Chapter 3:
Bestowing Strange Skills on Things!
I KEPT MY MOUTH shut about the hidden dungeon. I knew my mother and Alice would say it was too dangerous and do everything in their power to keep me from going back. I did share the golden slimes with them, though.
“Would you like some of these? I can’t tell you where I got them, but I promise they’re delicious.”
“Noir, I know you can see me. Why are you ignoring your poor father?”
Father looked so distraught, I broke down and increased my invitation from two to three. Each of them took a bite of slime and stood up to shout, “Delicious!” Not that I was surprised; that was the same reaction I’d had. There was still some left too…or would have been, if my father hadn’t been an incorrigible glutton and annihilated the rest. See, that was why I ignored him in the first place. But ultimately it didn’t matter much. I could easily get more.
“Brother dearest, I have never tasted something so sweet in my life!” Alice exclaimed.
“Glad you liked it,” I said. “I can bring more soon. By the way, when was the exam for the Hero Academy again?”
“The day after tomorrow, my dear boy,” my father answered.
“And if I were to somehow pass, you wouldn’t be able to pay for my tuition, would you?”
“Urgh… Look, your father does have some pride left, but that’s going to be a little…”
It was plain as day that the purse strings were tight. Sure, I had two older brothers, but they had both left the capital and were living in other towns. My oldest brother was a knight stationed in the countryside, and my middle brother was in trade school. And trade school wasn’t cheap. Our family had to really scrimp and save to make the tuition. That was why I wasn’t in school myself.
“I could always go to the academy part-time. Maybe I’ll do some exploring or dungeon seeking on the side.”
“Oh, but Noir,” said my father. “You’re just so—”
“Father, I’m growing up. I’d hope you’d have more faith in me.”
“But you mustn’t, brother dearest. Please, do not do anything dangerous.”
“Appearances notwithstanding, I am a man, Alice.”
I swung my sword to illustrate. I think I cut a pretty good form, thanks to my level increase. If nothing else, it was enough to temporarily silence my father.
I’m gonna get stronger. I’ll show you.
✦ ✦ ✦
The following day, I put my new skills to practical use. I started by making skills I thought would be useful. I figured that my level would probably keep rising as I explored the dungeon, and going to the church to check it each time would be a pain in the ass, so I wanted to give myself the ability to appraise levels and skills. How else could I be sure that Bestowing a skill actually worked?
Discerning Eye — 300 LP
It definitely wasn’t cheap. That would leave me with only 200 LP, and probably put me in bed for a week. As I’d learned from my master, the lower your LP, the more prone you are to getting sick. I needed to replenish my stores.
“Thanks for waiting for me, Noir!”
Emma arrived at the park where I’d asked to meet. I wanted to thank her for what she’d done yesterday.
“Morning, Emma. You seem a little different today.”
“Oh, do I? I don’t think so,” she said with a smile.
Normally she hated wearing clothes that exposed a lot of skin—well, more specifically, her chest—but today she was wearing a dress that fully bared her shoulders and even showed a bit of cleavage.
“You don’t usually wear such revealing clothes.”
“Well, like, look! Today’s special! You’re such a dummy, Noir!”
I wasn’t sure what I’d done to deserve that, but apparently I’d put my foot in my mouth.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you,” I apologized. “I just wanted to treat you to a delicious slime today.”
“Now that might put me in a better mood.”
“Here.” Thanks to my idiot father’s gluttony, I had only one slime left, but I offered it freely.
“Woooow, that’s so sweet!” Emma said.
I think she liked it.
“Where did you buy this?”
“That’s a secret. Let’s just say it didn’t come from any store you know.”
“Lame. You’re not supposed to keep secrets from your best friend.”
“I’m pretty sure someone once said that men are more appealing when they have an aura of mystery.”
Emma stopped just as she was about to say something like I was plenty appealing just as I was. Instead, I asked her for what I really wanted.
“I know this might sound kinda weird, but I wanna give you a hug.”
“Wh-where’s this coming from?!”
“You’re just looking really attractive today, Emma. Is that a no?”
“N-no, it’s not.”
“Well, don’t mind if I do, then.”
I hugged her. I figured this counted as sexual contact of some sort. Her body was soft and felt so nice in my arms, I couldn’t resist squeezing her a little. She hugged me back and we just stood like that for a moment. I could even smell the gentle fragrance of the soap she’d used on her hair. She was from a much wealthier family, so she used the good stuff.
“Thanks,” I said.
“Oh, it’s no big deal. It’s basically like saying hello. You can hug me any time.”
