Chapter 3

Chapter 2 Humans Need Their Souls (lol) In a place a two-day walk southwest from the Demon King’s castle, there was a flat landmass with a large flowing river, bountiful fields of crops that spread throughout, and a fortified city surrounded by stone walls. This was Boar Kingdom. They’d sent six thousand soldiers against the Demon King and lost half their army. Rumors about the monsters—the legendary demons—spread throughout the country, accompanied with stories of the army’s defeat. Dread crept up on the faces of the townspeople, fearing the demons would descend on the city at any moment. There was one group of people, however, sharing drinks at the tavern, making a cheerful racket. It was as if they’d never heard of the word fear. “Whew, that was another spectacular death,” shouted one man, the ranger, shaking with laughter. “We didn’t do anything, though,” insisted the sorceress, stunning as always. “But I suppose that’s to be expected with an enemy like that.” “…Mhm.” The male knight wordlessly agreed with them both. “It’s still a little disappointing,” said the priestess, quiet and reserved, and the leader of the group, the knight, nodded deeply in agreement. “It is. But we’ll win in the end,” he maintained without any arrogance or pretention in his voice. Though he said this with confidence, they still hadn’t managed to leave a single scratch on the Demon King who’d killed them again. But continuously challenging this undefeatable enemy was part of their plan. “Okay, yeah, he’s strong. But if we keep attacking him, his magical powers will eventually run out if he keeps firing off those powerful spells.” This magical power was necessary to cast spells. Even if one used up their supply, the resource replenished once you rested and recuperated. Recovery time, however, wasn’t necessarily fast, correlating with the person’s maximum magical capacity. For example, magicians’ apprentices might be able to completely regain their powers within a day, but sorceresses, priestesses, and other first-class magicians would need at least two. This applied to the feared Demon King, as well. And though their actions were like trying to drain a lake one cupful at a time, the party knew there would be an end to the limited supply eventually. “Which is why we leave the bodies of the small fry intact, right?” asked the ranger, a cruel smile twisting the corners of his mouth. As long as they didn’t burn the corpses and left them intact, the Demon King would use his magic to resurrect them over and over again. At first glance, this plan might seem foolish, but they were draining the Demon King’s powers bit by bit. “I almost feel bad that all his people are weaklings,” professed the sorceress, purring with laughter, knowing that the orcs and goblins could be easily defeated with her magic. She didn’t feel a single shred of guilt for taking their lives. After all, she and her companions were on the side of justice, and the demons were evil filth defiling this world. “Hey, hey, don’t lose focus because they’re weak. I mean, other than the Demon King,” warned the knight in a joking tone, knowing they’d never lose and always manage to come back to life. “We’re the heroes of the Divine Goddess. We must fight gracefully to uphold the honor bestowed by this title,” the knight grandly proclaimed. His comrades raised their pints of beer in agreement. “So their strategy is to wear the King down,” observed Shinichi as he hesitantly chowed down on the mystery meat in the castle’s dining hall. He saw through their strategy and reckless daily attacks upon listening to Celes explain magical powers and spells. “Your Highness, let’s just say they continue to attack like this. How many more days would your powers last?” he asked. “I mean, they’d last for a year or two,” the King replied. “Wait, I thought that recovery time was slow…?” Shinichi wondered why he even bothered to listen to Celes’s lengthy exposition. The King huffed in annoyance at his confusion. “Hmph, I am the Blue Demon King! Do not dare lump me in with those average plebeians! If I’m only using magic a few times to teleport and resurrect, I can recover it all in the course of a single night.” “I understand,” said Shinichi, feeling like something was amiss and burying these suspicions deep in his heart. “If I may be permitted to add, Your Highness is the only one capable of such high-speed recovery. The recovery time for your average demon is only slightly faster than humans,” remarked Celes. Her face was as expressionless as it had been the day before, but her tanned complexion had taken on a pale tinge. Maybe it was for taking on the responsibility of resurrecting many of those who’d died, in order to lessen the burden on the King. “What if you called all the strongest fighters from the demon world here to help?” suggested Shinichi, thinking that might lighten the load on Celes. “I mean, they obviously don’t have to be as powerful as the King. But if they’re strong enough to fend off