“It’s just nice to know that even though your brain’s usually just for show, it still works when it comes to combat operations.” …Was that a compliment or an insult? Alice continues to pat my head affectionately, then turns to Heine. “Let’s say we gave Heine fifty orcs and ordered her to use them to take out a Hiiragi base. Let’s also assume it’ll take a week to eliminate the fortress… Well, Heine? What sorts of supplies would you prepare?” “I’d prepare fifty acorns to give the orcs when they finish.” “All right, starting today, you’re now officially dumber than Six.” “Why?! There’s nothing wrong with my answer!” Should I interrupt Alice, who’s using me as the standard of stupidity, or comment on Heine’s silly answer? While Heine panics over Alice’s evaluation of her answer, Russell confidently steps up to bat. “I get it, now. Listen, Heine, it’s not like you have to give them the acorns at the start of the battle. You can always give them the acorns when you get back. Which means you can go without carrying any supplies at all.” “Okay, you’re also on the dumber-than-Six list, Russell. Go join Rose and work on some simple addition and subtraction problems.” “Wait! I’m not like my cousin! I can do math! I mean, I was one of the Elite Four!” Alice gives the frustrated Russell an exasperated look. “Right, that’s exactly what I’m trying to get across to you. Kisaragi’s Combat Agents all tend to be too self-centered and selfish to make effective commanders. If you can actually lead units, you’ll spend less time at the power plant. So quit screwing around and take this seriously!” “We are taking this seriously!” “That’s right! You’re the one who’s being weird here, Alice! You need to explain what’s wrong with our answers!” I thought they were some of the smarter ones, at least by Kisaragi standards. “…Fine. First, you’re not properly calculating the necessary rations based on the unit size and mission length. Also, forget about the acorns.” Heine crinkles her brow in thought, struggling with the premise of Alice’s question. “Food for fifty orc soldiers? Um, how would you even calculate that? They’ll just keep eating so long as there’s anything edible on hand.” “Why do we need to carry rations at all given that orcs can fatten up and go without food for a whole month? I mean, those supplies would just slow down the march.” Alice freezes at Russell’s words as the two former Demon Lord Army commanders discuss the question. “Wait, repeat what you just said. You’re saying that if they eat enough, orcs can be active for an entire month without extra food?” “Yeah, though if they fatten up too much, they get sluggish. Wild orcs gain weight in autumn, then go hibernate in subterranean lairs during winter when food is scarce. Of course, the monsters are also starving in winter. So a fair number of orc lairs get dug up, and some hibernating orcs get eaten.” Ah, another one of the harsh realities of living in a world infested by monsters. No wonder orcs want to live and work on human farms. I get it now. I can see why these two are having trouble understanding what Alice was asking. From the look on Heine and Russell’s faces, it seems they’ve also figured out what Alice’s mistake was. “Since the Demon Lord’s lands are mostly desert, we were always facing food shortages, so whenever we went on the offensive, we lived off the land… Acorns were usually a good-enough reward.” “How the hell am I supposed to know about your food scarcity or ecology?! I’m gonna throw acorns at you, dammit!” As Russell shrinks from Alice’s threats, I remember something. “Didn’t you guys have supply companies when you were leading armies for the Demon Lord? The first time I ran into Heine, it was when we were burning a supply train.” That’s right, we were ruthlessly attacking a supply train at the time, and Heine came to stop us… “Oh, that was grub for the goblin troops. Unlike orcs, who can store fat, or ogres, who only eat what they’ve killed themselves, goblins will eat just about anything. They’ll even start eating each other if they get too hungry.” “Stop! If you say any more, I’ll have to start thinking of the goblin civilians in town as potential cannibals!” Aaand there’s another piece of demon trivia that I would have been better off not knowing…like the orc farms. “Hey, Alice. Are we done with the lectures? I mean, I commanded troops for the Demon Lord Army countless times. There shouldn’t be a problem with me doing it again… So why don’t we go and pick him up?” Russell pretends to speak casually as he looks off into the distance. “Who are you talking about? Hideout City is in the middle of a massive construction boom. We can’t exactly afford to divert resources to nonvital tasks since we’re short on manpower as it is.” “You know who I’m talking about! Yeah, he’s kind of creepy, and all of his meowing and purring gets annoying, but don’t we need him? I mean, isn’t he the strongest out of all of you?” Of course, the “he” Russell is talking about must be Tiger Man. I guess the fact that Tiger Man has forced Russell to cross-dress, used him as a body pillow, hiked up his skirt, and subjected him to all sorts of other harassment makes Russell hesitant to even use his name. “You too, Russell? You think Tiger Man’s the one who stole Grunade’s national treasure? I can’t believe you’re finger pointing