* * * But it’s true that the female Supreme Leaders of an evil corporation have to be easy on the eyes. “If you look at the Kisaragi’s Supreme Leaders, other than Lilith who’s supposed to be the brains, everyone else is dressed pretty erotically, right? And even Heine, a former member of the Elite Four, is practically naked!” “N-now that you mention it!” And it was at that moment… …the office door slowly opened, and— “I’m sorry, Mr. Six! I’m ashamed that I doubted you… I’ll do my best to become a Supreme Leader with as much sex appeal as Heine!” “Vi…?! Lady Viper?! Don’t suddenly say ridiculous things so loudly!” With impeccable timing, Heine entered the room and threw cold water on Viper’s pronouncement. “Hey, don’t interrupt us! Vi’s finally awakening to her true nature! Get back to work.” “Awakening? Don’t insult us! Stop filling Lady Viper’s head with weird ideas! …Wait, never mind that! That’s not why I’m here!” Heine slaps the wall a few times as she speaks. “It seems the party that went to check on Toris is back. Alice wants you in the conference room!” The neighboring kingdom of Toris has been wiped out. At first, I don’t understand what that report means, but it seems they were suddenly invaded by a mysterious new force and crushed with little to no effort. Additionally, the royal family of Toris has vanished, but we don’t know who this mysterious new entity is, nor do we know what happened to the prince Snow had been trying to seduce. “According to the reports from our scouting party, the capital of Toris is currently blockaded, and they had no idea what was going on inside. It doesn’t seem like the occupying force is preparing to invade us; we don’t even know if they’re an enemy. With the Demon Lord’s Army gone, it would have been only a matter of time before we could take out Toris ourselves, but… Well, they took our prey from us, but for now we’re going to just see how things turn out.” Alice speaks from her position at the head of the conference table, holding court as though she is the one in charge. Since she seems to have a bit of an attitude, I grab her head and give her a noogie. “You’re being awfully tame today. They took our prey from us! We can’t just kick back and let them have their way!” My words trigger a flurry of responses from the other Combat Agents. “Six, for once in your life you have a point! We gotta show ’em who’s boss!” “Let’s invade! We can take over Toris or whatever it’s called now!” “I dunno who the hell those guys think they are, but they can’t get away with stealing our prey from us! Kill ’em!” The bloodthirsty underlings hold up their fists and howl. “I mean, hell, what were the scouts even doing?! They couldn’t figure out who the enemy was and they couldn’t figure out their motive?! Ugh! How useless! They’re robbing us blind by collecting their pay! If you guys feel even a little guilty for how useless you are, go spend your undeserved salary on drinks for the rest of us!” “Yeah, Six is right! If you’re not gonna pay for our drinks, get back to the war zone!” “Punishment! Punishment for the useless!” “You’re telling me you can’t even do recon on some backwater country on this ass-backward planet? You had all those fancy gadgets at your disposal and that was the best you could do? What a waste of Kisaragi technology!” We gang up on the scouting party, who all wear guilty expressions. Bullying people for their shortcomings while making excuses for our own is the Kisaragi way. “Y-you bastards…! It’s not like we were out playing around! There was a huge tiger monster guarding the gates of Toris! One that was almost as big as that Sand King we fought recently!” …Whoa, seriously? The conference room falls quiet as everyone seems to think the same as me. “Which is why we’re going to stand back and see how things develop. I know you’re all chickens at heart, so you probably won’t do anything now that you know there’s a considerable risk factor, but I’m still warning you to stay quiet for now.” Alice’s voice seems to ring particularly loudly in the silence. I feel as though Alice has seen right through me, so in an attempt to distract myself from that discomfort, I grab Alice’s head again. “Wh-who the hell are you calling ‘chicken’?! We’re Combat Agents of the Kisaragi Corporation! We’re not scared of anything! We struggled against the Sand King because guns didn’t work on it, but as for other monsters? Pfft! They’re nothing… Isn’t that right, guys?!” “Y-y-yeah! We’re totally not scared! Yep, not scared at all, right?!” “Felt something pucker a little, but yep, totally fine!” “The Sand King, huh…? W-well, obviously, if our guns didn’t malfunction we would’ve Swiss cheesed it!” As the Combat Agents try to put on brave faces, Alice speaks from under my hand. “Let me spell it out for you meatheads. This planet’s got abandoned combat vehicles and mysterious O-Parts, huge mechanical lizards and optical weaponry. And now we’ve got a giant monster the size of the Sand King sitting in front of Toris, which got taken out in a single day. The opponent, who we know nothing about, probably has tech and weaponry or at least living weapons that are more advanced than what we’ve got. Don’t think this is anything like the showing off you lot talk about against a bunch of backwoods yokels.” The clamoring Combat Agents fall silent in an instant. Just