CHAPTER 3 Vs. Tiger Man! 1 One day after we sent the messenger from Grunade home. “Nope, nope, nope! I’m still recovering from fighting that dragon! There’s no way I’m going to Grunade!” The two convalescent chimeras don’t seem super happy about their next destination. “Hey, Combat Agent apprentice! In Kisaragi, we follow orders! Tantrums don’t get you off from work! When I say you’re going, that’s that!” “That’s not true, Boss! You never listen to anything Ms. Viper says!” Rose is offering more resistance than usual, but unfortunately for her, we’re short on manpower. “That’s different. I’ve gone so deep into the dark side that insubordination’s just a part of me. Besides, it’s hard for me to think of Vi as my boss.” “Th-then, I’ve fallen to the dark side, too! Just yesterday, I took Little Bashin’s snack for myself!” Oh, so that’s why Little Bashin was chasing her around yesterday. Russell, watching our exchange wearily, speaks up. “Hey, Six, can you at least fill us in on what happened while we were hurt?” “Yeah! Isn’t Grunade the country where Mr. Tiger Man caused a huge incident?! If a messenger came from there, and we’re heading that way, that must mean…!” Alice smiles reassuringly at Rose, trying to set her concerns to rest. “Yeah, we got an official messenger from Grunade yesterday. They heard we took down the Demon Lord’s Army, so they’ve asked us to send some of our Combat Agents.” Right now, the countries in this region seem to think of us as a mercenary army on retainer with the Grace Kingdom. Since deploying Combat Agents for hire is a core part of our business, we were more than happy to take Grunade’s business. “…Grunade has an army, right? So why would they come asking for our help?” Evidently, making her do elementary school lessons is having the undesirable side effect of making Rose less gullible. Alice continues to smile reassuringly at her. “See, the feline monster that took Grunade’s national treasure ran off into the forest, and it seems that monster’s really good at fighting in woodlands. They heard we’ve succeeded in settling the cursed woods, so they decided we’d be the right people for the job.” “…I see, so we’re going to make it look like we took back the sorcery stone from Tiger Man and take their money? Y’know, Boss, it seems like you guys spend a lot of time getting paid to put out fires you started.” I look at Rose with a sad expression in response to her caustic commentary. “Rose… When I first met you, you were less jaded, loyal to your friends, and brave despite your small size, but you’ve changed. I mean, I get it, we suspected that Tiger Man was the sorcery stone thief. But it hasn’t been proven yet. Even if the possibility is slim, Alice and I will continue to believe in our friend.” “Well said, Six. That’s right, Kisaragi may be an evil corporation, but we value our comrades. We have to keep the faith when no one else will.” “I might not be very smart, but this little act is too obviously fake, even for me. Seriously, all you need to do is convince Tiger Man to return the sorcery stone. Then there’s no need for us to go along with you, is there?” Since Rose is looking at us with suspicion, I decide it’s time to abandon the subterfuge. “Fine! You’re right, the plan is to get the sorcery stone from Tiger Man and make Grunade owe us a favor. This is a huge opportunity for easy money. Because an entire country is offering the job, the reward is huge.” “Yep, the reason we’re taking you is to have sacrifices in case Tiger Man throws a tantrum about giving back the sorcery stone. He has a weakness for lolis, after all.” As we quickly admit to our scheme, Rose and Russell snap back. “What do you mean sacrifices? What are you planning to make us do?” “If that’s the reason, I’m not going! If you need a loli, Alice should be enough!” Tiger Man can be a handful to deal with. While he likes Alice, he doesn’t automatically listen to what she says because she’s not an organic loli. “Alice, let’s just restrain them and teleport them. Get me some steel wire.” “It’s true that that’ll be faster. I’ll go fetch Viper. Take that time to tie them up.” Alice orders the steel wire then leaves the room. At her exit, the remaining two chimeras raise their hackles. “You’re forcing us to go?! You’re the worst, Boss! W-what? Are you going to try it?! There’s two of us, so we’re not going to lose to you, Boss!” “You’re definitely underestimating combat chimeras. Do you really think a mere human can beat us head-to-head?” I ready the steel wire in one hand, then toss my anti-chimera secret weapon into the air. “Here’s that luxury snack from Earth you wanted to try, Rose. Oh, by the way, there’s only one.” “Hyah!” Rose locks on to the treat and pounces on it. “H-hey, Rose, what are you doing?! That can wait until later! Focus on taking Six out first!” “Rose, as I said, there’s only one serving of the snack. Even if you beat me by cooperating with Russell, you’ll have to fight over the snack once that’s done. Get what I’m saying?” Rose firmly grasps the snack and casts a suspicious glance at Russell. “R-Rose? I don’t want the snack, and you have no need to be wary of me.” Russell seems taken aback even as he tries to persuade Rose, but I launch a follow-up attack. “Hey, Rose, is there any guarantee that he won’t just take the snack from you after you’re exhausted from fighting me? As Russell’s quick to point out, you and he are both chimeras. As a chimera, can you really believe another chimera when they say they don’t want the snack?” Rose’s eyes go wide in understanding as she leaps away from Russell. “I can’t…trust him… It’s impossible that a combat chimera would give up on having a luxury snack that’s not from this world…” “It is possible!! Which reminds me, would you stop trying to ruin the reputation of combat chimeras?! I’m not a slave to my hunger like you are!” Russell pleads with Rose, even as she is fully on guard for any treachery from him. I circle around behind Russell, wire in hand. “Also, since that luxury snack ‘chule’ isn’t for humans, I won’t eat it. Meaning, if you cooperate with me to take down Russell, you’re guaranteed to