the heroes’ attacks, a guard of a couple dozen could reduce the number of casualties. Then the humans might realize their attacks are futile and maybe even give up,” he continued with some optimism. It was a good suggestion, but the King’s and Rino’s faces became grim as they listened to Shinichi. “You’re not wrong, Shinichi, but the powerful demons tend to be quite violent…,” replied Rino. “They’d ignore Rino’s request and kill all the humans. You really can’t trust that bloodthirsty lot!” yelled the King. He continued rebuking his subjects, though everyone else in the room knew the King was the most hotheaded of them all. That explains why the demons here are all super-weak. Though they had intimidating appearances, these demons were continuously defeated by the heroes due to their weak and timid natures. That said, they were still monsters who could kill an average person like Shinichi in one critical hit. “So reinforcements aren’t an option. But I have a feeling you’ll be okay if you have inexhaustible magical powers—,” began Shinichi. “But I’m well on my way to the end of my patience,” interrupted the Demon King. “Ah…” The sight of the veins throbbing in her father’s blue forehead prompted Rino to look down apologetically. It was true that kindness was one of her virtues, making her want to prevent unnecessary causalities, even those outside her own kin. At the same time, these demands tied the King’s hands, allowing the humans to make a fool of him and creating their current predicament. Taking things to the extreme, if the King were allowed to exterminate all of humankind, he’d probably be able to get rid of whatever trickery kept reviving the heroes and defeating them, as well. Understanding this, Rino suggested repentantly: “Daddy, if I stop complaining about the food being gross, can we just give up and go back to the demon world?” “What’re you saying?! I’d fight for a thousand years for my little girl!” “I know you would, Daddy. But if it keeps going on like this, Mr. Kalbi or Mr. Sirloin will be killed for real…” They’d been lucky so far, but if their bodies vanished without a trace, the foot soldiers could face death at any time. “In that case, I suppose I must destroy all of humankind,” insisted the King, itching to fight. He refused to sacrifice his people any longer, and this would be the fastest way to resolve their issue. “But—but that…,” stammered Rino, unable to find the words to persuade her father and looking around her for help. Her eyes met those of the silver-tongued Shinichi. “Hmm, I can’t say no to the requests of a beautiful girl,” he said. “What did you just say, you pervert?” Shinichi shrank back in response to Celes’s outburst and stood. “I understand your frustration, Your Highness, but it’d be a waste to destroy humankind. Please reconsider your course of action,” he advised. “A waste?” asked the King. “Yes. You ventured out to find good food, right? Well, the humans know how to cultivate and cook all that food. It’d be a waste to kill them.” “Hmm.” The King found himself nodding in agreement to his logic. “But we have you. Isn’t that enough?” “I’m human, but I’m also from another world. Sure, I can cook a little bit, but I have no idea what the best food source is or any idea about how to farm,” replied Shinichi. Unfortunately, he’d been raised by white-collar workers in an average household, so he had no clue how to plant and harvest rice, catch large hauls of fish from the ocean, or slaughter cattle. “Wouldn’t it be more efficient to have the humans do all the labor and steal their bounty instead of starting from scratch? And also—,” he said, summoning a devilish smile, “it’d be too kind and boring to kill those foolish, insubordinate humans and spare them from pain, right?” He knew the sweet taste of victory would pair well with the feeling of terrifying the humans, forcing them into despair, and conquering them. It’d only be appropriate for the supreme ruler of the demon world—the Blue Demon King—to enjoy it, too. “Ha-ha-ha, you’re right. Shinichi, you’re truly nefarious,” declared the King with a cackle. “Not as evil as Your Highness,” flattered Shinichi, playing up the part of a criminal and pandering to the Demon King, who spoke like a corrupt cop. Once Shinichi saw he’d expertly convinced the King, he looked over at Rino and— “Shinichi, you’re scarier than any demon alive…,” she remarked. “What—?!” He pretended to be evil for Rino and to save the humans from complete annihilation, but she’d taken his words to heart. “Oh come on, my performance was perfect…!” “Too perfect to be a performance.” Celes’s response cut into him as he slumped back to his seat, shocked. But when he passed by Rino, she whispered quietly so only he could hear. “Thank you, Shinichi.” Her smile showed her gratitude—for his kindness and for pretending to be evil for her sake. “Rino…” Shinichi’s heart beat faster when he saw Rino’s seriously angelic smile, but the maid’s icy look and her father’s murderous glare