FINAL CHAPTER To Be the Ideal Boss 1 The day after Lilith resolves to get things done. All the Combat Agents have assembled in front of our newly constructed hideout. Few gathered here have any idea why they’ve been summoned. “Very well, all of you, allow me to explain why I’ve ordered you to abandon the front lines and gather here today. So long as you follow my directions, I’ll forgive that none of you came to greet me, a Supreme Leader of the Kisaragi Corporation. I am, after all, a generous and gracious boss. I’m not remotely hurt that you’ve excluded me from your activities, nor do I hold that against you.” Standing atop a hastily erected dais, Lilith raises her voice to address the troops. It’s pretty obvious from the barbs scattered throughout her remarks that she is, in fact, nursing a grudge, but no one points this out. Why? Because Lilith has her game face on today. The more senior the agent, the more they put their trust in Lilith when she’s serious. “No doubt there are some of you who have seen her around. And no doubt some of you have spoken to her before. But today, I’ll introduce you all to a new Combat Agent Recruit… She’s none other than the Chimera girl standing next to me, Rose!” “To everyone I’ve never met, nice to meet you! I’m Rose, a Chimera and Combat Agent Recruit. I’m looking forward to working with all of you!” Rose, forced to stand beside Lilith, blushes nervously as she calls out to the gathering. As a pattering of applause echoes from the agents, Lilith holds her hand up for silence. “Now, obviously, I have not assembled you all merely to introduce you to a new recruit. The Kisaragi Corporation’s leadership is diverse. There is a ruthless ice queen who considers agents expendable. We also have a meathead flame warrior who insists that Combat Agents exist to die in battle and that those who aren’t weak will end up surviving. As for me…” Lilith takes a meaningful pause after insulting her colleagues. “I, as the Supreme Leader most concerned with the welfare of our Combat Agents, will never abandon or betray you, our precious agents. No doubt you are all aware of this already!” Whispers ripple across the gathered agents. “When I went to Lady Lilith after spilling ketchup on Lady Astaroth’s uniform, she shooed me away and told me it wasn’t her problem.” “One time, she goaded me into playing a practical joke on Lady Belial, telling me it’d be fun to tease a beautiful boss. She sold me out the moment we got caught.” Lilith’s brow twitches, as though she’s heard the subdued griping. “It seems some of you have something to say. Speak up, then! I’ll make note of your faces and names. You know my intelligence! I never forget a face. I’ll be sure to remember them until the next round of HR evaluations!” says the shitty boss, not even batting an eye at her abuse of authority. That’s the sort of thing that guarantees no one votes for her in the various surveys. “I will ignore our differing perspectives for now. What I wanted to point out…was the fact that when any of you Combat Agents are harmed by an outside enemy, I will always and immediately strike out to avenge you.” This time, no one breathes so much as a word of disagreement. As the name Lilith the Black indicates, the reason she maintains something of a following despite her completely rotten personality is the fact that the moment a subordinate is victimized by the enemy, Lilith always pays them back in kind. She’s a petty, petulant, and often useless antisocial character with flaws aplenty, but no one here denies her vindictive loyalty to her subordinates. “…Now, that should be enough to clue you in to why you’ve been assembled here today, yes?” ……… “Hey, did you follow that?” “Yeah… So we’re here to have a welcoming party. We’re gonna have a party with that Chimera girl, I guess.” “Oh, gotcha. Guess I’ll head off to the woods and grab us a mokemoke.” “A welcoming party? Pretty thoughtful for an antisocial boss. Still not planning on voting for her, though.” Lilith’s face flushes, as it appears the point has sailed right over the heads of the assembled agents. “Why are you Combat Agents all so uniformly stupid?! Hey, Six! Tell them what we’re about to do!” This is why dealing with the lowest level of lackeys is such a headache… “Let me make it clear for the dimmest of you lot. Rose is a Chimera who can acquire the abilities of whatever she eats. That means you all need to use your Evil Points to gather rare ingredients…” “No! Wrong! Forget it! Why am I surrounded by idiots?! Listen up, all of you: The Demon Lord’s Army has taken over and occupied a place near and dear to Rose’s heart!” “Huh?! Um, no, that’s not it, Lady Lilith. We don’t even know if they’ve taken it over. I was just thinking I’d remember more about my past if we visited the spots I marked on the map…” Lilith pretends not to hear Rose as she clarifies in a soft voice. “Listen up, Combat Agents! She’s the kind of pretty girl you all love! Our new pretty-girl Chimera recruit has had a place dear to her heart taken from her, and now she’s suffering for it! Even you morons know what comes next, right?!” “““Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!””” Seems it was clear enough for them this time. “We’re heading to the Demon Lord’s Castle! Combat Agents, gather your weapons! Tiger Man, organize the rabble!” Lilith boldly issues her orders before the excited throng of Combat Agents. “To the Demon Lord’s Castle! They won’t know what hit ’em!” “Lady Lilith! What happened to talking it out?!” Rose’s objection is swallowed by the surge of cheers erupting from the Combat Agents— “I will now hand out your assignments for this mission. First, Tiger Man! Lead the Combat Agents and raid the Demon Lord’s Kingdom! During this operation, you are to ignore any movements from the enemy nation of Toris! Even if they take possession of some territory, we can reclaim it later. If we end this war in a single day, they won’t even have time to invade.” “So…we’re doing decoy work as usual nyeow?” I wish he wouldn’t do that whole meowing thing while saluting with a straight face. “Exactly. Your role is to draw the enemy to you. But instead of the usual border skirmish, this time, you’re going to attack the Demon Lord’s Kingdom directly. You’ll need to cause a huge commotion. Can I count on you?” “Leave it to me, Meows Lilith! It’s been a while since I’ve led an all-out assault! I can’t wait!” Tiger Man wears a cocky smile and cracks his knuckles. “We’re counting on you, Tiger Man! And if you call me ‘Meows Lilith’ again, you’re getting tentacled!” “Won’t happen again, Meows Lilith!” The tentacles immediately grab Tiger Man, hauling him into the air, and he begins meowing out his apologies. “Next, Combat Agent Six! You and Rose will come with me.” “Roger, Lady Lilith! So we’re your escort, huh?” “I’ll do my best to protect you, Lady Lilith!” Rose balls up a fist, prompting a faint smile from Lilith. Alice rests her shotgun against her shoulder, looking rather pleased as she watches Lilith. “And as for you, Alice…” “I’m coming with you, of course. It’s too dangerous to leave my useless creator without supervision.” Alice interjects before Lilith can give her orders. Lilith doesn’t bother responding. She just wears a happy smile. …And at that moment. “Wait a second, Lady Lilith. We’re attacking the Demon Lord’s Castle this time, right? Then we’d like to participate in the assault instead of just the diversion!” “In that case, I wanna go, too.” “Yeah. Why does Six always get special treatment anyway?!” “Damn thug, it’s unfair he gets the nice gigs because he’s been around longer! Switch places with me, dammit!” The dime-a-dozen Combat Agents assigned to be a diversion begin whining. Lilith tilts her head a moment, a troubled expression crossing her features… “W-well, if that’s what you all want, I suppose you can take over for Six…” “Wait, what are you saying, Lady Lilith? There’s no way these weaklings can take over for me, someone who’s served you for so many years. It’s not like these obnoxious lackeys are useful for anything but a diversion anyway. It’s not good