“…This needs first aid.”
That was all Klifford said. It sounded like he had a load of other things he wanted to say but suppressed them.
“Understood… I suppose so.”
I, too, suppressed the urge to argue and pulled back.
Okay, then. I guess we’ll go see the doctor on retainer at the castle. I might as well change my shoes while I’m at it. No, wait, won’t that mean Klifford’s gonna carry me until we reach those destinations? Yeah, he’ll object to the idea of me walking. I could always ignore him and walk anyway, but that’s a silly hill to die on… But now, by necessity, we’re in Handsome Knight Sweeps the Princess Off Her Blistered Feet territory…
Also, lest we forget, our main objective is to get to Father’s study as quickly as possible. If we swing by the infirmary first, that’ll take a while. If carrying me is the alternative, it would probably be best to bring the doctor here to examine me…yeah? Yeah. Let’s go with that!
“Might we ask the guard stationed at the door to call for help?”
Klifford looked a bit conflicted. Staying on one knee, he scrutinized the Grand Corridor. It was still quiet and completely empty… Was he doing a safety check?
But then, for reasons I’m sure only Klifford knew, the conflict in his face disappeared.
“I will go. Wait here for just a moment.”
With that, he leaned forward to stand up. He was about to carry out my request flawlessly—if not for the fact that the navy-blue sleeve of his guard uniform was firmly in my right hand’s grasp. Like I was begging him not to leave.
……?
I quickly released his sleeve. Unable to believe my own actions, I stared at my right hand. And Klifford, his indigo eyes wide with a rare display of surprise, knelt before me again.
“…Is something the matter?” he asked gently, the surprise now gone from his eyes.
Oh… This sensation… It’s like what I felt under the kallum trees.
Just like this—Klifford knelt before me… But he wasn’t looking down at me like he is now…he was at eye level. I’ve experienced this before…but when?
I remember…the other time this happened…I didn’t want him to leave.
When… Where did this happen?
I felt so close to remembering, yet I couldn’t. It was frustrating.
Exhaling deeply, I shook my head. “No, I’m all right. It’s just—”
I gave him a canned response, but the truth was, nothing was wrong with me. Nothing was wrong, yet I had grabbed Klifford’s sleeve—completely subconsciously. Even though I was the one who had told him—commanded him—to leave.
Unless…it was because of what happened yesterday? Was Maki, the girl I usually kept hidden under my princess persona, coming out? Did Klifford trigger all her clingy baby sister idiosyncrasies…?
“It’s just—I remembered a question I forgot to ask you.”
But there was no way I could tell him any of this. So instead, I quickly said I wanted to ask Klifford a question.
Okay, time for an emotional reset.
His indigo eyes looked up at mine, waiting patiently.
“I read something in the letter I received from the guard in the dungeon. Last night—did you see my brother here in the Great Corridor?” As I spoke calmly, I felt the waves of emotion start to subside.
“Yes, I did see him,” Klifford answered, as if it meant nothing.
“May I ask what you two talked about? If it was personal, you needn’t tell me. But I would like you to tell me what you can, within reason.”
I couldn’t be too nosy, of course. But then again…though I broached the subject in the first place, I can’t even imagine what a conversation between Klifford and my brother (with memories) would be like…
“…He asked if I would work for him.”
“…!”
My. Good. Man. WHAT?!
First Father, now my brother, too…?! Wait, it was my brother (with memories) who did the soliciting… And the Sirius from the source material would definitely have deemed Klifford an asset and tried to hire him—my fan theory was right!
“And what was your answer?” I asked.
Klifford was still literally being my bodyguard as we spoke, so I didn’t technically need to hear the answer, but just in case!
“I turned him down,” he said curtly.
I already knew that…but it still feels good to hear it.
“Well, of course. You are my bodyguard after all.”
“I am.”
Klifford nodded and looked right up at me…and for no reason whatsoever, I retrieved Blackfeather from my side and opened it.
Then I cleared my throat and said, “And did my brother have anything to say about Hugh?”
“No. Not to me.”
“I see…”
Okay, so that means my brother (with memories) didn’t come to Klifford to talk about Hugh specifically. Was it just one of those weird coincidences?
“Why do you suppose my brother was in the Great Corridor?”
Only a handful of people could utilize it, and though royalty often passed through, there was one element that struck me as odd. As far as I knew, Sirius didn’t particularly like the Great Corridor or have any affinity to it. Also—and this is purely speculation on my part—if I had to choose one or the other, I’d say Sirius used the Great Corridor less often than average. I figured he usually took the secret passageway instead.
It wasn’t like he never used the Great Corridor; rather, he prioritized the secret passageway as much as possible. He valued efficiency.
That’s the kind of person my brother is.
But then I quickly corrected myself.