without proof. Tsk, tsk.” “Who else could have done it?!” Alice rests her hand on Russell’s head to try to calm the surprisingly vehement chimera. “Hey, Russell, the only thing we know for sure at this moment is that a large feline monster stole a sorcery stone belonging to a country called Grunade, which has thrown everything into chaos over there… And not to change the subject, but an organization we recently skirmished with had a giant feline monster as a pet.” Grasping what Alice is hinting at, Russell stares at her in disbelief. “…A-are you planning to frame Hiiragi for the theft?!” “Frame? No one said anything about framing. I’m just stating facts. The only orgs known to have feline monsters as pets are us and Hiiragi. And there’s no hard evidence that paints Tiger Man as the culprit. So what we need to do in this situation is have faith in our comrade Tiger Man. Isn’t that right, Six?” “Yep, I believe in Tiger Man. Kisaragi values its people. Hey, Russell, when did you become so jaded?” Russell’s jaw drops at that. “W-wait, wait, wait! Why are you making it sound like I’m the bad guy here?! I mean, sure, I value my friends and comrades, too! But based on motives and circumstances…” Alice gently pats Russell’s head. “When it comes to villainy, the important stuff happens once the hard evidence starts coming out. It’s too early to panic. Isn’t that right, Six?” “Yeah. When the evidence is this thin, it’s best to point to the shortcomings in the accusers’ case and act like we’re being victimized by them. Then when the accusers briefly back down, they’re met with an unfortunate little accident.” “W-wow… This is why humans are…” Heine looks at a loss for words as Russell pushes Alice’s hand off his head. “…H-hey, Russell? Don’t you hate that beastman? I mean, you do nothing but complain about him, so I figured you’d be happy he was out for a bit…” Russell harumphs in exasperation and looks coldly over at Heine. “…Of course I hate him, and I’m glad he’s not here! But I do know that he’s powerful, and chimeras obey strong creatures out of instinct.” Seems this is the first time she’s had a colleague look at her that way. Heine appears uncomfortable as she responds. “I-I see! Okay, if you say so! I’m glad to hear it. Y’know, you had me worried a bit because you squealed like a girl when Six flipped up your skirt the other day.” “…D-did I really sound like a girl?” Russell asks in shock as Heine glances away. Alice then addresses the pair of them: “Now that the Grace Kingdom’s absorbed the Demon Lord’s territories, Grace and Grunade share a border. Besides, Princess Tillis has already taken the initiative and sent them a letter saying, ‘We’re pleased to have you as a neighbor. As a neighborly warning, our kingdom was recently attacked by a giant feline monster owned by the Hiiragi Agency of Order. We hope you haven’t been similarly attacked.’” “You know, there’s a line that you shouldn’t cross, even against your enemies. Honestly you guys are worse than us demons.” “Yep, humanity definitely needs to go extinct.” I’ll take that as a compliment. 3 Construction in Hideout City continues even as we wait for a response to Tillis’s diplomatic letter and emissary. We send over samples of monsters from the forest and newly discovered resources, receiving supplies and materials of equal value in return. Because we spare no expense and instantly spend the resources we’ve received, the population is booming from people flocking to Hideout City in search of food and job opportunities. Now all we have to do is finish clearing the forest and begin working on agricultural and industrial districts. Alice is currently figuring out how to deal with the hostile creatures like the alraunes that guard the forest, so it should only be a matter of time before we get to that stage of development. …I ponder such things as I slack off while pretending to keep watch on the observation platform. Just then, I see a visitor approaching the city limits. It’s Little Bashin, a young girl bearing tribal markings and a hand ax. For some reason, Rose regards her as a rival. “…! …!” When Little Bashin notices me on the observation platform, she waves enthusiastically. She started coming to visit regularly ever since I gave her the ax, which I procured from Earth. Despite her primal appearance, she’s quite reasonable at heart and very polite, so the people of Hideout City are happy to continue welcoming her as a visitor. “Drown in a sea of hellfire… Sleep for all eternity! Crimson Breeeeath!” “?!” Suddenly, a gout of flame erupts toward the welcomed visitor. Although she manages to avoid a direct hit, the flames ignite her clothing and Little Bashin rolls onto the ground to put out the fire. “—!! —!!!” “Did you think you could come into my territory and leave unscathed? It’s time to settle this once and for all— Ow!” After hopping off the observation tower, I smack Rose upside the head. “What was that for, Boss?! This girl’s an enemy of Kisaragi!” “You’re the only one who thinks of her that way. Seriously, you gotta stop attacking Little Bashin every time she comes to play. We’re trying to build friendly relations with her tribe.” The Bashin are rather civilized people despite their primitive appearances, but they’re extremely adept at fighting in the woods. And since our woodlands combat expert, Tiger