leadership to flip-flop on a decision you just made.” I quickly interject before Lilith can finish speaking. Hearing my tirade, the weakling agents start jeering at me. “Ahhh, all right, all right. Six, the rest of you, calm down! I understand your feelings. If all of you are so eager to come with me, you’re all welcome to join! Oh, but Agent Ten, not you. Since you can fly an airplane, you’re responsible for carrying me to the destination.” Lilith is unable to suppress a smirk at having her subordinates fawn over her. “…Wait, a plane? What sort of mission are you planning if you need Agent Ten to pilot a plane?” I can’t help but feel a tinge of anxiety. Seems like the other agents feel the same way, with them all going quiet to hear Lilith’s response. “Ah, right… Let me give you the key details of the plan. The Combat Agents led by Tiger Man will pick a big fight with the Demon Lord’s Army. They’ll make it as messy and elaborate as possible. Don’t worry about the points needed to request weapons. Go crazy. I’ll cover the point cost. The weapons and ammo are on me today, so don’t hold back!” Everyone lets out a cheer at Lilith’s show of confidence. Hold on, they get to use as many weapons as they want, and Lilith’s gonna pay for it? I’m starting to want to go with them… “As you draw the attention of the Demon Lord’s Army, Agent Ten will pilot a plane to drop the four of us off in the middle of enemy territory. While the enemy lacks modern weaponry, they do have this so-called magic technology, which means they’ll likely have antiair weaponry. Agent Ten will retreat as soon as we drop. He’ll then return to the Grace-Demon Lord’s Army border and provide air support for Tiger Man’s forces.” …Upon hearing this, everyone falls into stunned silence while Agent Ten nods in acknowledgment. Diving into the middle of the enemy headquarters from the sky. Having heard this idiotic plan proposed by the supposed genius Lilith, the Combat Agents, who had been yelling at me a moment earlier, turn away. “…Well, then. We’re counting on you, Lady Lilith. I’ll go on the decoy mission, so please come back safely.” “Hold it, Six, this is a mission tailor-made for you. You’re the agent with the best survival skills, after all.” “Yes. Six has known Lady Lilith the longest. For something big like taking out the Demon Lord, I think you, who came to this planet first, should do the honors.” “Heh, you know we were just kidding. There’s no way we’d try to grab the spoils out from under you after all the work you’ve put in.” The Combat Agents change their tune at the drop of a hat. “What the hell, you bastards?! One of you, trade places with me! I mean, why the hell do I always get the dangerous stuff? Screw that! You know I was sent here when teleporting was most unstable, right?!” My desperate attempts at negotiation all fall on deaf ears. “Wh-what’s wrong, everyone? You can volunteer to come with me if you want!” 2 “Well nyeow, Lady Lilith, we wish you success!” We watch the ground forces led by Tiger Man snap off salutes to Lilith before heading out. It will take a while until Tiger Man and the Combat Agents engage the Demon Lord’s Army. Since we’d easily overtake them in our plane regardless of how fast they push their land vehicles, we have nothing to do but hurry up and wait until the decoys engage the enemy’s main force. In the end, the ones left are Lilith, Alice, Rose, me, and the pilot, Combat Agent Ten. Though we have plenty of time, this is a sortie Lilith threw together in a hurry, so there’s no harm in taking a moment to sort out the specifics. “…The plan is as I explained earlier. We will be offering Tiger Man as a precious sacrifice. He will catch the Demon Lord—probably while he’s gazing up at the sky and cackling, or something—and then, he’ll rip out his jugular. I understand the description makes this sound rather risky, but my presence will make up for that.” The risk is that you came up with it. I barely manage to swallow the words before they come out of my mouth. “The ideal situation would be a precise drop by Combat Agent Ten. Demon Lords tend to live at the tops of their castles anyway. If there’s no antiaircraft fire, we’ll have Ten bring us in as close as possible and drop us at the top floor. Then, we crash through the windows and kill the Demon Lord. Problem solved!” “No, don’t solve the problem, Lady Lilith! I want to talk to the Demon Lord!” Rose’s objection reminds Lilith of the original objective. “N-now, on the other hand!” She wants to pretend the last line didn’t happen. “If the antiair fire is too thick and we can’t get to the castle, then we’ll release multiple parachutes as dummies. We’ll then drop last toward the rear of the castle. There’ll be a rain of parachutes falling into the enemy capital, where the Demon Lord’s Castle is. Obviously, the enemy combatants in the city will scatter to respond to the various drop points. Once we spread out the enemy forces in this way…we’ll strong-arm our way into the Demon Lord’s Castle from the rear, heading to the top floor! Then, all we have to do is rid ourselves of the Demon Lord as soon as we find him. Problem solved!” “Again, please don’t solve the problem, Lady Lilith! I keep telling you we’re going to talk to him. I mean…” Rose cocks her head slightly. “I mean, we may have found the Demon Lord’s Castle, but how are we going to get inside? We need to clear the fog surrounding it using the treasure from the Tower of Duster…” …What’s she talking about all of a sudden? Why are we discussing an RPG? Lilith seems to be thinking the same thing, looking at Rose quizzically. “Once the fog clears, we have to place the sorcerer stones from each of the Elite Four into the towers arrayed north, south, east, and west of the Demon Lord’s Castle. Once we do that…” “The barrier around the castle disappears, and the path to the Demon Lord opens up, right? Yeah, we know.” Rose’s eyes go wide in surprise. “Wait, you knew all this, Boss? I heard this was pretty much top secret…” Clearing the fog with a treasure, removing the barrier with items taken from beating the Elite Four—these are all RPG clichés. Alice then opens her mouth. “Yo, Six. Remember this kingdom’s prophecy had a divinely guided Chosen One eventually taking out the Demon Lord. I’m sure you’ve forgotten because you’re all brawn and no brain, but we conquered that Tower of Duster for the Chosen One.” …Did we really? “But while we were taking that tower’s treasure, Whatever of the Wind caught the Chosen One in a Random Teleport spell, and the two vanished without a trace…” Oh, now that she mentions it, I do kinda remember something like that… “…Uh, so what are we going to do? Can’t we have an outcome where I awaken to some mysterious power and become the new Chosen One?” Lilith rushes through her question, reacting like I did the first time I heard about the prophecy of the Chosen One. “Well, just forget about the prophecy. The Chosen One’s gone, and Whatever of the Wind has vanished, too. Which means we can’t use the clichéd solution in either case… I mean, Six, you’ve beaten three of their Elite Four to date, but did you recover their sorcerer stones or whatever?” Now that Alice mentions it, I don’t remember collecting those drops. …No, wait a minute. “When I first beat Heine of the Flames, I got a rock like that, remember? The one Heine got all teary-eyed about and said she’d do anything to get back. The one I told her I’d consider handing over if she posed for those pervy pictures.” “You did what? That’s going a bit too far, don’t you think?” Yeah, I did grab that sorcerer stone. “Good job. You remembered something for once. Just to jog your memory about what happened after, you ended up not giving it back to her and blew it up using a land mine. Right in front of Heine’s eyes, at that.” …I don’t remember that one, actually. Lilith and Rose shoot me disgusted looks. “Besides, Gadalkand of the Earth didn’t have a sorcerer stone, and Russell of the Water is using his as we speak to deal with the kingdom’s water shortage. Even if we could get three out of four, Whatever of the Wind being