It was Sunday morning, and I was helping out in the shop. I put the goblin thief parts out for sale, along with some materials from monsters I’d defeated in the dungeon. We also had the herbs and materials that Tigerson had collected. Also, I could use alchemy now, so it would probably be a good idea to produce or refine some more products. Sales were good, and my parents’ clothes were getting finer by the day. They’d even started wearing fur coats—in the middle of summer.
“I’ll let you handle the rest, Tigerson. I’m heading home.”
<Indeed. Take care.>
He’d become really good at attracting customers, so I headed home without a care in the world. As I went, I picked up some interesting food to boost my LP. Technically, I had access to LP Conversion (Money), but I wanted to save that for emergency situations. After all, 1 LP cost a whopping 100,000 rels. At that rate, I would burn through my entire savings and not even earn 1,000 LP, so I only planned to use it when I had to.
Currently, I had 3,400 LP. I’d spent a lot on producing new skills, but Emma had been keeping me topped up with kisses and hugs. Even so, maybe it was time to use the LP Conversion (Items) skill. After all, my Octopus Killing Harpoon had served me well on the water level of the dungeon, but it wasn’t likely to see action again. And it had an S-Grade skill on it, so it would probably earn me a lot. In the end, destroying it gave me an extra 2,800 LP, so it was worth it.
“Guess it might not be a bad plan to buy things with skills on them and convert them for the LP.”
My alchemy skill could help with that too. My options were definitely improving.
I was almost home when I stopped and turned my head to listen. Was that…someone shouting in the yard?
“I came here to hang out!”
“Well, I came here to hang out and make out!”
“What did you just say?!”
“Nothing, did I?”
Why did those voices sound familiar? I headed inside to discover Emma and Lola waiting for me.
“What’s the problem?” I asked.
“I came here to visit you,” Emma said.
“Yeah?” Lola shot back. “Well, so did I!”
So that was how they’d run into each other.
“All right, all right,” I said. “Why don’t you both come in? I’ll make you tea.”
We headed into the living room and I served them some tea, along with a few snacks my father had brought back. We all sat, happily eating them together.
“Oh, what about these?” I asked. “They’re the boiled grasshoppers my mother made.”
“I, uh…” Lola said. “I think I’ll pass this time.”
“Me too,” Emma said. “Your mum’s cooking is delicious, but sometimes it’s a little…you know.”
I guess Mother did have the occasional catastrophic kitchen mishap. I thought the grasshoppers were tasty, though.
We sat around for a while, eating snacks and chatting about everything and nothing—how my father’s newfound wealth was earning him more influence, and who was dating whom in Odin. But after about an hour, Lola stood up suddenly.
“Wait! I didn’t come just to eat snacks and chat! I came here to help you save Ms. Olivia!”
Emma frowned. “Olivia? What are you talking about?”
“Sorry, Emma,” I said. “I haven’t had a chance to tell you about it yet.” I gave her a quick overview and explained why I needed to reach the fifteenth floor so urgently.
“Oh, then I’ll help too!” Emma said. “What do you need?”
“Yeah, yeah, you can help on some other day,” said Lola. “Today is my turn.”
She took my hand and tried to drag me away, but Emma grabbed my other hand to stop her.
“I don’t know what you’re doing, Lola. But whatever it is, you’re doing it here.”
“Oh, well, in that case… If you’re sure, I mean!”
Without waiting for her answer, Lola promptly pulled out a blindfold and put it on me. Wait, how long had she been planning this?! It was a little scary not being able to see anything, and there was something warm pressed against my cheeks—probably Lola’s hands.
“Just relax, Mr. Noir. You have nothing to be afraid of. I just had an idea for a little LP-earning game! Emma, would you like to join in?”
“S-sure,” Emma said. “Although…what is it we’re doing?”
We both listened while Lola explained the rules. One of them would hide a cookie somewhere on their person, and I had thirty seconds to find it. And, because of the blindfold, I’d have to rely on my other senses to do it, while the two of them tried to lead me astray. If I failed to find the cookie in time, they could touch me anywhere they wanted. That didn’t sound like much of a punishment to me, but who was I to argue?