Man, is off doing who knows what, it’s a bad idea to make an enemy of them. …After putting out her burning clothes, Little Bashin hops back onto her feet, ax in hand. “Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!” “What, you wanna fight?! Fine, let’s settle this!” “Hey, stop that! You’re around the same age! Try to be friends!” Little Bashin stares down Rose, seemingly ready to pounce, but then she slowly approaches with an almost pleading gesture and hands me a letter. Since I can’t read the local language, I hand it to Rose. “Umm… ‘To the Honored Members of the Kisaragi Corporations. Greetings. It is our hope that this letter, written in the days when the Deadplanters are emitting the sweet fragrances from their blossoms, finds you all in good health and fortune. We, the Bashin tribe, as a warrior clan that respects both martial prowess and honor, would like to express our heartfelt admiration of your company’s glorious record in battle, and your compassionate and honorable behavior in welcoming the refugees of the Demon Lord realms, your former enemies, into your arms.’” Given the way the language sounds when spoken, I can’t help but wonder if that’s really what’s written in the letter… “…Is that really what’s written there?” “Um, the words are kind of hard for me to understand, but yeah, that’s what it says, Boss.” Rose looks up at me a bit quizzically before she resumes reading. “‘In addition to expressing our admiration, we wish to ask a favor of you, in spite of our knowledge that such a thing would be an imposition. It is our desire to discuss the terms under which we could send our children to your settlement to shelter among your people. While we are loath to go into specifics on such a personal matter, we have been in a long-standing feud with the Hiiragi tribe. However, they have recently acquired strange new, unnatural tools that allow them to command large monsters, including those that belong to the dragon family. Consequently, we find ourselves at a disadvantage. Our children, though young, are still members of the Bashin tribe, and we believe they would still be of great use to you in the woods. We understand that you have much business to attend to, but we would be gratified if you could be so kind as to respond to our missive. We have the honor of being your most humble, obedient servants.’” Goddammit, they’re better letter writers than I am! Upon closer inspection, I see that Little Bashin is covered in small cuts and bruises. While a part of me wonders if they were the result of her little horseplay with Rose, the scratches look like claw marks from monsters. I climb back to the top of the observation platform and yell into the loudspeaker. “All hands on deck!” The Combat Agents in the conference room voice their displeasure at the sudden summons. “What now, Six? We’re busy as hell. We’re close to finishing up the apartments in the residential district today. Get on with whatever you want and let us get back to work.” “We know you’re bored out of your tiny little mind, but we’ve got work to do, dammit. We need to at least get shelter ready for the residents before winter…” “This planet doesn’t get much rain, so I don’t think there’ll be a lot of snow, but we still need to hurry.” Seems my colleagues have been so busy with their construction work that they’ve forgotten who they’re supposed to be. “Get a load of you guys! A bunch of henchmen learning the joys of honest work?! HAH! You’ve all gone softer than melted cheese! Do you even remember what your real jobs are?” “W-w-we’re well aware of our real jobs! I admit, it was pretty fun to have the demons cheering us on, but we haven’t gone soft, dammit!” “Considering we’ve always been sent to harass people, it’s nice to be appreciated for once! Anyway, if you’re gonna talk that much shit, you better have some combat work for us!” “If that’s what you want, then I’ve got good news. There’s trouble,” says Alice. Her unexpected words rouse the defanged Combat Agents. “Oh, really? A combat mission?” “Why didn’t you just say so?! Screw construction work!” “We’ll show you we haven’t gone soft!” Now that their Combat Agent instincts have kicked in, they’re dripping with an obnoxious amount of bravado. “The Bashin Warrior tribe are losing their turf war, so they want us to at least go and offer their kids protection.” The agents all sober up and put on their most serious expressions at Alice’s explanation. “Despite appearances, the Bashins have always been good neighbors. I’ve got no complaints about going to secure their children, but… Our main job is to deploy as Combat Agents! You guys know what you gotta do!” “Yep!” shout the agents, motivated at last. Alice nods with satisfaction. “That’s what I like to hear! Hiiragi agents are using strange devices to control dragons and giant monsters, but…Kisaragi is the strongest there is! Now’s the time to show them who we really are!” “““…Uhh, yeah…””” Suddenly much less boisterous, my colleagues can only muster a ragged cheer. 