missing means we’re out of options. We don’t have a way to go the clichéd route.” According to Alice’s assessment, we’ve only got one alternative. Just then, Lilith, who has been listening till now, grins. “…See? Since we’re an evil organization, we can’t take the easy path. Besides, we don’t need to do things the ‘right’ way.” Lilith brushes aside the very idea. “Yes, the Kisaragi way is to go against the norm. We’ll also resort to our twisted methods to take out the Demon Lord!” “Like I keep saying, Lady Lilith, we can’t take him out—!” “—It’s about time. Are you all ready to go?” It’s been about half a day since Tiger Man and company set off. Combat Agent Ten, who has been quietly tuning into the conversation with his eyes closed and his arms across his chest, suddenly speaks up, gesturing at the plane with his thumb as if to tell us to hop aboard. “…S-sure, we’re ready, but… Say, Combat Agent Ten, despite the fact that you’re a rank-and-file agent like Six, you’ve got…a really unique personality.” “Not at all. I’m just one of your average, everyday Combat Agents.” Without much daily contact with Combat Agents other than me, Lilith appears to have taken an interest in Ten. She seems to suddenly remember something and lets out a soft “Ah!” “Oh yeah, Combat Agent Ten! The kingdom’s princess really chewed me out because of your bullshit!” As Lilith yells at him, Ten breaks out in a roguish grin. “Well now, there’s too many things I could think of to feel guilty about to recall any specific incident. I’m a Combat Agent for an evil organization. Evil antics are my daily bread…” “That’s not it at all! I’m a villain, too! If it was ordinary villainy, I’d be praising you. But your case is different! You tried to poop in the princess’s room! Why did that even cross your mind?!” …Huh, Rose is looking at Ten as though observing something beyond her comprehension. “Oh, come on now, Lady Lilith. I may be the survivor of countless battlefields, and I may have done all sorts of reckless things in the past, but even I have to poop after eating. Or are you telling me not to defecate? If you asked me to kill a dragon or refrain from pooping…well, I’d go kill the dragon without a second thought. I’m sorry, but that’s just who I am.” “I’m telling you to crap in the toilet!” I wish I could listen to Lilith and Ten’s idiotic conversation for a while longer, but it’s getting to be that time. Alice quickly hops into the aircraft—or more precisely, the giant transport plane—which was ordered using a boatload of Lilith’s Evil Points. “Just get going already. Ten’s as dumb as usual, but why are you going on about poop, Lady Lilith? You showed a weird fixation with the Sky King’s poop, too, but this is messed up even for me.” “Fine, I shouldn’t have brought this up in the first place. This conversation’s over. But I have one last thing to say to Combat Agent Ten—POOP IN THE TOILET!” Lilith then climbs into the aircraft, but one look at her face tells me that she had a lot more she wanted to say. Once he confirms everyone’s aboard, Ten starts up the plane and takes off. 3 “We’re really flying, Boss! Look, look, there’s a supopocchi fighting a mokemoke over there! Let’s stop by on the way home, capture the one that loses, and boil it!” Excited by her first flight, Rose looks down at the ground and kicks up a fuss. “See, Six? This is how natives should react to superior technology. That’s the reaction I was looking for.” Apparently, this is what Lilith had in mind with her Lilithification plans, and she smiles contentedly. “…Hey, mind if I butt in? Isn’t that the Sky King or whatever?” Alice has been surveying our surroundings, and we look in the direction she’s pointing. “Yeah, that’s the Sky King. You know, at that size, I bet we wouldn’t go hungry for a long time…” “It’s supposed to be the Guardian Beast. Don’t eat it.” I make sure to quip to Rose after her disturbing remark, but… I can’t really tell from this distance, but it looks like someone on the ground is getting chased by the Sky King. Probably some idiot who raided the Sky King’s lair. We’re too far away to get a clear look at the poor soul being pursued, but there’s something familiar about that silhouette. “Yo, what’s going on, Six? You’re staring so intently into the distance.” “Well, it looks like the Sky King’s chasing someone or something… Should we go help?” If we weren’t in the middle of a mission, we could do a good deed in hopes of getting a reward. “…Unless you’ve stolen something important or are carrying something shiny, the Sky King won’t bother with you. And if you’ve stolen something, it’ll forgive you if you give it back. For shiny stuff, if you hide it under your clothes and hold it like it’s really important to you, it’ll eventually give up. If the Sky King is after somebody, it’s totally that person’s fault.” Rose’s unexpectedly harsh assessment convinces me to let the strangely familiar stranger go it alone. …And more importantly. “Hey, Ten. Um, I’ve been wondering since earlier, but are you using a controller from a game console to fly this plane?” “Oh yeah. This is the sort of controller I’m most comfortable with. I used my own points to order it. So long as I have this in hand, I’m one of the best pilots in the world.” Wow, one of the best in the world. That’s a lot of confidence. “Glad to hear that. We’re counting on you, Ten.” Alice approaches, her curiosity piqued by our exchange. “If I didn’t have to participate in the parachute drop, I’d do the piloting. Still, where’d you learn to fly like that? I know we’re not supposed to dig into someone’s past at Kisaragi, but I have to admit, I’m curious.” “Heh. It’d be better to talk about it after we’re home safe… Well, the long and the short of it is that I grew up with a unique family and had to teach myself how to fly a plane.” ……? Wait, “a unique family”? What does that have to do with him teaching himself how to fly? …Wait, he taught himself? “We’re approaching the drop zone. Looks like it’s my time to shine. Heh, I love a good challenge!” For some reason, rather than reassuring me, his confidence fills me with a sense of dread. “All right, is everyone set? We’re counting on you, Ten. Show us the skill that made you bravely volunteer when I took a shot in the dark and asked if anyone knew how to fly a plane… Everyone else, prepare for the drop!” As a structure that appears to be the Demon Lord’s Castle comes into view, tension begins building inside the plane. …As the cabin grows quiet, I have a question I really need to ask. “…Hey, Ten, I just can’t get over the fact that you’re using that game controller. You mentioned you taught yourself to fly… You don’t mean that you taught yourself by playing Lace Combat, do you?” I mean this as a joke, of course. I asked because I wanted to use this as an opening for him to tell me where he learned to fly. On average, most Combat Agents are dumb as dirt. I can’t shake the feeling there’s something odd about one of them having a genuine pilot’s license. Ten laughs at my suggestion, though, as if I made a particularly funny joke. Seeing his reaction, I relax a little. “Okay, my bad. That was a stupid thing to ask.” My apology elicits a thin smile and a shrug from Ten. “Yeah, no kidding. Who do you think I am? The first Lace Combat? Are you crazy? …I learned from Lace Combat Final. That one had online matches and was really difficult. One time, I stole money from my sister’s piggy bank, spent it on in-game items, and wound up as one of the top ten players in the world.” “Everyone, put on your parachutes, quick! Alice, do you think you can take the controls for a bit?” “I can use my connector, but that’ll cause problems with the parachute drop. It’s safer to abandon this plane and get to the ground ASAP.” “Why’s everyone suddenly so panicked? Did something happen?” As the cabin becomes a beehive of activity, Rose alone remains calm. “I told you! I TOLD YOU! Combat Agents are all morons! If he had an actual license, he wouldn’t be a Combat Agent! That’d be obvious after thinking about it for a second! Dammit!” “Calm down, Six. Leave this to