“Ah, what… No, th-that’s… Wait, no! It has to be proper! Clear! I can’t know what he really means based on that comment!” I stammered.
“Hmmm…” Lysteinn pondered as he pursed his lips.
Yes, it needs to be proper… I’ll have to ask him when he’s sober. Maybe he just said it by mistake in a drunken stupor.
I sank into my chair and downed the new glass of booze Lysteinn had brought me; I couldn’t tell what it tasted like.
Why? I said I’d never remarry. But…maybe it’d be okay if it’s with Marcus. But I shouldn’t get my hopes up! If I end up disappointed by this, I’ll be back drowning myself in booze again. Besides, Marcus has two daughters and adopted twins. Is he expecting me to be their stepmother when I’ve never had children? Tinaris and Nakona grew up just fine without a mother! They have a great father! What would introducing me as their mother achieve at this point? Huh?!
Is it because those twins don’t have a mother…? But Marcus has already raised young kids up to adulthood. Why would he look for a stepmother now? I can’t imagine he’d want me for that…
“…You really need to talk to her about this properly, Marcus…” Lysteinn said into the ether, his expression blank.
Why…?
✦ ✦ ✦
♣♣♣
MUCH to my surprise, the proposal was serious. I talked to Marcus about it the next day and he said as much. I couldn’t imagine why he’d want a charmless woman approaching her late thirties. But my parents permitted the union with surprising ease, and my brothers all said they approved of Marcus.
Apparently, my fourth brother had told them when he visited the family. He’d also told us there were rumors that Rondered’s wife—Marcus’ ex—was flirting with other men at social events.
Of course, since she was a commoner, most nobles would only care enough for one-night flings. I figured she knew that perfectly well.
Yet, my fourth brother said she was looking for a third husband! She was going to dump Rondered after cheating on Marcus to marry him! And that’s despite her having a child with Rondered already. My brother then revealed that she actually approached him, unaware that he was my older brother. It was almost impressive how brazen she was.
“Goes without saying,” he went on, “but no noble House will want anything to do with a woman that age and with that kind of marriage history. If she’s really going to break up with Rondered, her only options are to go to retired nobles who already gave up on the headships of their family and try to take away what assets they have. Is she really going to leave Rondered for that?”
“Does Rondered know about this…?” I asked.
“I think he does… He’s basically holding on by a thread, too. He thought his political standing was firm enough after Father turned his back on him. But he was wrong. That’s a common mistake upstart nobles make. It’s clear he doesn’t understand why Father arranged for him to marry you.”
There was no point even thinking about it. But if Rondered and I had had even a single child, things would’ve been very different. De Marl was run by the nobility and they only came from a few different Houses. Only knight captains and vice-captains had social mobility, and their opinions were taken into consideration under the justification of them being fresh minds that brought on a new perspective.
The nobility were decided by family names and pedigree. If one wanted to enter that scene, joining those families through matrimony was the quickest way. My mother’s family was one such noble house.
Rondered wished to become a noble, so he’d become captain of the Crimson Knights. But now, he hardly had any political voice, all because he’d divorced me and married a commoner woman instead. And another man’s wife at that. A noble family’s bloodline mattered more than noble status in this country. Without noble ties, Rondered was just an upstart commoner. And it was overlooking this reality that was Rondered’s mistake.
His action marked him as a man who made light of bonds between different noble houses. His child with his current wife would end up going back to the streets or become a servant to low-ranking nobles at best. There were schools for commoners too. But noble academies required invitations from one’s grandparents. This was common knowledge in high society. But since he’d never had children with me, Rondered didn’t know this.
While I’d been at war, he was brazen enough to try and enroll his child in the Lords and Ladies Academy and had been shameless enough to request an invitation from my father. This story made Rondered the laughingstock of social dinners for a while. And that led to his commoner second wife falling out of love with him and getting wrapped up in young noblemen’s bedsheets before being promptly sent away the morning after.
High society loves scandals. While there was never any shortage of those, Rondered and his wife were a constant source of juicy gossip.
Since Rondered’s child was innocent in all of this, I’d asked my grandfather to let them be enrolled upon his recommendation. This wasn’t seen as a good idea, though.
“The child was only let into the academy on the mercy of a discarded ex-wife.” “House Avide’s stubborn oaf of a daughter still holds feelings for the husband that threw her away.”