then, Alice stops and looks up at me. “Then again, considering the relative worth of Combat Agent lives, we can afford to send in a single squad…” “Why do you say that while looking at me?! Is it… Is it because I ignored your orders?! You’re gonna send me to my death just for that?! I’m sorry I didn’t trust you! I’m really, really sorry!” “For the last time, stop weighing the value of our lives!” “Everyone here is a veteran Combat Agent! You should treat us better!” Alice shakes her head and sighs at our complaints. “Then it’s like I said earlier. We’ll wait and see what they do. For now, let’s focus on developing Hideout City. This is the infrastructure stage of the game, essentially. Make sure you listen to me… Hey, don’t do anything stupid without my permission, got it? You guys over there, wipe that ‘you can count on us’ look off your faces. I’m serious!” 2 As Alice and I leave the conference room, I hear a familiar voice from around the corner of the hallway. “W-we can’t do that… Besides, we already have a supplier for buying ingredients…” “Ingredients are the same regardless of who we buy them from, aren’t they? One of my acquaintances sells meat for real cheap. We can buy from him and then take the difference…right? I’ll make sure you get a share…” Alice and I exchange nods as we catch bits of the hushed conversation. “Caaaaught yooou!” “Huh?! How dare you!” I restrain Snow, who was conspiring around the corner. “Don’t look so upset, Little Ms. Corrupt! We know you’re trying to feed us shady meat!” Alice uses the opportunity to shoo away the demon in charge of buying food supplies for Hideout City. Snow turns around to confirm that it is me restraining her and then speaks up. “Ms. Corrupt?! How dare you! I was just kidding! I haven’t even done anything yet! Yes, this is a Kisaragi joke! The sort of joke that’s common in evil organizations!” “Kisaragi joke?” The hell is she talking about…? “You’ve gotten way too comfy with the villain life! You’re still supposed to be a Combat Agent Recruit! I knew you were easily corrupted, but just look at how many times you’ve been caught embezzling money!” It’s temporary, but Snow’s been transferred to our organization. Apparently, Snow’s screwed up a few too many times in the Grace Kingdom and is now considered a nuisance by the kingdom’s nobles. Tillis asked us to add Snow to our ranks as a way of avoiding the royal family getting blamed for Snow’s failures. Originally the plan was to have her fully transfer to our organization, but it seems even Snow is aware that she wouldn’t have anything left if she lost her knighthood, so after she threw a crying fit, we came to the current arrangement. She’s a common sight around Hideout City, and she knows my coworkers pretty well. Aside from that, Tillis mentioned that because Grimm and Rose were being transferred, it’d be mean to leave her out of it… which is why we chose to take her, but… “Practicing your villainy is totally fine, but don’t do anything shady with the food. A Combat Agent’s body is their bread and butter, so we have to stay properly nourished.” “Hey, Alice, don’t let Ms. Corrupt off the hook! If you don’t chastise her she’ll just do it again!” Snow’s been weirdly lively since she got assigned to us. It’s almost like she’s a natural when it comes to evil deeds. “What’s gotten into you? Why do you look so happy?! What happened to the kicked-puppy face you were making?! I don’t want this Snow! Gimme back the serious knight commander who was always accusing me of espionage!” “Sh-shut up! I’ve always been like this! …Huh, do you think I’ve looked happy? Dammit, seems I let myself get all giddy over being reunited with my squadmates…” Snow blushes as though she’s embarrassed by the revelation, but I think she should probably be more ashamed of her embezzling. As I maintain my hold on her, Alice leans over to ask… “…So putting aside the fact that you’re here, where are the other two?” Grimm smiles gently as she sits with a demon at one of the soup kitchens in Hideout City. “Here you are. Be careful; it’s hot… You seem to be hurt, so please don’t push yourself too hard.” “Th-thank you… Um, you can let go of my hand now. I’m not so badly hurt that I’ll drop my plate…” Grimm’s serving a bowl of stew to a male demon with a hand injury, but… “Are you sure? I can spoon-feed you if you’d like.” “N-no, I’m fine! U-um… I’m gonna go now!” The demon blushes as he takes the bowl of stew and runs off. Grimm, who has been quietly watching over him, seems to have noticed us. “Oh, what brings you two here? We’re starting to wind down at this station since there are fewer and fewer people coming to get food. There seem to be eateries opening up around town, so I think we can start phasing out these kitchens.” “I see. Good work. That’s fine, but—” Just then a demon girl shyly brings a bowl to Grimm. “Um…” Before the girl can say more, Grimm quickly fills her bowl with stew and hastily hands it back to her. “Thanks!” “No need to thank me. Go eat! But be careful; it’s hot! Next!” As Grimm practically shoves the beaming girl aside, stirring the stew to cool it down for the next person in line, I can’t help but comment. “Hey.” “Yes? We’ve got enough hands here. Just leave it all to me, will you? Hee-hee-hee. I’m going to feed all the innocent young boys. That way, there’ll be boys who grow