made him clear his throat and pretend nothing had happened. “Ahem… One other thing: You should forget about returning to the demon world for now,” Shinichi said. “Why would that be?” asked Rino. “The humans might think you’re running home in fear. If they do, they might get carried away and follow you back to attack the demon world,” replied Shinichi. He looked at Celes, who understood what he meant and expanded on it. “If they’re capable of teleportation, anyone can move between this world and the demon world. They don’t know the location of the demon world yet, which is the only thing stopping them. But they could easily follow us into our world if they found any magical residue left behind. And seeing we’ve already teleported from this castle to the real one, it won’t take them long.” If the humans came to the demon world, all hell would break loose…for the humans. “Then all the bloodthirsty demons would go crazy and spill out into the human world. Would you be able to stop them, Your Highness?” asked Shinichi. “What? I would have no desire to,” he responded. “Mm-hmm, just as I thought.” The King didn’t say he couldn’t stop them. “Ooh, if that happens, then the humans…,” began Rino. “They’d all be killed. In fact, they’d face complete annihilation with no chance to retreat,” Shinichi finished for her. If the humans chose to go to the demon world, they’d find hell. If they tried to retreat, they’d find hell. The humans weren’t aware they’d be cornered either way. “All I wanted was to eat tasty snacks. Why did it have to come to this…?” asked Rino as tears streamed down her face. Her selfish desires had caused the humans so much trouble. “You’re not in the wrong! You’re good! The humans are the ones who are all bad!” bellowed the Demon King, attempting to console his daughter. He seemed unaware he was the cause of her tears. Shinichi watched them from the corner of his eyes as he continued to talk to Celes. “Let’s get back on topic. How are we going to defeat those cheating, indestructible bastards? I’m just going to refer to them as the heroes for now,” he clarified. “That’s the reason we called you. Now get to it, you idle good-for-nothing,” she sneered. “Stop making me sound like a NEET or something!” Shinichi was so fed up with Celes, who took every opportunity to insult him. Whatever. He’d already found a solution to the problem. “I’ve already thought of a way to defeat the heroes, but in order to do it, we need to round them up,” he declared. “Like capture them?” Celes asked, looking at her master. Capturing them using the King’s power should be simple enough. The main problem was keeping him from going overboard and killing them. “I was thinking we should set some sort of trap for them. But before that, quick question: Where do these heroes come from?” questioned Shinichi. “Hmm, I assume from where the humans live,” said the King, returning to the conversation after consoling his daughter. He held up his palm, projecting a satellite photograph of a bird’s-eye view of the region out of thin air. “The center’s my castle. This in the bottom right is the nearest human settlement. I imagine they come from here.” “You say nearest, but how many miles away is it?” asked Shinichi. “About eighteen goats (thirty-five miles),” replied the King. “It seems that our great teacher, Mr. Translate, even handles unit conversion,” said Shinichi to himself, impressed again by the capabilities of this spell. “They’re probably respawning from there, but walking on an unpaved wild path for thirty-five miles? That’d be hard to do in a day, even if you trained hard enough. I guess that leaves us with magic,” he concluded. Teleportation spells were a convenient staple in the fantasy genre. In fact, he’d already seen the King use it a number of times in the short span he’d been here. “Maybe they’re teleporting?” offered Shinichi. “Yeah, probably. What’s so strange about that?” demanded the King. “Nothing. Wait, is it really that easy to teleport?” In many video games, the player needed to have some mastery of magic to teleport. Of course, there were some games that allowed you to teleport from the beginning to eliminate lengthy expositions and travel time. But teleportation was something that twenty-first-century science hadn’t been able to manage. He naturally assumed it’d be difficult to do, even with the use of magic. Once again, Celes answered Shinichi’s question. “No, it’s not particularly easy. The King’s just a special case,” she explained. “Ah, of course.” “Ha! My power is to be feared,” butted in the King, trying in vain to show off. Shinichi noticed the way the maid looked at the King, but kept his mouth shut. It was as if she’d seen some strange animal. “Based on what you’re saying, anyone can teleport with some difficulty, right?” “Yes. If you spend a few hours drawing a magic circle at either terminal and commit them both to memory, it’s possible to move between two points with ease,” said Celes. It still required natural-born