Such were the rumors whispered about me. But mostly the former, either because I was a state alchemist or because of House Avide’s reputation. Or both. But I didn’t care what people said—the child wasn’t at fault. Their future was uncertain, so I wanted them to be given an education. Even if they weren’t mine. Even if they were the spawn of the man who’d betrayed me…
Looking at Nakona and Tinaris had shown me how children can carve their own paths in life. I saw firsthand just how special those two were. “Special” was an understatement: one was now the Holy Woman and the other the chosen wife of the Elf of the Sun!
…If Marcus could raise those girls as a single dad…maybe he really will cherish me for the rest of my life.
“I think we can believe Marcus Ril wouldn’t do anything like that,” my brother said. “He’s the kind of man who’d throw his future away to protect the Holy Woman. And I think he was interested in you since his days as a knight, even with no obligations on your side.”
“Yes. Marcus, he…he never saw me as a noble,” I said.
“A man without ulterior motives. Well, I can’t say you marrying a commoner isn’t concerning…”
“That’s fine by me, but…if anything, I think I’m the problem here,” I reflected.
“I lived my entire life as a noble and a knight, you know? So…I don’t know how to do things like cooking, or cleaning, or sewing… Things a wife is supposed to know…”
“You’re not wrong!” my brother grinned.
You don’t have to affirm my worries here, you know! It just makes me sad…especially because it’s true.
“But he said he wants you anyway, right?”
“Yes. He told me he can cook and clean for us. And his daughters can sew. He actually said he’d need new clothes, what with so many politicians coming to see his daughter, the Holy Woman. He said he was hoping our family could help.”
“Yes, I understand,” Father said. “But Lysteinn tells me he proposed to you in a moment of emotional, drunken outburst. Well…if that’s what happened, we’ll lend you all the help we can offer to support your wedding. After all, Rondered wanted to take advantage of our family the whole time.”
“Yes…”
Father had liked Rondered back then and had voluntarily set up our marriage. That said, I’d had feelings for Rondered too, so I’d gone along with it.
“Besides,” my dad chortled, “our family certainly would profit from having a relation to the Holy Woman. Marcus has been stubbornly refusing all the invitations from De Marl’s nobles, after all…”
“Father!”
“Dad!”
Ugh… Now might be a good time to leave and hurry back to Deshmel. Yes…go home to Deshmel… Well, I mean I’m already home! I’m just leaving for Deshmel. Yet…it feels like I’ll be going home…to Marcus. Do…do I really belong by his side? Ahhh!
“Thanks to you, our influence over the Senate will skyrocket.” My father winked. “You caught yourself a fine man, Licorice.”
“That’s what you were thinking…?” I groaned.
“I know, I know… Neither of you considered that, did you? We haven’t been able to adjust our schedules to all be here until now. But we should be able to find the time now. Make sure to bring him along next time you come home.”
“I will…”
Marcus did mention he needs to drop by and meet my family. Though I feel bad about him having to contend with all my brothers at once…
“…We—” Dad began in a morose tone.
“Yes?”
“We put you through all that pain because I really…trusted Rondered. I’m so sorry you suffered because of us.”
“That’s not your fault, Father. When I burned my face,” I touched my now healed cheek, “it was really just my inexperience and recklessness…”
Rondered really had had potential. Regardless of my father’s backing, he rose to his captaincy on his own merit. He worked hard to get to where he was. I knew that. I didn’t want anyone to deny that, even my father.
“The timing was just…off,” I went on, shrugging. “For me. For Marcus. For Rondered. For Marcus’ ex-wife. But that’s not the case this time. You don’t need to feel guilty over that.”
“Timing, you say…”
“Yes.”
“…Hmm.”
I know I probably made you worry a great deal, Father. And now I’ll do so all over again. But…I’m far happier than I used to be. And honestly…I’m starting to believe Marcus and I can become the husband and wife I always dreamed of. Of course…with four stepkids, it won’t exactly be what I imagined. But I already love those kids. So long as we keep holding onto each other, and he’s always by my side, I’ll be fine. Just like my parents were.
“I’ll be back soon,” I said as I left the estate later that day.
“Yes, we’ll be waiting for you,” my mother said.
“Keep your brothers up to date, too,” my dad said.
“Hehe, I will…” I laughed as I turned away and left through the gates.
Come what may, I’ll always have somewhere to go home to. So…I’ll be fine.