“Welcome back. Seems like they worshipped you again.” “I mean, we’re so famous now,” Arian added with a pained smile. The half-dragon redhead was sensitive to these things. After all, she’d become known as the hero who had defeated Elazonia, so she got mobbed by fans whenever she went into town. “I guess it’s better that they aren’t scared of us, but I wish they’d treat us normally.” “Yeah… I just wanna be friends…,” Rino agreed, teary-eyed. The dark elven maid was setting up breakfast—soup and bread—in front of her. “It would be hard to get them to stop,” Celes commented. “The humans are utterly convinced that Lady Rino is their savior.” The maid looked as proud as the Demon King. After all, it felt pretty good to have her mistress—who she saw as basically her younger sister—revered by humans. “Besides, isn’t this what Lord Shinichi planned?” “Could you stop blaming everything on me?” Shinichi protested, but he was the one who suggested they supply the magic conductors for emergency contact to the nearby villages. Without Elazonia, the heroes had lost their immortality, which meant they were avoiding fighting monsters like the plague. Obviously, there were courageous heroes still putting up a good fight, as well as monster hunters and armies deployed by other countries that had never had the luxury of immortality when battling monsters anyway. It wasn’t as though the beasts were doing whatever they wanted. That said, there were certainly fewer people capable of fighting the monsters. Large metropolises with defensive forces might hold out on their own, but it was easy to imagine smaller villages would be taking the brunt of the damage. Hence, Shinichi’s decision to distribute the magic conductors. His reasoning was obvious: to improve public opinion of the demons. Even though the demons have gotten a boost in reputation after taking down the “Evil God” Elazonia, the people haven’t completely stopped being suspicious of them, he mused. Quite the opposite, in fact. There was a chance that the humans might band together to attack the demons—their newest threat—since they were powerful enough to defeat Elazonia. To turn this situation in their favor, the demons needed to not only defeat the monsters to prove they were allies of justice, but also parade around the “Goddess Rino”—someone almost too cute to be a demon—as she healed the public and entertained them with her songs. I feel terrible, but she’ll need to keep up this act for the time being. Well, some pervert had already taken it upon herself to spread the good word, and Rino’s act of heroism had been broadcast to the entire continent, which meant Rino was already god-tier at this point without much intervention on Shinichi’s part. That’s right! This is all that pervert’s fault! Shinichi cried internally. Celes read his thoughts. “And who was it that made her into a degenerate?” she asked telepathically. “Who left her to create her little religion? Who broadcast the events to the entire continent? Wasn’t that you?” Take some accountability, she wanted to say, but Shinichi brushed her off. Speaking of the Saint Sanctina, she had already started her little sermon in Boar Kingdom, having set off early in the morning to make her trip south. She certainly knew how to put on an act, which allowed her religion to make moves in the country. “I’ve already concocted a plan for you to make friends. Would you mind playing Goddess for the public good?” “If it’s for you.” Rino nodded, blushing, as Shinichi stroked her hair. Next to pouty-faced Arian, the Demon King seemed unhappy with this turn of events. “I can accept the humans praising Rino, but I don’t like that they cry out for help without even attempting to take a monster down. They should put up a fight—even if it costs them an arm or a leg.” “Don’t be ridiculous,” Shinichi warned. The Demon King needed to stop evaluating the world on demon standards. He snapped back angrily. “But all these emergency calls take away from my playtime with Rino!” “It always comes back to that!” “Daddy…” Shinichi and Rino were starting to get tired of this helicopter parent, one who prioritized time with his daughter over people’s lives. That said, there was a grain of truth in his statement. “It’s nothing too crazy now—only about twice a month—but I imagine we’ll be swamped once other areas request our protection,” Shinichi said. As of right now, the only two countries with magic conductors were the neighboring country of Boar Kingdom and the allied country of Tigris. They didn’t want to overextend themselves, since they didn’t know how often monsters were spotted in these parts. That wasn’t the only reason for limiting the areas, though. They might catalyze a war if they reached out to unfamiliar territories. The citizens would readily agree to receive the protection of the Demon King and Rino, as long as they weren’t bigots. But it wouldn’t be so easy with the ruling class. Noblesse oblige. The royalty taxed the people because they bore the responsibility of guaranteeing the safety of their subjects. A new bodyguard—the Demon King—meant the citizens would think the royalty served little purpose. It would be unwise for the ruling class to let the Demon King intervene in their affairs. What would happen if their subjects started appealing to the Demon King to save them from the corrupt ruler? It only worked with Tigris because we’ve been on good terms and Boar Kingdom because they’re afraid to resist after seeing the Demon King firsthand. Any other place would start a needless war. Unfortunately, there weren’t many rulers cowardly enough to surrender without a fight or intelligent enough to recognize they wouldn’t be able to win. Even if it meant helping the majority, overthrowing the royal few was an act that would place a heavy burden on kindhearted Rino. Plus, Shinichi was neither nice nor arrogant enough to want to save all the people of the world. I can’t stand by if there’s a massacre or something, but there’s no real merit in broadening our reach otherwise. The demons had fulfilled their original goal of procuring decent food by importing goods from Boar Kingdom and Tigris. I’d be willing to go to war for rice and fresh fish… “You’ve gotten offtrack again, Lord Shinichi,” Celes warned, reeling him back in, as she set down a glass of water in front of him. He had a bad habit of getting lost in his thoughts. “Whoops. My bad.” Shinichi hydrated his parched throat with a gulp of cold water. “There’s two ways to reduce these requests. One way is for you to go to the restricted zone and thin out the monster population, Your Highness.” “Hmm. A decent proposal.” The Demon King seemed to be on board, even though it just meant piling on the work early. “I’ve been training harder since I lost to Elazonia, but I think I’m at my upper limit. This would be a good change of pace.” “You still consider that a loss…?” “Naturally. I don’t even need to speak about the battle when Rino was taken hostage. And the second one was hardly a win.” He furrowed his brow. Arian smiled uncomfortably. “I’m not exactly proud when I think about that victory. I wouldn’t call it a three-versus-one brawl—more like a melee of ten thousand against one.” Technically, three individuals—Arian, the Demon King, and Regina—exchanged blows with Elazonia, but Celes, Sanctina, and hordes of humans and demons were the ones to spread knowledge of the “Goddess’s” true form and shut down her magic supply. “It isn’t true strength unless you win in a fair fight—one-on-one,” said the Demon King. “I see your point.” But a win is a win, even if you pull the dirtiest tricks in the book! Shinichi added internally, which is exactly what set him apart from the Demon King. “I will never be able to challenge the Red Dragon if I cannot even surpass Elazonia.” The Demon King could hardly wait. “So you haven’t forgotten about that…” Arian grimaced. She couldn’t imagine anyone winning against the Red Dragon—her father and a Proxy of the Planet—but there was a part of her that hoped and feared the Blue Demon King would manage to wound him, even though a nuclear bomb had failed. “Above all, I wouldn’t want my wife to be ashamed of my abilities.” “I wonder what Mommy is doing right now…,” Rino mused, face clouding over. Her mother—Regina, the Blue Princess of War—had set off on another trip after taking down Elazonia. This was just her little quirk, but it didn’t ease Rino’s heart, knowing that her mother was trying to find the White Dragon and Green Dragon in the continent of Uropeh. “I hope she isn’t upsetting some other humans…” “Oh, that’s what you’re concerned about.” Shinichi chuckled. Rino must have assumed Regina was fine. “Anyway,” he turned back to the Demon King, “if you can train by culling some beasts, it would help reduce monster attacks in nearby villages. Obviously, in moderation. We wouldn’t want you destroying the ecosystem.” “Leave it to me. What was option two?” “Simple. The humans can get strong enough to defeat monsters. I’m already working on that theory.” Celes brought over his coat and bag