have the chule all to yourself. Now, choose! Will you side with the ex–Demon Lord’s Army cross-dressing chimera? Or me, the comrade you’ve fought alongside for ages?!” “I know Kisaragi is an evil organization, but you value your comrades, right? Then it’s an easy choice. After all, I’m a Combat Agent apprentice of the Kisaragi Corporation, Rose the combat chimera!” “Okay, we’re definitely not cousins. Chimeras aren’t this stupid!” yells Russell tearfully, as Rose and I pounce on him from both sides. As I stand waiting in front of the teleporter, Alice and Viper enter the room. “Yo, Six. Good job. Looks like you’re all set.” “Yep, we’re ready when you are. Okay, Vi, we’re trusting you to teleport us safely and defend the hideout as well.” The bound and gagged chimeras inside the teleporter pod raise their voices through their gags as though they’re trying to object. Ordinarily, we’d prefer to take Viper along as well, but Hideout City is suffering from a serious Combat Agent shortage at the moment, so we need to keep her here as a reserve in case of an emergency. I shouldn’t have been so cavalier about sending off the others, even if they were a good source of Evil Points. Viper, having been educated on how to operate the teleporter by Alice, then turns to look at us. “Mr. Six, Grunade is currently in the middle of an intense succession battle after the sudden passing of its king. Please try to avoid getting dragged into the conflict…,” she says with a hint of worry in her voice. Honestly, she sounds like she’s setting up a death flag… “It’ll be fine, Vi. This is already a done deal. We’ll ignore all of that drama, get the job done, then hightail it outta the country. So don’t worry and just look forward to the souvenirs we’re gonna bring you.” “Yeah, I’ll make sure to keep a close eye on things. There won’t be any problems. I’m leaving Hideout City in your capable hands.” Viper still looks anxious, but she nods at our reassuring words. “Mmrrmph!” “Faiffer! Faifferr heeelf!” We step into the teleportation pod to make our way to Grunade. 2 “Hey, Alice, are those baby dragons? This country’s people sure keep some dangerous pets.” “They don’t have any wings, so they’re more like lizards than dragons. I hear dragon worship is all the rage in Grunade, so I guess they worship dragon-like creatures as well.” Having been teleported into Grunade, Alice and I tossed Rose and Russell into a room of the inn we’ll be using as our base of operations before heading out to the city to do some scouting. There’s a lot of lizards that resemble Komodo dragons wandering around the city. The owner of a fruit shop tosses some of the fruit he sells to a lizard that approaches his store. Being located at the foot of a mountain range, they seem to have a great deal more water than the wastelands around the Grace Kingdom, and the city seems a lot more prosperous as a result. The Midgard Mountains that we can see from the city are devoid of any trees. I wonder if that’s because they’ve already cleared them for lumber. The architecture and fashion styles don’t seem all that different from Grace or Torace. As we observe the people coming and going along the streets, Alice speaks to me in Japanese. “<There’s more people here than in Grace. Plus, there’s a decent number of men since they haven’t been fighting a war. The city’s protected by a giant wall, so it looks like this country would be a pain to invade.>” “<I guess that’s why the Demon Lord Army went after Grace instead. That, and they were closer.>” Based on the fact that none of the city’s residents seem bothered by us chatting in Japanese, they probably have pretty extensive trade relations with other countries as well. After peering at the wares offered at various shops, Alice tilts her head quizzically. “For a country so close to the mountains, there aren’t a lot of stores that deal in metal and stone. Usually, mountain ranges are rich in mineral resources, but maybe they already exhausted all of the veins? Otherwise, I doubt they’d build a city in a place like this.” “Maybe it’s built around an artifact as well? The city of Grace in the Grace Kingdom was built where it is now because they couldn’t move the rainmaking artifact.” Cities and countries on this planet tend to be built near ancient ruins or artifacts. So it wouldn’t be surprising if the same was true of Grunade. “I’d be interested in looking into whether there’s an artifact or not. I’ve also been researching sorcery stones, but there’s way too much about them that makes no sense. Once we get our business finished, it’d be good to take some time to do a survey.” “Not to jinx us, but this job would be super easy. There’s still the matter of the missing Lady Belial to deal with, so let’s get this cakewalk over with!” After hearing the assignment from the employer, I have to ask them to repeat themselves. “Excuse me, can you say that again?” We’re in a receiving room in Grunade castle. Having finished our scouting disguised as tourists, we’ve come to the castle to get our easy little job out of the way. “The assignment is to retrieve the national treasure from the feline monster lurking in the forest. We do not care if the feline monster is alive or dead, but we can offer you an additional reward if you kill it.” The middle-aged butler-like man begins explaining the assignment again. The woman in her early twenties standing next to him and looking over at us appraisingly is evidently this kingdom’s first princess, Christopher Lydia Grunade. She has long blond hair, strong blue eyes, and the air of a ruler. So far there’s no problem with the assignment. The fact that they don’t care about the feline monster’s state is fine for us since we have no intention of fighting Tiger Man. The problem is… “The feline monster who stole our national treasure also kidnapped the young second princess of the kingdom and retreated into the woods, and he continues to attack anyone who enters them. Our knights aren’t used to fighting in forested terrain, which is why we have been forced to swallow our pride and ask for help from you, the Kisaragi Corporation.” That’s the moment when