talent and a few minutes of mental focus before a person could cast the spell. But the King could teleport anywhere without a magic circle or incantation. Shinichi was starting to learn just how powerful he was. “I see, so they teleport to a magic circle…,” murmured Shinichi. “Do you intend to find the circle and destroy it?” inquired Celes. “No, I won’t destroy it.” Shinichi immediately shot down her assumption. Even if they destroyed the circle, the heroes could make another one somewhere more inconspicuous. They’d all just end up in a vicious cat and mouse game. “No, we won’t be destroying it,” he repeated. Shinichi had a better plan, and the corners of his mouth sprung up into a smile. His grin was more evil and sinister than the one on the Blue Demon King himself. “All right! Let’s get a move on!” It was noon, and the red sun had reached its peak. The heroes began their daily routine by preparing for teleportation. They were in a mansion belonging to the knight, one of the Boar Kingdom’s lower-class aristocrats. “Okay, everyone, step into the magic circle.” The party followed the sorceress’s orders and stepped into the massive magic circle, covering the floor of the entire room. “I think the Demon King’s gotten a lot weaker.” “Yeah, I’d like to finish him off in, like, five days,” said the knight. “…Really?” asked the warrior. The knight nodded deeply in response to the warrior’s short question. “We’ll be the ones to take down the Demon King. We’re going to be granted land of our own and become earls. And I’m not going to let that be taken away from me by anyone,” declared the knight. “Yes, and we’ve gotten stronger over the past few days, thanks to these battles. Let’s give it our all!” encouraged the priestess, agreeing wholeheartedly with the leader of their party. The two made a promise that they’d get married when this fight was over and the knight became an earl. It’s only natural they were hopeful. “That’s enough chitchat for now. We’re leaving,” announced the sorceress. Her eyes had been closed all along, as she continued to concentrate on the Teleport spell. “All right, we’ll leave it to you,” said the knight. “You got it… We turn our bodies into light; take us to their land! Teleport!” Her magical power accumulated, bursting into light and enveloping the party. Their vision twisted and tunneled, disorienting them and their sense of direction—left and right, up and down. A moment later, their surroundings changed into a magic circle inscribed near the Demon King’s castle, where they…didn’t appear. “…Huh?” The knight knew something was wrong, but it took a few seconds for his brain to take in this strange situation. His eyes were open, but he couldn’t see anything. He was in true darkness, blacker than the night. “What the—? Was there some kind of mistake in the spell—?!” He tried looking in the direction of the sorceress and then realized another problem. He couldn’t move his neck. No. He couldn’t move his hands or his feet or his entire body. He couldn’t move a single finger for that matter. “What the—? What the hell is this?!” He screamed in fear, but it rebounded from something directly in front of his eyes, ricocheting back and leaving his eardrums ringing. That’s when he noticed something else. His entire body was wrapped tightly in a hard substance. He couldn’t move an inch. “What is this…? Shit, move!” He put all his might into moving his hands and legs, but it was completely pointless. Worse, his failed attempts quickened the onset of despair. “Huff, huff… Can’t breathe…” There wasn’t enough room for him to lift a single finger, and air was running out quickly in the confined space. “Let me out…please… Get me out of here!” He gathered the last of his strength to scream, but it was swallowed by the void and reached only his ears. The only thing he could do was count the quiet footsteps of the Grim Reaper, approaching him from behind, and die without knowing what happened to him. “All right! It looks like it went pretty well,” said Shinichi, observing the heroes succumbing to despair just a few yards away. To be exact, he wasn’t directly looking at the heroes themselves but rather the massive stone in which they were trapped. “To think we could place a giant stone at their destination to close them in,” marveled the King. “What a dirty trick,” sneered Celes. The King, who’d moved the massive stone using magic, was quite impressed, and Celes, who found their location with a spell, wore an inscrutable expression as always. “I call it the amazing ‘Stuck in a Stone’ strategy! It’s their fault for using the Teleport spell without understanding its risks,” explained Shinichi. Having them teleport into a rock was a brutal trap, guaranteed to destroy even the most powerful party. Anyone familiar with a certain dungeon role-playing game would think to use this strategy—with some traumatic flashbacks. It was incredibly effective and gave the heroes no way to resist their impending doom. “Yeah, it’s lucky I played all