me. With my trusty controller, I’m invincible. And I bought tons of prepaid cards to spend on in-game items, so there’s no problem here.” As soon as I hear that, I kick open the plane door. Lilith screams without a shred of hesitation: “Deploy parachutes—!” The Demon Lord’s Kingdom is a vast wasteland dotted with a number of small deserts. After landing in the middle of these vast wastelands… “Th-thought we were gonna die…! If Ten makes it home, he’s in for an earful!” Actually, thinking about it, how the hell did he take off using a game controller? “Is everyone safe? No one’s hurt?” “I’m okay! Actually, it was fun coming down from the sky!” “Obviously, I’m fine. If there was a problem, this area would have been wiped out by my reactor.” Lilith checks on everyone present, and it seems there aren’t any issues. In fact, the problem is we still have a long way to go until we get to the Demon Lord’s Castle. I don’t know where we landed exactly, but I do know we’re deep in demon territory, which means our options are to either head toward the Demon Lord’s Castle, vaguely visible in the distance, or decide the mission’s a wash and beat a retreat… Now on the ground, we can hear the distant sound of explosions in the background, probably from modern small-arms fire. Which must mean Tiger Man’s started his attack. “Alice, after confirming our current position, let’s move to the closest hill.” Unfazed by this setback, Lilith quickly gives further orders. “We’re north-northwest of the Demon Lord’s Castle. About fifteen klicks out. I’ve linked up with your satellite, Lady Lilith, but there aren’t any hills nearby. I have found a group of hostiles heading this way, though.” “Oh, dang it! The enemy’s already coming for us? Why did my perfect plan with layers and layers of schemes go wrong?” “I think it’s because you forgot to check Ten’s qualifications.” A rock flies at me in response to my accurate feedback. “Why does this always happen to me…? I mean, ordinarily, this is where my brilliant, brainy plan goes off without a hitch, allowing me to show off before canceling the widely hated order of dragging Six back to Earth, and then having everyone praise the wonders of Lilithification after I depart, isn’t it?” I’d like to think it’s because she doesn’t think things through enough on a day-to-day basis. ……Wait. “Hey, Lady Lilith, what was that? Did you just say you’re going to cancel Six’s forced repatriation and leave him to continue serving as my partner?” “Yeah, that’s right! That’s what I said! I mean, what choice do I have?! If it was just the greedy knight or that clingy woman, I’d take him back in a heartbeat. But rather than the cross-dressing Chimera, it was Patrasche who swayed me. And she happens to be attached to Six and have a really heavy, tragic history. Of course I wouldn’t hesitate to follow through!” Hearing that, Alice stops moving. “…You know, I think about this a lot, but the Kisaragi Supreme Leaders are all tsundere, aren’t they?” “Shut up, Six! At the very least, I am not a tsundere! I’m the honest and kind Lady Lilith!” Rose fidgets a bit, happily listening to them bicker. “I’m too dumb to get the full gist of what’s going on, but does this mean the boss and Miss Alice can stay together because I like the boss?” “Yes, that’s right. But remember that’s on my judgment alone! Hooray, Miss Chimera! When you get back to base, make sure you get Six and Alice to treat you to all sorts of goodies!” Lilith’s cheeks flush faintly. …What should I do with this tsundere boss? I guess it wouldn’t hurt for Alice and me to be a little nicer to her. Just as I’m thinking up a scheme and Alice is staring blankly at the sky, evidently lost in thought… “Mrrreow. Lady Lilith, do you copy? This is the Tigerrr Man Decoy Squad…over!” Tiger Man’s voice comes over Lilith’s radio receiver. “We’ve done a cerrrtain amount of damage to the Demon Lord’s Arrrmeow, but the Sand King suddenly appurrred on the battlefield. Our currrent weaponry is insufficient, so I’m rrreturning to the hideout. Furrrthermore, the Demon Lord’s Arrrmeow also retreated with the Sand King’s appurrrance, so there’s a high purrrobability you’ll encounterrr the enemy if you’re heading to the Demon Lord’s Castle. This mission is a failurrrre. I suggest immeowdiate rrretreat…meow. Over.” …… The painful report completely spoils the mood. Alice, who’s been staring upward, shakes her head and shrugs her shoulders. “…I guess I should’ve expected things to go south. Once Lady Lilith returns to Earth after having failed her mission, we’ll get Lady Astaroth or Lady Belial over here… Well, I guess it’s a win to have seen my creator be useful. The enemy units converging on this spot are probably the main forces of the Demon Lord’s Army. Lady Lilith, have them send us another plane. This is the time to make a hasty retreat.” …As Alice says, I guess we can call it a win to have seen Lilith’s soft side. “Rose, you heard her. It might be a bit dangerous, but we’re pulling back this time. Next time, we’ll plan better and return after making the proper preparations. It might take a while, but we’ll grant you your wish.” “A-all right! I mean, we tried to rush things too much this time, didn’t we? Anyway, I got plenty of information from the survey of the ruins, so I’m plenty satisfied!” As Rose smiles at my promise… “This is Lilith. Negative on retreat. We will continue the mission. Tiger Man, your unit is cleared to retreat to the hideout. The Sand King’s appearance was unexpected… No, actually, with the information at hand, I could’ve anticipated it. It’s my fault. Sorry. Thanks for your efforts. Head on home. Over and out.” Lilith completely kills the mood over the radio. 4 “I know, I know. I’m well aware, given that I make plenty of mistakes. It’s why everyone calls me the useless boss. And you, Combat Agent Six, are the one who’s called me that most often.” We’re in the middle of a wasteland without any cover in sight. If we make our stand here, they’ll undoubtedly spot us, even at a distance. At the very least, our parachute drop must’ve been visible from the entire Demon Lord’s Kingdom, and according to Alice, the Demon Lord’s Army is converging on us. Which means… …not only are we going to face several thousand soldiers, but they’ll be getting a steady stream of reinforcements. “Are you serious, Lady Lilith? That’s the core of the Demon Lord’s Army! In effect, it’s their entire military! See those dark-brown boobs up in front? That’s one of the Demon Lord’s Elite Four, Heine of the Flames.” Yes, at the head of the Demon Lord’s Army, unmoving as though wary of us, stands Heine of the Flames, her arms crossed over her chest. “Ah, one of the competition’s leaders who you mentioned in your reports. I’m not afraid of a pair of tits. Size isn’t everything. Mine are quite well shaped!” My flat boss adds some irrelevant information as she and Alice ready themselves for combat without sparing another glance at the forces in front of us. “…Um, Lady Lilith, what are you doing? Also, are you really planning to fight them?” I can understand Rose’s concerns. “I’m just making preparations so that, in the worst case, I can go all out.” Their preparations aren’t much. They’re just arranging the stockpile of heavy weapons sent over by the teleporter around Lilith. “As for the second question on whether I actually mean to fight… Well, let my actions speak for themselves.” Surrounded by mortars on all sides, Lilith actually seems quite chipper. What’s going on? Is she just getting an adrenaline rush before battle? This gloomy character isn’t usually one to enjoy this sort of all-out brawl. “Hey, Six, I’m starting to set up, so carry this next to Lady Lilith.” “…? Miss Alice, what’s that?” “This is a relay interface that lets people other than me create a satellite link. We’ll take the cord from it and stick the end into one of Lady Lilith’s holes.” “Phrasing! Alice, that phrasing is wrong on so many levels. Rose, don’t take it in a weird way. My body has an interface device embedded in it through modification surgery so I can interact with machines like this. That’s an