4 “Hey, Boss, there’s a supopocchi lying over there! Seems like we’re in Bashin tribe territory! Since we’re here, why don’t we take it home with us?” “It’s not just lying there. The Bashins impaled it on the tree branch to dry it out.” The cheerful, hungry chimera leads our group as we trek into the dangerous depths of the woods. Rose isn’t the only one who’s in a good mood. “Finally, our time to shine! Demons live to fight! I’ll show ’em what an elite soldier of a demon lord’s army can do!” “The whole maid bit was starting to mess with my head a little. Time to get back to what a combat chimera was made to do. Sorry, Heine, but I’ll be taking most of the glory on the battlefield.” The POWs who are usually employed as green electricity generators also sound enthused, eager to take out their pent-up frustration on the enemy. And… “We live to fight, too! After all, it’s even in our names! We’re Combat Agents!” “Busty and Rusty can wait in the back. Don’t get in our way!” “There was talk of dragons, but a lizard’s a lizard at the end of the day. I’ll admit, I was scared when I first heard about ’em, but they’re a damned sight less scary than the giant robots the capes use!” My colleagues also puff out their chests, resigned to fighting dragons and unwilling to let the locals have all the glory. “D-did you just call me ‘Busty’?” asks Heine. “Could you not call me ‘Rusty,’ please?” Russell adds. Since this is our first combat operation in a while, we’ve got a lot of people eager for blood in our little party. It’s me in the lead, two combat chimeras, the booby slave, and three expendable Combat Agents. “Hey, Six, given that she’s throwing us into this meat grinder, where the hell did Alice get off to?” “I mean, she has her problems, but at least she’s sharp. It’s a little unnerving thinking you’re in charge down here.” “Look at the party composition, man. It’s four dudes and three girls. I mean, sure, Alice is an android, but if she were here, it’d at least be fifty-fifty. C’mon, man, think before you let her walk off like that.” The expendables complain about Alice’s absence. “This is a recon-in-force mission to check in on the giant monsters and the Hiiragi tribe. There’s no need to bring Alice. She’s busy enough as it is building up Hideout City. Leave the rough jobs to me.” “Um…why am I being considered a girl for the count?” asks the cross-dressing chimera with a troubled look, but no one responds to his comment. Just then: “Something smells good. Boss, are you getting a whiff of it, too? What a delicious aroma…like roasting meat…” Rose, leading the charge, sniffs hungrily at the air. I guess combat chimeras have a sharp sense of smell. Russell is also sniffing frantically… “Yeah, something’s burning. It’s a pretty nice aroma… No, wait, this smell!” He takes off toward the scent. “Russell, what’s going on?! Don’t go off on your own—it’s dangerous!” “Don’t try to claim it all for yourself! If there’s feral meat out there, we should split it!” “I’m not just gonna eat something I found lying around. And what the heck is feral meat anyway? Heine, this smell… It’s Isaac! Isaac is burning! The scent’s coming from just up ahead!” We follow Russell to a small clearing in the woods where a griffin with wounds all over its body lies resting. “Isaaaac!” screams Heine with tears in her eyes as she rushes to the griffin’s side. “Miss Heine, you can’t just name it to try to claim ownership! I want the thigh meat!” “You idiot! Isaac is my pet! He’s not for eating!” Heine clings to the griffin, then tries to shield it from Rose with her back. “Oh, right, I forgot you used to ride a griffin. I was wondering what happened to it. I guess you were keeping it out here?” “I couldn’t do anything about being taken captive, but I didn’t want to drag Isaac into it, so I let him go free. Griffins are strong, so I figured he’d be fine out in the woods. But…it seems I was wrong. Oh, Isaac, I’m so sorry…” As Heine weeps, Rose continues to eye Isaac as if he’s a roast chicken. “Hey, if Isaac was released into the woods, that means he doesn’t belong to anyone, right?” “…R-Rose, l-let me just note that griffins don’t taste very good. If you try to eat Isaac under these circumstances, I’m gonna find it hard to keep thinking of you as a cousin.” Russell’s face twitches as he holds his hands out to Isaac and chants. “You know, I chewed on Isaac a little when I fought Heine back in the day, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t like the taste because there wasn’t any seasoning. But he smells amazing right now… I think I could really warm up to it.” “Stop it! Get away from him! Russell, hurry up and heal him!” As Heine desperately shields Isaac, Russell’s hands begin glowing. “Oh, cool. Water magic having healing properties is totally a fantasy trope. Hey, Rusty, I ended up getting a certain something caught in my zipper earlier. Think you can you heal that?” “Rusty is both adorable and can use magic, as for the other chimera…sigh…” “What about me, huh? Depending on what you were about to say, I may change my mind and eat you instead!” “Could you guys shut up for a second? I need quiet to concentrate!” They’re making a scene in front of the griffin, but do they understand what’s actually happening here? The fact that Isaac’s lying there with burns means that the one who gave it those wounds should still be nearby… “…? Hey, it’s gone dark all of a—” Heine looks up at the sky and falls silent. Seeing her reaction, the expendable Combat Agents do the same and brandish their weapons. As the sun is eclipsed by something above us and a darkness envelops our little party, I throw a flash bang into the air— “Raaaaagh! Take