those good old classics.” “I don’t understand what you’re saying. Anyway, what do we do with them now? Should I throw them into the mouth of a volcano?” asked the King. “No. Like I said, we can’t kill them. Can you remove them from the stone once they’ve lost consciousness?” “Leave it to me.” Using magic, the King became clairvoyant to look into the stone. When all the heroes were unconscious, he struck the rock with a powerful punch. “Humph!” And just like that, cracks appeared in the boulder, taller than the King, and it shattered into millions of tiny pieces. “I bet you’d be able to free yourself even if you were buried deep in the South Pole…,” Shinichi speculated. “South Pole… What’s that?” asked the King. “I’ll explain later,” he replied. “All right. Let’s go back to the castle. The real fun starts now.” Shinichi and the others divvied up the unconscious heroes, carried them on their backs, and teleported back to the castle. Later, the heroes would think back to this moment. If only they’d been lucky enough to suffocate to death. “…Ugh, where am I?” groaned the knight as he slowly opened his eyes, glancing around at his surroundings in a daze. In his field of view, he saw an unfamiliar stone room. Ironically, he was slightly relieved by this. Far better this than that black void. No sooner had he taken a moment to relax, however, than an unfamiliar voice whispered into his ear. It was as if someone had been waiting to catch him off guard. “Have you finally woken up?” “Who are you?!” demanded the knight. He reflexively tried to jump back, but his hands and feet pulled him off balance. His movements were accompanied by the irritating sound of clanking metal, and he finally realized he’d been shackled to a wall. “Ack!” “It seems you finally understand your predicament. Don’t worry, your friends are unharmed.” The knight looked to his side and saw the other four chained to the wall. Their eyes opened slowly at the commotion. “Hey, what the hell is this?!” “Have we been captured?” “…Hmph.” The ranger, priestess, and warrior all cried out in bewilderment as they tried to grasp the situation. But as the figure had said, everyone was fine. Well, with the exception of one person. “Let me out… It’s dark, no, it hurts, I’m scared, let me out, let me out…,” the sorceress kept muttering, unaware of her companions around her. Her eyes were glazed over. She’d lost her marbles upon being trapped in stone. “Mirida!” shouted the knight. “So her name is Mirida? She must be claustrophobic. I’m truly sorry about that. I had no intention of pushing her to the breaking point.” “You arrogant asshole! Show yourself!” barked the knight at the mysterious voice, presumably the mastermind behind this entire operation. He couldn’t tell where it was coming from. As it turned out, the voice emanated from a rather unexpected direction. “I wasn’t trying to hide or anything. I’m above you,” it said. “What?!” Looking up, the knight saw there was no ceiling. Instead, a solitary figure, concealed entirely in a black cloak, stood on the edge of the wall. The only thing clearly visible about the monster was its white mask and the sinister smile drawn upon it. “I am the Blue Demon King’s Dirty Advisor. My name is—well, you can call me Smile.” “Smile, what an eerie name…” The knight gulped, nervous. Shinichi—or Smile—was undaunted as he grinned behind his mask and looked down at the petrified knight. It’s interesting they’re scared of the untranslated word smile. I wonder what they’d think of Shinichi Sotoyama? Rino said it sounded odd, but what would the humans think? He was admittedly a bit curious, but chose to focus on the task at hand. “First of all, I would like to apologize that we must converse under such terrible conditions. This was the only way, however, you seemed willing to talk to us.” “Talk?” inquired the knight. “That’s right. I believe there’s been a misunderstanding between us,” replied Shinichi. The knight sternly glared at him as if to say he had no business talking to demons, but Shinichi continued speaking, completely disregarding the knight’s menacing stare. “What do you think about us demons?” he asked. “What do I think…? That you’re savages and dangerous monsters who crawl out from the depths of the earth!” cried the ranger. “You’re the kin of the Evil God, sealed deep underground with the Evil Dragon. Tens of thousands of years ago, he was banished there, defeated by the Divine Goddess,” accused the priestess. Shinichi smiled to himself as he gleaned new information from the ranger and priestess. So the demons come from deep within the earth…which means the demon world is underground. And there’ve been times when demons came up to their world in the past. To be clear, this situation started when Rino’s mother appeared in the human world. She was apparently picking fights with those who crossed her path. To her, she was benevolently flexing her skills, but to the people she attacked, she was a truly terrifying presence. If similar