important detail, so remember it. I have more openings on my body than most people. And I don’t mean that in a sexual way.” While Lilith is busy digging her own grave, we continue readying ourselves for combat. Lilith takes the countless cords stretching from the heavy weaponry, pulls them into her lab coat, and does something with them. …What the heck is happening under her lab coat? I really want to know. “Lady Lilith, should I help you with plugging in those cords?” “No thanks. If I let you help, it’s definitely going to end in tragedy. Specifically, a perverted tragedy.” Seeing countless unfamiliar heavy weapons, the Demon Lord’s Army, with Heine at the helm, looks increasingly wary. “Hey, Alice, shouldn’t we stop this? I feel like it’s going to end with a literal bang.” “I figure Lady Lilith’s got a lot of pent-up frustration from having been away from you for so long. This spare-no-expense, overwhelming display of firepower doubles as stress relief. She’s targeting the competition; let’s just sit back and let her do her thing.” I suppose that sort of ruthless pragmatism is to be expected of an android with a heart of metal. “…However, the points Lady Lilith had saved up were originally meant for the final battle on Earth. If she uses this much firepower on this planet, she’s going to burn through her points and end up in the negatives after a volley or two.” As one of the Supreme Leaders of the Kisaragi Corporation, Lilith’s got an insane number of Evil Points. She’s probably earned enough just off the various terrible weapons she’s invented over the years to rank first or second in Kisaragi itself. However… “Aren’t those the precious points she’s supposed to spend fighting superheroes and giant robots? The math doesn’t make any sense.” “Yeah. Ammo sent from Earth is priced way higher than usual… She’s probably thinking that using up all her points here and falling into the red isn’t that terrible an outcome.” …Going back to Earth with a negative point balance means punishment, after all. Seeing my puzzled expression, Alice gives a cheerful little shrug. By now, the cords from the various weapons have all been plugged into Lilith. The Demon Lord’s Army, which has been warily keeping its distance, finally begins to move. To be specific, Heine, their leader, starts walking toward us. Once she’s about twenty meters away, Heine calls out— “Hey, Combat Agent Six. What are you doing out here? Are you up to one of your schemes again?” Heine’s already aware what’s going on, and she smirks as she addresses us. “Or is it that after drawing me away with your decoys, you were planning to go after His Lordship?” …Damn, she’s really onto us. I mean, there’s no other reason for us to be out here at the same time as Tiger Man’s offensive. “I still consider you a worthy opponent…which means if you want a fight, you’re getting the whole army. Don’t complain about fairness, okay? There’s no other way to beat you and your machinations.” …Why is she taking the trouble of warning us? “…But if you’re willing to surrender so we can swap you for Russell in a hostage exchange, we’ll consider listening.” Oh, I see. She hasn’t given up on getting Russell back. Unfortunately, it’s much too late for him. I mean, the fact that he’s stopped objecting to dressing up like a girl among other things kinda makes it seem like he’s already settled in, but it’s more than that. He’s learned the joys of having the Combat Agents depend on him to make their meals and do their laundry. He enjoys taking care of them in general. Just then. “Six, is that one of the leaders of the Demon Lord’s Army?” Her preparations complete, Lilith calls over to me. “Yes, that’s one of the Demon Lord’s Elite Four, Heine of the Flames.” Hearing that, Lilith orders a PA speaker and calls out toward Heine— “<Test, test. You, Boob Girl. Can you hear me?>” Heine tilts her head at the sudden, booming voice calling out to her in Japanese, at which point, Lilith addresses them in the local language. “We come bearing a message for the leadership of the Demon Lord’s Army. We urge you to surrender to us. This is a warning. If you insist on fighting, in the name of Lilith the Black, this land will become a burning hellscape.” …Other than Heine, who looks a bit surprised at the ultimatum, the rest of the demons break out in raucous laughter. While they hoot and holler, Heine, the only one not howling, slowly raises her hand. The laughter immediately stops. “Since this is coming from your side, I doubt that threat is hollow. Six, who is that?” Still on her guard, Heine calls over to me. “This is my boss and one of our Supreme Leaders, Lady Lilith.” “O-one of your Supreme Leaders…” Since she’s already acknowledged us as fierce adversaries, this news causes Heine to break out in a cold sweat. “Alice’s example taught us not to underestimate anyone, not even a child. I mean, if she’s this calm facing this giant army, there must be at least a speck of truth to those words.” The increasingly wary Heine once again waits for us to make the next move. Seeing this, Lilith smiles faintly, as though things are moving as expected. “…Well, what’s it going to be, Heine of the Flames? Will you surrender? A fight will hurt my wallet, so I’d prefer a peaceful solution.” Lilith’s casual attitude, indicating she doesn’t much care which way things turn out, makes Heine even more cautious. It’s easy enough to see that Heine’s seriously considering how to respond to Lilith and the mysterious weapons surrounding her. “…We can’t just back down to a handful of people. You sure you don’t want to surrender? If you give us back Russell, we’ll make sure to let you go… Your whole group’s made up of young girls. Demons are pretty bloodthirsty. If a fight breaks out, I won’t be able to stop ’em.” …Ah, it’s come to threats. But that’s war for you. We’re an evil organization. We’ve seen plenty of awful scenes. That’s why I speak up next. “Hear that, Alice? Heine’s over there babbling nonsense about Lady Lilith surrendering. Seems she doesn’t think much of Kisaragi, does she?” As my words ring out across the wasteland, Heine’s and (for some reason) Lilith’s eyes widen in shock. “Hah! They struggle enough with Six and me, yet they’re going after Lady Lilith? They must have a death wish. If Lady Lilith wants to, she could easily vaporize everyone here in five seconds. I guess this is it for Heine. She might be our enemy, but I’ll miss her…” As Alice picks up the thread, Heine goes deathly pale. …Is it just my imagination, or did Lilith do the same? “W-wait! W-w-we’re not disrespecting her…!” “S-S-Six! Alice! I’m negotiating right now. Just hang on a minute.” Having come this far, I’ve made my peace with whatever happens. Let’s push it as far as it can go. “Lady Lilith, leave it to me. We might not be much compared to your power, but we can at least stay out of the way and cover your back.” “And leave the support to me. If you end up hurt, I’ll make sure to patch you up!” Ignoring the panicking Lilith and Heine, we prep our weapons. I have no idea what I can do against this giant army with just my R-Buzzsaw. But… “Lady Lilith can take out an army this size without breaking a sweat! Even if we lose, know that most of you aren’t getting home alive!” “Yeah, you guys are finished! Your opponent is Lilith the Black. There’s a reason she’s got the world’s highest bounty on her head!” As Alice and I shout out our challenges, the Demon Lord’s Army stirs. Responding to our aggressive posture, Heine calls out to us, shivering. “Y-y-y-you’re really going to do this?! F-f-f-f-fine! You’re going to fight this army?! You’re sure?! Absolutely sure?! I can’t afford to have you disrespect me in front of my troops! I mean, it’s a little late, given that I got sent to the castle in a compromising position thanks to Six, b-b-but I still can’t afford it!” “F-f-f-fine, let’s do this! I can’t show any weakness in front of my subordinates, either! Although, thanks to Six, my authority as a boss is pretty much wrecked.” The two of them exchange glances and, after a moment, let out sighs of relief— “B-but, you know, we’ve