My scheme worked:
500 LP → 850 LP
It was a personal first, which must have been why it was worth so much. I used Discerning Eye to appraise Emma.
Name: Emma Brightness
Age: 16
Species: Human
Level: 18
Occupation: Unemployed
Skills: Dual Wielded Daggers (Grade C); Wind Strike
Some skills, like Emma’s Dual Wielded Daggers, had grades. There were typically four: C, B, A, and S, with S being the highest. C-Grade was honestly plenty impressive. Compared to someone with no skill, she was exceptionally deft with a dagger.
The one thing that surprised me was the part about her being “unemployed.”
“What happened to your librarian job?” I asked.
“I quit yesterday. I didn’t really like it.”
“That seems a little fast.”
“Not if you ask me!” she said with a loud, nervous laugh.
If she’d quit, did that mean there was space for me now…? But I quickly gave up on the idea, I’d already decided to walk a different path.
Having safely acquired the skill I was after, I decided to take a walk with Emma. I noticed she kept rolling her shoulders and stretching. When I asked if her shoulders were bothering her, she responded with a deep nod.
“Because your boobs are so big?” I asked.
“Y-yes, but is that really something you should say to a lady?!”
“I mean, we’re best friends, aren’t we? I’d never say that to any girl but you, Emma.”
“Oh, well, uh, in that case… Heh, I guess we are pretty close after all.”
I wished there was something I could do for her, and then I had a brilliant idea.
Small Boobs — 30 LP
I was honestly kind of shocked at how cheap that was. Maybe it was already a thing? Were small boobs even a skill?
“If you could make your boobs smaller, would you want to?”
“Yeah, I guess? I do remember things being a lot easier when I was younger.”
“What if I could make your wish come true?”
“Oh ho ho ho, go right ahead.”
I tried using Bestow, which would cost a total of 80 LP, including the creation of the skill. I still had 550 LP, so it wouldn’t be an issue. I Got Creative and produced the skill, then Bestowed it upon her. In an instant, Emma’s massive boobs shrank, leaving her flat-chested and cleavage-free.
“Huh?! What the—?!”
“I gave you small boobs like you wanted.”
“But how?! Wh-what just happened?!”
“I gave you a skill called Small Boobs.”
Emma’s mouth flapped impotently. I couldn’t blame her, none of this made much sense. I assured her that it wouldn’t have any ill effects on her body.
“Okay, but, wow, I really am flat… I hardly feel like myself.”
“It probably lowered your body weight a bit too. Plus, you should be happy, there are plenty of people who are into small boobs.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, really. I’m firmly a big boobs man myself, though.”
“Give them back right noooow!”
“Uh…”
I thought she’d be happy with that weight off her shoulders. What a waste of LP.
Since she was so insistent, I set about returning her to normal. Of course, I had to figure out how, exactly. Could I just give her a Big Boobs skill? But surely that’d just be canceled out by Small Boobs and she’d end up with an average chest. Maybe massive? Gargantuan? Giga boobs? It all sounded terrifying. But I figured my Editor skill might be the right choice.
Small Boobs: Makes one’s breasts small.
The Editor skill seemed to allow me to edit anything in the description. I could add, change, or delete any part of it, so I settled on removing the two words “boobs” and “small.”
Delete: “Small Boobs” — 90 LP
It felt like such a waste, but I had to do it. I felt a little dizzy, probably because I’d been knocked down to 380 LP. Regardless, it looked like it worked. The Small Boobs skill was gone. Getting rid of the elements that fundamentally defined the skill made it disappear completely.
“Hooray! They’re back! I missed you two so much!”
“Good. But I’m feeling a little sick, so would you let me rest my head in your lap maybe?”
“Oh, you look so pale! Come here.”
I was forced to take a break on a nearby bench, but I rested my head on Emma’s tender thighs, and my LP recovered to 450. I had one more thing I wanted to edit, so I needed the points replenished.
“You know, Emma, I just realized we never did that exotic greeting today.”
“Huh? Are you feeling okay?”
“I think it’ll make me recover faster.”
“Well, when you put it that way.”
She leaned over me and gently placed her lips on mine. Perfect. My LP went up to 500.
“Could I get just one more?”
“Okay.”
Unfortunately, the second one didn’t do anything. Maybe repeated actions didn’t count. Or maybe there was some kind of cooldown period before you could get more LP? That made sense. It wouldn’t really be fair if you could get infinite LP just from hugs. Then again, maybe first experiences or more novel ones were just worth more. I had a lot of research to do.