events had happened before, it’s no wonder the humans saw the demons as their enemies. “I see. It seems my brethren have caused much trouble for you. I do apologize for that. However, I would like you to understand that we, the members of the Blue Demon King’s clan, have no desire to fight you.” He apologized before expressing his hope of reconciliation. If they accepted his peace offering, their futile fighting would be put to rest. But just as Shinichi had expected, the knight rejected it completely. “Cut the crap! Don’t try to feed us this bullshit after everything that’s happened!” “That’s because you attacked us without warning,” said Shinichi. “Of course we’re going to attack! You slaughtered three thousand of our soldiers!” “Ah, well, were you not the ones who sent your army to slaughter our brethren?” “Tch… If we hadn’t, you bastards would have attacked us. You’re the ones who invaded our territory, and you’re in the wrong for occupying Dog Valley!” “It’s located in a distant area, a full two-day walk from your kingdom. Not a single person lives here, and there are no roads nor signs. You call this narrow, untamed valley your territory? Do you have any proof?” “Proof or no proof, these mountains were conquered by our kingdom’s founder, Tortoise I! It’s Boar Kingdom’s territory!” “Hmm… I’ll admit it was our fault for building our castle without properly investigating how the national boundaries are defined. Whatever. I arranged for us to meet to discuss this: Would it be possible for us to lower our swords and peacefully discuss a monetary solution?” “This entire world belongs to the Divine Goddess and humankind! There isn’t a shred of land we’d give you vile demons!” No matter what Shinichi said, the knight shot down all of his proposals. This isn’t working. We’ll never be on the same page. Even though Shinichi was giving up this method, he was still satisfied with the new information he’d gleaned. Based on the knight’s attitude and answers, it was clear the demons had told him the truth: The humans had attacked first. I’m not saying the demons are blameless, but it’s clear the humans are definitely in the wrong. Great. This means I don’t have to go easy on them. Even though they were in a totally different world, he was aware they were all connected as human beings. He was raised with morals and social standards in Japan, a peaceful, law-governed country. But he had more than enough reason to throw that all aside. He was the Demon King’s Dirty Advisor, after all, and he smiled menacingly beneath his mask. “That’s a shame. I’d hoped we could abandon our prejudices and build a positive relationship…,” he said. That would’ve been the best outcome—appeasing Rino, too—but there wasn’t much he could do if the heroes themselves rejected his offer. “If you’re saying you’re going to continue attacking us, you leave me with no choice but to destroy you,” Shinichi warned. “Ha! See if you can!” the ranger retorted with a snort. He wouldn’t be able to kill them—well, even if he did, they’d just come back to life. They were immortal, therefore invincible. There was no way they’d lose, which guaranteed they’d eventually defeat the almighty Demon King. Shinichi let out a snicker at the sight of the cocky heroes. “Don’t misunderstand me. I never once said I would ‘kill you.’ I said I’d ‘end you’ and your capacity to respawn over and over again, you fiendish insects,” he said. “……” The knight picked up on his strange word choice. Silently, he began gathering his magical powers, preparing to cast a certain spell, but Shinichi saw right through his hardened expression. “Oh, I won’t let you do that,” said Shinichi, gently raising his hand and signaling to Celes, who’d been waiting silently behind him the whole time. With his cue, the talented maid understood, jumped down in front of the knight, and lifted him up by his neck. “Gah—!” “Were you planning to kill yourself to escape this place? You really don’t want to do that. This area’s under a special magic field. If you die here, you can’t be resurrected,” taunted Shinichi. “What?!” “Y-you’re bluffing!” shouted the ranger. “Feel free to test it out,” Shinichi calmly replied. “……Tsk.” Even though he’d spoken forcefully a moment before, the ranger fell silent in the face of Shinichi’s confidence. The whole magic field thing was a lie, of course. Shinichi even anticipated the heroes would see through it, but that was all part of the plan. If there was even a small doubt that maybe, just maybe, it was true, they wouldn’t be able to kill themselves as easily, which bought Shinichi more time. All right. Here we go. To defeat an immortal monster, the “Make It Impossible to Move and Seal It Away for All of Eternity” strategy was the most popular method. For example, one could encase its body in iron and sink it into the depths of the ocean. Though not dead, the creature would be rendered harmless. This method worked well for immortals but less so for those who could be brought back to life. It’s