Chapter 5

Chapter 2 Assuming the Role of a Side Character at School! I turned fifteen and started attending the Midgar Academy for Dark Knights at the royal capital. This academy is known as the crème de la crème of schools on our continent and where promising knights gather not only from this nation but all over the world. I kept my grades on the meh tier to blend in with the crowd and my eye on the protagonists of my dreams. One of them is Princess Alexia Midgar, the biggest fish of them all. Honestly, even a chimpanzee would know she’s on the top tier. I’ve heard there’s an ultra-famous super–big shot named Princess Iris Midgar, but she already graduated, to my chagrin. Anyway, I’ll have you know that I unlocked a special event with Princess Alexia…er, I mean, my punishment for losing a game. Yeah, you’ve heard that right. I’m about to take part in your ye old punishment of confessing to a girl. Which brings us to the rooftop of the school. I face Princess Alexia from a distance. Her platinum hair is cut straight across at her shoulders, and her red eyes are almond-shaped and, um, pretty? And she looks all aloof with her perfect face. It’s like Yeah, yeah, we get it already. She’s gorgeous. Yeah, whatever. I hate to break it to you, but I’m bored of beautiful women, thanks to Alpha and company. I prefer a touch of ugliness. It makes you unique, you know. Anyway, I’m not the only reckless challenger who’s gone after Alexia. It’s been two months since the beginning of school, and more than a hundred schmucks have already tried to win her over. And all of them were met with one bitter phrase: “I’m not interested.” I mean, I get it. I’m guessing she’s got a political marriage or something lined up for her when she graduates. I bet she’s trying to say she doesn’t have time to engage in child’s play. That said, the aristocratic students in love with her share the same fate—political marriage and all. But I think that’s why they want to have a little fun while they’re still in school. Well, it doesn’t matter either way. In the end, it’s nothing but the amusement of those who know nothing of the shadow realm. And it’s my duty as a background character to join in on this charade. To get brutally rejected by the most popular girl in school? I can’t think of a role more fitting for an extra. If I can get through this event and play the role of a real loser, I will become my ideal and take another step toward becoming a hidden mastermind. I stay up all night to prepare for this moment. What should I say? How should I confess to her…? This is gonna be the greatest confession by a minor character of all time. Choosing the right words is a given. But I take it a step further by experimenting with articulation, pitch, and vibrato. I finally master the ultimate confession. On this day, at this very moment, I’m standing on the battlefield of a lifetime. Ready, fight. It’s a momentous battle for a background character. Sure, shadowbrokers have their own way of combat, but fighting as a side character creates a breed of its own. Which means I’m gonna pull out all the stops as one. I’m secure in my decision when I turn toward her. Princess Alexia… She’s standing there looking all high-and-mighty, but I could unsheathe my sword and detach her neck from her torso in a heartbeat. You’re a human like the rest of us. Watch closely. I present to you, the greatest confession in the world! “Pwinshesh A-A-A…Alexia.” Did you hear how I stuttered on the A-A-A? And that staccato? I threw in a bit of vibrato, changed pitch midway through, and added a lisp to Pwinshesh to give a convincing performance. “I—I love you…!” I lower my eyes to evade her gaze, making sure my knees are knocking against each other. “W-will you be my girlfriend…?” I choose to go with your average confession—cliché, if not boring. But I let my pitch and tone go hog wild. And that upward lilt at the end? It shows my complete lack of confidence. It’s perfect…! This is the performance of my dreams. I’m satisfied! I’m completely satisfied! “Sure.” “Huh?” I’m pleased with myself and just about to leave when I experience an auditory hallucination. “What did you just say?” “I said…sure.” “Um, okay.” Something’s not right. “L-let’s head back to campus together.” From there, I walk Princess Alexia to her dorm room. After a “See you tomorrow” with a smile on my face, I head to my own room, bury my face in my pillow, and scream at the top of my lungs. “When did I become the protagonist of a roooooooooooomcom!!” “It’s weird, right?!” “Bizarre.” “Absolutely bonkers.” It’s the next day. I’m having at lunch in the cafeteria and just told my two friends about yesterday. We’re all in agreement: There’s definitely something strange going on. “No