from the corner of the dining hall when she saw he was on his feet. “Are you going out with Celes again?” asked Rino. “Yeah, we’re going to Tigris and the Holy City today.” “Hmph. You’re always going out there…,” Rino pouted, since it encroached on their playtime. “Strange that we’re busier now that things are peaceful,” noted Arian, pursing her lips and hoping for more time with Shinichi. He smiled apologetically. “You can make a mess in an instant, but it takes time to clean up.” Defeating the Goddess who had controlled the continent had set off a domino effect of changes, for better or for worse. It was far more difficult to build peace in that situation than it was to start war. “Well, I’ll deal with the worst of it by spring. Then we can have a picnic under the flowers.” “Under flowers?” asked Rino. “We’ll throw a huge party and eat well!” “That sounds fun!” Rino squealed in delight. “Could you think up the menu, Arian?” “You got it!” Arian seemed to sit up straighter. After waving to the two girls, Shinichi donned his coat and left the dining hall. Celes trailed after him. “Your worries never end,” she whispered in his ear. “Just part of an advisor’s job.” As they made their way down the hall, Shinichi lamented that all he wanted was to take a long soak in a hot spring to unwind. He sounded like an overworked employee. Even when snow piled high, the mining country of Tigris never stopped grinding. For those working in the primary industries of mining and smithing, the cold weather was a welcome respite for their humid workplaces, and they could be heard vigorously hammering away. From a window in the castle’s drawing room, Shinichi and Celes looked down into the busy city. “Apologies for thy wait.” Someone apologized as soon as the doors swung open. There was the husky captain—the young King Sieg—and Dritem, the severe middle-aged court mage. “No problem,” replied Shinichi, noting the long, thin box in the court mage’s hands. “Seems like it’s done.” His lips curled up happily. Sieg nodded, seeming solemn. “I myself have tested it. ’Tis beyond my expectations.” “Indeed,” the court mage agreed, opening the lid to show its contents. Inside was an object resembling a crossbow, made of a long metal tube, fit onto a wooden stock with a metal trigger. It was a new weapon that used the explosive black powder that the people of Tigris had gotten their hands on in the past few months. In other words, it was a matchlock rifle. “It’s shorter than I was expecting,” observed Shinichi, taking it into his hand. Its total length was just over fifteen inches. Sieg seemed apologetic. “Whilst thou explained that longer barrels can fire farther, we are little experienced in forging metal tubes so straight. There was need to create tools specific to forging the weapon.” “It makes sense. It’s totally different from making swords and armor.” Shinichi, the one familiar with the matchlock mechanism, was responsible for drafting the simple design specifications for Sieg. However, he didn’t know the first thing about forging iron into a metal barrel for a gun. He was aware the matchlock eventually evolved into a fully automatic rifle, but knew nothing about the machinery necessary to produce them. That meant they could take no shortcuts, even if he had ideas from the future. That was why the smiths had to build from the ground up—and had lived up to Shinichi’s expectations by forging him this gun. “Can I test it?” “Shall we move to the courtyard?” Sieg suggested, escorting them out of the room. It seemed like the courtyard had already been used to try out the gun; there was a holey log propped up as the target. “I assume you don’t need to be walked through the steps,” noted the court mage. “No, but this will be the first time I shoot something.” Shinichi chuckled, accepting a bag of gunpowder. He poured it into the barrel’s end and stuffed in a bullet, pressing it in carefully with a wooden rod. He packed more powder to the flash pan on the back of the rifle before lighting the match used for ignition. “It requires quite the setup,” remarked Celes. “And has a high return.” Shinichi gripped the gun firmly in both hands and pulled the trigger. Bang! The bullet lodged itself into the log almost sixty-five feet away. “Nice. A clean hit. I was worried about making a fool of myself as the inventor.” “Magnificent. His Highness wasn’t even able to hit one out of five shots.” “Dritem, thou shall remain silent on such matters!” Dritem dodged King Sieg’s fist, clapping in glee as he exposed the king’s secrets. Celes covered her long ears with her hands, face strained. “My ears are ringing after hearing it so close. Will this become similar to the thing we encountered in the Elven Tomb?” She was talking about the automatic rifles held by the guard golems, left behind by the ancient civilization in the underground shelter. “Give it another fifty years.” Shinichi blew the smoke from the muzzle, chuckling that it wasn’t impossible. If firearms of that caliber spread throughout the world, the power balance between humans and monsters would turn on its head. “And when that happens, the Demon King and Rino won’t have so much on their plates.” “Way off in the distant future…,” Celes grumbled. “Not exactly. Even this gun can inflict wounds in vital areas and ward off monsters with its sound and smells.” Celes didn’t seem too convinced. If Shinichi was being totally honest, he didn’t buy it, either. We’ll need higher-caliber rifles to fight against monsters. I want to join hands with a dvergr and spend the next three years tinkering with guns, but… It would be ridiculous to try and speed-run the advancement of guns—which had taken three hundred years on Earth—but it could be possible if they were just talking single-shot rifles. I would have to leave everything with the Demon King for the time being, but we could reduce his workload if we gathered humans and demons to form monster extermination squads. Might be good to invite the beast morphs from Mouse Village, too. A number of candidates flashed through Shinichi’s mind as he passed the gun back to Sieg. “Can you continue producing these guns this winter and start to sell them to neighboring countries once the snow thaws? They’re not the best for monsters, but they can be used to hunt, and they’ll prove valuable in battle, so any soldier with a good head on their shoulders will jump to have one.” Sieg’s expression was complicated. “I understand we will make great riches, but…” “I gather you’re worried they’ll catalyze wars and cause human casualties?” “Indeed.” Sieg rubbed his chubby stomach and nodded unhappily. Behind him, his court mage had assumed the same expression. “I can understand where you’re coming from. With one gun, women and children will be handed enough power to kill a soldier, which means more people will die in war.” Shinichi could admit these dangers. He’d learned what had happened with new guns, tanks, fighter jets, and missiles on Earth, after all. “But you have Resurrection in this world. You don’t need to be so averse to war. And this sounds weird, but guns are better suited to kill others in a resurrectable way,” he claimed. In the world of Obum, any living entity could be resurrected as long as at least half their brain was intact—which was the only thing that set them apart from the Goddess’s heroes, who could be respawned from nothing. While using swords and magic risked damage to the brain, using guns was almost humane in that they killed with the smallest of wounds. “We’ll probably need regulations against the use of expanding bullets that scatter inside the target and anti-material rifles that can blow away humans by grazing against them, but that’s a discussion for a later time,” Shinichi said. “…I cannot even picture these things.” Sieg looked troubled as he gazed at the matchlock rifle in his hands. Shinichi had revealed he was from another world with new scientific discoveries, so Sieg didn’t doubt his absurd statements anymore. However, it was near impossible to imagine the wars these newly minted guns could bring, the scope of their damage, and any future variants. Seeing Sieg struggle to conceptualize this, Shinichi instantly regretted jumping the gun. “One more thing,” he said. “Making a weapon won’t cause war. Even without guns, people would fight with swords. Or clubs. Humans cause wars. Besides, they’ll always have magic.” There were humans who were magic users, though they were few and far between compared with demons. They were living weapons. Thinking removing all weapons would bring world peace was as fantastical as the end of humanity. “If someone really wanted a war, it would make more sense to recruit all the magic users who’ve distanced themselves from the Goddess than to stockpile guns. Well, I guess then the mages would take over the country. No ruler lacks that amount of critical thinking.” “Verily,” said Sieg, wincing, like this was a sore spot. Tigris Kingdom had a total of five magic users headed by the court mage Dritem—a sizeable amount, compared with its neighboring