Tiger Man blew past the line that should never be crossed. He’s finally done it. Ordinarily, I’d suspect he didn’t actually do it, but I can’t possibly defend him after learning that the second princess is a young girl. Even as I’m struggling to contain my unease, Alice responds with a perfect professional smile. “I understand. We will accept this assignment. We’ll do whatever is necessary to eliminate the feline monster.” “Huh? No, eliminating the feline monster is secondary but… V-very well.” Yes. The hard rule in Kisaragi is that going after children gets you the death penalty. Alice is completely committed to dealing with Tiger Man, and her determination seems to cow the butler, who simply nods, prompting the princess to speak. “You seem to have your doubts about the situation.” “… …? …Huh? You mean me?” I’m taken aback as she directs her comment at me, and the princess responds with a faint smile and a cold gaze. “You don’t need to try to hide it. I’m sure you’re wondering why we haven’t brought up the rescue of the kidnapped second princess, yes?” Actually, I’m just shocked because one of my comrades has become a serious sex offender. …As I’m trying to find the words to express this, the princess smiles self-deprecatingly. “You are aware of what is going on in this country, yes? That the faction backing me, the first princess, and the faction backing my younger brother, the first prince, are fighting over the crown due to my father’s sudden passing.” Sorry, I didn’t know that. The princess seems to take my silence as acknowledgment and continues with a wintry smile. “I’m the one who was given the responsibility of managing the national treasure. This country doesn’t function without that sorcery stone. If the elder daughter who has the strongest claim to the throne loses the national treasure and her rival, the prince recovers it, and it’s clear who will have the strongest claim to the throne, isn’t it? Meaning…the one behind all of this is my brother.” Sorry, I’m pretty sure that’s not it at all. “Considering how sentimental he can be, he’s thought this one through pretty well. If he ruins my reputation and proclaims he recovered the national treasure, then the throne is as good as his. The reason he kidnapped our younger sister was to make sure there weren’t any loose ends, since she has a claim to the throne as well. I thought he wouldn’t risk hurting her, but…” I’m pretty sure not a single hair on your sister’s head has been harmed. “Simply put, there’s no reason why a monster would come and steal something they can’t eat like a sorcery stone, especially when it’s heavily guarded. Then there’s the fact that there were plenty of more appetizing people around, but the monster chose to abduct my young sister instead. Why? All of this only makes sense if my brother is the one who sent that beast.” I’m sorry, we can actually provide an alternative explanation that makes perfect sense. “Still, I wasn’t able to ascertain how my brother was able to control the monster. That makes it impossible to accuse him of the crime… But then we received this letter.” The princess glances over to the butler, who takes a letter out of his fob and spreads it on the table. “This is a note from the Grace Kingdom. It speaks of how an organization calling itself the Hiiragi Agency of Order, which has conquered the Torace Kingdom, sent a feline monster to attack the Grace Kingdom.” “Indeed, that was quite the incident. They came out of nowhere and started causing massive problems in the city.” “Yeah, and one of our officers, a woman named Viper, was seriously injured in the process.” The princess’s expression sours further as Alice and I follow up on the letter’s contents. “You see, there’s actually a representative who claims to be from the Hiiragi Agency of Order here in this country as we speak—” 3 Alice and I stand in front of the conference room door in the Grunade Palace before I kick open the door and stomp our way inside. “All right! Come on out, Adelie! What the hell are you doing here?!” “Pbbt!” As we barge into the conference room, Adelie suddenly spews the tea she was drinking across the place. Inside, a silver-haired young man who was discussing something with her sits frozen in shock, while the knights guarding him place their hands on the hilts of their swords, ready to deal with any potential threats. “Agentsix?! W-what are YOU doing here?!” Adelie wipes the tea from her chin with a handkerchief and stands up. “We’re Combat Agents, so it should be obvious. We’ve been hired to go retrieve the national treasure that’s been taken by the feline monster.” “We can ask the same of you. This your next conquest after Torace? The princess mentioned you and all the dark rumors surrounding your arrival.” Adelie hurriedly responds in a panic to our sudden accusations. “T-that’s not it at all! Since we were about to be blamed for the feline monster stealing the sorcery stone, I came here to prove our innocence!” “T-that’s right! When our messenger communicated the precarious state of Grunade due to the theft of the treasure, Dame Adelheid volunteered to come and help retrieve the national treasure from the monster! For some reason, my elder sister Lydia believes I’m behind the theft, but I swear that it isn’t me!” The one who follows up on Adelie’s testimony is the young man who was discussing something with her. This must be Lydia’s younger brother. “But, Your Highness. She was responsible for all sorts of villainy in the Grace Kingdom. She claimed she was a servant of justice and started enforcing laws as a vigilante. And because she let a giant feline monster loose, our virtuous superior was badly injured.” “Yep, and we’re told your second princess has been kidnapped. That woman there has a history of trying to kidnap a boy.” Hearing our accusations, the prince looks worriedly up at Adelie. “…Dame Adelheid?” “N-n-n-n-no, that’s…! Well, it’s true, but it’s not true! Yes, what they’re saying is true, but there’s a deep reason behind all of it!” We know better than anyone that she’s actually innocent. “Hey, Miss Adelie of the long rap sheet! You seem pretty cozy