that!” A dragon, the most powerful lifeform on this planet, dives toward us, but the flash bang explodes in a cacophony of noise and light. The creature plummets to the ground, its eyes damaged. “G-g-g-g-good job, Six! Nice use of your vast experience!” “U-using a stun grenade to bring down a dragon in the air is common sense for anyone who plays MonPan! In the end, dragons are just giant lizards! Hah!” “Bwah-ha-ha! Taste modern firepower, savage beast! Now’s our chance—get ’em!” I don’t mind watching expendables get excited by my achievement. “Sheesh, all I did was throw a grenade… Hey Rose, did you see how awesome your commander—” “Gaaaaah!” The three locals who were gazing up at the sky are all clawing at their blinded eyes. “Screeeee!” Then the dragon, having crashed into the ground, suddenly begins to thrash about wildly in a blind fury, cutting down the trees around it. “Ack! S-Six, do something! It’s totally out of control!” “Six, you idiot! Why’d you do that?! You knocked out three of our teammates with your dumbass grenade!” A dragon large enough to level a mansion wildly thrashing about on the ground makes for a pretty intimidating sight. “How was I supposed to know that would happen?! The dragons in the game don’t react like this!” I make excuses to the expendables as I unload rounds from my assault rifle. However— “The hell? Our shots aren’t working! Someone call in some heavier firepower! I don’t have enough points to do it!” Unfortunately, the clean living I’ve been doing lately means I’m a tad short of Evil Points. But unlike me, this lot are pretty scummy, so I’m sure they’ve still got plenty of points… “““……””” “Hey!” I can’t help but shout at the expendables for not responding to my request, and they reply testily. “I mean, what else were we supposed to do?! It’s lonely at night in the city!” “We’d go crazy if we didn’t call in stuff from Japan using our points!” “Hard for you, with a harem squad, to know how bad it is for the rest of us!” So they spent all their Evil Points on porn, huh? I want to chew them out, but for some reason, I can’t bring myself to do it. It feels like I did something similar a while back… “U-urmph…I…I can finally see again…” As I try to fish out the memory I’ve sealed deep in the recesses of my brain, Rose’s voice brings me back to the present. “Okay, our weapons aren’t doing much to it. You guys take care of it with your magical stuff.” “I can’t deal with that rampaging thing! It’ll crush me if I get too close! Why don’t you use your whateverbuzzsaw, Boss?!” My whateverbuzzsaw is also a melee weapon. “Tch, that’s a hell of a thing to do to us, you bastard…! I didn’t expect to have an ally blind me like that!” “Heine, let’s kill him before we hit the dragon. We’re in the woods; we just need to tell them the dragon ate him.” As Rose’s eyesight returns, Heine and Russell also get worked up. “Oh? You two losers have never beaten me before. What makes you think you can do it now? I dare you to try me!” As I taunt them and gesture for them to come at me, their faces start turning red with indignation… …before suddenly paling as the blood leaves their features. “B-Boss…behind…” The cacophony of the dragon’s tantrum has died down. If the three of them have their eyesight back, then it must mean the dragon… “Retreat!” “““Ahhhhhhh!””” I start running without bothering to look back, feeling the rumble of the dragon’s footsteps behind me. As I dash forward, I pull the pin from a second flash grenade and toss it over my shoulder. The flash bang explodes with a loud sound, but I don’t hear an accompanying screech of agony from the dragon. Evidently, it’s already wised up to the danger posed by my grenades. Dammit, the flash bangs aren’t going to do much to slow it down. I have no choice. I guess I’ll have to use my dependable colleagues as a distraction…! “…Hey! Where the hell did they go?! Did they use me as bait?!” I don’t know if they turned tail or hid using optical camo, but the three Combat Agents are nowhere in sight. What assholes! Using their own allies as bait! That’s why agents of evil corporations can’t be trusted! …It’s then that the griffin, healed by Russell’s magic, stands up and gazes intently at Heine, its former owner. “Isaac, you can move again! Good boy, let us on!” “…” When Heine runs over to the griffin, it looks toward the dragon before very clearly turning its head away from Heine. “What’s wrong, Isaac? It’s me! You can’t have forgotten who I am.” Even as Heine shakes the griffin back and forth, it seems to pout with its beak and bleats. “Miss Heine, Isaac is upset and thinks you abandoned it in the woods!” “Heine! Apologize! Apologize to Isaac!” “Isaac, I-I let you go because I was trying to look out for you! I didn’t want to let you go! It hurt to do it… But I didn’t have any choice. I was going to be enslaved, so you’d have ended up being abused, too…!” As Heine and the griffin start playing out their little drama, I use a piece of equipment I just ordered from Earth, an enhanced tear gas bomb, on the dragon. “Graaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!” Tear gas works on dragons! I need to tell Alice about this! I turn to the others intent on running as the dragon is suffering from the tear gas— “C’mon, listen to me, Isaac. I’ve known you since you were small. I’ve always thought