countries. Magic users were the ultimate weapons since they didn’t need to be armed to kill a soldier in armor. Plus, they could uncover secrets with Clairvoyance and Wire Tap. Not many rulers were brave enough to keep a magic user at their side, since it wouldn’t take much to threaten or kill them. “Getting back on track—No war is going to start because you sold some guns,” Shinichi assured him. “Quite the opposite. You might be able to stop battles by supplying countries with a weapon that can outdo magic users.” “I see, thou hast considered that as well.” Sieg nodded, instantly on the same page. However, Celes had no idea what they were talking about. “Selling weapons to stop wars? How?” “No, it’s the opposite. If you refuse to sell weapons, you can hold it over other countries and control wars.” Shinichi launched into a full-fledged explanation, since the demons might find this difficult to grasp as they had no need for guns. “First, guns are going to become a big deal on the battlefield. While you can buy as many guns as you can hold, these almighty magic users are harder to come by.” Shinichi’s standards were out of whack because he’d gotten too comfortable with the presence of the Demon King and Celes, but the fact of the matter was that the world was sorely lacking magic users capable of fending off projectiles with Missile Protection. Maybe the bishops of the Goddess’s church could pull it off, but they weren’t constantly casting Defense spells, and it was obvious their magic would run dry if they were shot with hundreds of bullets. “Once guns are made available, victors will be decided by their technical capabilities and economic resources to prepare large quantities of better guns.” As someone once said, “there’s power in numbers.” Those who stood at the top of society had the power of money to gather those numbers. “The problem is, the countries without guns will always be the losers. If there was a country that wanted to wage war—” “’Twould be simple for Tigris. We who hold the secrets to manufacturing both guns and gunpowder would threaten them—by refusing their business.” “You could even say you’re only selling guns to their enemy nation.” “Oh-ho-ho, Sir Shinichi. Thou art quite the scoundrel.” “Not as much as you, Your Highness.” Sieg’s stomach jiggled as he laughed, and Shinichi rubbed his hands eagerly. Celes looked fed up with Shinichi trying to butter up Sieg. “Do you really think it will go that well?” “I have the same concern,” said the court mage, taking the gun from Sieg’s hands. “This requires trained smiths, but it’s not so complicated that others couldn’t make imitations. And our trade secret for gunpowder will get out eventually. Even if we stop providing the guns, won’t other countries just start making their own?” “Of course. It wouldn’t take long before they start making copies. It’s a threat to national security to rely completely on another country to make your weapons.” Shinichi flashed his usual evil smile. “However, it’ll take them a few years to make inferior copies, while Tigris will be making even better guns!” After the matchlock was the flintlock, which used flint for ignition. The simple lead ball would become the acorn-shaped bullet, the Minié balls. That would drastically increase the guns’ force, range, accuracy, and firing speed. The old gun design wouldn’t stand a chance. Next, they could develop cartridges and smokeless powder, bolt-action, then pump-action, semiautomatic, full automatic. There was still a long way to go. “As long as there are no super geniuses like John Browning, I can get Tigris running so far ahead, other countries will never catch up!” “Who?” “The god of gun development. I wish I could summon him here from Earth.” If they got John Browning on Obum, he’d make Shinichi’s progress look like a joke. “Anyway, Tigris will have a lot of say, just by making cutting-edge guns. Plus, you’re backed by the Demon King, who can’t be defeated with guns. Forget controlling wars on the continent—You could achieve world domination if you put your mind to it.” Shinichi smiled devilishly, inching closer to Sieg. “And if that happened, you could pick the prettiest girls to make the best idol group.” “Th-that is a most splendid idea!” “Well then, sign this contract, and you’ll become the ruler of this world!” “I shall do—Gagh!” “Enough, Your Highness.” The court mage silenced Sieg with a fist to his face. “Some things should not be joked about.” “Ow… Why must thou strike me if thou wast aware it was naught but a joke?” Sieg pouted, but his expression turned serious again as he looked at Shinichi. “With that, I must graciously decline thy offer.” “Yeah, sorry for taking it too far.” Shinichi bowed to the king, who was in on the joke. Celes sighed. “What would you have done if he’d agreed to conquering the world?” “Depends on what Rino would say.” Shinichi wasn’t joking anymore. “I hate to sound like a certain Goddess, but we could help billions of people by unifying the continent, even if it meant spilling blood.” Establishing one united country didn’t solve the problems of terrorism and civil wars, but it would drastically reduce the battles that occurred on a smaller scale. “The biggest benefit would be standardizing language, currency, and units of measurement. Like, who the hell came up with inches, feet, miles, yards…?! Why can’t we all just measure in meters?!” Shinichi screamed on behalf of all creators on Earth. “Please control yourself,” snapped Celes. “I don’t get it. Is it really that important?” “Yeah. Imagine how efficient it would be to have standard units of measurement… But I guess those inconsistencies are part of culture, which is why they’re so against it.” If he was told to give up Japanese and speak exclusively English for convenience’s sake, he would have some qualms. After all, how could he express himself if he was strapped to the limitations of the English language? Efficiency wasn’t the only important thing. “Sometimes, conflict stems from miscommunications because of differences in languages. If you really wanted world peace, you’d need to either create a universal language or create a perfect translation machine and—” “Lord Shinichi, reel it back in.” “Oh, right.” Shinichi got ahold of himself. Uropeh didn’t have vast differences in its languages anyway. Even comparing what was spoken in the far corners of the continent, they could be called dialects of the same language. Plus, with translation magic, there was little incentive to standardize it. “There are merits to world domination, but I don’t want to force a certain culture on people, and I wouldn’t want to make Rino rule with violence.” “Which is why thou hast warned us in advance, for thou hast given just the power we would need for world domination.” Sieg wasn’t blaming Shinichi. In fact, he smiled gratefully. He’d seen what great power does to people—especially with the tyrants of the church. He’d been worried that they might abuse their newfound power, but… “With Sir Shinichi’s cautious words of advice, and as long as Rino sees it well to watch over us, I have no doubt we shall never stray from a moral path.” “Uh-huh.” Sieg patted his rotund stomach with a smile. Shinichi grinned back. Rino acted as a central pillar of morality, not just for the Demon King—but also for the rest of them. They had unintentionally found themselves in a pseudo-religious situation: They couldn’t do anything wrong because “God” was always watching over them. “I don’t want to think about what would happen if something bad were to befall Lady Rino,” said the court mage. “Absolutely.” Celes nodded. Dritem broke into a sweat just thinking about it. After checking a few other things, Shinichi and Celes left the castle and headed to the church’s cathedral. They’d heard rumors that people had trashed the churches run by greedy priests, but that clearly wasn’t the case with the Tigris Kingdom Cathedral, which almost glittered under the light. “No problems here.” Shinichi relaxed as they went into the cathedral. A burly holy warrior nearby came barreling over happily when he saw them. “Oh, Sir Shinichi! Hello, stranger! It’s been a whole month! I missed you so much, I’ve been crying.” “If you want me to see me more often, you should stop talking like that.” Shinichi winced. The macho warrior’s eyes brimmed with tears. “Ouch! But you’re the one who summoned an incubus and made me this way…” “It’s your fault,” snapped Celes, rolling her eyes. “My bad.” Shinichi regretted it. He still strongly stood behind the belief that it was easier to brainwash than to kill the enemy, but he never imagined his own tactics would come back to bite him in the ass. “Is the bishop in?” “Uh-huh. Yup.” The warrior led Shinichi and Celes to the prayer room farther inside the cathedral. In it was the man who had converted from worshipping the “old hag” (his words)—Elazonia—to the “petite young miss”—Rino. Juda had become the bishop in charge of the Tigris Cathedral. Right now, he was delivering a sermon to the children and elders who’d gathered to offer their