Chapter 9:
The Sister Solidifies Her Beliefs
EVER SINCE THE WHEELS IN HER MIND began spinning, the girl had dedicated much more time to talking to the other sisters. She felt like a starved beast eager for the taste of more knowledge, the importance of which she had forgotten for so long.
Her efforts had rewarded her. Where once she enjoyed only tenuous relationships with the other sisters, she now found them regularly greeting her whenever they spotted her in a corridor.
I used to think it was a bother associating with them.
When they finished their greetings, they’d often offer up a tidbit of information. She was shocked when it first happened, in the form of a quietly passed letter. As she soon discovered, there were many things people couldn’t discuss out in the open. What she found inside this letter was rumor of the senior sister’s past. She’d once been married to an abusive husband who beat her daily until she escaped to the monastery. She wasn’t the only one either. Many sisters had similar experiences.
The women here don’t use their names for good reason, the girl realized. Since there were only women at this monastery, it was sometimes inconvenient to call everyone “sister” without distinction. But there were those who preferred this life, absent of any individuality.
The girl had also discovered that the slow-witted girl constantly facing criticism was actually a former aristocratic lady. It was an unspoken rule not to ask people about their previous circumstances, but rumors abounded. It was hard to hide being part of the upper crust. Once you had etiquette and manners drilled into you, your every action gave you away.
Other girls came out and willingly confided their circumstances, like the red-haired sister who so loved meal services. The more the girl learned about her peers, the more she found that they were trying to face their pasts and grow as people.
The sister with the messy, straw-like red hair was one such example. She’d been unable to feed her much younger brother and sister. Filled with despair after they passed, she drifted until she landed at the church’s door. The reason she loved meal service was that it made her feel like she was helping others. Her smile had always bothered the girl before, but now that she knew of the red-haired sister’s past, that was no longer the case.
I can’t believe I let myself be ignorant for so long.
The girl had shut out anything that didn’t match the beliefs and ideas she already held. It had been so silly of her. What knowledge she had was so pitiably small as to be insignificant.
While talking to the others, one of them had imparted some particularly memorable words of wisdom. “The knowledge you think you have is merely bias that taints your view.”
What you thought was just was only just in your mind. Not everyone would agree with you. And no matter how many did, that didn’t lessen the subjectivity. Honestly, the whole conversation had been so philosophical that she’d felt like a child lost in a maze.
I think those things are still a bit too difficult for me to grasp.
Her mental gears had only recently begun to turn, after all. She was like a baby tottering along. There was no way for her to navigate a full maze and find the exit on her own. Not yet.
But I won’t give up.
Her old self would have dismissed philosophy and the like as too much of a pain to comprehend. Not anymore, though. She now appreciated how important it was to learn. The girl was eager to enlighten herself as much as possible, and in the process, she enjoyed hearing new viewpoints. The world was so much bigger than she’d let herself believe.
“Phew. Seeing everything come together makes it all feel worth it!” An upbeat voice broke through the girl’s reverie, yanking her back to reality—to the musty warehouse she found herself in.
The building didn’t provide much light. Even in the morning, the place was thick with shadows. The girl glanced down at her feet. They had neatly lined up dozens of wine bottles, filling each from a wooden cask.
The monastery grew its own grapes. The sisters then harvested them and extracted the juice, which was stored in these casks and left to ferment. Everything was made from start to finish through their own efforts. They had the scratches on their hands from the intense labor to prove it, and those wounds reminded her of her long days in the fields.
When she’d first arrived, she had been shocked at how much land the monastery used for farming. Aside from their vineyard, they had all sorts of root vegetables and leafy greens as well.
“Come on, keep working! Once we finish filling these bottles, we must start crating them!” The senior sister’s voice cracked like a whip, interrupting the otherwise relaxing time the girl and her fellow sister had spent plodding away at their work. The girl had learned that the sister shouted so fiercely all the time because of how quickly and easily it communicated her meaning. Even if someone couldn’t understand what she was saying, they could still grasp that she was urging them onward.