of you as my little brother… Ow! Why are you pecking at me?!” “Miss Heine, Isaac is a girl griffin.” “I was wondering why you chose that name… So you just didn’t know?” “Who cares about all of that! Just hurry up!” The three of them come to their senses and start to panic. “I’m so sorry, Isaac! When we get back to Hideout City, I’ll use the money Alice gave me to buy you the best meats! And I’m never going to let you go again!” At Heine’s desperate persuasion, the griffin spreads its wings and kneels down, signaling to us to get on. We all hop on the griffin’s back, but it seems our combined weight is too much for it, and it starts thrashing about. “Hey, what the…? Isaac can usually carry five fully armed orcs. What’s weighing us down?!” “It’s the Boss! Technically, it’s the Boss’s armor that’s heavy!” “Rose, let’s just kick him off! …Hey! Let go of my leg!” I grab Russell’s leg, determined to take him down with me if he so much as tries to kick me off, but then I realize that while I could probably survive a fighting retreat through the woods, these three don’t have the experience to avoid becoming a tasty snack. “You lot are going to owe me when we get back to base!” I jump off the griffin, activate my R-Buzzsaw, and face off against the cautious dragon. “I’ll buy you some time so you weaklings can get out of here! Even if the dragon follows you, Hideout City defenses should be able to handle it at that point!” Free of my weight, the griffin spreads its wings and looks up at the sky. “Boss! If you get back safely, I’ll share some of my dinner with you!” Given how fixated Rose is with food, I guess she’s trying to be generous. “Considering how much you’ve groped me, I’m pretty sure I’ll still be ahead in terms of favors.” “You’ve hiked up my skirt so often, you owe me! So forget about me repaying you!” As for these two, I’m going to make them pay with their bodies when we get back to the hideout. Just then, I hear the sound of the griffin kicking off the ground and taking off behind me. “Compared to giant robots and transforming superheroes, you’re just an overgrown flying lizard! You’re nothing compared to a Kisaragi agent!” “Graaaaaaaaaaaawr!” “Boss!” 5 I mutter to myself as I dash through the endless woods. “Okay, that thing isn’t just a giant lizard! It’s not killable! Heroes go down easier than that!” Dragons are insane. Seriously bonkers. They’re tough as nails, gigantic, and intelligent. I slashed at it with the R-Buzzsaw, but when I managed to wound it, the creature flew up into the air and attacked me with its fire breath. That’s not a beast you fight mano a mano. It’s the sort of thing you take down in a group using heavy anti-aircraft weapons. “…Shit, I’m lost.” I somehow manage to lose the dragon by running deeper into the woods, but I don’t know which way leads to Hideout City. There’s some sort of magnetic field here in these woods, and like the sea of trees near Mount Fuji, it’s messing with my compass. It’s starting to get dark out. Am I gonna have to make camp out here? Calm down, super veteran agent Six. You’ve done plenty of wilderness survival in the past. There’s nothing to worry about. You’ve still got some Evil Points. You’ll be fine! …That’s what I try to convince myself of as I venture deeper and deeper into this forest thoroughly hostile to human life when I feel someone’s eyes upon me. I reach down and unholster my pistol from my hip. “…?” I hear a silent voice from the bushes in front of me, and a familiar masked face appears. “It’s Little Bashin!” “…?!” I was so unnerved at being stuck in the woods that I cling to her. “Thank god you’re here! I got totally lost after being chased around by the dragon!” Little Bashin is at a loss for how to deal with me clinging to her before she settles on gently patting my hair, as though she’s reassuring a small child. Being soothed by a teenage girl in the middle of the woods probably seems really weird from an onlooker’s point of view. “Oh, don’t get the wrong idea. It’s not like I was scared, and I would’ve been fine on my own. But, you know, I need to hurry back to the hideout before my underlings get worried about me.” “—! —!” She nods as though she understands and continues patting my head. Clearly, she doesn’t understand in the slightest. “Hey, what are you doing here anyway? And why do you have all these cuts and bruises? They treated you back at the hideout, didn’t they?” “—. —!” Based on what I can gather from her gestures, after having her wounds treated, she became worried about her village and snuck out of the treatment room. Even if she’s from a warrior tribe, I’m not sure if I should let her go back to her village alone. Oh wait, I’ve got it! “I need to ask you a favor. Can you lead me back to the hideout? I’ll make sure you get a reward.” Little Bashin nods and takes my hand, leading me as though helping a lost child. My plan is to ask Little Bashin for a favor then get her to the safety of Hideout City, but I guess she’s at an age where she wants to act like the guardian. “…Hey, hey, are you treating me like a kid because I was freaking out a little earlier? You don’t need to hold my hand or anything, I’m fine.” “Raaaaaaa!” “Grawk!” Little Bashin suddenly throws her hand ax, and a squeal erupts from the bushes. Diving into the bush, Little Bashin happily returns with a Deadly