. If she wasn’t careful, she might not just feel like a three-year-old but actually regress completely.
Thank goodness I wasn’t prohibited from touching women.
If she had been, she might have refused to be A Priori.