prayers. “As our Goddess Rino teaches, cuteness is justice. That’s not to say someone’s appearance determines whether they’re good or evil. Her word urges you to work on your inner self—so you’re loved by others, instead of being the one who just loves others.” “That’s what you got out of that message?!” Shinichi had full-body chills when he discovered that phrase he’d said offhand—ripped from a certain manga—had become some kind of holy mantra. Juda noticed Shinichi and looked up happily. “Rejoice. Here is the very first follower of our Goddess Rino. Please welcome Father Shinichi, the greatest missionary to us all—and lover of little girls.” “Hold it!” Shinichi was desperate to rebuke the last title, but the followers had already swarmed him. “Wow! It’s the real Shinichi!” “When will Lady Rino have her next ‘sermon’?” “I would love to go on a pilgrimage to Her Holy Residence. What do you think would make a good offering?” “Quiet, please! I promise to answer your questions another day!” Shinichi was handling the crowd like a seasoned worker at a concert venue. He didn’t have it in him to flat-out refuse the pressing throngs of children and the elderly. He somehow managed to get the believers to go back, while he glared at Juda with tired eyes. “I’ll remember this.” “But I have nothing but respect for another man of culture!” “And that’s what’s stressing me out!” This explained why Shinichi had a reputation in Tigris as Rino’s pervy manager who was totally obsessed with her—instead of as the hero who defeated Elazonia. “You get what you deserve.” Celes glared at him, eyes saying, “You still take baths with Lady Rino, and you’re trying to write this off as slander?” Shinichi hurriedly switched the topic. “Seems you’ve done away with the old statue.” He pointed to the place where the former-Goddess Elazonia statue had been enshrined, which was now empty. “We received too many complaints that it was wrong to have a statue of that evil goddess who hurt our Lady Rino.” Juda beamed. “……” Shinichi looked glum. It was fitting for the Goddess’s religion to be destroyed by a new faith, since they had united Uropeh by gutting local gods and spirits. I suppose all that’s fair must fade, and pride comes before a fall… I could learn a lesson or two. Juda approached him with a serious expression. “I have a very important question.” “What?” “About the new statue of Lady Rino. Would you prefer her in her usual clothes or her idol outfit?” “…Excuse me?” “I’ve discussed this with the followers, but we’re split. Some are passionate about keeping her black hair straight. Others are really pushing for the miniskirt and pigtails combo. We just can’t seem to see eye to eye. What if we have to resort to violence?!” “……” Even followers of the same religion fought in stupid ways. That was why wars would always exist in this world. Shinichi’s lips formed a mischievous smile. “What about a sporty ponytail or bookish braids?” “How could you add such delectably difficult choices?! At this rate, our religion will split into a million sects!” “May it split into atomic nothingness.” Shinichi sighed, looking at Juda gritting his teeth. Celes prodded Shinichi in the back with her finger. “Leave the jokes aside. Why don’t you get back to the main reason for our visit?” “Oh, right.” Shinichi glanced at the floor to see Celes had already used chalk to prepare the magic circle. “We’re going to be using Teleport long-distance. Could you lend some magic?” “I see. That was the reason for your visit.” Juda snapped out of his inner debate and beckoned the holy warriors, who all joined hands and passed magic to Celes. “Stay on good terms with the people in the city. See ya,” said Shinichi. “Of course. By the way, I would like to host a performance by our Lady Rino to unite the faith.” “And we could use some extra hands—if they’re hot men. ” “Take us far away from here, Teleport.” Celes sounded like she was trying to get away from Juda and the holy warrior. Blinding light enveloped them, and the two of them disappeared from the cathedral. The Holy City was in the middle of the continent. A short distance away, two simple but sprawling mansions had been erected on a grassy field. The orphanage run by Holy Mother Cardinal Vermeita. Even while the adults panicked over Elazonia’s defeat, the children chasing each other in the garden didn’t seem too interested in what was happening around them. Shinichi and Celes appeared in the middle of the orphanage, in a dim room with curtains pulled shut. “Where’s Vermeita?” “She’s out. I imagine she’s working at the Archbasilica,” answered Celes, sensing no magic in the vicinity. “I guess that makes sense. It’s still noon. We can go meet her.” “Understood.” Celes cast Illusion on Shinichi to make him look like the middle-aged merchant Manju. Who knew what would happen to the Goddess Elazonia’s assassin if he paraded around town with his face bare to the public? With their disguises ready, they opened the door and walked right into the young priestess Francoise. “Oh, Mr. Manju, I didn’t realize you were here.” “We actually just arrived using her magic,” said Shinichi in a polite tone. Celes bowed in a maid-like way. Francoise let out a sigh of admiration. “I heard from Lady Vermeita that your companion was powerful enough to use Teleport.” “My esteemed maid. Can’t live without her.” “…” Thmp. Celes kicked him in the calf. It was gentle enough that Shinichi didn’t have to turn around to tell she was blushing. He smiled and didn’t say anything. “Is Lady Vermeita in?” “I’m afraid not. She’s currently at the Archbasilica.” “I see. I suppose we should make our way over there.” Shinichi acted like this was new information to ease any suspicions. The two started to leave the orphanage when Francoise frantically called out to stop them. “Mr. Manju! Um, um…” “Yes?” “Are there no new releases from Lady Mimolette?!” “……” Et tu, Brute? He stopped himself from saying anything out loud. He had a smile plastered on his face. “I apologize. I didn’t bring it with me today.” “I see…” Her shoulders visibly hunched as she turned to leave. Francoise suddenly spun back around. “Both the children and I are huge fans of Ms. Mimolette. Could you please tell her I want to be a manga artist like her someday?” “Of course. I’m sure she’ll be overjoyed to hear it.” Francoise beamed at him, practically skipping as she hurried away. Shinichi watched her with pity before he turned to head to the exit. “Let’s get out of here. They’re trying to corrupt me.” “And it’s your fault.” With Celes pointing out his sins, Shinichi left behind the place that would someday become a school for aspiring manga artists drawing Boys Love. After they passed through the fields by the orphanage, they entered the Holy City. Nothing had changed about the quaint city with no walls since their visit in the summer. Nothing, except there were fewer pedestrians and less energy all around. It wasn’t because it was winter. It could only be explained by the fact that the church no longer had control of the continent since the Goddess had been exposed for filth. “I figured as much.” Shinichi chuckled as he looked at an empty home, residents nowhere to be seen. Without its object of worship and its immortal heroes, the church was sinking like a leaky ship. The Holy Mother was doing everything in her power to patch it up, but even the rats aboard were wise enough to abandon ship. Shinichi looked up ahead to find a horse-drawn wagon that looked like it was on its way out of the capital. He didn’t think much of it, but a stern man in his forties sitting in the driver’s seat suddenly called out to him. “Manju! Is that you?!” It took Shinichi a moment. “…Zaim, right? It’s been a while.” Shinichi bowed his head to hide his surprise. He was the owner of the jewelry shop that had gotten Shinichi’s massive man-made diamond in exchange for intel on the cardinals. Zaim hopped down from the wagon and stood in front of Shinichi with a nostalgic look on his face. “A long time, indeed. With what happened to the old cardinal, I was worried you’d…” “Ha-ha. I’m still kicking.” The Elderly Cardinal, Cronklum, became a husk of his former self when ex-Bishop Hube stole his hero symbol. Shinichi remembered he’d played a role in that. “So have you closed down your shop?” “Yeah, there aren’t any customers who can buy gemstones anymore.” Zaim had a pained smile. “After the Elderly Cardinal was stripped of power, the Agreeable Cardinal became bedridden. There’s only two of the four cardinals left now.” Rumor had it, the Materialistic Cardinal was about to cut his losses and make for the hills. “I imagine he’ll disappear with his lovers and children once he’s passed his financial duties off to a successor and sorted his own finances,” continued Zaim. “Which leaves the Holy Mother in charge of everything. Wow. I wouldn’t have imagined things coming down to this six months ago.” “Look who’s talking.” Celes’s remark echoed in Shinichi’s mind. Shinichi was the one who’d orchestrated the whole thing—who’d put the Holy Mother, ally of the demons, in