“Ash, no matter how hard a situation gets, you’re always there to show us the way and give us hope. You’re like a lantern on a dark night.”
He’d always been like that. I tightly squeezed his arm. It’s been so long. It’s been so, so long since I could touch him like this. My time in the capital felt like I was traversing through cold winds. Like I was about to collapse at any time. I have been walking for years trying to close the distance, but you met me halfway and saved me the trip. You have no idea how much you mean to me.
“Ash, you really are always like that. Back when I was first sent to Sacula, when I was being chased by assassins, and when I felt so alone in the palace hoping I could come home...”
No matter the time, no matter how dark or cold it got, no matter how much I wanted to give up. Waiting there for me...
“Ash, you gave me hope.”
...was a light that shone bright no matter how far away it was. I never once took my eyes off it. I never let it leave me. It had been bathing me in its warmth since the day I met Ash.
“I’ve always...” Loved you. I love you, and I wanted to be with you. I missed you, and I regret the time we spent apart. The words flooded my mind but I was unable to say any of them. They’re not enough. Those words don’t even begin to cover the depth of my feelings. I need stronger words. I felt the hands of a cold princess grip my throat from the inside. I was always holding myself back. Even if I were to collapse in the royal capital, I would tell myself to just put up with it. I don’t give a damn about your grudges. My best friend said she hated the face I pulled when I was holding back. The person I loved told me that I could do and say what I liked. I decided that I would just speak how I felt. I shook off those cold hands.
“Hey, Ash...I’m just going to say it. I’ll have to say it someday, after all.” I was jealous that Maika could confess at the Royal Sword Fighting, but it would have troubled him if I’d spoken up then. Even though Ash had told me countless times that I needn’t hold back, I still bit my tongue. But I could say it now. “I tried my best. I’ve always wanted to say this to you, so I always tried my hardest. Please listen.” Am I really gonna say it? I’m gonna say it. Ash nodded.
“I want to steal you away too,” I continued. I love you, so I want to steal your heart. I want to be with you, I never want to leave you, so I want to steal you. I want to steal you so I never have to worry about seeing you. “It’s unfair that Maika gets to do that. I won’t lose to her. I worked hard so that wouldn’t happen.”
They were horrible words. Words filled with jealousy and possessiveness. But the reason I was able to say it freely was thanks to you. You always stopped me from giving up. “So, I want you, Ash. I want you.” If I didn’t say it now, I never would. I looked at Ash, and he had a weird smile on his face. He didn’t look disgusted or like he wanted to reject me. He just looked mischievous.
“I see. I am expensive too, you know? Do you still want me?”
Huh? I didn’t expect him to respond like that. That’s just like Ash. Not even a confession can be straightforward. Is he asking me if I want him? If I had to pay, I would sell the royal palace if it came to it. Aah, damn it. If I had stayed princess a little longer, I could have prepared a dowry.
“I-I’m expensive too, you know? I was a princess until just recently, and I’m not bad-looking either.” I can say that, right? Amin wasn’t just being polite when she called me cute and pretty, was she? I may not stack up to Maika, and I’m not trying to be ladylike or stiff, but I won’t lose to her! Thankfully, Ash nodded. It seems Ash finds me attractive! Yay! But he didn’t say what I wanted to hear. I would have to try harder.
“Ah, wait!” I hurriedly withdrew what I had said. Surely I wasn’t wrong by bringing up my appearance?! I’m glad I’m at the level that Ash would compliment me, but that’s not all there was to me! What else was there? Surely I had another feature that could put me on his level. Uhh, Ash really is expensive. My opponent is Maika—and her worth is sky-high. That’s when I realized. That’s it. Maika has always worked hard in order to support Ash’s dreams—she was my strongest love rival. But all I had done up to now in the royal capital were things that Maika couldn’t do.
“My most appealing feature is that I can get stuff done! That’s what you like about me, right, Ash?” I had worked on Ash’s behalf in the royal capital. I had managed to grant his wishes even though I was so far away. He had sought my abilities to do what Maika could not ever since the day we met.
“As I thought, you know me very well,” Ash responded. We were both hardworking people, and he knew I had been a big help to him for many years.
That’s why he was always saying, “I want you to help me” or “I’ve come to borrow your strength” instead of “I’ll help you” or “I’ll lend you my strength.” I had always thought he was saying things like that just to let me feel useful, but he meant what he said. Ash had always hoped that I would help him achieve dreams, and I was always happy to offer my time and support. He had paid an outlandish price for me—three gold service medals. But he did it all properly, without any shortcuts, just like he said he would. That’s why I should give Ash my all. My whole self and my whole life. Don’t feel sorry for me. After all, if it weren’t for Ash, my life wouldn’t have been as bright as it was. I hoped that I could one day become a vessel for Ash’s light, ensuring it reaches even the darkest of places. He gave me the chance to live my life to the fullest and soar high in the sky.