already fought Tiger Man and suffered a lot of casualties. So maybe we’ll pull back and call it a stalemate!” “G-good point! Attacking you after Tiger Man’s retreat would feel like I was just stealing his thunder! I couldn’t do that! And no doubt we took a little damage ourselves, so we can let you go here…” Keeping my R-Buzzsaw at the ready, I hurl an insult in support of Lilith at the Demon Lord’s Army behind Heine. “You pathetic bastards, you think you can disrespect Kisaragi and get away with it?! You losers are all dead meat! Alice, Rose, tell ’em!” “Hah, they’re not even worth killing. We’ll capture you all and use you in my experiments!” “A-as a Battle Chimera, fighting’s in my blood! Lots of you look delicious! I’ll go all out!” I keep trash-talking as the two leaders look on with pale, shocked faces. “We’re the evil organization the Kisaragi Corporation! We’re not afraid of some Demon Lord’s Army or whatever! Come all at once, if you dare—!” With support from her precious subordinates, Lilith also lets out a yell. “Don’t taunt them!” 5 Led by Heine, who’s now braced for the worst, the Demon Lord’s Army rushes toward us. “Idiot! Six, you’re an idiot! According to the reports, it’s pretty clear Heine’s afraid of you, so I thought we could get away with negotiations!” “Eh, what are you talking about? You clearly weren’t preparing to negotiate after making all these combat preparations.” Yes, Lilith, surrounded by heavy weaponry, is in her serious mode. “This was to show I was serious and frighten them into submission! On Earth, most armies would surrender when I showed up like this! These weapons were just for show! I was trying to settle this peacefully so I can save my Evil Points!” Oh, so that’s what was going on. Still… “Lady Lilith, this isn’t Earth, so they don’t know about your serious mode.” “D-dammit!” The distance between us and the Demon Lord’s Army seems wide, but it isn’t. It probably won’t take more than three minutes for them to charge across the wasteland to reach us. Alice shouts some encouragement at Lilith as she fires shotgun rounds into the advancing infantry. “Get ahold of yourself, Creator! You made me, so now show us what you’re made of!” “Alice, I have something to tell you later! Six is a meathead, so he might have misunderstood, but you taunted them while clearly knowing what I had in mind! Do you want to keep me on this planet that much, you needy little android?” As she says this, Heine wreathes herself in flames and charges at Lilith. “My easily provoked troops caused you some anxiety, huh? Sorry about that! I don’t dislike kids, but if we beat you, we win! I won’t hold back given the circumstances!” “As leaders in evil organizations, we really do struggle with bloodthirsty subordinates, don’t we? It’s been a long time since someone said they won’t hold back against me! I’m one of the most dangerous people on Earth, so it’s been worth it just to hear you say that!” Heine unleashes fireball after fireball as she approaches Lilith. Seeing the weapons splayed around her target, Heine appears to have figured out that Lilith’s a long-range fighter. However— “Eeep?! Wh-what the hell is this?!” After having all her fireballs deflected by Lilith’s tentacles, Heine finds herself constricted in no time at all. “Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Inflicting perverted situations on people is part of a female evil Supreme Leader’s job description! Look, Six! The tentacle punishment!” “Well done, Lady Lilith! You know how Combat Agents think! So you’re gonna strip Heine naked in front of her troops, right?” “S-stop!” “Can you two actually do a bit of work? Why is the Combat Agent Recruit doing all the fighting?” Prompted to glance at the front line by Alice’s criticism, I see Rose breathing fire to push back the approaching horde. “Wow, she really can breathe fire! Alice, if we can take her back to Earth—” “You’re going to say she’ll be a clean and eco-friendly energy source, right? I figured that out when I met her! Hurry up and show us your serious mode, Creator!” I repel an orc attacking Alice with my R-Buzzsaw and call out to Rose. “Rose! Fall back a second! Lady Lilith’s about to show her serious mode!” “What?! I didn’t say a single thing about… Oh, for crying out loud!” After Rose takes a big leap backward, Heine, who’s been tangled in the tentacles, is tossed toward her troops. “Ahhhhhhhh?! Y-you…!” Landing on the ground with a thud, Heine tries to get a barb in… …but the now-unencumbered tentacles are all pointing at the Demon Lord’s Army— “Whaaaaaaaa—?! W-wait! Hold…!” Heine, who rolled headfirst through the dirt, lets out a confused wail as a sudden storm of explosions and shock waves rains down around her. Stunned, she watches countless bullets, shells, lightning, and heat rays scatter the Demon Lord’s Army. “Waaaaahooo! Run, little piggies, RUN! This is the power of the Kisaragi Corporation! Watch and learn!” “This is what happens when you diss my creator!” “Boss, Miss Alice, let’s not shout from behind Lady Lilith.” Several of the soldiers shoot arrows and spells at the little scientist, but her tentacles stop them all… “Wh-what the hell is this?! F-f-fa…fall back! ALL OF YOU, FALL BACK!” Heine screams while sprawled on the ground, but Lilith, her eyes bloodshot in concentration, shouts over her. “This is your final warning! This is only ten percent of my true power. You think that’s just a bluff? Those words are going to jinx me? Fine. Then let me show you!” The Demon Lord’s Army, Heine included, must have caught sight of the black objects suddenly blinking into existence above them. Seems most of the teleported weapons were for show, but the satellite uplink is real. No doubt she connected her brain directly to the satellite, setting the sky overhead as the coordinates. The antipersonnel cluster munitions, which were teleported from Kisaragi headquarters, hurtle toward the ground— “Next, I’ll bombard your army! If I do, you’ll no doubt get desperate and fight to the last man! I repeat! This is your final warning! …If my points hit the negatives because of you lot, I’m staying on this planet! I don’t care either way! I’m perfectly happy enjoying life here with Six, Alice, and Rose.” Before she can finish her warning, countless explosions go off in a deafening typhoon of sound, kicking up an enormous dust storm in the process. 6 The full-scale war with the Demon Lord’s Army—or rather, the one-sided massacre by a single Supreme Leader—comes to an end. Thanks to Heine’s quick surrender, there weren’t too many deaths, and our self-proclaimed medic, Alice, has tended to most of the wounded, leaving the recovering demons to rest in a single spot. And in front of Lilith… “Lady Lilith, we’ve brought one of the Elite Four, Heine of the Flames.” “Keep walking, you damn heifer. You want those tits ripped off?” “E-eeep! S-stop…please…” With Alice and me grabbing her from either side, Heine, after her complete surrender, is dragged to face the music. “What’ll we do with her, Lady Lilith? This Heine of the Flames, one of the Demon Lord’s Elite Four, has gone around causing all sorts of trouble for me. This bitch always finds a way to create new headaches.” “Yeah, she keeps showing up and bullying us.” “What?! Wait, I don’t remember doing anything like that…! I mean, sure, I’ve tried to foil your plots, but it’s more that you’ve been victimizing us…!” Forced to her knees before Lilith, Heine pleads in her own defense as Alice and I rat her out. Seeing our behavior… “…You know. You two have gotten worse by the day since you got here.” “I just take after my boss.” “I take after my creator.” Lilith purses her lips in frustration at the immediacy of our response. “So what’ll we do with her, Lady Lilith? We gonna court-martial her? I demand she be sentenced to three years of titty torture.” “I think we should make her work like a dog as a bottom-tier Combat Agent.” Heine begins shuddering at our proposals. “I’m not going to conduct a court-martial. Yes, the Kisaragi Corporation is in direct opposition to the Demon Lord’s Army, but only as a private military