charge of the church to smooth things over for the transition. He wasn’t surprised by this development. He might have let out peals of triumphant laughter if he could. Zaim couldn’t read Shinichi’s mind. “The Holy Mother isn’t really the type to dress up, and the church doesn’t exactly have money to spend on gems. In fact, I’ve had some priests begging me to buy the gems they have on hand.” “I bet you’re going to buy them cheap and mark them up for maximum profit.” “Ha-ha-ha!” Zaim laughed. He didn’t try to deny it. “Amazing… Oh! Right.” Shinichi had an idea. He lowered his voice. “I heard this rumor that Tigris Kingdom has developed some strange new weapon.” “Really?” “Yep. It’s apparently a projectile called a ‘matchlock rifle,’ which might revolutionize the battlefield.” “Match…lock…rifle…” Zaim couldn’t fathom this new weapon, but there was a gleam in his eye, like a hawk that had spotted its prey. “Now that the church can’t keep tabs on the citizens, war might break out once the snow melts. That would be the perfect time to sell matchlock rifles…” “Hmm. I’m intrigued.” Zaim nodded, but he didn’t seem totally convinced. “Why are you telling me this?” Why would a simple merchant know the secrets of Tigris? Shinichi smirked in his usual way. “Well, you can’t sell a product if no one knows its value.” “…You’re one scary man.” Zaim started to feel hot under the collar. He must have assumed Manju had been tasked with spreading word of Tigris’s new product after he was excommunicated by the church and taken in by the mining country. It was the opposite, but Shinichi wasn’t about to reveal his secrets. “I know this has little to do with you, Zaim, since you’re a jeweler, but there’s no harm in you remembering the information.” “You know, Tigris has mines rich in silver and gold. It’s established in the gemstone trade. I visited when I was still young, and I was thinking I should go again if I get the chance.” “Oh, well then, this is perfect timing.” Shinichi didn’t say anything else. He decided any further discussion would be pointless and turned around to leave. “Have a nice trip.” “Thank you. Take care.” Zaim waved and climbed back into the wagon. Shinichi saw it was moving northwest toward Tigris, and he smiled a devilish grin. “Ha-ha-ha, he’ll sell whatever makes him money, whether it’s gems or guns. A true merchant, right there.” “You’re both aggressively dirty.” Celes let out a tired sigh after catching a glimpse of the side of humanity willing to sell even life itself. Shinichi laughed it off, though. “They can be brought back with Resurrection. Let’s just let them line our pockets.” “I feel sick.” Celes sighed, imagining all the soldiers who would be killed by guns in the future. Shinichi chuckled again before heading toward the Archbasilica. They proceeded to the Archbasilica in the center of the Holy City, told their business to the tired-looking guard at the entrance, and were granted entry after some wait. They walked down hallways—which were considerably emptier than when they’d come in the past to access the library—before they were eventually guided to an office deep within the building. “Pardon the interruption. You have some visitors.” “Enter.” The guard opened the door. Inside they saw a woman who appeared too young and beautiful to be in her midforties. The Holy Mother Vermeita sat on a couch in the office, waiting for Shinichi and Celes with a graceful smile. The desk behind her was stacked high with paperwork. Just looking at it sucked the life out of Shinichi. “Seems you’re as busy as ever.” Shinichi waited for the guard to leave, then the Manju disguise melted away. He sat on the couch. Vermeita nodded, looking worn out. “I’m responsible for the Elderly Cardinal’s administrative duties and the Agreeable Cardinal’s magistrate work. I sleep three hours a night.” “Ha-ha-ha, you sound like a manga artist who updates weekly.” Is it worse for your health to use magic to stay awake or pound energy drinks to keep writing? “Well, I can’t push myself too hard, since I’m not immortal anymore. The fact that I can sleep at all is an improvement from when we were dealing with Hube. Plus, I’ve finally found people to take over these duties.” “Don’t tell me you abused your new power to employ some hunks.” Vermeita laughed like he couldn’t be further off the mark. “I only considered disposition and qualifications to make my decision. Both of them are women, in fact.” “Huh. I guess this isn’t the time to mess around—” “And both of them are BL shippers.” “I knew something was up!” She had to be plotting to turn the church into her personal haven. “Aren’t the children of the orphanage embarrassed by your antics?” Celes glared at her, but Vermeita had thick skin. “Everything is fine. In fact, most of the girls are like me. And one boy.” “You’re starting to indoctrinate the boys, too?!” Shinichi yelped. “Unfortunately, he doesn’t seem to be interested in other boys, just BL manga.” “A boy who likes BL isn’t necessarily gay. Remember that,” Shinichi warned. There was a very delicate balance here. You could find yourself in a fistfight if you recommended a gender-swap fic to someone who liked Girls Love on the basis they were both girls. “Can we move on to the real topic at hand?” Celes urged, sounding exhausted. “Oh, right.” Shinichi and Vermeita finally wrapped it up to get down to business. “Give me a report on the present situation. How much did your population decrease?” “Not much. It’s about ninety percent from its heyday.” “I’m surprised. I thought it would have dropped to half.” Vermeita smiled sadly. “While many have lost their faith, few would abandon their homes and farms to leave the city.” “My bad. I was being dumb.” Shinichi realized he’d been insensitive. They didn’t have cars or railroads here, which made travel difficult. Only the wealthy—like Zaim, who could hire guards—and people who could fend for themselves—like mercenaries and monster hunters—could travel through attacks by wolves and bandits. Even if they managed to make it to another city, it would be another struggle to find somewhere to work. Few employers were kind and stupid enough to hire a newcomer, since it was hard to tell if they had criminal tendencies. That left them the “three D” jobs—dirty, demeaning, or dangerous—or selling their bodies. Plus, it’s harder for a worker to quit from injury or to die, since they can be healed or resurrected. The only exceptions were villages ravaged by monsters. Basically, it was impossible for people, aside from the rich merchants and magic users, to uproot their lives. That’s why the Holy City wasn’t about to break down immediately, even though the church had fallen. “We have about as many people returning to the Holy City as there are leaving.” “Priests chased out of their regions?” asked Shinichi, and Vermeita nodded gloomily. “They all come back looking like the dead, their money stolen and rocks thrown at them for following an evil god.” “They were lucky they weren’t killed.” Vermeita glared angrily at Shinichi when he commented like he had nothing to do with this, even though he had killed the Goddess knowing the consequences. “There are those who never returned, you know. Well, they were the ones who did the most horrible things.” “They got what they deserved. And so will the ones who chased out the priests.” Shinichi chuckled, imagining them at their wits’ end after acting in a momentary fit of rage. “No one can heal disease. There won’t be anyone to resurrect them, even if they die. It’s only a matter of time before they come crawling back. Ha-ha-ha!” “I see your kinks haven’t changed,” Vermeita said sarcastically, though her smile looked like Shinichi’s smirk. The countries that chased out the church’s priests would likely be on the hunt for unaffiliated magic users or herbalists to fill their healing needs. However, qualified people were hard to find—especially since those who could use magic well enough to use Resurrection had been recruited by the church, leaving none among commoners. “In the end, their only choice if they fear death will be to ask the church for help.” “It would seem that way.” Even if the merchants left the Holy City and other countries had chased out their priests, the church wasn’t about to go down just yet. Celes saw Vermeita smiling and asked something she’d been wondering for a long time. “Lord Shinichi, are you sure you want to leave the church instead of destroying it?” “Huh?” “I thought you believed in destroying your enemy so they can never cross you again.” “You have Satsuma samurai written all over you.” Shinichi chuckled. Demons, Satsuma-clan samurai, and Spartans had one similarity: They all had a deep appreciation for battle. “I’m not proposing to kill them all—since it would upset Lady Rino—but there’s no reason to leave the organization of the church intact,” Celes pointed out. They had managed to create a cease-fire by baiting the Holy Mother with manga instead of trying to kill the immortal heroes in vain. With their object of worship and heroes now gone, the church