Hegg, its head bashed in. “—!” As Little Bashin raises both arms and lets out call of victory, I hold out my hand to her. According to Alice, this forest, which is known as the Great Woods, takes up something like sixty percent of the continent. It’s hardly surprising, then, that the local tribes would develop their own, unique cultures in such a large place. Though they pose a significant threat to us, these woods are as familiar to the Bashin tribe as their own backyard. What I’m trying to say is… “Help me, Little Bashin! There’s a bipedal rabbit after me! It’s creepy as hell!” “RAAAAAAAAAAA!” We’ve wandered quite deep into woods, and we’re constantly being attacked by monsters. But thanks to Little Bashin, the large horned rabbit that had been charging after me is soon filleted. She skillfully butchers the rabbit with her ax. She seems to be in a good mood now. I guess she’s happy we’ve secured dinner. “Don’t get the wrong idea. I could’ve easily taken care of that mutant bunny on my own. I just let you handle it because it was so creepy. I’m actually pretty strong.” She nods along to my explanation, wrapping the rabbit meat in a leaf, then rinsing off her hands with water from a little bamboo canteen. Once clean, she holds out one of her small hands to me. Having grown a bit more used to being led around by the hand by a child, I clasp her palm without hesitation. “Whoa?! What was that for? Don’t yank me forward like that…” My objection to suddenly being pulled wilts as I see a snake descending onto the spot I had occupied just a moment earlier. She holds down the snake’s body with her foot and casually lops off its head with her ax. “…Hey, are the Bashins really losing? Just how bad is the enemy you’re fighting?” “…?” She tilts her head quizzically as she skins the snake, then wraps its meat in a leaf. The sun has completely set, and I chew on a piece of dried meat that Little Bashin gave me as she leads me through the woods. Apparently, Little Bashin has good night vision, and she safely guides me through the dark woods. I don’t know what’s going to happen to our relationship with the tribe in the future, but even though enhanced Combat Agents have good night vision, it’s probably best we avoid fighting them in the dark. “—!” “Oh, it’s that crazy flower that almost ate me earlier. Don’t worry, I’m wise to it now.” Little Bashin pulls me by the hand and points to a pretty flower about the size of a human head. There’s something that looks like a gem embedded in the middle of each flower. When I tried to grab one earlier, the petals snapped shut like a bear trap. Then I poked the gem with a little stick, and I discovered that the petals were as sharp as knives. If Little Bashin hadn’t stopped me back then, I might have lost my hand to it. “—! —!” She’s probably trying to praise me for learning from my mistakes. She stands on her tiptoes and pats my head again. Pretty sure any respect she had for me is gone. After walking through the woods for a while, we arrive at a small spring. Little Bashin uses gestures to tell me that we’re going to take a break. “All right, this time leave it to me. I’ll show you the power of science.” Little Bashin tilts her head curiously as she gathers twigs to start a fire. It’s time for the fruits of civilization to shine. When Alice, Viper, and I last went exploring in the woods, Viper was able to do just about everything. But now that Viper isn’t here, I can show off the power of modern man by using lighters and rations and reestablish the pecking order… “—!” “…What is that, Little Bashin? Why can you instantly light a fire?” Little Bashin takes out a shiny red rock and hits it with her ax to easily start a flame. Again?! The inhabitants of this planet have some next-level survival skills. Little Bashin then starts sharpening some branches into skewers, impaling the rabbit and snake meat before shaking salt on them and putting them on the fire to cook. She takes out a large, pot-shaped leaf, placing it on the fire and filling it with water from the spring. The leaf appears to have high flame resistance, and the water inside eventually comes to a boil. Little Bashin then refills her bamboo canteen with the boiling water before putting some wild grasses she picked on the way into the remaining water. It’s probably the Bashin tribe’s equivalent to tea. As a pleasant aroma rises from the water, she blows on it through her mask to cool the tea before offering the entire container to me… “Shit, I’ve become a loser adult forced to rely on a kid. Fine, dammit, I’ll drink the tea. I’ll drink it, and I’m grateful, but…” Little Bashin quizzically tilts her head at me. When I accept the tea, she then offers me one of the meat skewers. First Alice and now Little Bashin. What is it with me being dependent on teenage girls…? As we’re enjoying tea after our meal: “…Ah, even I know what’s going on here. There’s several monsters in this bush.” “—!” Little Bashin stands up with her ax in hand and shelters me behind her back. Four Deadly Heggs appear from the bush, realizing that they’ve been spotted. Four of these things are a threat even to the warriors of the Bashin tribe, and Little Bashin backs away slowly, stopping when she runs into me. She glances over her shoulder at me, then looks out at the monsters, determined to attack them. I grab her by