Chapter 5

“Ahem, I apologize… I did indeed see the carriage, only it was not I who attacked it. I simply spoke up afterward, but the survivors fled…” Bash remained calm and answered her evenly, as a proud orc warrior should. That was another one of the “how to be popular with human women” rules Zell had taught him. Rule Number Three: Act Dignified and Manly. “Don’t lie to me!” “I’m not lying. I saw the carriage being besieged by bugbears. I was simply passing by, so I chased off the bugbears.” “And do you have any proof of that?” “I have none. But I swear it is true, on the name of the Orc King, Nemesis!” “Huh?” The knight seemed visibly staggered by Bash’s proud declaration. Swearing on the Orc King’s name was very serious. To do so in support of a lie was a crime punishable by death. The only orcs who could make such a claim were the most exalted of all warriors, greater than the greatest of war chiefs. In other words, it was a declaration uttered only by the manliest, most noble and honorable of orcs. Such an orc, upon making this kind of proclamation, would be sure to receive looks of admiration from the younger orcs and would be taken very seriously indeed. Bash gazed at the surprised-looking knight, smiling internally. That takes care of that! he told himself. But the female knight knew nothing of the orc customs. Her discomfort came from the difficulty she was now facing in continuing to assign blame to such a brazen liar of an orc. “The survivors said an orc approached them and attempted to impregnate them.” “The practice of mating with other species without consent has been outlawed by the Orc King. I was simply checking to see if I had their consent.” “There’s no way they’d ever consent to doing that with you!” “I knew I had to ask first, and so I did. I later learned that in human culture, it is very difficult to obtain consent when requesting to mate with a woman shortly after meeting her.” The knight blinked wildly at the orc, who continued to speak of ridiculous things in such a cool, prideful manner. She had never met such a confident, well-spoken orc in her life. The only orcs she’d ever known were the rogue ones who’d been cast out of their own country. Those rogue orcs, upon setting eyes on the female knight, would immediately start threatening to violate and impregnate her, using the foulest language. Then, upon being questioned, they would dissolve into boiling fits of rage. She’d never even been able to have a civilized conversation with an orc before. “You… You dirty, good-for-nothing orc! Fine, so you were just passing by… But you forgot to mention that you ransacked the carriage before you left!” “Hmm…” The lady knight’s accusation had Bash in a bind. It was true he had taken something from the carriage. Although, to be precise, it was not something he had taken, but rather someone… “Indeed, I did retrieve—” “So you admit it! I’m arresting you for theft!” “Hmm…” “J-just hold on a minute, will ya?” Zell zoomed in between Bash and the knight and hovered there in the air. “You’re talking about me, right? Yes, I was in the carriage! Poor me! Captured and bottled by humans! But you know, it’s totally forbidden for humans to capture fairies and trade them like slaves! I was smuggled goods! And all this fine orc did was rescue me. Now you’re arresting him for theft? Where’s the justice?!” “Wh-what?” The knight looked deeply concerned. Fairy smuggling was indeed a serious crime. So the carriage was transporting a captured fairy, and the orc had rescued it. But theft was still theft, whether the goods had been smuggled or not, right? In fact, wouldn’t this mean the orc was actually guilty of being in possession of stolen goods? But it seemed like the fairy had decided to accompany the orc of its own free will. There was no guarantee the fairy was even telling the truth, though. Perhaps it was spinning her a yarn? Fairies made up stories as naturally as they breathed. “Uh…” The situation had become entirely too complicated. The knight bit her lip, eyes darting back and forth as she mulled it all over. Then she made up her mind. “At any rate, you’re going to come with us!” “Sounds good to me,” Bash responded without even blinking. Zell was the one who was surprised. Turning in midair, the fairy gazed at Bash, perplexed, jerking a thumb over their shoulder at the knight and then flailing their limbs questioningly. The knight also seemed shocked by how easily Bash had agreed to accompany her. “Are you sure about this, Boss? She’s being awful disrespectful to you!” Generally speaking, an orc would never agree to go along with the enemy quietly. If Bash had been given the same order back in the orc country, he’d have whipped out his sword, bared his tusks, and growled Bring it on! before you could say orc. But Bash had his trip’s objective to think about. Discarding his virginity. Preferably, with a woman he found attractive. And if she was a virgin, too, then all the better. “I’m happy to oblige!” Bash considered the woman in front of him. A blond, spirited-looking female knight. Beautiful and definitely his type. But he didn’t know if she was a virgin or not. Or if she was married. But despite the look of distaste on her face as she glared at him, she hadn’t yet run off screaming. No, in fact…she wanted him to go with her. If he did, then at least that would give him more opportunity to engage her in conversation. If he refused to go, then their acquaintance would end here. Violence would ensue, and if he ended up being driven from the town, then he would probably never see her again. When he weighed it all up like that, there was no good reason to deny her request. In battle, you often only got one chance to make it back alive. Until now, Bash had never missed a single one of those chances. He was quick to make up his mind. “F-fine, then. Put him in handcuffs! We’re taking him away!” “Hmm…” And so Bash allowed himself to be arrested. Only four hours had passed since he first made it to Krassel, and already things had taken a rather dramatic turn.