could be toppled with one strong push. Trust was at an all-time low, and most of the continent treated the church as an enemy. If there was a good time to attack, it was now. “If you want healers and magic users who can cast Resurrection, you could easily train them. There is no real reason to be stuck with the church, is there?” Celes pressed. Shinichi was impressed a meathead had managed to come up with this sound argument. “Hmm, Celes, you’ve really grown.” “But my bra size hasn’t changed?” “I wasn’t talking about your chest!” Shinichi shrieked. Celes closed her eyes. “I’ve been by your side, listening to you day in, day out. I can gather as much.” “Uh, oh…” Celes had tried to remain cool and collected, but her tanned face started to flush. Shinichi’s heart started to race. He heard the entertained snicker slip from Vermeita’s lips. Shinichi cleared his throat. “Ahem… I understand what you’re trying to say, Celes. You’re concerned that followers still believe in Elazonia, right?” “Yes. In the one-in-a-million chance she’s resurrected, we’d be in big trouble.” Elazonia was a ghost collecting magic from the prayers of her followers. Even though they had split her in half with the dragon sword, she could be revived if followers remained. Shinichi took this very seriously. “We’ve destroyed the ghost—Elazonia, formerly known as Elen—who despised demons and dragons. We’ve wiped out her memories, which means there’s no coming back.” As with the cremated body of the little girl on Earth, it wasn’t possible to resurrect someone who had totally ceased to exist, even with Resurrection magic. I’m a little worried she’s made tools to create her clone and kept a backup of her memories… They hadn’t discovered anything of the sort in her underground laboratory, and two months had passed with no signs of her. It was safe to say Elazonia had perished, but she might be able to make a doppelgänger, like with the girl who dreamt of being an explorer. “A spell changes reality to meet your imagination… If believers wished for the Goddess Elazonia to exist, it might be possible for them to create her.” “Yes—with tens of thousands of followers and a skilled magic user like Lady Sanctina,” said Celes, who was a master of countless spells and only less powerful than the Demon King. Shinichi trusted Sanctina wouldn’t do this, which is why he smiled to show Celes she didn’t have to worry. “Anyone trying to gather such a big crowd would stick out, and they’d be hard pressed to find someone as strong as that pervert. Re-creating the Goddess Elazonia is virtually impossible.” “They’ll have to try over my dead body,” said Vermeita, backing Shinichi. It would be impossible to assemble that many believers outside of the Holy City, and the one who controlled the city, the Holy Mother, had no desire to see Elazonia ever again. “Even if she was brought back by the followers, it would be ‘their ideal version of the Goddess Elazonia.’ It would be different from the Elazonia we knew.” It wouldn’t be an evil god scheming to annihilate the demons and dragons. It could be great if the followers managed to create a merciful entity worthy of being called a true goddess. “As long as we’re free from that nasty woman, the Demon King and I will never be defeated again,” Shinichi declared. “I see. My concerns were unfounded.” Celes was convinced by his confidence. “I know it would be a hassle if there was a resurgence of anti-demon followers, even without the Goddess’s revival. But destroying the church comes with more cons than pros.” “Like?” “Like the securing of doctors—healers and magic users. I know you want us to make a training facility, but that’s so bothersome.” “You’re so lazy.” “A lazy person will find the easiest solution. There’s not much to be gained from destroying the existing training facility—the church—and building another one from scratch,” replied Shinichi without missing a beat. “I mean, if we did run a healing organization on the same scale as the church, Rino would end up at the helm, which means she’d be as busy as the Holy Mother over there.” “Understood. We’ll keep the church running, even if it kills you,” Celes told Vermeita. She tended to go easy on Rino. “Ignoring my struggles, huh?” Vermeita chuckled sarcastically. “And it’s better for there to be a common enemy between the demons and humans to improve their relations,” said Shinichi. Vermeita nodded sadly. “That’s the best way to band enemies together. All the hostility between them is redirected at the church.” “Which is why demons and humans can get along and start working together.” “Lady Rino would cry if she heard you…” Celes sighed at this morally questionable conversation. That said, not everyone in the world was a perfect angel like Rino. If they couldn’t even use innate human evil to their advantage, they would never achieve peace. “That’s why I want the church to keep at it as long as possible…” Shinichi shifted on the couch. Up until now, they had discussed the current situation with the church. He was now ready to address his true reason for their visit. “I’ll be direct. Are there any countries on the brink of war now that they’re freed from the church?” “Yes. Particularly in the south,” Vermeita answered immediately. Though her influence had decreased significantly, Vermeita still could gather intel in the Archbasilica from followers in the different regions. “The west is fairly stable with the Demon King’s presence, and the church remains strong in the central region. Snow is heavy in the north, meaning it’ll be quiet until it melts.” “And the east?” asked Shinichi. Vermeita paled slightly. “I’ve heard bizarre stories of female elves emerging from Cemetarium Forest, trying to kidnap the hottest guys in nearby villages. Apparently, fights are breaking out between them and human women, but I don’t think it’s a sign of war.” “That’s what the long-eared freaks have been up to?” said Celes in frustration. Shinichi understood where they were coming from. “They don’t have to kiss up to the limited elven men anymore now that they know they were originally human. Since they’ve repressed their desires for so long, they’ve become mega-flirts.” It had taken some time for the haughty elves to warm up to the truth, but they were desperate to prevent their own extinction from inbreeding. The elven men with harems started to begrudge Shinichi’s crew for the women’s changed behavior, but that must have been the final straw, because the elven women ended up decking the men. The three most annoying of the elven women kept pestering Shinichi, but none of that was important. “Right. That leaves the south, which might be dangerous,” said Shinichi. “Yes. The coastal countries with extensive trade routes across the ocean are some of the most powerful on the continent. The smaller nations have always been against the church, itching to fight for their independence.” Without the church’s hold on them, they were raring to fight to achieve their goals, which would blow up into all-out war. Celes was hung up on something in Vermeita’s explanation. “When you say ‘ocean,’ do you mean that large, salty lake?” “Oh. I guess demons aren’t familiar with that concept,” noted Shinichi. Celes nodded. “I’ve only heard stories from Her Highness.” There weren’t any briny oceans in the underground world—dug by the Black Dragon, where the Blue Dragon served as the “sun.” There were some rare exceptions, like bodies of salt water from dissolved rock salt. Plus, Shinichi’s team had only been to landlocked countries—Tigris, the Holy City, Cemetarium Forest, and the restricted zone. They’d never once gone to the ocean. “Let’s take a dip in the sea when it gets warm. I’d love to see you in a swimsuit, Celes.” “You’re thinking something lewd, aren’t you?” “Don’t worry! I’ll get a white slingshot bikini for you!” “Your nose is bleeding, you perv.” Celes latched her claw on his face, but he was lost in his fantasies. Vermeita smiled at the two before returning to the topic at hand. “Do you intend to step in once you see signs of potential war?” “We don’t plan any direct interference.” Shinichi sensed some wariness beneath her smile. “We’ll just sell them guns—the newest weapon from Tigris.” Shinichi recounted his conversation with Sieg. She nodded in satisfaction. “I see. You want us to take advantage of the fact that these guns will result in major casualties.” “Exactly.” The corners of his mouth curled up, happy that she was quick to catch on. It would be impossible for any organization—other than the church—to handle the thousands of resurrections needed as a result of guns. After these southern countries waged war, they’d come crawling and begging for their help even though they had been the ones to chase them out. “They’re rich from trade, right? We’ll steal every last coin from their coffers so they can’t even think about waging another war anytime soon.” “And when they come to appreciate the value of resurrection magic, they’ll stop resisting the church,” finished Vermeita, smiling devilishly at Shinichi. Celes already seemed exhausted. “What will you do if the southern countries refuse the church’s support?” “Then we rile up the families of the dead soldiers until they can apply enough pressure to make their leaders change their minds.” If they could get the citizens wound up—This country is trying to abandon your fathers, your husbands, your friends, the brave soldiers who lost their lives in the war!