with the prince’s supporters, but this is what we call good old-fashioned political meddling!” “Careful, Your Highness. They’ve got a history of knocking off royals. Just look at what they did to Torace. The moment you’re on the throne, they’re probably going to start demanding payment for their support.” “…” “Please wait, Prince Madia! Don’t go all quiet on me! You were the one who sent a messenger to our agency regarding the feline monster! We had no idea that anything like that had happened until you sent us your message! You can use the lie detector crystal on me if you wish!” At Adelie’s plea, the prince—Madia—seems to return to his senses. “T-that’s right. According to the messenger who met with Dame Adelheid, she acted with utter shock, as though the news had hit her like a bolt from the blue…” “They can say whatever they want. And it’s pretty easy to fool lie detectors. There’s plenty of ways for them to play dumb if they want to.” Alice continues to stir the pot, prompting Adelie to produce an object and place it on the table. “Hiiragi Agency of Order Crystal Series number two! The crystal of truth!” I poke the crystal ball Adelie put on the table, making it roll around. “I’ve seen something like this before. I remember seeing a magic device that would chime ding-dong when someone lied.” “I’ll explain, so listen to me! This works on the same principles as the karma-measuring orb. If the words are false, the crystal ball turns black. I’ll try it out first, so you try lying!” Desperate to convince the prince that she’s telling the truth, Adelie enthusiastically places her hand on the orb. “Please believe me, Your Highness. I have no involvement with the monster that took your national treasure. And I really am here to prove my innocence.” As Adelie makes her earnest declaration while looking the prince in the eye, the orb begins to glow a bright white. “Dame Adelheid…you’ve done enough. I will trust you. Ahm… While I appreciate you two coming to warn me…” Before the prince can finish, Alice and I put our hands on the orb. “I’m actually a modified human from a really distant planet here to invade and conquer this world.” “I’m something like a golem created by the hand of a human being and I’m not even human. If I take heavy damage, I’ll self-destruct and reduce the area round me into a burnt-out wasteland, so be careful how you handle me.” At our ridiculous statements, the orb continues to shine brightly. “…Y-you two… You’re not lying… Is that the truth…?” Seeing the orb shimmering, Adelie and the prince gulp down a breath. “Despite the fact that I’m supposed to be on a mission to save all of humanity, I’m just a rank-and-file employee on a super-low salary being used and abused. What I’m really good at is stuffing peanuts into my nose, then blowing them right where I’m aiming.” “My special skill is calculating pi to the eighty-trillionth place within a minute. Among the members sent to invade this planet is a weirdo who tries to poop in a princess’s room and, when sent on an infiltration mission, takes a bath in the enemy commander’s room and relaxes in their bedroom…” “Dame Adelheid, this orb is broken.” “Th-that’s not it. They’re probably telling the truth… No, that’s impossible, isn’t it? I’m sorry!” With doubt cast on the orb’s effectiveness, Adelie looks on the verge of tears as she pleads her case. As the prince gazes at Adelia with skepticism, she shoots a pleading glance over at us for help. Evidently struck by Adelie’s entreating look, Alice sighs and responds. “Hey, Adelie, where I come from, there’s a saying that the just always win. Given that you love to wail on and on about justice, if you really are a servant of justice, prove it by beating us. Whoever takes back the national treasure from the feline monster is the winner and righteous. It’s nice in its simplicity, isn’t it?” “…I see. We’ll face off to prove who’s right! I like it! I really like it!” Alice’s proposal is the sort of thing that’s common in shonen manga series, but it seems to have struck a chord with Adelie as well. “I’m sure you’ve got terms you want fulfilled if you win, right? Awful, scandalous terms that I can’t possibly accept, maybe something gross or filthy…!” Adelie hugs herself and backs away. “Then…when we win, can we judge you to be evil and execute you?” “Of course not! Can’t you come up with something a little nicer?!” Alice chimes in, sounding like a villain trying to force unreasonable terms on the main character. 4 After returning to the inn, we recap the events in the castle to the still-restrained chimeras. “So things have changed. The target we’re going to eliminate is an ex–Kisaragi Corporation leader, the lolicon mutant Tiger Man. No restrictions on methods. Do whatever it takes to eliminate him.” “Um, I’m sorry Miss Alice, I don’t understand what you’re saying.” “Um…did he really do something that serious? Maybe there’s a reason behind it?” The two chimeras appear troubled by our explanation. “In Kisaragi, you’re executed the moment you do something to children. I know you two like Tiger Man, but you two know what he’s like, right?” “I always thought Tiger Man would cross that line eventually. Just a few weeks ago, he was asking the Kisaragi Corporation’s Legal Counsel whether crimes committed on another planet were actually subject to Earth’s laws.” Despite our efforts at persuasion, the two who have been thoroughly brainwashed by Tiger Man’s honeyed cunning continue to protest. “Aren’t you guys Tiger Man’s friends? At least try to have a little more faith in him. Why can’t we settle this by talking it out?” “That’s right. Whatever else he might be, Tiger Man’s a gentleman when it comes to children. Besides, we don’t stand a chance against him. Russell is right; we should start by trying to talk to him.” Our opponent is Tiger Man, one of the most powerful of the mutants. Without the help of the chimeras, the odds are definitely against us. Alice and I swap glances, then exchange nods. “If you two insist, then I guess we don’t have much choice. Let’s assume that Tiger Man is doing this for a reason and start off by talking to him.” “Tch, we’re going to try it your way just this once, guys.” As we shrug in surrender, Rose and Russell smile. “<—To the sex offender, mutant Tiger Man hiding in the woods! Surender peacefully, and we’ll execute you painlessly via lethal injection! If you won’t, we’ll execute you after handing you over to the punishment squadron!