contractor that’s deploying our Combat Agents to the Grace Kingdom. We’re basically mercenaries. It’s the Grace Kingdom that’s at war with the Demon Lord’s Army, which means we have no right to punish her.” As Lilith sighs, Heine blinks in confusion. After a moment, it seems a faint spark of hope is starting to glow in her chest… “Wow, that’s pretty awful, Lady Lilith. So you’re saying she won’t even get the minimum rights guaranteed to her during the trial, huh? That’s great.” “Damn, that’s impressively evil, Lady Lilith. Model behavior for an evil organization’s Supreme Leader.” “Hold on, that’s not what I said! I have no intention of doing anything like that! Don’t look so scared! You don’t have to listen to these two!” Lilith quickly reassures Heine, who sinks into the pits of despair. “I can’t quite let you go yet, but I don’t mind releasing you once you answer a few questions. In fact, depending on the information, I’ll even listen to a couple of your requests.” “…?! R-really?! Th-then, while I know I’m being presumptuous…” Heine looks toward her wounded troops… “Um, could you move your Chimera away from the wounded soldiers…?” “Hey! What are you doing over there?! I told you not to eat the bodies of monsters that can speak human languages, but you also can’t eat the ones that are still alive, either!” We already warned Rose not to eat the dead demons, but… “I-I’ll make sure to drive that point home later. Anyway, there were a few things I wanted to ask you…” “Ways to get into the Demon Lord’s Castle?” “Yes, that’s right. You need to gather some sort of item to get into the Demon Lord’s Castle, right?” Lilith is asking Heine how to either slip into the Demon Lord’s Castle or remove the barrier protecting it. “…Um, well, if you put the sorcerer stones, otherwise known as ‘release keys,’ into the towers to the north, south, east, and west of the castle…” “We already know about that method. The problem is we can’t gather all those sorcerer stones or whatever they’re called.” We’re out of luck if there’s no way in without them. In which case, Lilith will either blast it with massive amounts of explosives or take the entire Demon Lord’s Kingdom hostage and demand that the barrier be dropped. “…From what I’ve heard, the sorcerer stones have the effect of suspending the protective features of the towers. Which means if you can destroy the towers themselves, they can’t protect the castle. Of course, destroying towers is a ridiculous idea…” “Oh, I see. Well, it wouldn’t be hard for me to destroy a few towers.” Huh, that was quickly sorted. “B-but a particularly thick fog shrouds each of the towers, hiding them. You can’t remove those mists without using the treasure from the Tower of Duster. O-oh, and I only know the location of the Flame Tower! Th-that’s the truth! I swear!” “…Hey, Alice, didn’t we hand over the treasure from the Tower of Duster to the kingdom?” “Yeah, the missing Chosen One had it on him. Which means the treasure’s missing, too.” How useless. The Chosen One is completely useless. Lilith speaks up suddenly. “Well, in that case, there’s an easy solution.” Sounds like she’s thought of something. “What is it, Lady Lilith? A giant fan? We’re gonna blow away the fog with a giant fan and find the towers?” “Why would we bother with something like that? No, the four towers are always covered by fog, right? Then the answer is simple.” Lilith says this as though stating the obvious, and a particularly evil smile plays on her lips. 7 “Heine, you’re absolutely sure, right? None of your kingdom’s people live near the towers, right? Because if you’re wrong, it’s your ass on the line, even if she’s the one wiping out your civilians.” “It’s true! I wouldn’t lie in the face of that sort of power! I mean, are you people sane? Destroying entire areas covered by fog to destroy the towers?! What sort of insane tactic is that?!” Lilith’s plan involves specifically targeting locations where the fog is thickest and bombing the hell out of them. Alice has already linked with the satellite and found these locations. “She’s right. There are spots in the north, south, east, and west with heavy concentrations of fog.” “Looking at it from above, they’re just marking where the towers are.” The mad scientist and her creation are happily taking notes on the coordinates. “Ohhh… What a terrible day… The moment she sends a piece of paper somewhere, those things from earlier will rain down on them… This is a nightmare… This is a day of reckoning for demons… The moment the barrier drops, you’re going to bombard the Demon Lord’s Castle, right? This kingdom is doomed…” As Heine breaks down in tears, I tell her: “No, we’re not gonna bomb the castle. See our Chimera over there? She’s got a few things she wants to ask your Demon Lord. Which is why we’re here to talk to him.” Heine’s eyes widen, staring at me as if I said something particularly egregious, at which point she proceeds to berate me. “A t-talk?! Did you just say you wanted to talk?! You did all this just for a chat?! All that taunting and destruction just to have a conversation?! I’m going to kill you! You’re going to join my dead soldiers!” “Oh? You’re gonna kill me? You? The loser? You understand you’re a prisoner, right? Also, I’m going to hell when I die, so you just admitted your soldiers are in hell, too!” Just as Heine and I start fighting… A loud explosion rings out from the distance, and shortly thereafter, the ground beneath us quakes. I look over to see Lilith and Alice have finished their calculations. “Shit, you really did it… I mean, if all you wanted to do was talk, we could’ve negotiated… Why do you lunatics always resort to brute force…?” Well, I mean, we are an evil organization, after all. “Hey, Rose, over here. Come.” “……?” Following sincere discussion among Heine, Lilith, and myself… “Rose, Heine’s going to talk to the Demon Lord and show you around the ruins in the Demon Lord’s Castle. Then, she’s going to arrange a talk with the Demon Lord for you. Of course, on our end, we’ve also got a proposal to just charge into the castle and extract the information by force.” Rose responds without missing a beat. “Let’s go with talking! Talking, please!” Rose’s reaction transforms Heine’s expression from being on the verge of tears to suggesting she’s found a ray of hope. For the record, there are three votes to skip the talking and just storm the castle. Which means everyone other than Rose prefers to just settle the matter now, but… “Are you sure? There’s the possibility they won’t keep their word, and we don’t know when it’ll actually happen. I mean, we’ve still got Lady Lilith with us, so we can probably end it today.” Rose shakes her head at my whispered suggestion. “…No, I would rather have a peaceful chat. But, Boss, it’s thanks to you, Miss Alice, and Lady Lilith that we’ve come this far, so that’s just my vote. I can’t insist too much, but…” “…I see. Well, in that case, let’s do it your way. According to our company’s Kisaragi System, the concerned party’s preference is worth a hundred votes.” Lilith’s remark settles our policy from here on out. Heine lets out a deep sigh of relief, and Rose blushes happily. Lady Lilith, I’ve never heard of this Kisaragi System. “All right then, Six. Let’s head back to the hideout. My brain got a hell of a workout today, so I’m going to gorge myself on sweets. Also, we need to write up a report. You two need to sing my praises in yours, okay? Like stuff about how I defeated the Demon Lord’s Army with one finger, how I knocked out a dragon with a single punch…” “……” I let myself think she’d lied for Rose’s sake, but I’m starting to suspect she just wants to get home as quickly as possible. 