—they might even riot. The rulers would have no choice but to welcome the church back. “It would go even better if the king or nobles were killed in the chaos of war.” “Didn’t you just say you didn’t intend to get involved?” “Yeah, I meant I wouldn’t do anything.” Shinichi looked at Vermeita. The Holy Mother beamed at him. “It would be so unfortunate if a random bullet pierced the king’s heart.” “You planning on using Homing Arrow?” “Oh, I was thinking of casting Invisibility to get a close shot, but your idea is better.” “A stealth sniper? Ha-ha-ha. You’re nasty.” “Hee-hee-hee. Not as much as you.” “…You’re both priests of the evil god.” Celes was too tired to sigh as Shinichi and Vermeita excitedly chatted about assassination. Shinichi’s face turned serious again. “This is only if the southern countries wage war. We won’t do anything if they stay in their lanes. Well, other than selling guns.” “How is that different from inciting war?” “Like I told the captain earlier, they’re going to fight regardless of whether or not they have guns.” It would increase the number of casualties, which would cause them to incur fees to the church, but that wasn’t any of Shinichi’s business. Vermeita agreed. “I imagine they’ll wage war sooner or later, even without any action on our part.” Up until now, there had been small skirmishes resulting from territorial disputes. The church used to step in with their immortal heroes when it got to the point of a country getting annihilated, but now, there was no one pulling the reins. It wasn’t just the southern countries, either. Soon, they would see people spurred to action—It was human nature. There was nothing they could do about it. “All we can do is resurrect as many people as possible,” said Vermeita. “And we want them to experience war so that they don’t want to do it again,” added Shinichi. Humans remembered pain better than any other emotion. Without experiencing it directly or seeing someone close go through it, they found it difficult to understand the horrors of war. Fortunately, these people could be resurrected and learn from their mistakes. “So we’ll sell them loads of guns and let them drop like flies!” Shinichi declared, evil smile on his face. “I understand the logic, but this is appalling.” Celes slumped over dejectedly. After they discussed BL manga and steps to take if war broke out, Shinichi and Celes left the Archbasilica. Celes used the magic conductor, which Shinichi was carrying in his bag, to cast a Teleport spell. They were whisked from the Holy City to a room in the Demon King’s castle. “Thanks as always, Celes.” Shinichi bowed. “You’re quite welcome.” Celes bowed back. They were about to go their separate ways, since they were done with their work for the day. “You rotten scoundrel!” Someone kicked the door open, revealing three unwelcome houseguests. “Where have you been? Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten your promise!” screeched a beautiful young elf with pale skin and golden hair—Clarissa. Shinichi had promised to introduce the women to hunky demon guys if they helped defeat Elazonia. Since then, they’d abandoned their village and come to mooch off the castle. “It’s already been two months!” “That’s right. Hot guys. Now.” Clarissa’s two friends grumbled behind her. Shinichi sighed. “Didn’t I say we’re in the middle of finding the right ones?” He had no intention of breaking his promise. He’d asked Ribido the succubus to go into the demon world and find some eligible bachelors. But it wasn’t going too well. “Would you mind telling me your requirements one more time?” asked Shinichi. “Someone hot, strong, and sadistic enough to torture me, obviously!” “A man who’s humble, kind, and totally devoted to me. Also, gorgeous.” “Someone young and tall and good at cooking and smoking hot!” “This is absurd,” Celes grumbled, staring at the three elves rattling off their impossible standards. This was the reason they’d had trouble finding good candidates after two months. It’s hard enough finding guys that meet their beauty standards. The Demon King ruled over a major metropolis with a mountain fortress in the center—population nearing seventy thousand people. That included all kinds of demons, but the majority were orcs, centaurs, and others with strong beast features, which weren’t suited to the elves’ tastes. Even those close to humans—like giants and dvergr—were scratched off the list for being “stupid and violent” or “hairy and fat.” The only two races that passed the test were dark elves and incubi, which meant their candidate pool was down to less than 10 percent of the population. There was another problem. “Do you really think there are many unmarried guys that meet your criteria?” “Grrr…” Shinichi’s question shut Clarissa up real quick. Demon races had varying life spans, though they were generally considered adults between fifteen and twenty-five. Plus, the demons loved to fight over every little detail, making them basically the jocks of the world. As Regina had once said, “Life is short, make babies, girl.” She wasn’t joking. They could die at any time, as the world was their slaughterhouse. In fact, most of the population married as soon as they were adults and immediately had children. Needless to say, if there was a man perfect enough to meet Clarissa’s requirements, the women of the demon world wouldn’t have let him slip away. “I could find a married man, like, now. But I don’t think you want that.” “Obviously!” Clarissa snapped. Unlike human society, there were no restrictions on polygamous marriages for elves and demons. But because they’d experienced the horrors of harems in their home village, this was a line they refused to cross. “That’s why it’s taking us forever. You can either wait longer or lower your standards,” said Shinichi. “I’ve already waited this long… Why shouldn’t I hang on for my Prince Charming…? But… I don’t want to marry ‘late,’ either…!” “Yeah, Clarissa. It would suck if we got old all alone because we were too hung up on the details.” “Unwanted old spinsters are just pathetic.” “Silence,” barked Shinichi, sweat beading on his brow, as the maid in her twenties started to glare at the teen elves. Just then, Shinichi heard a familiar voice in his mind. “Hi, hi, Shinichi, can you hear me?” “Ribido? Did you find some eligible bachelors?” “Yeaaaah, but about that…” Perfect timing! Shinichi was ecstatic, but Ribido started to list off potential problems. He thought them over for a moment before nodding. “Okay. We’ll see if this works out.” “Are you suuuure?” “Clarissa’s gang are forcing us to pick up the pace. They can take responsibility for what happens.” “All righty. See you soon!” Once Shinichi wrapped up his telepathic conversation with Ribido, he looked at the three elves staring at him with bated breath. His lips spread into a satisfied grin. “Great news! We’ve finally had some luck in our search.” “Yes! They’re smoking hot, right?” “Uh-huh. Succubus approved.” “I’m starting to see you in a new light, dirty human!” “Our time has finally come!” “It’s been so long…” Clarissa and her two elf friends hugged one another, crying tears of joy. Shinichi watched them with his usual smirk. “What are you plotting this time?” Celes asked telepathically, noticing his smile. “Ever heard of ‘chicks before pricks’? We’re putting that theory to test.” “…I see.” Celes had a vague idea what he was planning. Gazing on the ecstatic elves with pity, she left to start preparing for the singles mixer. The tables and couches were set up in a small room for an intimate feel. On the table were food and drinks, giving the room the same vibe as a private karaoke room. The three elves perched on the sofa, facing Shinichi and Celes, knees knocking together from nerves. “I-i-i-it’s gonna be okay,” Clarissa assured herself. “They won’t grant me the privilege of spitting in my face as soon as they enter the doors…right?” “Relax. The only problem is your sanity,” said Shinichi. “Thank goodness…” “Clarissa, he’s making fun of you.” Clarissa must not have been feeling herself if she couldn’t even come up with a rude clapback. After a short wait, the door to the room swung open for Ribido. “Sorry to keep you waiting! Come on in,” she urged. “Thanks for the invite!” A young dark elf with short hair stepped into the room. Around fifteen, he looked like a real jock—tan, muscular; he had a smile on his face. “““Wow!””” The elf girls’ faces lit up upon seeing this perfect specimen, but their excitement was short-lived, lasting all of five seconds. “All righty, I’ll leave you to handle the rest!” Ribido waltzed out of the room, leaving behind the single boy. “Uh… What about the rest?” asked