hard to say it’d be impossible, but they’d need constant monitoring to keep them from killing themselves. So it really wasn’t a practical solution. “I can break you down mentally so you lack the will to fight back anymore,” mumbled Shinichi. “…Ah!” The priestess’s body shook in terror at Shinichi’s quiet words. “Do you intend to torture us? Ha! Give us your best shot!” The knight broke free from Celes’s hand and let out a shout, as if to console the priestess. “Hmm. Brave, aren’t you?” observed Shinichi. “Lord Smile,” said Celes, leaping nimbly to Shinichi’s side and whispering a warning in his ear. “Torture’s pointless. All of them are under the Pain Block spell at all times.” “I’m not surprised.” This answered another question that’d been lingering in the depths of his heart. Even if one could come back to life, no one would want to experience and writhe in pain from deadly injuries. This was the reason these heroes removed their sense of pain, as they faced the King day in and day out. This would also explain why they’re able to continue fighting even if they’re in a critical condition of, like, 1 HP. Shinichi switched to his backup plan. “The word torture isn’t just limited to physical pain,” said Shinichi, turning to face the priestess with his creepy mask. “Ah!” She shrieked in horror. “Defiling a young maiden and using her body for your own pleasure? Definitely the sickest and dirtiest method,” said Celes. “I didn’t say that! Well, actually, it crossed my mind, but I wasn’t actually going to do it!” Shinichi shot back, out of character for a moment, responding to the maid’s scornful look. He coughed before continuing. “…What I’m talking about is even more terrifying than torture. Let’s see. How about putting a large number of these in that hole you’re in?” he proposed, reaching into his cloak to produce a glass bottle, containing something he’d found in the castle. The thing in the vial made a rasping sound as it ran around, the light glistening off its slimy— “Gyaaaah—!” A deep, earsplitting scream suddenly echoed throughout the room. Surprised, Shinichi looked to see where it’d come from and saw the silent warrior and his brawny body quivering in fear. “P-p-please, not that… I’ll do anything…” “So if I asked you not to attack again—,” began Shinichi. “I promise! So just get that black thing…” “Huh, seriously?” asked Shinichi, confused by the tears welling up in the warrior’s eyes and his willingness to give in to Shinichi’s demands. “But what if I just put it in there with you? Put some cuts on your body, slathered on some honey, let her eat from your wounds, lay eggs—” “S-st-stooop—!” The warrior let out a high-pitched, girlie scream, then passed out upon listening to Shinichi casually explain his torture method of choice. “Dammit! It’s really low of you to intimidate Goldeo with a bug!” “I can’t believe we’re parting ways like this…” “I mean, if the bug came up to me, I’d also…” “You’re all fine with this?” inquired Shinichi, exasperated the heroes would so easily accept their comrade’s fate. “I can’t believe he’s that afraid of a little roach. Right?” Shinichi looked to Celes in solidarity. “Please don’t come any closer,” said Celes, her face pale. In the next moment, she suddenly moved to the opposite end of the room. What a sad creature, always despised, even in this world… When he’d found the cockroach in the castle halls, Shinichi’d actually felt a bit homesick to encounter a familiar creature. That said, he wasn’t particularly fond of cockroaches, either, which was why he’d caught the pest in a bottle, fully intending to dispose of it later. “Well, whatever. Now that this pair is pretty much useless, have you two decided not to attack us anymore?” asked Shinichi, turning to the knight and priestess. “If not, I’ll be forced to do something horrible, something that can’t be undone.” “I refuse to succumb to you and your ulterior motives! It’s our divine duty as the heroes of the Divine Goddess to root out and eliminate demonkind!” cried the knight. “Heroes, huh…” He was a bit taken aback they’d refer to themselves as heroes. Shinichi had only used the term for convenience sake, based off video games. Anyway, he’d already made his decision. “It seems we have no choice. Please use that,” he commanded. “Understood, Lord Smile,” replied Celes, who bowed and jumped in front of the knight once more. With her left hand, she pried the knight’s cheeks apart, and with her right hand, she pulled a vial from her pocket, forcing him to drink its contents. “Ugh, gah…ack, pah… Poison is pointless,” he sputtered. Poison would only help him die and resurrect elsewhere. But Shinichi gazed at the brave knight with amusement. “I guess you could say it’s a kind of poison. But we’ll see if it’s as pointless as you say.” “What do you mea— Ack!” yelped the knight, his face suddenly white as a sheet. “Leader, what’s wrong?!” asked the priestess. “Put a spell on me to—,” he began to reply. “I won’t let you,” interrupted Shinichi. Celes