>” Alice spends an hour broadcasting in Japanese over a loudspeaker into the woods near Grunade. With his sharp ears, Tiger Man should’ve heard her by now… “Hey, Alice, there’s no sign of him. We should move on to plan B soon.” “Fair enough. It seems Tiger Man has no intention of engaging in negotiations. We’ve done everything we can. I think we’ve kept our promise to Rose and Russell.” “Do you two intend to claim that those broadcasts constitute negotiating?” Since he’s not responding to our entreaties, it’s time to shift to a more forceful plan of action. “So now it’s time for Russell to do some work.” “Mmmph! Mmmrrmph! Mrrph!” Russell, who’s been tied up this whole time, starts whining through his gag. “Lolis are Tiger Man’s weakness. We tried your request to talk to him first. Now it’s time for you guys to listen to our request.” “Don’t worry, he’ll come. Plan B will work.” “Phiph iphn’t phephophiaphing!” Russell shakes his head trying to protest, but Alice resumes broadcasting through the loudspeaker. “<To the fugitive Tiger Man! We currently have the loli chimeras in our custody! If you don’t come out now, we’ll force Russell to work in a groping-allowed maid café!>” <Evil Points Acquired> As I rejoice in my newly acquired Evil Points while sitting next to Alice, Rose backs away a few steps, frowning. “I don’t know what Miss Alice is saying, but it’s probably nothing good.” “I told you, we’re going to have Russell do some work. We’re just going to make him work in a café. Tiger Man happens to be as possessive of his targets as Mutant Bear Woman…” Just then: Something’s thrown at our feet. I close my eyes, grab Alice, and leap to the side as a loud bang is followed by a bright flash. “Ack! My eyes!” Rose screams something, covering her face with both hands and rolling around in pain, but the flash bang’s deafened me, so I can’t make out what she’s saying. A large object leaps out from the depths of the forest toward us. From my arms, Alice aims her shotgun and fires as the object heads straight for us. The object, aka Tiger Man, just covers his face and continues closing in on us, shrugging off the shotgun pellets. I keep hold of Alice in one arm, while drawing my pistol with the other! “Don’t move!” <Evil Points Acquired> I press the barrel into Russell, who thrashes around in his restraints in agony from the stun grenade. Tiger Man, who’s always had a soft spot for Russell, comes to a halt and murmurs. “…Mrreow, that’s low. Rrrrussell’s alwaysss cooked and cleaned for you all this trrrime.” “My ears are ringing so I can’t hear what you’re saying.” Alice, who’s crawled down from my arms, takes out a single syringe and approaches Tiger Man. “All right, don’t resist, Tiger Man. I’ll at least make sure you don’t suffer.” “I’ve always liked your sssspunk, Mreowlice. But execution without even questioning is a bit mrruch.” As my hearing returns, I glance toward Alice as she sidles toward Tiger Man and ask: “Tiger Man, why did you do this? What happened to the spirit of ‘yes to Lolitas, no to touching’? At least go out with a bit of dignity at the very end, please.” “Prrrroperly Kisarrrragi. Coming to kill meeee without meowasking any questions and without hesitation. Before I continue, I swearrr I haven’t done anything illegal to Nyowdia.” Actually, I’m pretty sure kidnapping is a serious and illegal offense. “Just what are you lot doing herrrere meoanyway? Whrrat happened to purrrotecting and building the city?” “We’re here because you screwed up big time, Tiger Man. They hired us to come and hunt down the feline monster. At the very least, can you return the national treasure and the princess you kidnapped?” Since he seems to have no intention of fighting, I urge him to cooperate, and I holster my pistol, but Tiger Man flatly refuses. “Nyope!” Alice silently throws the syringe at him, but Tiger Man easily dodges it. “Stop being such a pain in the ass, you goddamned pedo! If you don’t want us to call Kisaragi’s punishment squad, at least hand over the damned sorcery stone!” I know we were told the priority was recovering the national treasure, but why isn’t the demand to return Princess Nadia first? …Just then, Rose, who’s been rolling around on the ground, shakily rises to her feet. “I…don’t think you’re someone who’d arbitrarily kidnap a girl, Tiger Man. You have a reason for doing this, right?” “When I went to steal the sorrrrccery sssstone, sshheee looked llllooonely, so I breowught her home with mrreeeow.” Rose draws in a breath, then blows flames out toward Tiger Man. As Tiger Man leaps back to avoid the fire, I propose a compromise. “Tiger Man, listen to me, please. We’re in the middle of competing with the Hiiragi Agency of Order to see who can be the one to bring back the national treasure, so can you just give it to us for the moment?” “…Right. While I’d prefer to execute you, I’ll settle for that. Once we’ve handed over the national treasure and taken the payment, you can steal it again or do whatever you want.” I mean, what we’re saying is pretty damned awful, but we are, in the end, an evil corporation. “I craaan’t.” …… “Surround him. I’ll order a boatload of those shady syringes and we’ll all throw them at him at once.” “Crrrralm down and lisssten, Meowlice… I said I crran’t, not that I won’t… Because…” Tiger Man produces something that looks like a jewel split in half from his pocket. “The sorcery stone split when I handled it too rough. Mrr.” “The hell are you doing?!” We decide to have a temporary cease-fire to figure out what to do, and we’ve gathered around the pieces of the sorcery stone lying on the ground. “I tried gluing it together using superglue, but what’ll we do about this?” Alice, having repaired the sorcery stone, gazes intently at it and lightly pokes the spot she glued together. The sorcery stone in