“What?” said Lola. “You’re going to put it there?”
“Don’t worry,” Emma replied. “He’ll never figure it out.”
What were they talking about? Hopefully they were hiding it somewhere that wasn’t too embarrassing—a pocket, for example, or the waistband of their outfit.
“Okay!” Lola said cheerfully. “We’re ready! Come and get it!”
I took a couple of hesitant steps forward and reached out my hands. My fingers sank into something squishy.
“Eeep!”
Emma made a strange sound and I pulled away.
“Sorry!”
“Oh, come on,” said Lola. “Anywhere is fair game, remember? Your only enemy is time.”
I tried to remember what Emma was wearing and think of places where she could have hidden it. Of course, it could have been somewhere between her clothes and her bare skin, but she could also have it under her foot or tucked in one of her hands. Wow, this was much harder than I’d expected! I started searching around Emma’s waist.
“Oh, Noir, you’re so…”
“Are you sure you’re not wasting time there, Mr. Noir?” Lola asked. “I mean, Emma’s not the only one here, you know.”
She was right. Maybe she had the cookie. I moved over to Lola and started by checking her hands. Nothing. Did she have any pockets in her clothes? I checked around her stomach.
“I’ll give you a hint,” Lola said. “It’s about eight inches above where you’re touching right now, but I won’t say if I have it or if Emma does.”
I was running out of time, so I reached out for both of them at the same time. About eight inches above where I’d been touching was…something warm and round that didn’t quite fit in my hand. I blushed.
“Wait, is it somewhere on your chest…?”
“Oh, Mr. Noir!” Lola teased. “You’re so daring!”
She was having fun with this.
“I’ll give you another hint,” Lola said. “It’s near Emma’s most developed asset. Don’t think too hard. Just go with your gut.”
“So it’s…somewhere on her chest.”
“Excuse me!” Emma bit back. “I think you mean my brain!”
Damn it, where was it?! That’s when it hit me: They were allowed to lie. The cookie was probably far away from the direction they were leading me. I crouched down and started hunting around the floor.
“N-Noir?” Emma asked.
“Is it under your foot?” I asked. “Or in your sock?”
I patted down their feet.
“You know,” Lola said. “If you looked up now, you could see our panties.”
“I’m blindfolded, Lola!”
And worse than that, I was wrong about it being around their feet.
“You’re out of time,” Lola said.
Defeated, I stood up and removed my blindfold, only to see the cookie right on top of Emma’s head.
“Wait, really?”
“Urgh, I even gave you a hint!” Emma complained.
She was right. I’d lost because I hadn’t had faith in my dearest friend.
“But it was stimulating, right?” Lola asked.
Oh, that’s right! I’d earned…800 LP? It seemed the blindfold had added another layer of excitement.
“All right, Noir, you lose,” said Emma. “Time to pay up with your body.”
I mean, I wasn’t exactly in a position to argue. I gave in and abandoned myself to them. Lola stared at me hungrily.
“I think I’m gonna go for you know where.”
“Wait,” Emma said. “What? You can’t!”
“That’s funny coming from you, Emma,” Lola said. “I know you want it too.”
“I…”
Emma glanced at me briefly and looked away, her cheeks turning red like a guilty child. Meanwhile, Lola didn’t have any such reservations. She jumped right in.
“It’s so hard! Wow, Noir, that’s amazing.”
“Ooh,” said Emma, sounding relieved. “That’s what you meant.”
To be honest, I was a little relieved too.
“Ms. Emma!” Lola said, feigning shock. “Where did you think I meant? Don’t tell me you thought—”
“I’m doing it too!” said Emma. “I’ve always wanted to. Oh! It’s rock hard!”
Argh, two beautiful women are touching me, but for some reason, I just feel filthy. Why is that, oh, Great Sage?
<Beats me.>
I guess some things were beyond even him.
Although apparently, my butt was very firm.