“Couldn’t she at least let us have a little break?” the girl grumbled under her breath. She’d grown wiser, to be sure, but that hadn’t affected her propensity to complain when exhausted.
Grinning, the redheaded sister knocked her loosely tied hair over her shoulder. The girl maintained a similar hairstyle, since her own hair was so long that it would get in the way if she didn’t.
The sisters created a partition between layers of bottles, with hay for padding and preventing breakage, as they packed them in crates. The crates were then loaded onto a small cart.
“Ready? One, two…”
The crates were heavy, so they had to coordinate and lift them together. This time, the crate landed on top of another with a noisy clatter, which earned them a sharp chiding from the senior sister. “Be more careful!”
In her mind’s eye, the girl stuck her tongue out at the other woman. The bottles were sturdy enough, being made of thick glass. The church had chosen the most durable ones because they consistently reused them.
Once they were finished loading their cargo, they had to check the order form to make sure there were no mistakes before they shipped the wine out. The monastery was also in charge of delivering these goods.
The buyers ought to come here and pick them up instead of making us do it, the girl thought sullenly. It was bad enough that they had to pack them, let alone go through the whole delivery process.
Honestly, those weren’t her only complaints. She could go on and on.
For one thing, the girl didn’t have a very good impression of the townspeople, especially after she’d caught those men spying on her and the other sisters. She would’ve preferred not to go out and mingle with them at all if she could help it.
The red-haired sister was beaming even though they weren’t leaving to do meal service today. Before, the girl would have griped about how she couldn’t understand the sister’s excitement, but she knew better now. Instead, she said, “Doesn’t it bother you? This is a lot of hard work.”
“Yes, but it amounts to something. Selling this wine means more money for the monastery, and it makes me happy to think there are people out there enjoying what we went through so much trouble to make.”
“And if they don’t enjoy it?”
“That would be disappointing.”
“Really? That’s it?”
“Hmm.” The red-haired sister mulled it over. “I guess I hope they’ll give it another try, and maybe next time they’ll like it. Not everything you do is going to make everyone happy.”
“But what if it turns out that this is all just a waste? Wouldn’t that bother you?”
“Oh, don’t misunderstand me,” the girl said, throwing up her hands. “I do think this is tough work! It’s exhausting, and sometimes it’s really tedious.”
Pleased, the girl nodded. “I’m with you there.”
“Exactly! That’s why every time I hear you grumbling under your breath, I can’t help but laugh because I feel the same way.”
“Wait, that’s why you were laughing? Because you agreed?” The girl had noticed how the other sister always laughed and smiled. She’d assumed it was because the redhead was carefree and had no complaints.
“What? Did you really think I enjoyed all this?”
“Well, yeah. I did,” the girl said frankly.
The red-haired sister burst into laughter. “There are times I genuinely do enjoy it, like when we’re doing special events, such as the meal service. But in general, the only reason I’m having fun is because I’m with you!”
“Huh?”
“You’re not like the other girls. If something bugs you, you let it be known. It’s honestly refreshing! It helps knowing that I’m not the only one feeling that way, that there’s someone else out there who is dissatisfied and annoyed too.” Then she added, “And I’m particularly fond of the way you know only to let loose when the senior sister can’t overhear you and scold you for it.”
Never in the girl’s wildest dreams had she imagined this.
The sister went on, “Since entering the monastery, I’ve come to realize there are lots of people here with tragic circumstances. It’s reassuring to know that I’m not any more unfortunate than anyone else. That I’m nothing special.”
There were women who’d suffered from a lack of food, women who’d experienced abuse. Everyone at the monastery was practically born disadvantaged, and for better or worse, it meant they were different from most people. Where the girl had longed for freedom, the red-haired sister had longed for normalcy. For whatever reason, the redhead found the girl and her laundry list of complaints enjoyable. Ironic, since the senior sister would be the first to point out that the girl’s constant bellyaching was her biggest flaw.
“You’re kind of weird,” declared the girl.
“Huh?! I am?!” cried the red-haired sister.
“Don’t worry. Not especially weird, just a little.”
At that, the sister laughed. “Oh, good!”
Before she knew it, the girl was laughing too.