front of us is red in color and about the size of two adult fists. “At a glance, it doesn’t look like it was ever broken in the first place. Maybe we can just get away with handing it over as it is?” At that suggestion, Rose raises her hand with a proposal of her own. “Why don’t we just admit that the sorcery stone broke and prepare a replacement? Look, Russell’s sorcery stone is pretty big since he’s part of the Demon Lord Army’s leadership…” “Mrrrmph! Mrrm!” As Russell tries to object through his gag to his fellow chimera’s suggestion, Tiger Man shakes his head. “From whrrat Nyowdia trrold me, the sorcery strrrone used in Gurrrrnade is special. Rrrrurrrssell’s sorcery stone is a blue water stone, so it prrrobably can’t be used as a substitute.” Tiger Man’s words seem to jog Rose’s memory about something else. “Oh that reminds me, Tiger Man. What sort of life is Miss Nadia living right now? I mean, she’s a princess. Isn’t it hard for her to live out in the forest?” “She’s enjoying life in the trrrrailer home sent frrrom Kisaragi. She’s rrrreeally happy with the food from Earrrth, and she was overwhelmed by the luxury desserts.” Rose lets out a sigh of relief then smiles. “I see, then that’s a relief… Speaking of which, since she’s a princess, she probably needs an attendant or a bodyguard who’s a woman, doesn’t she? For example, I think I’d make a pretty good candidate.” “It’s obvrrrrious Rrrrose just wants to eat delicious food. If I werrre to find an attendant, it’d be Rrurrssell, who can do chores.” A look of resignation comes to Russell’s face as Tiger Man pulls the restrained chimera closer. Just then… “That’s enough!” Adelie appears in a flash of blue-white light, her foot emitting an energy aura as she unleashes a jump kick against Tiger Man. She appeared out of thin air. Her armor must be equipped with optical camo. Adelie’s sneak attack appeared impossible to avoid, but Tiger Man somehow manages to block it by holding an object out as a shield. With her sneak attack foiled, Adelie jumps backward and points her index finger accusingly at Tiger Man. “Vile monster who kidnapped a young girl and is now trying to kidnap a young boy! I, Adelheid the Dark Gray Savior, Apostle of the Hiiragi Agency of Order, will fight you!” I thought she might have listened in on our conversation while cloaked, but based on her attitude, it seems she’s not aware of our relationship with Tiger Man. “What the heck are you doing? Self-proclaimed heroes shouldn’t be doing sneak attacks.” “Saving lives matters more than being honorable. I’ll happily be called a knave if it means it saves a boy’s life.” Adelie’s bright smile is like a breath of fresh air…but everyone’s attention is focused on something else… “Oh, the sorcery stone’s in tiny pieces now.” Adelie freezes at Rose’s soft murmur. “…No, you have the wrong idea. I was just trying to save the boy being held by the monster.” Oh, I see, she seems to think Tiger Man’s the one who tied up Russell. Well, true, Russell being tied up with metal wire and gagged looks all sorts of criminal, but… “<Hey, Six. Who the hell is thrrris woman who appuurrred out of nowhere and shattered the sorcery strrone?>” Tiger Man asks in Japanese, but we can’t have her learning that he’s affiliated with Kisaragi. As I struggle to figure out how to respond, Alice speaks up. “We can punish Adelie later. Six, stun that feline monster with a flash bang.” “Got it. Monsters are vulnerable to loud noises and light. Hell, it might even be spooked off by the bang.” “<So you’re saying I should flee into the woods when Srrrix throws the grrrrrenade?>” Tiger Man murmurs in Japanese while Alice and I talk to each other as though he can’t understand human speech. “I’ve heard this monster is strong, but maybe the two of us can take it down together? It’s better to finish it off here than to scare it away and have it run back into the woods…” As Adelie tries to put a dent in our plans, Tiger Man holds up Russell threateningly. “Damn, with Russell as his hostage, we can’t afford to attack him!” “Oh… Oh no. If I attack the monster, something terrible might happen to Russell…” “Are you telling us to sacrifice Russell?! Adelie, I thought you were better than that!” Adelie hurriedly shakes her head in response to our bluffing. “N-no, that’s not it! Yes, we need to prioritize the boy’s life! Okay! Let’s go with your plan!” I throw the flash bang before I even finish hearing Adelie’s reply! 5 “…And so the feline monster kidnapped one of our companions to use as a hostage and escaped back into the woods. As for the all-important sorcery stone…” Alice and I point our index fingers at the kowtowing Adelie. “She shattered it.” “I’m very sorry! I’m very sorry! I’m truly, very sorry!” Requesting a meeting with our employer, we’re then brought into a receiving room… “Oh, I see! One of my brother’s collaborators destroyed the sorcery stone…? Oh my!” “Mrrrrgh.” As Lydia smiles triumphantly at our report, the prince is holding back a groan of frustration. Lydia, who is in the middle of a struggle for succession, must be overjoyed that the rival faction has committed such a costly error. “See, I tried to tell you, Prince. This woman’s nothing but trouble.” “Yo, why are you so damned useless?! Apologize, dammit! Say you’re sorry for shattering the sorcery stone; say you’re sorry for being born!” “I’m sorry I was born! I’m sorry, Mom, for being such a bad daughter despite all your work in giving birth to me! But listen! I was only trying to save the boy in the clutches of the monster! I had no idea this would happen…” Adelia saw Russell being tied up and thought that we were in trouble because the feline monster had taken a hostage, then she used the stealth features of her power armor to stage a surprise attack. Though this did result in us failing to persuade Tiger Man, Adelia ended up taking the blame for shattering the sorcery stone, so we’ve come out ahead. “U-um! I’ve heard that this country can’t run without the sorcery stone, so isn’t this situation pretty dire? Instead of assigning blame, shouldn’t we focus on figuring out what to do about the lost sorcery stone…?” Rose