Saybil was in something of a sour mood.
Climbing the bell tower, he looked out over the city of ice. With its population already above three thousand, the free district was lively now even at night, the pale light of the wizard lamps twinkling in the streets. Thanks to the efforts of Seth and his merchant band, they now had a steady supply of food, booze, and even fashionable clothes. And built on the surface of the ocean as it was, the city was now exporting not just magic potions but all manner of seafood as well.
It was clear sailing─so why do I feel so depressed?
“Sayb!”
Saybil looked up to see Hort holding a cup of warm milk in each hand.
“Hort…”
“I saw you sitting up here. What’s going on? How come you look so down?”
“Nh… Mmm…” Unable to find an answer, Saybil just hung his head. He accepted the milk she was holding out and took a sip. It was warm, and it calmed him down a little.
“You know how the other day I went to that city to take their mana? The city that attacked the new free district?”
“Yeah. You’ve been doing great work!”
“Sure…I guess. I mean, you’re right… It’s just…”
“Sayb?”
“I…I don’t feel great.”
“What do you mean?”
“I was so angry when I heard they’d attacked a free district.”
“Yeah. It really, really pissed me off, too!” Hort exclaimed.
“And…when I took all their mana, and was talking to the master of the tower… I don’t know, but…it made me feel good.”
Hort looked at Saybil, puzzled.
“You’re wrong. And you brought all this suffering on yourself. I just went on ranting at him, knowing he couldn’t resist me. He was scared, on the verge of tears, and I…” Saybil heaved a deliberate sigh. Whenever he thought back on it, on the pleasure he’d felt, his stomach clenched. “I thought it served him right. I wanted him to feel more regret for everything he’d done, to suffer more…”
“Umm… But…isn’t that, like, totally normal…?”
“To enjoy revenge?”
“Hmm… I wouldn’t exactly put it that way, but if we’re getting down to brass tacks, then yeah.”
“But I feel like there was something really shameful about the way I acted.” Saybil stared down into his milk. He had lost his memories, regained them, and been through so much since then, and he thought all that had given him at least a general grasp of human emotions.
He loved Los.
He understood jealousy.
But the soul-shaking sense of superiority he had felt that day─that felt like bad medicine, the kind that could destroy a person.
“We know that people can do terribly cruel things when they think they’re right, when they think that justice is on their side. And up ’til now we’ve been the ones on the receiving end of that cruelty. But in that moment I believed in my own righteousness…and I enjoyed making that person suffer.”
“Hweeh!” Hort let out a strange cry.
Saybil turned and saw a startled look on her face. “Was what I said really that shocking…?”
“N-Naw… I was just thinking that even after everything that’s happened, you’re still the same old Sayb.”
“Well, yeah… I’m still me.”
“’S not what I mean. Look, three years ago I joined the Church and Mage Brigade and started cracking down on potion-related crime. And all these unrepentant baddies would come at me with lectures about justice. ‘We’re all witches here,’ ‘You’re upsetting the balance of the world,’ ‘The Goddess will never forgive you,’ that kind of stuff─I mean, I’m not even a witch, I’m a mage! And those creeps didn’t even know the difference!”
Hort tightened her grip on the wooden cup in her hand. Sturdy as it was, it began to warp, and Saybil was scared it might break.
“Is it really so wrong to give the bad guys a thrashing, toss ’em in jail, and feel good about it? When someone gleefully murders children, is it out of bounds to wanna give ’em a taste of their own medicine─to make ’em cry and wail like their victims did?”
“But… There’s no point. Personal revenge isn’t what’s needed to keep them from killing more children. Our job is to catch the criminals and lock them up, but I think there’s something ugly about kicking them while they’re down.”
“But I do wanna kick their stupid asses.”
There was something about the totally sincere look in Hort’s eyes as she expressed her approval for brute force that made Saybil burst out laughing. It welled up from somewhere deep within him, and it took a good long while for it to subside.