That’s not the kind of person my brother (with memories) is.
Thinking back to when we were kids, my brother (with memories) used the Great Corridor a lot. I think…? So, I guess it’s not actually that odd after all…
I shifted my gaze upward and lost myself in the breathtakingly majestic ceiling painting.
“Prince Sirius…appeared to have something on his mind,” Klifford offered.
“Did he tell you what it was?” I returned my gaze from the ceiling to Klifford.
“Not everything, I assume.”
“Then perhaps he knew you might relay the information to me. He may have wanted that, even.”
I know Klifford will pick up on the important bits and tell me!
“Are you sure that is what he would want?”
I thought too soon. He gave me an unexpected reply.
Um, I recognize that tone. Are we saying there are things it would be better for me not to hear?
“……”
Well—yeah, I already knew that! That’s why I said you didn’t have to tell me what he said if it was too personal!
I snapped Blackfeather shut and said, “I don’t mind.”
Still on his knee, Klifford looked up at me and asked, “Are you suggesting, Your Highness, that I am intentionally keeping something from you?” Then he added, “I may indeed harbor malice…or intent to deceive you.”
After a pause, I answered, “First, let me establish that I trust you, Klifford. I don’t believe you would ever deceive or betray me.”
Klifford let out a soft, cynical chuckle.
“I am honored. But please at least consider the possibility. If I were to—”
“If you were to betray me?”
“Yes.”
Klifford nodded. His indigo eyes looked straight into mine.
You know…the thought had never occurred to me. I mean, Klifford said an Adjutant can’t lie to his Sovereign. But then again, just because he can’t tell a lie, that doesn’t mean there aren’t any loopholes. It’s possible to be honest and mislead at the same time. And it’s possible to lie by omission.
If he wanted to.
What if Klifford…resented me, deceived me, and betrayed me? Would I be angry? Sad? Vengeful?
Those emotions were the first to pop into my mind…but they didn’t feel quite right.
Maybe it’s because I’m his Sovereign, but to me, trusting Klifford means—
I looked back into Klifford’s eyes and said, “I would still trust you, betrayal and all—I suppose that is how it would be. Committing to trust you means a certain allowance of betrayal.”
Putting it into words further solidified my thoughts.
“I think…that to me, trusting in someone comes down to how many transgressions I will forgive from them.”
So I’m the one that’s being tested.
“Your actions aren’t the issue—mine are. Is this a person I wouldn’t mind being betrayed by? That is what it means to trust in myself. That’s why, if you were to betray me, I would accept that. After all, wasn’t I the one who decided to trust you?”
“Wouldn’t you then think you were mistaken for trusting in me?”
“I wouldn’t. Once I’ve decided to trust you, the results of that are less important.”
“…Because you trust me, betrayal and all?”
“That’s the gist of it.” I smiled brightly. “That’s why I don’t mind if you are intentionally hiding something my brother told you.”
You have my seal of approval!
“May I ask just one question?”
“Yes.”
“Prince Alexis—do you like him?”
Klifford’s question caught me off guard, but I didn’t have to think about it to answer.
“Of course I like him. He’s my sweet baby brother.”
I always had the same answer, no matter who asked the question.
There was a moment of silence.
“Understood.”
Klifford bowed his head, his gaze cast downward.
“Did Sirius say something about Alec?”
Klifford looked up and slowly shook his head. “No. Prince Sirius spoke of a different matter with me. He gave me a warning…to remain vigilant at all times. He seemed quite worried about you.”
Well, yeah, my brother (with memories) is a lot like the childhood version of him… Yeah, if that little boy stayed as he was into manhood, that’s what he would have said. Still…
“Those are some words, coming from the very person who put you in the dungeon, wouldn’t you say?”
If I were Klifford, Sirius is the one I’d be vigilant about!
Then again, it was my brother (with memories) who asked Klifford to work for him, so I guess it’s a matter of memories.
“Was that all my brother told you?”
“He also said…that when tomorrow came, he would likely be wary of me.”
So, when Sirius told Klifford to be vigilant at all times, what he really meant was, “Be vigilant of me”? I mean, Sirius never exactly hid his distrust of Klifford. And even though Klifford was found innocent in the end, there’s still no telling what’s in my brother’s heart of hearts.
From what I’ve heard so far, it sounds like my brother (with memories) wanted to have an important talk with my bodyguard… The takeaway here is, I’ve figured out the main difference between my brother and my brother (with memories).
“I’ve certainly kept you quite a long time… Could you go call for help now?”
“Yes.” Klifford rose to his feet.
“…”
My right hand gripped Blackfeather’s handle, and my left hand made a fist by my heart.
I subconsciously didn’t want to move it.
I don’t know why…but strange impulses come over me sometimes.
But this time, I did not grab onto Klifford’s sleeve.