changes the subject, her conscience evidently unable to take any more of Adelie’s wailing apologies. Hearing that, Adelie raises her head as though she’s found her savior. “Th-that’s right! The most important thing now is the sorcery stone! Princess Lydia, Prince Madia, you have my sincere apologies for destroying the previous stone. I will immediately send a messenger to Hiiragi and have them prepare a replacement…” “The sorcery stone our country requires needs to match certain requirements. Can you really provide a replacement? What we need is a red sorcery stone with the highest level of mana conductivity. The only way to obtain one is to slay a superior dragon.” At Lydia’s response, Adelie looks over pleadingly at us. “Superior dragon, it seems…” “Why are you looking at me? We’re not helping you. We accepted this assignment because the request was to eliminate the feline monster and take back the sorcery stone.” “Yep, we even struggled with the lesser dragons that attacked our Hideout City. Anything bigger isn’t worth the risk. You break it, you buy it.” Adelie slumps her shoulders at our cold response but perks up when she seems to remember something. “That’s right, this is Grunade. The kingdom at the foot of the Midgard Mountains! Which means there should be an ancient ruin close by!” Lydia and the prince exchange quizzical glances at Adelie’s sudden exclamation. “Yes, there is an ancient ruin. But it’s already been thoroughly excavated.” “And since it’s been neglected for many years, it’s now turned into a hive for monsters…” As the two seem to be asking why anyone would want to go there, Adelie responds with a smile. “There’s a hidden door in those ruins that only we, the world’s guardians, can open. A red sorcery stone of the highest quality should be stored behind it.” At Adelie’s confident attitude, I can’t help but ask: “Why is there something like that stashed away there?” I mean, I also want to know why she knows about it, but… “That’s related to the founding of this country. It’s a long story, but if you want to hear…” “Oh, never mind, then.” Adelie looks crestfallen. I guess she wanted us to hear the tale. The prince then smirks and brightens up. “Dame Adelheid, whom I hired, will bring us a replacement sorcery stone. That’ll be the sort of achievement that puts the succession question to rest.” Hearing that, Lydia slams her hand down on the table and stands up. “What?! She’s the one who broke the sorcery stone in the first place! It’s no achievement to merely make up for your own mistake! It just evens out to zero.” “That’s right, it evens out to zero. Whereas you, dear sister, still have to make up for having the sorcery stone stolen in the first place!” I glance over at Alice as the two begin the ugliest of sibling squabbles. “Guess we’ll be going, then.” “I’m sorry we couldn’t fulfill your request. The results would’ve been different if the Hiiragi Agency of Order hadn’t interfered. Hey Adelie, you owe us for our operational costs for this assignment. Here’s the bill.” “What? This is a huge amount! W-wait, I don’t have that kind of cash…!” Adelie trembles at the amount on the invoice Alice places in front of her. “Wait. We’re not done yet.” Lydia stops us as we get up to leave. “Er, there’s nothing else we can do. You’re not going to ask that we go hunt a dragon, are you?” “No, of course not… But there’s something else you can do, yes? For example, you could simply go and obtain the sorcery stone before she can.” Lydia smiles at us, prompting a gasp from the prince. “Sister! Are you trying to encourage them to steal the sorcery stone from Dame Adelheid?! If the people find out you did such a thing, they will never support your reign!” “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m just saying I don’t care how they do it. So long as they bring me a sorcery stone, they’ll get their payment… Besides, even if they were to take the sorcery stone by force, how would you prove it?” Lydia lightly fiddles with her nails as she glances sidelong toward me. “You are, in fact, a witch, sister! If that’s how you want to play it, I have plans of my own!” “There are times when royalty needs to be cunning! Look at the Grace Kingdom! They were a minor power, but now that they have a crafty, treacherous princess on the throne, they’ve grown by leaps and bounds. We don’t need the ruler to be quite so treacherous, but the country doesn’t need a king who can only offer platitudes and kindness!” Hey, Tillis, they’re having a free go at you over here. “The young lady leading the negotiations—Alice, was it? Think carefully. It will be quite useful for you in the long run if we owe you a favor. Besides, given that you’re mercenaries, reputation is everything, isn’t it?” Technically, sending out Combat Agents for hire is just a secondary occupation that allows us to obtain local currency and information about the local countries, but Alice does make a show of considering Lydia’s proposal. She’s probably not pleased by the prospect of simply letting Adelie play kingmaker for the prince, and if that were to happen, Grunade’s ties to Hiiragi would likely grow stronger. “A-Agentsix? W-we technically have a cease-fire, don’t we? You’re not going to accept, are you?” “Well, yeah, you’re pretty strong, and it’d be kind of a hassle, so I’d rather not take it, but…” Adelie lets out a sigh of relief at my reply. “If you don’t accept my proposal, I will tell all the neighboring kingdoms that Kisaragi is a weak mercenary company that abandons its responsibilities and runs away at the first sign of trouble. I’ll do whatever I must to take the throne!” “L-Lydia…” Hey, Princess, your brother’s totally recoiling at your machinations. 