8 “What do you mean? You did all that?! Why didn’t you call on me for such an important mission?!” It’s the day after our blitzkrieg against the Demon Lord’s Army. I’m taking the brunt of Grimm’s ire as, after hearing the news, she’s come to the hideout to complain. “Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Sniff, sob… Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!” …… “I thought we were family, Commander. Why did you exclude me?! I mean, Rose and I are best friends!” “Well, that’s because we decided the whole thing late at night. Also, I don’t know where you live. Besides, we executed the operation in the early morning. You’re totally not a morning person.” “I would’ve given you my address if you’d just asked! Also, if it was for Rose, I would’ve done a morning op!” “Bwaaah! Sob, sob… Waaaaaaaah!” ……… Grimm wasn’t the only one who charged in. A conspicuously dirty Snow is sprawled on the ground, weeping uncontrollably and making a mess of our brand-new floors with her tears. “…Commander, can’t you do anything about that?” “What am I supposed to do, exactly? I tried to tell her, but I couldn’t find her anywhere inside the city. And then when it comes down to it…” This sinfully greedy woman had been relentlessly assailing the Sky King’s lair since the day it kidnapped me, plotting to steal treasure. …Yes, the silhouette we saw being chased by the Sky King on our way to the Demon Lord’s Castle was Snow. Now that she’s heard we put up remarkable results by rampaging against the Demon Lord’s Army in her absence, Snow has been reduced to an inconsolable mess. Feeling sympathetic, Rose approaches Snow and gently pats her head while wiping her face. “…I know it wasn’t for long, but she was your commander for a while, right? She’s only in the way here, so can’t you just drag her back to the city?” “I’d prefer not to. I mean, she doesn’t have a place to stay right now. Am I supposed to just leave her on the roadside? I can’t do that to her. And my place is single occupancy…” You know, Snow’s more trouble than she’s worth. I’m just gonna wait until she exhausts herself and falls asleep. I have more important business to take care of anyway. Summoned by Lilith, I make my way to the hideout’s teleporter room. “Hey, Six, I’ve been waiting on you.” Having finished the final adjustments to the teleporter and tested the link to Kisaragi headquarters, Lilith stands in front of the glass pod of the device, a giant backpack on her shoulders. “Seems you were getting quite an earful. Though, if you’d done the same to me, I probably wouldn’t have let you off that easy. Be sure you make it up to them later.” “I mean, I’ve got legit reasons this time. One of them is nocturnal and refuses to walk despite being fully capable, and the other wasn’t even in the city at the time.” As I rattle off the excuses, Lilith smiles faintly in amusement. “For my part, I still don’t understand those two very well, and they’re more like enemies than friends, but whatever. You have my permission to keep them close to you for now.” “If I need permission to keep women close to me, why don’t you take a page out of their book and do the same?” I say it teasingly, eliciting a smirk from Lilith. “Oh really? In that case, I can stay here for you. But I know the moment I try to do that you’ll… Never mind, I got it wrong again. You’re not that sort of person. I’m really sorry. It’s not like that. I just wanted to tease you every now and then! You know, like in a romance light novel!” I lumber toward her with my arms outstretched, and Lilith scrambles backward, rambling. What a coward… One of these days, she’s gonna push me too far. “What’s with that look? That’s not how you should look at your boss! Alice, Aliiice! Come here!” Alice, who’s been running a diagnostic on the teleporter, comes over at Lilith’s insistence. “It’s almost time, and you’re still flirting…? What do you need?” “…It’s time to start the actual conquest, but Six is soft. I’m worried he might let his ties to the locals affect his judgment, which is why I plan to give you some broad orders for the foreseeable future.” I mean, Lilith also let her fondness for the locals affect her judgment. Lilith flips from relaxed to stern, her hand on her hip and her tone serious. “Attention!” Alice and I straighten, standing at attention. “Combat Agent Six, pretty-girl android Alice Kisaragi. You two are to begin espionage and invasion preparations on the surrounding kingdoms, using this hideout as your base. In parallel, you will be responsible for founding a city capable of supporting human life in this area, with this fortress at its center. Bring life back to these wastelands, tame those woods, and create a foundation for settling earthlings on this planet!” …… “Lady Lilith, can I ask a question?” “I’m still in the middle of explaining…but whatever, go ahead.” Lilith’s tone suggests she expects this sort of thing from me. “I understand the part about espionage and invasion preparations on the surrounding kingdoms. I mean, we’ve already put enough points on the board that I think Alice and I should be allowed to go home, but still.” Heading home with my Evil Points still in the red would end badly, so I put that aside. …Besides, I’ve grown kind of fond of this place. “The part I don’t understand is the city-building. What’s with giving us a mission that sounds like it requires serious brainpower? I don’t like saying it myself, but I’m not very smart. I have no confidence I’d be able to do anything like politics or governing.” Lilith nods as if already aware of this. “I know better than anyone that you’re a meathead. I don’t expect you’re capable of any decent city-building.” You know, despite the fact that I won’t see her for a while, she’s still getting her barbs in. “The city’s mayor will be Alice Kisaragi. As Alice’s partner, you’ll be responsible for taking care of the dirty work. We’re building a metropolis from scratch in a place like this. There are bound to be problems of one sort or another, like conflicts with the neighboring kingdoms and the savages and monsters from the woods. Once the city’s founded and the population grows, there’ll be crime to worry about. Obviously, criminal organizations other than our own will try to muscle in. Your job is to resolve those problems using force.” …Oh, so the usual, then. “Six, do you play any simulation games? You know, like RTS or nation-building games? The sort where you gather resources, build a base, then slowly expand your territory by defeating things like monsters around you?” “To be honest, I only really play porn games.” “O-oh, I see. Well then, never mind. At any rate…make sure we put down roots in this clean, green world that, as of yet, remains unspoiled by radiation or chemicals! Fortunately, there’s a lot of undeveloped land. Start working these unclaimed territories, and for places that are already settled, conquer them after thoroughly investigating them!” Alice and I snap off the Combat Agent salute in acknowledgment of our orders. Seeing our reaction, Lilith smiles happily. “I’m counting on you two. So I’m going to go home…but don’t put all your focus on this planet. Think of the three of us back on Earth from time to time.” As she enters the pod, Lilith glances away shyly. “Well, see ya later, Lady Lilith. I thought you were pretty useless when you first got here, but you rallied at the end. Make sure you live in a manner worthy of being my creator.” “Hey, who’s the parent here? But sure, I’ll aim to be a parent you can be proud of.” I suddenly remember something when I see Lady Lilith’s blushing face. “Lady Lilith. There was something I needed to tell you as well. You interrupted me on the roof before I could.” Yes, it had been when Lilith was half crying, telling me not to forget them. I’d been preparing to say the following: “Not a day goes by that I’ve forgotten you three. Because…” With the backpack on her back, Lilith fidgets more than usual, her cheeks flushed bright red. “…I think about all of you every night! I wanted to make sure you knew that! As for why I think about the three of you at night, well, even porn costs Evil Points, so…” “Wow! That’s really awful! You’re really awful! Don’t you dare come back to Earth! I’m going to tell Astaroth and Belial about this! You better remember this! You damned pervert of a subordinate!” Seems our beloved boss was hoping for something different… With that last line, she smiles faintly to herself as she disappears into the teleporter—
Chapter 52
58 min read