But at this moment, Xiang Weiding hugged him tightly. Being kissed rudely but fiercely by Xiang Weiding, Zhang Jian'an completely forgot his own experience and his instinct as a man. When you were with your girlfriend, wasn't he in charge of everything?
Now Zhang Jianan has no time to think about the past, can't think, and forgets the man's initiative and control, or pushes away and refuses.
Bearing it passively, Xiang Weiding moved recklessly and eagerly, his lips were scratched, and there was a slight tingling. His tongue was numb from being sucked, and even slightly painful, Zhang Jianan couldn't help but tilt his head.
"...um...enough...enough..."
Zhang Jianan felt that he could hardly breathe.
After being pushed a few times, Xiang Weiding reluctantly left Zhang Jianan. At the end, he still licked his lips eagerly, looked at Zhang Jianan eagerly, and said with bright eyes: "Ann, you accept it, and you will also accept it in the future." So, okay?"
Just caught my breath and heard this. Zhang Jianan hurriedly pushed Xiang Weiding away, talked about it from left to right, and said, "If you are not tired, we will go for a walk, and then go back to Zhang's house. We will have a New Year's Eve dinner together in the evening."
After living two lifetimes, Zhang Jianan is not shy in the face of these things, but he is not prepared in his heart. It is impossible for a heterosexual to happily accept intimate contact between the same sex without a little psychological excess and long-term psychological construction. of.
"Okay!" Xiang Weiding was a little depressed because he didn't get the answer he wanted, not to mention discouraged.
The two of them came out of the hotel, and before they finished shopping a street, Zhang's mother called, saying that Zhang Jian'an came back once in a while, and asked him to go home and get together with his brothers and sisters instead of wandering out alone.
Sighing, Zhang Jian'an had no choice but to take Xiang Weiding back to Zhang's house, play cards, drink tea, chat, and cheer up to deal with the temptations of these so-called brothers and sisters.
The New Year's Eve dinner starts at eight o'clock in the evening. On this important day, no one dares to make the two elders unhappy, so they bypass those conflicts of interest, chat with each other, and reminisce about their childhood. Now let’s talk about family, children, etc.
Xiang Weiding was still sitting next to Zhang Jianan, and the atmosphere of the meal in the evening was much more lively than at noon. Xiang Weiding also helped Zhang Jianan drink a few glasses of wine. As for Xiang Weiding himself, the Zhang family regarded him as a junior. He also regarded Xiang Weiding as a useless person who lived on Zhang Jian'an, so if he didn't see it, naturally no one would toast him.
They ate and drank until almost twelve o'clock in the evening. The younger children had already invited their classmates and friends to go out to play all night. Only Xiang Weiding was left by Zhang Jianan's side.
The men took out several boxes of fireworks outside the courtyard, lit them one by one, and watched them bloom brilliantly in mid-air.
After standing for half an hour, the fireworks were set off. Then everyone waited for Zhang's father and mother to go to bed. At this time, Zhang Jian'an began to yawn. Zhang Jianjun and the others discussed playing cards together all night. Zhang Jian'an hurriedly dragged Xiang Weiding out quietly.
In the middle of the night, it was really cold to walk outside, stomping their feet, the two stood on the side of the road for a while. Did not see a taxi passing by.
Zhang Jian'an was dumbfounded, and then belatedly remembered that today was the night of the New Year's Eve, and there were few taxis going out, and this was considered a suburb on the edge of the city, so naturally there were no cars coming.
"...Weiding, why don't we go back?" Zhang Jianan rubbed his hands together and breathed out.
A few cars were parked in the yard of the Zhang family, either belonging to the company or driven by the Zhang family brothers when they came here today.
"Go back and ask them to send us?" Xiang Weiding raised his eyebrows, took Zhang Jian'an's hand, and found that it was colder than himself, so he wrapped it in his hand.
"We can't wait for the car. It's quite far from the hotel. We have to ask them to take us off." Zhang Jianan frowned. He felt that if he went back now, no one would be willing to take them to the hotel. It is more likely that they live in Zhang's house.
Xiang Weiding looked in the direction of the urban area. The vicinity of the Zhang family was a bit out of the way. There were no street lights within 500 meters, and only a few dim street lights began to appear 500 meters away.