“H-Hey, what the heck?! I didn’t know you could laugh like that, Sayb! But you can?! Wait, what was even funny about what I said?!”
“S-Sorry! It’s just… You’re amazing, Hort.”
“Amazing…? But, don’t you think it’s unfair? They break the law, tromp all over other people, hurt them, make them suffer─then the moment they’re the ones getting punished, it’s all about respecting them and making sure they don’t suffer, treating their crimes appropriately within the framework of the law. I mean, they’re the ones who just broke the law in the first place!”
“Mm-hmm, right… You might be right…”
“No she goddessdamn isn’t! Nothin’ ‘right’ about that at all! The hell are you two thinking, talkin’ up vigilante justice like that?!”
Flinching at this harsh rebuke emanating from behind them, Hort and Saybil turned to see Kudo holding a basket of midnight snacks and looking distinctly unimpressed.
“Huh? How long have you been there, Kudo? I was keeping my guard up, but I didn’t notice you at all…!”
“Hmph… I’ve been trainin’ too, ya know. Mage medics gotta be able to dole out healin’ on the battlefield without the enemy detecting us.”
Kudo stomped across the roof and plopped down right behind them with his legs crossed. Saybil happily accepted one of the pastries he offered and took a bite. It was filled with sausage and nice, crunchy vegetables, and while he was chewing Saybil could think of nothing else.
“Anyway, don’t go leadin’ Saybil astray just ’cause he’s a little naive. This time, he’s right.”
“Huh…? How much did you hear?” asked Hort.
“Everything, right from the start. I was gonna call out to you guys when you stopped talkin’, but it just kept gettin’ worse and worse. I was even startin’ to think about reporting you to the proper authorities.”
“Dooon’t! We’d get in trouble!”
“So you’re that self-aware, at least…”
“Well, of course! Even I know that much!” Hort pouted. “But seeing those creeps grinning ’cause they’re protected by the law would make anyone want to break it, right? And even if you don’t actually break it, you’d still wanna say a few nasty things to them and get under their skin a little, wouldn’t you?”
“Sure, won’t deny that. You can’t actually go around doin’ it, though.”
“But how come?!”
“’Cause then you’d be lowerin’ yourself to their level.”
“Who cares? I’m happy to take the low road!” Hort drained the rest of her milk and flopped back against the roof.
“Their level, huh…” Saybil muttered. “I kind of get that, too, I think. Like, giving this guy who’d done something wrong a piece of my mind, and feeling good doing it, just made me feel kind of small.”
“Whaddaya mean, ‘small’? Didja know we got a report from those free district leaders you took with you?”
“Huh? What’d it say?”
“That you weren’t afraid of the Exinov one bit, and you said exactly what needed to be said. Thanks to you, that Exinov who had always looked down on the Nurabehn saw ’em as people for the first time.”
Saybil furrowed his brow a little. “Well, if that’s how they felt, then…I’m glad…I guess.”
“Yo, Hort. Why doncha tell Saybil what you woulda done if you’d been in his shoes?”
“Well, first I woulda stripped him naked and paraded him around the square, duh!” cried Hort, shooting up from where she lay with a surge of enthusiasm. “And then, and then, I’d only negotiate with him after he begged for three full days and nights to pleez give him a chance. Oh, and then, just when it seemed like the negotiations might work out in his favor, I’d be like, ‘Y’know, I changed my mind,’ and run him out of town! And of course, the whole time we’d be going ahead with an election behind the scenes to pick a new leader. Whatcha think?” Hort’s eyes were sparkling.
Saybil was more than a little put off. “Huh? Before you said you’d want to, but now you’re saying you would?”
“Hm? Oh, uh huh.”
“But isn’t that kind of a waste of time…?”
“It’d be fun for me, though!”
“Wagh!”
This was a “Wagh!” freighted with experience. Then: “Though if thou must know, I would arrange a slightly more dramatic production, were I in thy place.” It was Loux Krystas, her face poking out from under the roof on which they sat.