offense, but Princess Alexia is way out of your league. If she said yes to me? I’d still think it was fishy. Right?” That’s Skel, the second son of the Baron Etal. He’s slim and tall, and though it seems he cares about his outer appearance, he has zero style. If you look at him from far away, he could trick you into thinking he’s hot. Erm, maybe not. I take that back. Either way, Princess Alexia is way out of Skel Etal’s league, too. I know this for a fact, because I consider him my “minor character” friend. “If Cid’s good enough for her, I bet I would’ve been good enough, too. Gah, I really should have confessed to her earlier.” That’s Po, the second son of the Baron Tato. He’s short and somewhat stocky. You know how there’s one potato-esque guy on every baseball team? That’s basically him. It doesn’t matter if you look at him from afar, from up close, or from any and all angles. With his looks, he could never scam anyone into thinking he’s cool. It goes without saying that he has absolutely no chance with Princess Alexia. After all, he’s your cold, hard background character. Oh, and by the way, my name’s Cid. When I’m playing the part of Cid Kagenou, I’m also playing the part of your average Joe. “To be honest, it’s terrible. I have a feeling she’s got an ulterior motive, which freaks me out. Plus, we basically live in two totally different worlds.” “Yeah, I hear you. And unlike me, you’re not blessed in the looks department. I’d give it a week before she calls it quits.” “Three days. Just look around you.” I scan the cafeteria and see everyone whispering and observing me. “Over there! That’s…” “You’re kidding! He’s super average…” “It must be some kind of mix-up…” “Oh, I think he’s pretty cute…” “No way!” Et cetera. “I heard he blackmailed her…according to Skel Etal.” “I’ll kill that son of a bitch…” “And make it look like an accident during practice…” “If I don’t do it now, I’d bring shame to mankind…” And the like. I’ve got pretty good ears, and I’d caught almost all their chatter. I take a moment to glare at Skel. “Hmm? What’s up?” “Nothing.” I guess friendships between minor characters can be fickle and fleeting. “But seriously, what do I do? It’d be weird if I mentioned breaking up when I just confessed my love for her.” And it would break character to dump a princess—though I guess people in this role wouldn’t date them in the first place. “Come on, give it a try. If you’re lucky, you might make some nice memories,” Skel encourages with a sly grin. “He’s right. Let’s say this is all a misunderstanding. You still get to date a princess. Don’t waste your time dealing with bullies,” Po adds. “It doesn’t work that way.” Even as we waste time now, rumors about me will continue to circulate around the school—meaning I’m getting pushed further and further away from my existence as an average nobody. “But now that you two are actually going out,” Po muses, “you’ve gotta stay quiet about losing that game.” “Yeah. I can see things getting messy if word got out. Please don’t say anything. I’m looking at you, Skel.” “Me? I’d never say anything!” “I’m serious.” I sigh as I reach for my daily lunch for broke aristocrats—which costs exactly 980 zeni. I’m starting to get annoyed by the vibe of this place. I’m just going to eat as quickly as possible and skedaddle out of here. Erm, well, that was the plan. But a group of maids set the lunch course of the super-duper filthy rich—which costs a whopping ten thousand zeni—in the seat across from me with marked efficiency. “Is this seat available?” Enter Alexia. Ugh, I knew she was here. That’s why I was trying to scarf down my lunch. “P-p-pwease do!” “Y-y-you can sit here! It’s our pleasure!” Skel and Po respond, basically shriveling into nothing. These are the same guys who were talking big game about how they could date her if they wanted to. Yep, just as expected of my friends. “Yeah, sure. Go ahead,” I say to Princess Alexia, who’s waiting for my answer. “I don’t mind if I do,” she replies, taking a seat. “Nice weather we’re having.” It seems like an obvious way to fill the silence. “Indeed.” Our innocuous conversation continues, and with the elegant movement of her hand, she starts eating her extravagant lunch. “There’s so much food in the super-duper filthy-rich lunch course.” “Yeah. I can never finish it.” “What a waste.” “I would be fine buying a cheaper lunch, but if I don’t get the expensive one, the others might feel too shy to ask for it.” “Uh-huh, I see. Can I eat your leftovers?” “Yes, but…” “Oh, don’t worry about being polite around me. I mean, this is the section for low-ranking aristocrats.” Alexia looks baffled as I swipe the meat from her main dish and cram it into my mouth before she can get a word in edgewise.