up with a fondness for kind, older women. I’m investing in the future. I won’t let anyone get in my way. Not even you, Commander.” Maybe we should isolate her from the kids before it’s too late… I’m pretty sure she’s the last person who should be in charge of the soup kitchens. She’s way too obvious in how differently she treats the boys and girls. …Grimm responds to me as she continues her preparations, but then suddenly pauses as she spies the next person in line. There’s someone in a dog suit standing in front of Grimm, bowl in hand… “Rose, I know it’s you in there! This soup kitchen is only for the demons of Hideout City! You already get food from Kisaragi!” Rose stands there dressed in the dog suit, looking for a handout. “Please give me stew, pretty lady!” “I’m not giving you any stew even if you try such obvious flattery! Here, I’ll give you my snacks, so go eat those instead! …Why are you taking some, Commander? You should buy your own!” Grimm, who is more of a softy than she lets on, reaches into her pocket and produces snacks… As she watches this typical afternoon scene play out, Alice crossed her arms and murmurs, “Man, they’re all useless outside of battle…” 3 The next day. “All right, we’re leaving the city in your care.” We stand in front of the gate that leads from Hideout City to the woods. Alice is saying her good-byes as she stands, carrying a backpack, accompanied by Viper, who is dressed in her Snake Woman outfit. The rest of the usual crew, minus the other Combat Agents, is here to see them off. “Yes, leave running the city to me! I’ve always been really interested in governing! Really, really interested!!” says Snow, intent on staying behind. I’m pretty sure she’s just interested in the bribes that inevitably go hand in hand with running a city. “All right. Rose and I should keep our eyes on Snow so she doesn’t do anything stupid, right?” “Leave it to us! If Ms. Snow does anything bad, I’ll bite her up!” “You two… You’ve really stopped pulling your punches of late…” At Grimm’s and Rose’s responses, Snow, with a faintly troubled expression, murmurs, “…So where are you two planning to go?” “Well because of the stupidly huge mechanical lizard and the barbarians, I hadn’t been able to do a proper survey of the surroundings. Since things have settled down a bit, it’s a good opportunity to survey the landscape and look for useful raw materials and water sources for industrial use. Basically, we’re going to explore.” … “Hold up! Why do you get to go on a fun adventure like that?! That’s a big risk you’re taking out there given how weak you are! You need me out there with you! Your combat specs are the same as an average human child, so you should take a Combat Agent along for protection!” In response, Alice points to Viper, who is also carrying a backpack. “I’ve got all the protection I need right here. I’m taking Viper with me this time. She’s not only stronger than all of you, but she’s smarter and she’s got a decent amount of common sense to boot. No matter how you look at it, Viper’s a better choice than a Combat Agent.” “Um… Erm… I’ll do my best…,” says Viper with a bow. There isn’t anything I can say in response. Wait, hold on; that’s not the point!” “Hold on, Alice! I’m your partner! C’mon, Vi! I know you’re talented, but don’t take my role away from me!” “I-I-I-I’m sorry, I apologize! Um, Ms. Alice… Given what Mr. Six is saying, maybe I should stay and do administrative work in my office…,” Viper says nervously, but Alice shakes her head. “Either way, I’m gonna need someone with local knowledge. But the other three locals are useless, so it’s not like I had a choice but to take you in the first place.” “Just a moment, Alice! I used to be a high-ranking officer in the kingdom! Calling me useless is a bit much, don’t you think?! Also, this has been bothering me… I get why Six would call Snake Woman ‘Viper,’ but why are you doing it as well…? And the way you’re saying it makes it seem like this Viper is someone from this world…” As Snow starts rambling to herself, I decide to push my case to Alice. “C’mon, Alice, I’m your partner! You’ve been so busy acting like the commander that you’re paying no attention to me! C’mon, gimme a bit of your time! Besides, no matter how strong Vi is, it’s still dangerous having just two girls out there!” Frankly, I’d much rather go on a planetary exploration mission that’s full of mystery and adventure than deal with the bothersome bits of paperwork that come with running a city. As I grab her tiny shoulders and shake her, Alice, despite being an android, looks like she’s struggling with her emotions while she thinks through the situation. “…All right, fine. Then you can tag along. But don’t do anything stupid like you did when we first got here, okay? You’ve got a history of doing stuff like screwing with the rain-making artifact.” I take the backpack from Alice and hoist it onto my own shoulders. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, but leave it to me. With a single punch, I’ll take care of all the barbarians that dare approach you.” “I’m telling you not to do those things, you idiot. This mission includes trying to negotiate with the local savages.” I half listen to Alice’s words as I excitedly put on the backpack. While I finish my prep, Viper takes the opportunity to ask Alice a question. “Ms. Alice, shouldn’t we tell the other Combat Agents as well? Like Mr. Six, there might be others who want to tag along…” “I’m sure there will be. In fact, I’m pretty sure all of them are so bored by the peace that they’ll all try to come. It’d be a hassle to deal with them, so we’re just going to leave them be. I’m sure they’ll forget about it if we bring them back a souvenir or two,” Alice says as though it’s the most obvious solution in the world, but she’s probably right about the hassle. With that said, Tiger Man, the one who will be the most trouble if he gets upset, has gone off to look for a sorcerer stone that is superior to even the one he nabbed from a dragon. The other Combat Agents are all simpletons, so I’m sure they’ll perk up if Viper gives them their souvenirs with an apologetic look. And then… “Snow’s insistent on staying in the city, while Grimm’s wheelchair’s not really suited for exploration.” “Yes. I’m a city girl, so I’m going to pass on the woods. I gotta keep an eye on Snow, too.” As Alice glances toward Grimm’s feet, Grimm smiles and folds her hands on her lap. Just then, Rose chimes in. “I wouldn’t mind tagging along and eating some monsters after hunting them, but…” “You’re fine in terms of combat ability, but you’re a bit lacking in the brains department. You should stay at Hideout City this time around and do the math problems Alice left for you… Hey, why are you looking at me like that? I actually graduated middle school, so I outrank you in education!” “…It’s a little weird for you, who’s not much smarter than Rose, to be acting so smug, but… Anyway, are you two ready to go?” asks Alice, now significantly lighter on her feet since I took her backpack. “Vi, this is your first exploration mission, right? It’s gonna be a tough journey, but no special treatment for you, got it? However, if things get too tough, make sure you ask for help from me, the veteran Combat Agent, okay?” “Okay, Mr. Six. I promise to ask for help if need be. But I’ll do my best not to get in your way…” As Viper and I exchange nods, Alice says with an even more aggressive expression than usual, “Right then, our objective this time is to find useful resources, secure a water source, and bring the savages to our side! And more than anything, we’re going to find out how the life-forms on this planet are ignoring the laws of physics!” Dammit, she’s adding a personal vendetta of hers to our objective. She’s going on about how griffin flight spits in the face of physics, and seeing as she already hates the supernatural, asking her to ignore stuff like this is probably a tall order. …But come to think of it, she did pretty well last time. Saving Viper while making it look like she self-destructed was a clutch move. I guess I owe my cranky partner some credit, so I’ll help her out as best as I can this time. “I don’t care if it’s a griffin or a dragon! I’ll wipe out all life-forms that defy the laws of evolution and aerodynamics!” Such are the words of the pretty-girl android who holds so much animosity for the supernatural, you’d think a dragon killed her family or something. 4 “Alice! Aliiiiice! Alice, help! My gun doesn’t work on this thing!” I’m already regretting my decision to tag along as I take aim with my handgun. “Hang on a sec. Leave critters like this to me. I’m having them send me a special Kisaragi-made vacuum cleaner!” Having entered deep into the woods, we are being pursued by mysterious floating balls of light for some reason. Well, technically they’re just following me. For some reason, these floating balls of light are clinging to me. “They’re wind spirits. They’re harmless, so no need to worry about them. They’re said to provide all sorts of benefits and are worshipped around the world,” says Viper, smiling as she watches the spirits chase me around. “More nonsense… Great.” After sending off her request for the vacuum cleaner, Alice grabs one of the glass jars she brought for gathering samples. “Caught me a wind spirit!” “Ms. Alice?!” Alice captured a wind spirit in her jar. “…Phew, thanks Alice. I’m fine against opponents that weapons work on, but I really can’t do anything to incorporeal creatures, like ghosts and spirits, when my weapons don’t work.” “No worries, partner. We’ve each got our specializations. Let’s send this thing off to Kisaragi when we get back to Hideout City. It’s a rare life-form, so I’m sure we’ll get a good price for it.” “Y-you can’t sell a spirit! They’re very sacred and precious beings!” insists Viper as Alice puts a lid on the jar. I click my tongue and wag my finger at the protesting Viper. “Vi, you don’t get it, do you? Are you sure you’re a Kisaragi leader? We’re an evil organization! We’re supposed to go out of our way to do bad things!” “Ah! Y-you’re right! I’m a leader in an evil organization!” Viper seems to come to her senses, then stares intently at the spirit inside the jar with a determined expression… “…Heh. No matter how sacred you might be, we won’t worship you.” “Vi, the wind spirit escaped.” “What the hell? I thought it was just some sort of glowing bug… Well, if bullets go through it, I guess it can also pass through a glass jar.” Viper, who was talking to the jar, turns beet-red and covers her face in embarrassment. Meanwhile, the wind spirit that escaped returns to floating around me.
Chapter 70
20 min read