"No need! Huacheng is only so big, and it won't be long to walk from here to the hotel." Zhang Jianan's concerns were also Xiang Weiding's concerns, so Xiang Weiding did not support returning to Zhang's house.
Zhang Jian'an pulled his collar, then looked at the gate of the Zhang family who had walked out 200 meters away, nodded, and said, "It's okay, let's take a walk, and we'll get there in half an hour."
midnight. The sound of firecrackers continued to be heard in the distance, and amidst the hustle and bustle, it highlighted the tranquility around the two of them. Far away, there was only a dim orange light above the head, and farther away, some red lanterns hung on the gates of some houses were lit little by little, which was very festive.
Quiet, peaceful.
Holding Zhang Jian'an's hand, they walked on the alternately dark and dim road, and walked together to the light in the distant city where people have nowhere to hide.
Holding Zhang Jian'an's hand, we walked in the silence and the sound of firecrackers in the distance, and walked together to the distant city that never stopped being noisy throughout the day and night.
The palm of the hand is the temperature of the other party, and you can hear the sound of each other's footsteps when walking, and even the sound of each other's breathing.
Every moment is stretched extremely long.
Walking like this, walking, and when I came back to my senses, I thought that several centuries had passed in a trance, "What's wrong?"
Xiang Weiding, who was walking side by side, stopped suddenly, and Zhang Jianan, whose hands were still being held, was forced to stop.
The scene at this moment is like this - Zhang Jianan took a step forward, leaned forward, held Xiang Weiding by hand, and turned his head in this posture. Then I asked with my eyes: why didn't you leave?
As for Xiang Weiding, his hands were pulled forward, he stood steadily, his eyes were forward, and in his field of vision, the first and only one was Zhang Jianan, and then Zhang Jianan's body in his eyes stretched out, or called What connects, what touches is darkness. Except for Zhang Jianan, the whole world in sight is dark.
Zhang Jian'an asked questions without knowing why, but didn't get an answer, so he turned around, stretched out his hand in doubt, and at the same time leaned over, asking: "Not feeling well? Are you tired? We haven't walked very far, let's go back to Zhang's house!"
As Zhang Jianan turned around, as Zhang Jianan moved, in the distance, the neon-filled city covered by Zhang Jianan's body was revealed.
Just for a moment, like an eternity.
Xiang Weiding lowered his head to look at the hands they were holding, which still had the strength to pull him forward, so Xiang Weiding took a step forward and collided with Zhang Jianan who was turning around .
"What's wrong with you?" Zhang Jianan put his hand on Xiang Weiding's chest.
Xiang Weiding didn't answer, but looked at the seemingly infinite light of the city ahead, then lowered his head, and suddenly stretched out his arms to hug Zhang Jianan tightly.
"Ann, I think we've been together, every year."
"Ann, have you seen it? The world is so quiet and noisy, and you are the only one by my side."
"Ann, when I was 11 years old, you took me home, took my hand, took me into your life, took my hand, gave me a home, gave me a new life , in my life, there is only you, you know?"
"Ann, don't let go of my hand, okay? It's dark all around, I only have you. You still hold my hand like you did when you were a child, okay? You still hold my hand like this, Take me back from the wilderness, will you?"
"An... I will never be able to leave you, otherwise, without you, I will be in the dark without direction, have you seen that?"
"...It's a new year again, so many years have passed in a blink of an eye, but I always feel that there is not enough time, Ann, pay attention to your body, don't leave me early, okay?"
Being hugged suddenly, Zhang Jianan, who subconsciously wanted to break free, heard these whispers in his ears, as if he had been enchanted, and he couldn't move anymore.
Being hugged like this, over Xiang Weiding's shoulder, there is indeed darkness in his vision.
Being hugged like this gave people the illusion that he was his only reliance, only hope, and only possession in the dark world.
Hold on to your own people!
This is the person he has long been used to loving, this is the person he has long been used to give way to, and this is the person he has been used to taking care of for a long time.
How could he allow himself to take care of, feel distressed, and the person on top of his heart struggles alone in the dark world?
So, with the hand of rejection, he wrapped his hand around Weiding's back and stroked it lightly. Zhang Jianan said distressedly: "Okay, we will always be together, we will never leave you, and we will always hold your hand, okay?"
Although this child is an adult on the outside, he is still so confused and helpless inside!
How can Zhang Jianan let go? He couldn't bear to let go!