6 We put our answer on hold and return to our inn, where I lie down on the sofa to discuss our options. “What do we do, Alice? Should we just ignore the assignment and go back to the hideout? We’ll just leave Tiger Man to return to nature.” “It was supposed to be a simple job to start with, but it’s starting to be not worth the effort. Still, under the circumstances, we can’t afford to have rumors spread to the neighboring countries that we’re a weak mercenary group. A bunch of countries and cities have offered to submit to us thanks to Lady Belial’s rampage, but if we show any weakness, they’re likely to all turn against us.” Oh right, there’s still that problem to deal with as well. “Plus, I don’t like losing. I also don’t like the idea of the Hiiragi putting on airs in this kingdom. And I hate working for free.” “For an android, you sure hate a lot of things.” I guess because of her high-level learning abilities, she’s become a lot more humanlike compared to when I first met her. “Still, as for whether to side with Princess Lydia or Prince Madia, the obvious answer is the princess. Prince Madia’s too pious to work with us. In that sense, the princess would probably be more flexible.” “We’ve got more than our share of scheming royalty with Tillis, honestly.” …It’s then that I notice there’s something off about Rose. “Are you trembling, Rose? What’s wrong, did the Calorie-Z wear out?” “No, I feel like there’s a really powerful animal coming in our direction… Um, what do you mean Calorie-Z wearing out? Does the thing you give me regularly have something weird in it?” Alice and I tilt our heads and look at Rose as she trembles on the bed, curled up under the sheets. “Is there some sort of new giant monster approaching?” “If that were the case, the city’s residents would be in a big uproar. She never reacted like this, even when facing the Sand King. Then it must be something like the Superior Dragon mentioned earlier or—” Before Alice can finish her sentence: An explosion echoes from outside the inn followed by a sudden chorus of screaming. We look out the window to see what’s happened. Thugs who picked a fight with the wrong opponent sit cowering around a crater in the road. As the city’s residents start talking among one another to figure out what’s going on, loud footsteps start stomping up the stairs. The stomping stops in front of our room, and the door flies open. “Six! Ready a bath!” The one who orders that as the first thing out of her mouth is the long-missing Belial. “Ready a bath? Really? Just where have you been wandering until now? It’s not funny when a Supreme Leader gets lost in the wilds of an alien world.” “I was never lost. I was just working solo.” Even though she always gets lost when she gets separated from her comrades, Belial is too stubborn to admit to it. Perhaps because of the fact that she spent most of her time outdoors, Belial’s covered in dirt and dust. “Working solo? Just what were you doing? We’ve had a heck of a time while you were gone. We’ve had all sorts of messengers coming to us to offer either friendship or submission.” “I was just hunting monsters or beating up bastards who picked a fight with me. I haven’t done anything wrong. As proof, I didn’t hear any announcements giving me Evil Points.” “I’m not one to talk, but please stop using Evil Points as a way to determine if what you’ve done is good or bad.” I don’t know why she’s shown up all of a sudden, but I’m grateful at least one of our problems has been solved. Alice, who seems a bit relieved now that we’ve found Belial, comments: “So we recently had two countries send us messengers of peace and five villages declare they wanted to submit to us. Just what did you do? You didn’t have nearly enough manpower to actually invade them.” At Alice’s critique, Belial scratches the back of her head in embarrassment. “I would force my way into a city every time I needed to take a bath or use the restroom. Then it’d devolve into a fight whenever I threatened them to get information about Kisaragi, so I would have to smack them around, and they would just end up giving in.” “I feel sorry for those places that had to submit as an add-on to you needing to take a bath or use the restroom.” I see, she must have found out we were in this inn when she threatened the thugs outside. “Lady Belial, you’ve certainly had a long, hard time of it. So shall you take a bath? Or use the restroom? Or will we go beat up Tiger Man?” “Restroom first, then a bath… Beat up Tiger Man? What’d he do this time? …Also, Six. What’s that vibrating under the sheets?” Belial’s gaze is fixed on a clump trembling violently under some sheets. “Hey, Rose. This is one of Kisaragi’s Supreme Leaders, Lady Belial. She’s not an enemy, so relax already.” Rose’s trembling is probably Belial’s fault. Rose peeks her head out from under the sheets but can’t bring herself to meet Belial’s gaze. “My instincts as a chimera are screaming at me to stay away from her.” “Y’know, given that you spend your life like a spoiled dog, stop trying to show off your chimera-ness at times like this.” Belial’s curiosity is evidently piqued by Rose, and she starts poking at the flinching lump hiding under the sheets. “I’ve heard about you. You take on the powers of whatever you eat, right?” “Y-yes… But, that only happens if I eat a lot of something.” Belial nods with a serious expression in response. “Six, let’s try feeding her an Olympic-sized pool’s worth of crickets. Have Kisaragi send them to us.” “There’s crickets on this planet as well, so why don’t we just catch them here? I don’t have that many points and don’t want to spend them on crickets.” “Why does everyone from Kisaragi keep trying to feed me crickets?!” Rose wails tearfully, when I realize something. “Lady Belial, what happened to your handheld teleporter?” “Oh, it broke even though I didn’t do anything. It was in the way, so I just tossed it.” Belial, who commented on her portable teleporter like some middle-aged boss talking about a broken laptop at work, no longer had her Kisaragi-issued portable teleporter on her wrist. It probably broke during combat, which explained why we couldn’t get in touch with her. How was she surviving without any supplies or money or anything else? “So what are you lot doing here anyway? Are you here to invade this country?” Belial asks curiously, as I order towels from Kisaragi. “It’s a long story, so why don’t we have you take a bath first. You’re giving off some serious pheromones right now, Lady Belial.” “Sh-shut up about pheromones!”
Chapter 94
44 min read