When I looked out my window in the early afternoon, I spotted Alto huddled in a corner of the garden. He must’ve been struggling with his thoughts again. At first, he’d tried hard to act like nothing was wrong whenever we were around, but now, he’d stopped trying. Sophia, Norris, and Elly had come by on their days off to visit him, but each time they left more worried than before, seeing how his energy gradually seemed to wane.
I had decided I wouldn’t ask him what the matter was. Still, he looked so sad out there all alone, so I went outside to keep him company.
I came up behind Alto, but he didn’t turn around to look at me.
“What are you doing out here?” I asked.
“…”
He didn’t answer. My heart ached seeing him so glum. I gently tried again. “I thought we could take a little walk. Would you come with me?”
Alto finally lifted his head and nodded, then stood up and took my hand. Normally, he’d have been full of questions, his eyes bright with curiosity about everything we passed, but he’d lost that spark the last few days. He just walked quietly by my side.
“Gramps, I’m sorry… My quest is to keep you company, but we haven’t talked much lately…”
“You don’t have to worry about that,” I said with a smile. However, it did nothing to lift his spirits.
It’s not just about leaving the nest… He’s worried about the quest, too.
That was just like Alto, who had such a strong sense of responsibility. But the truth was the quest didn’t mean much to me anymore, so I wished he wouldn’t worry about it.
“Even without the quest, I’ll still be here with you, and you can always rely on me. Not just me—Setsuna, too.”
That was the closest I could come to offering help outright. I didn’t know if he understood, but Alto did manage a faint smile in response.
We walked along in silence until we reached the nearby pond. A flock of birds scattered from the water with a flurry of flapping wings as our footsteps approached. As Alto watched them rise into the sky, he murmured, “I can’t fly…”
“…”
“I…”
He trailed off, coming to a stop.
“Alto, are you sure you can’t fly?”
He looked surprised by my question, but I didn’t look away and slowly asked again.
“You’re sure you can’t fly? Do you want to fly?”
“…”
He kept staring straight ahead. It looked like he was trying to answer, but no words came out.
I shouldn’t have asked.
Maybe he’d only been watching the birds and imagining himself with them but didn’t want to really talk about it. Or maybe he’d never intended on sharing his feelings at all. I thought he might not be ready to talk about it, so I didn’t press him any further.
It might’ve been too soon.
I could see it weighing on him, so I looked away and began walking again, hoping he’d understand he didn’t need to say anything. I wanted to say, “You don’t have to answer now,” but the words got stuck in my throat.
Guilt washed over me as I heard him run to catch up to me.
I probably shouldn’t have made him think about leaving the nest.
I let out a sigh, wondering if there was anything I could have said that would have set his heart at ease instead of only adding to his burdens.
“Gramps.” He came up beside me, calling out softly to let me know he was there.
“Why don’t we go buy something sweet for—”
But before I could finish, an uncomfortable feeling rose within me. I felt a dull ache in my chest. My knees gave out, and I fell to the ground. Alto let out a startled cry and grabbed my shoulders.
“Gramps!”
I wanted to tell him not to worry, but I couldn’t speak. It hurt too much to breathe.
“Gramps! Gramps!!” His voice sounded far away.
Ah, so this is it. I’m going to die soon.
I’d been thinking for a long time now that I was ready. I had no comrades left. I’d abandoned my family. I was the one who’d chosen this path.
Is this some kind of punishment?
Even though I’d accepted all of that, now that the moment was finally drawing near, I found myself terrified of dying alone. I wanted to see my family and old friends. But it was too late to go to them now, so instead I’d sought out someone to stay by my side at the end.
Is this why it feels like I’m being punished? Because I was selfish?
“Gramps! Gramps!”
I knew this day was coming. I’m dying.
Alto’s voice seemed to drift farther and farther away as my consciousness grew hazy.
I wish I could’ve lived…just a little longer. No…longer than that.
Even if it was just for a few seconds more, I wanted to stay with this beastfolk child and that lonely young man who gave his all to everything. They’d been so kind to me and given me such peace of mind. I had so many things I wanted to teach them, so much I wanted to say.
I had another wish, too. I wanted to see Alto spread his wings and fly like those birds one day. That wish cruelly spread through every part of my body…