"Ann, you are the only one in my world, you know it." Xiang Weiding told the truth softly, repeating: "Only you, you know it..."
In such a night, in such a tight embrace, listening to Wei Ding's voice, low, faint, and repeated, Zhang Jian'an felt a burning sensation in his eye sockets, and a wave of heat lingered in his chest.
Relying on each other... This word is so bleak, so sad, but at the same time so beautiful, it will make people yearn for it.
Zhang Jianan suddenly felt that he was a little ridiculous before. He always thought that Xiang Weiding was the only one in his life, so Xiang Weiding couldn’t do without himself. He always thought that when Xiang Weiding got in touch with more people in the future, everything would change. Wei Ding will not be so inseparable from himself, and put all his feelings on himself.
In the past, Zhang Jianan was somewhat resentful. He blamed himself for letting Xiang Weiding get in touch with too few people. He blamed himself for allowing Xiang Weiding to circle around him. Contacting more people, I blame myself for not hardening my heart and insisting on separating Xiang Weiding.
However, at this time, Zhang Jian'an felt a little lucky again. Fortunately, he didn't treat Xiang Weiding like that. Fortunately, he kept the child by his side. Fortunately, he always let Xiang Weiding grow up freely.
Perhaps, Zhang Jianan's forced intervention once made Xiang Weiding sad, and then he was forced to be strong and grow up. Maybe that was also a kind of maturity. But, now that I think about it, if I had really done that and hugged my child tightly at this time, how much injury would I have suffered, so that the pain will gradually fade away, and a person struggling at a loss in the distance to experience the pain of being forced to grow up? The most distressed person, this is the closest person, how could he be willing to think that way at the beginning?
"I know, I know, I've always been by your side." Zhang Jian'an comforted the man who was hugging him who was suddenly extremely fragile, and thinking of his plans that he didn't take actual actions in the past, Zhang Jian'an also felt extremely guilty and distressed, He couldn't help stroking Xiang Weiding's face with both hands, raised his head, took the initiative for the first time, and gently kissed this person who was always vulnerable in front of him.
"I'm sorry, I used to think that there could be others in Weiding's life. I'm sorry. I used to think about the future and pushed you away. I'm sorry, but now I clearly feel that we only have each other." He pressed a few kisses comfortingly, Zhang Jianan also hugged Xiang Weiding back tightly, and said: "We will always be together from now on...Weiding, I'm sorry, I will never think about letting you go again..."
After a while, Xiang Weiding seemed to be in disbelief, and asked softly, "Really?"
"Of course it's true. There is no one else in Weiding, and you are the only one by my side now." Zhang Jianan nodded quickly, then thought of Xu Wen, and sighed faintly. Indeed, Xiang Weiding was the only one left.
"What about the relatives of the Zhang family?" Xiang Weiding was always a little jealous of these people in the Zhang family, because they were born with an inextricable relationship with Zhang Jian'an in terms of blood.
"They are them, we are us." Xiang Weiding, who seemed stingy and preoccupied at this moment, made Zhang Jianan chuckle.
Xiang Weiding knew that what Zhang Jianan meant was that the relationship between them was different, relatives were just relatives, and he and himself were the family members living together. However, Xiang Weiding was silent for a while, then hugged Jianan nervously, and said softly: "They are always your relatives, but I only have you, whether relatives or family members, even if it is the object of love, you are the only one."
Zhang Jianan was a little touched in the front, and felt a little bit distressed by Xiang Weiding, but when he heard the word "lover", he only felt a little strange and his face was hot. He was about to say something more, and Xiang Weiding repeated: "An, You have to remember, I—only you."
"Okay, only me, and I will only have you in the future." Zhang Jianan gave up and said nothing more. He felt that facing this person who always made him feel distressed, did he still need to have a bottom line?
Abandon those meaningless bottom lines!
I saw Xiang Weiding on the first day when I opened my eyes in this life. The person who has been with me in my life is Xiang Weiding.
So, why not abandon your worries, throw away the bottom line, and just hope for each other's only happiness?
Zhang Jian'an thought, shouldn't Xiang Weiding's longing for those intimacy, those intimacy, not set a bottom line, not worry, and let Xiang Weiding?
Yes! Now that they have agreed, why bother to get stuck on the details. Why bother to make Xiang Weiding feel uneasy and worried?
(... Feel free to look, don't force yourself.)