stopped the priestess from interfering. Her spells would’ve been pointless anyway. They all watched as the knight broke out in a greasy sweat, body trembling. “Agh…gah, ngah!” “I’ll explain in place of our poor knight here. He’s just consumed a concoction made from chekin berries,” said Shinichi. “Chekin berries?” asked the ranger. These berries didn’t exist in the human world, so the heroes hadn’t heard of them before. “It’s the fruit of a plant from the demon world. It’s incredibly disgusting, of course, but it’s better known for having a particular side effect, handy when you’re sitting between two ladies,” continued Shinichi. “Ladies…? It can’t be!” cried the priestess. Shinichi grinned demonically at her as she finally understood. “Yeah, it’s a medicine that makes you really have to go. In other words, it’s a laxative.” Guborgyuu—u! The knight’s stomach made a strange sound as if in agreement, reverberating throughout the chamber, as the berries completely destroyed him from within. “P-please let me out of these chains!” “You’re the one who brushed aside the hand of friendship. You’re pushing your luck,” replied Shinichi sadly. “Ack, gah… But as a knight, as the Goddess’s hero, to give in to evil demons would…ah!” “Your resolve is commendable. Then I guess soiling yourself isn’t too bad, right?” “Bu…but—but…ah!” The knight gritted his teeth and tried to endure the pain, looking at the priestess—the woman he loved, the one who’d promised to become his wife once all this was over. Her face was very pale with fear, but her eyes wouldn’t leave his. In front of the love of his life, the knight finally— “Don’t look! Oh, please don’t look…agh, aaaah—!” “Guh, ugh…” A few minutes later, the hole was filled with a strange and disgusting smell, the sound of a man sobbing, and the five heroes. “How pathetic. An adult openly crying in front of other people,” scolded Shinichi. “You say that as if you’re not the one who did this to him. You’re sick,” said Celes, exasperated. Called out by Celes once again, Shinichi lowered his brows. “You think so? I’ve heard stories about rookie soldiers wetting themselves from fear and first-class snipers waiting for their target for three or four days. They don’t move a muscle, even if they soil themselves. You know what’s really sick? The fact that they’d be more eager to kill people than dirty themselves with their own poop,” he replied. Shinichi just could not understand how someone could casually kill another intelligent creature, even if it was a different species. “All right. Let’s show them something nice now,” he suggested, holding out an item to the heroes. It’d coincidentally been in his uniform pocket when he’d been summoned into this world and was the closest man-made thing to magic. “This is a magic tool called a smartphone. It can capture the images and sounds and re-create them indefinitely.” “Smartphone?” echoed the priestess, peering into the mysterious object. Shinichi expressionlessly pressed the button to replay the video. “Don’t look! Oh, please don’t look…agh, aaaah—!” “S-stop—!” cried the knight, waking up to the sounds of his intestinal destruction. They echoed throughout the room once again, and the Dirty Advisor of the Blue Demon King made no move to stop them. “I wonder what’d happen if we projected this video in the sky, right above your country,” Shinichi speculated deviously. “What?!” “The Brown Knight or the Manure Pit Hero… I’m sure they’ll mock you with nicknames.” “Ack!” “Even if you manage to defeat the Demon King, even if you become the hero who saved the world, even if your name goes down in history, people will always laugh at you. You know, where I’m from, there was a general who united the land but made one little mistake. It’s been more than four hundred years since his death, but people are still laughing at him,” cackled Shinichi, thinking about how scary history was, while holding up the smartphone. “So if you attack us again—” “I won’t! I swear! So please…,” interrupted the knight, begging between heavy sobs. “Leader…,” intoned the ranger, disappointed by the pathetic sight. But the priestess turned to the defiled knight with a look of tenderness. “Ruzal, lift your face. Everyone’s bound to soil themselves in front of others. Think about babies or those approaching death in old age. You need not worry,” she said. “But an adult doing this…” “You did nothing wrong. It’s simply a result of a lowly plan carried out by the demons. You’ve nothing to be ashamed of. You fight for the people, and you’re a magnificent hero of the Goddess…and the man I love.” “Minya…,” said the knight, forgetting his soiled lower half. He basked under her saintly smile and gazed into his lover’s eyes. Seeing the moving scene unfold in front of him, Shinichi bowed his head and— “Actually, I think I’ll make this public,” he announced. “Aaa—ah?!” “You’re the worst.” Celes’s voice dripped with disgust as the masked advisor made no attempt to conceal his jealousy of the couple in love.