the wrist to stop her. “Don’t you know what I do for a living, Little Bashin? I’m a trained fighter.” I smile reassuringly to Little Bashin as she looks up at me. “This is thanks for guiding me this far. I’ll help you this time.” As I draw my pistol from my hip, Little Bashin nods repeatedly in my direction. I run through the forest carrying Little Bashin as we’re chased by a horde of Deadly Heggs. “Sorry, Little Bashin, I thought it was just those four! I could’ve handled them if there weren’t reinforcements!” As I carry Little Bashin on my shoulder, she reaches over and lightly pats my head to show that she doesn’t mind that we’ve had to flee. The first group of Deadly Heggs was evidently just a scouting party. By the time I’d defeated those four, we’d been surrounded by even more of them. I blinded them with a flash bang before picking up Little Bashin and making a break for it, but— Despite the fact that my power armor enhances my physical abilities, it’s not enough to outrun these dog-shaped monsters. As the black shadows grow closer, Little Bashin, still dangling from my shoulder, grips her hand ax. “RAAAAAAA!” She swings her weapon at a Deadly Hegg’s head as it leaps toward my back. Little Bashin serves as monster repellent while I run toward the light that I see between the trees. Once I reach that glow, I can expect support from my colleagues. We eventually stumble out of the woods and look up at the light… …to find Hideout City burning. 6 As the residents clean up the burnt debris, I take Little Bashin to the infirmary before heading to the conference room to be briefed by Alice with the other main members of the Kisaragi contingent. “So while you were off on your recon mission, we were attacked by the dragon that had chased after Heine and the others. Rose and Russell were injured drawing the dragon’s attention, but luckily, no one was killed.” The injured chimeras are receiving treatment in the infirmary at the moment. Given how tough they are, the fact that they’re in critical condition shows just how much I underestimated the dragons. The only buildings that caught fire in Hideout City were the wooden warehouses, and there hadn’t been any loss of life. That came as a relief, but the residents still look gloomy. That’s understandable. “Sheesh, it’s a shame my underlings are so useless without me! They couldn’t even beat a lizard with all these fortifications and equipment!” Even though there was a large group of Combat Agents in Hideout City, they weren’t able to do anything against the dragon’s onslaught. Expendable A, one of the useless idiots who’d used me as a decoy, snaps back at my hectoring. “S-shut up, asshole! We tried to fight with the heavy weapons! But our projectile weapons didn’t work on it for some reason!” “Say that again? Always with the lame excuses! Just be honest and admit you guys couldn’t handle it and that you can’t get anything done without MISTER Combat Agent Six.” I defend myself against Expendable A, who protests my taunting. In an unusual little twist, Alice backs him up. “No, seriously, our heavy weapons didn’t work on it, Six. And we’ve seen that before.” Mook A stops his attack at Alice’s words and Snow follows up. “Yep. It’s the same special ability that the Sand King and that giant cat have. It somehow stops all projectile weapons.” Almost all of the giant monsters we’ve fought have had the same ability. I see… In that case, there’s not much to do against a flying dragon… “Got it, dumb-dumb? It’s not like we weren’t doing anything! When we found that our attacks were ineffective, we shifted our focus to evacuating the civilians. Jackass.” “And you’ve got a big mouth for a little boy who got lost in the woods and had to have Little Bashin escort you back to the city. So who’s really the useless one here, huh? HUH?” Two more of the useless expendables taunt me to repay me for my earlier insults. As I get into a brawl with these two, someone knocks hesitantly on the conference room door. “Pardon me. I took a look around the city and am pleased to report there wasn’t any visible damage. Thankfully, this shouldn’t impact our ability to prepare for winter,” Viper says as she enters the room, looking visibly relieved as she delivers the news. She sees us duking it out and quickly tries to intervene. “U-um…Mr. Six, evil organization or not, fighting with your coworkers isn’t good.” “We’re not fighting, Vi. I’m just chastising these useless underlings. The only thing they’re good for is fighting, so if they can’t be useful at that, they’ll be no better than children!” “Oh yeah? Well, next time the dragon comes along, you can deal with it on your own.” “We’re not going to help you even if you come sobbing and begging! We were just lucky Miss Viper was here. You wouldn’t have stood a chance!” They’re lucky that Viper was here? …Wait, does that mean…? “Was Vi the one who drove off the dragon?” “Oh, yes…When we found out that projectiles didn’t work, Miss Alice proposed launching the Combat Agents at the dragon with rockets, so I volunteered… Instead of a rocket, I had Heine’s griffin carry me up to the dragon, and I jumped onto it before landing a Demon Lord punch,” says Viper, lacking any self-preservation instinct as always. The Combat Agents, whose job it is to fight, look away in uncomfortable silence.
Chapter 87
39 min read