Clarissa in shock. “There aren’t any more,” said Shinichi. “Whaaaa—?!” Clarissa gasped hysterically. “Suck it up. We could only find one,” he explained. “Like I said, there aren’t many unmarried hot demons. I wanted to find three for you, but I was worried he’d get snatched up by another woman while we continued our hunt.” Shinichi maintained he had no choice. The elves were taken aback for a moment, but then they looked at one another. “““—!””” They glared at one another as if they weren’t lifelong friends. There were three of them and only one guy. Two of them would leave as losers today. “Best friends forever?” “Obviously, Clarissa.” “Duh. Ha-ha-ha.” The three shook hands, huge smiles on their faces—but their eyes looked dead inside. Shinichi silently chuckled at the bloodhounds before him. Hee-hee-hee! Fight! Fight! Fight! Shinichi chanted. “The unholy priest has outdone himself once again.” Celes sent him a telepathic message dripping with sarcasm. “The fact that we could only find him was total coincidence. But you have to remember: Love is a battlefield. Sometimes, you need to be cutthroat enough to kick aside your friends or sisters if it means winning.” “Interesting. By the way, does the ‘one man and three women’ dynamic ring any bells?” “All right!” Shinichi blurted out. “Maybe we should introduce ourselves!” He skirted the issue by taking on the role of event organizer. The elves laid their hostility aside for a moment with fake smiles and introduced themselves, starting with the gold-haired leader and author of masochistic novels. “I’m Clarissa. My kink is being spanked.” “Hey!” “Don’t worry! I’m just talking about my fantasies—not from experience!” “That’s even cringier!” Clarissa ignored Shinichi, puffing her small chest out proudly. Up next was the tallest and oldest of the three, who had pink hair. “I’m Rosier. I like to cook. I particularly enjoy baking cakes and macarons.” “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. A timeworn truism!” Shinichi commented. “…But every cake I’ve given a man has been smashed on the ground, never to be eaten…” Rosier began to recount her traumatic experiences. “Let’s keep it light!” Shinichi winced as the light went out of her eyes. The smallest elf who talked like a guy stood up, trying to lift the vibe. “Maren,” said the blue-haired elf. “My hobby is hunting for dinner in the forest.” “Demons are self-sufficient, so I imagine that makes a good impression,” Shinichi interjected. “…If I went out to hunt, I wouldn’t get sexually harassed by that dirty old man.” “Let’s keep it light!” Shinichi blurted out again, shaking her by the shoulders as her eyes rolled back. “Forget the men from your village. The women decked the shit out of them, remember?” “You’re right. That dirty old man is no longer with us.” Maren looked up at the heavens, smiling gently. “I’m preeeetty sure he’s still alive,” retorted Rosier with a crooked smile. …Said the one who’d drowned the cake-disposing idiot in mud and resurrected him. Thrice. The dark elf boy listened to their introductions in silent amazement. Celes spoke to him gently. “If you would like to run, now is your chance.” “Oh, I was just surprised! I like strong girls!” he declared with a smile. “My name is Darc. My hobbies include weight lifting, training, and practice.” “A perfect example of a meathead,” said Shinichi. “I’m totally devoted to training because my dream is to become as powerful as the Blue Demon King, but my parents have been on my case lately about getting married. So here I am.” “You’re taking things too lightly!” Darc’s positive attitude was the exact opposite of the girls’. Beside Shinichi, Rosier and Maren nodded to express their agreement. “I hear you. Parents can be so insensitive, pressuring us to get married and have kids.” “It’s, like, I know they didn’t like it when their parents said the same thing to them!” “If I had a partner in mind, it wouldn’t be so dang hard!” “I would have gladly given them grandchildren, if it wasn’t with someone old enough to be my grandpa!” “Reel it in,” Shinichi warned, patting their shoulders as they started to get worked up. “I understand where you’re coming from, but you should be mindful that you’re hurting some feelings with this conversation.” “…Both my parents gave up on me getting married anyway,” sulked Clarissa. “…I’m old leftovers anyway. It’s like the people around me are walking on eggshells and stopped telling me to settle down,” Celes grumbled. They sat glumly in the corner, hugging their knees to their chests. Darc lowered his head apologetically. “I’m sorry. I always say stupid things…” “Bro…” Shinichi looked serious as he patted Darc’s back, moved by his kindness. “Go back to the demon world. It’d be a shame if you were sacrificed to these perverts.” “What’s that supposed to mean?!” shouted Clarissa, jumping to her feet, sensitive to insults. Her two friends weren’t about to let that go, either. “The only pervert here is Clarissa!” “We don’t write cringey romance novels!” “Take it easy. This is your friend,” said Shinichi as Clarissa went back to huddling in the corner. It was starting to get annoying, so he picked her up by the scruff of her neck and dragged her to the couch. After that, he gave Celes one of the candies he kept on hand to improve her mood and finally got the conversation back on track. “I would normally suggest playing some games or something for a more intimate vibe, but I propose we skip that.” Even if they wanted to do karaoke or bowl for this singles mixer, they didn’t have the right equipment for it. They could do truth or dare, but it would become a train wreck if the masochistic pervert ended up with a dare. It didn’t seem like the dark elf boy was interested in beating around the bush. “Darc, do you intend on getting married?” asked Shinichi. “Yes. Even if my parents weren’t pressuring me, I’d want to get married to continue my bloodline!” “Simple enough.” Any living organism got stronger to live longer and made children to pass down their genes. Humans might even be jealous of Darc, who was true to his instincts instead of other worldly ties. “And who out of these three would you want to marry?” “““—Ngh!””” The elves stiffened like they’d been hit by a bolt of lightning. Darc didn’t seem nervous, chuckling. “Whoever’s the strongest!” “I knew you were going to be the worst,” Shinichi said. It was the obvious answer for a demon, but he clearly didn’t understand a maiden’s heart. Their shoulders slumped in disappointment. “The strongest, huh…? I’d punch him if he weren’t so good-looking.” “He’s eons better than the imbecile who wanted us to wait on him hand and foot.” “And he’s totally different from that dirty old man. He seems young and sincere.” “Do you not think your standards are too low?” asked Celes, gazing pityingly at Rosier and Maren. That said, Darc was a good catch compared with the men of their village. “He might seem cold and unfamiliar with romance,” said Shinichi, “but love needs time to grow. He might not have money or status, but that’s only a problem in human society.” The elves controlled enough magic to create a golem to work the fields and live a carefree life. It was easy to sense Darc was good at magic from his years of training. “I’m going to ask just to be sure. Do any of you have any intentions of turning him down?” asked Shinichi. “No. He doesn’t seem all that sadistic, though,” replied Clarissa, stepping forward. Rosier and Maren looked disappointed in themselves but remained silent. They knew who was the strongest among the three of them without fighting. Darc flashed a toothy grin as he looked happily at the three. “Sorry to say, but I’ll have to turn you down if you’re weak.” Show me what you got! He placed his right elbow on the table. Clarissa gulped, then strongly gripped his hand. “I’ll show you what the light elves are capable of!” Shinichi placed his palm on their joined hands. “Are you both ready? Ready, set…go!” ““Hah!”” Their muscles strained as soon as Shinichi signaled the start. The table began to creak, but the two remained in balance in the center, arms quivering. “Not bad.” “Neither are you.” Sweat trickled down both their foreheads as they complimented each other. It was hard to imagine Clarissa, a slender woman, standing a chance against Darc, a heavier man. But she was a magic user. She was casting Physical Enchantment to boost her muscles. “They’re evenly matched right now, but…” Shinichi trailed off as Clarissa’s arm was slowly pushed back. “Ack…” “I can’t lose here!” Darc’s arm pressed down. He intended to catch up with the Blue Demon King, and one day, even surpass him. Clarissa was trying desperately to keep her hand from touching the table. “I’m the one who can’t lose—!” She gritted her teeth. Memories of heartless taunts from her childhood peers flashed in her mind. How they’d mocked her for stopping her bloodline! How they’d accused her of being childless for life! The only thing she had going for her was driving away the heroes and protecting the village with her power.
Chapter 78
63 min read