Chapter Player.2 Lucemia, Labyrinth of Death and Rebirth Gods’ Games We Play 1 The gods on high invited humans to play in the gods’ games. The chosen humans became apostles, and they could enter the superior spiritual realm known as Elements. By jumping through a Divine Gate. When Fay and his companions did just that, they found themselves in a space with a vast collection of monitors flashing all kinds of colors. So many monitors, in fact, there were screens shaping the entire space. “Oh, I remember this!” Pearl said, looking around. “This is where they asked us to pick our dungeon difficulty. I think it was right over there…” She pointed. In that very spot, a golden sword floated alongside some explanatory text. Save item: Lionheart. Brave adventurers. Welcome back to the field of battle. The Lionheart—that was the dropped item they’d gotten from the raid boss, the Sleeping Lion. As Fay and the others watched, the golden sword drifted slowly into a stone base. Everything went fuzzy for a second, and then— They were standing in a large, round room. The floor was as hard as concrete. The wall was ringed with candleholders, hundreds of them. “This is where we fought the Sleeping Lion. I guess this is our new respawn point,” Nel said, but she sounded like she didn’t like the sound of that. She looked around at the wall of the Execution Grounds, studying it. “Does the color of the wall look funny to you?” The color did seem to have changed. The wall had taken on an unpleasant speckled appearance, like something rotten or corroded. It was the same effect on the floor and ceiling. The wall itself looked almost as if it was covered with mold. “Master Fay… Did the Execution Grounds always look like this?” “Sure didn’t. The wall used to be just an ashen gray. I’m worried about whether this is an intentional part of the game or not,” Fay said. It was clear to everyone that the look of the room had changed. If this is an intentional thing, what activated it? Is it because we went back to reality? Or because we defeated the raid boss? Creak… The door began to open. Behind Fay, Leshea was pushing the door of the Execution Grounds open from the inside. “Hey, Fay… Whatever this is, I think it affected the entire labyrinth. It’s not just the Execution Grounds.” The hallway on the far side of the door had the same sickly appearance. It wasn’t just the hallway, either. The sky visible through the windows was a vivid red, like fresh blood. “Wh-why did it do this?! It’s like… Don’t the colors sort of make you think the difficulty level went up?” Pearl asked. “Yeah, they do,” Nel said with a nod. “If this change really has affected the entire labyrinth, then I think Master Fay is right—I think it’s part of the game. It would make sense if the difficulty increased.” They found themselves faced with a harsh reality: They understood almost nothing about this game. “Great! Well, come on, Tiny Human!” Uroboros clapped her hands, exuding innocent cheerfulness. She was still wearing her trademark Undefeated T-shirt. She pointed at the door. “Let’s get going!” “……” Fay, however, didn’t say anything. “Hmm? Tiny Human? Hello?” “Oh. Yeah. I’m just sort of surprised. I thought you’d probably be all, ‘I myself shall take the fore!’” He hadn’t expected her to let him be the leader. After all, the whole reason Uroboros had joined them was so they could “smash this maze” and go play her game instead. Uroboros is like a walking cheat code. Since the labyrinth is fatally bugged anyway, I thought she might just try to force her way through. But she showed no sign of that. That’s what had surprised Fay. “Hmm? Well, I am undefeated, after all!” Uh-huh. As if that was remotely relevant at this moment. That’s what everyone must have been thinking, but Uroboros showed no sign of noticing as she puffed out her chest confidently. “There are no special rules to speak of. Not even when a god horns in on another god’s game!” “Oh. Really?” “However! The gods think up these games and excitedly wait for humans to come play them. So it sort of takes the fun out of it if another god interferes, right?” Uroboros bent down and picked up a pebble from the ground, then flung it at the wall. She aimed straight for the blotchy pattern. “Are you pantomiming playing darts?” “Imagine if the game master, a god—imagine if they invited some humans to play darts. They’re all excited. But then some other god shows up uninvited and blows the target to smithereens with a hand grenade and is all, ‘You don’t even have a target to throw at anymore—I win!’ Where’s the fun in that?” Gods breaking other gods’ games. Uroboros had a power like the god in her analogy—she’d come from outside the rules framework of this game and could claim victory by effectively “blowing up the target.” However… “But what would be the point of winning like that? Boring. Right?” Uroboros grinned. She looked downright mischievous. “So gods make it their business to interfere in other gods’ games as little as possible. I’m gonna play this game, sure, but I’m not going to break the rules, okay?” “Magnificent!” Nel cried, overwhelmed. “Mistress Undefeated, I’m so moved by what you’ve just said. This is the true spirit of one who loves games!” “Hee-hee! I mean, I guess.” “In other words, when you defeated that boss, the Sleeping Lion, you didn’t use your godly powers then, either! You somehow managed that eighty quadrillion damage within the rules of the game!” Nel continued. “……” There was a very long silence from Uroboros. “Hrm? Why do you turn your face away, Mistress Undefeated?” “That was… Well, that mutt interrupted me, and I just kind of…” “Mistress Undefeated?!” Then… Before the conversation could go any further, there was a fluttering of wings overhead. “Many welcomes! So good to have you back.” A small, light-pink sprite floated down from overhead. “I have been entrusted with giving the explanation of this game by our divine master. I am—” “A li’l pink bug sprite!” Pearl exclaimed. “—a meep,” the meep continued. “I am not a bug.” The meep clapped its hands, smoothly dismissing Pearl’s chosen designation. “Now, let’s dive right in. Things are bad! While you were away, pow! Presto! The dungeon went into Mausoleum Mode!” Ahh. Nobody standing there was surprised to hear this. It had been obvious something had happened to the Execution Grounds, as well as the rest of the dungeon. “Now, you may be wondering what sort of transformation this is…” “Oh! You don’t have to tell us—we already know,” Pearl interrupted. “The unsettling color of the walls! The blood red sky! Such a disturbing direction in dungeon design can only mean one thing. The difficulty has just taken a huge jump, and we know it!” “Oh, the fresh décor is just for a change of pace.” “What?! That’s all?!” “You’ll notice some minor differences in the monsters that appear, but you’re going to be slaughtered hundreds of times anyway. Just consider them to be within the margins of error.” “You think you can brush this away with margins of error?!” “All right, then!” The meep pointed to the empty air, which promptly filled with a board displaying familiar text. “Allow me to offer our returnees a review of the rules.” Divine Lucemia labyrinth 1. Your objective is to defeat the final boss in the innermost chamber. (When the final door opens and you escape the labyrinth, you win.) 2. The maze is full of monsters, tricks, and traps that you’ll have to navigate to advance. 3. Items throughout the labyrinth will help you on your journey. 4. Two or more items can be combined to craft a better item. Additionally, only one item may be carried in the right hand and one in the left (for a total maximum of two items). 5. Your initial game stats are based on each individual’s real abilities. (Note: There are limits for those who selected PMD mode.) 6. The respawn system allows you to retry any number of times. Respawn occurs when any team member is deemed dead. Be careful! Upon respawning, you lose any acquired items, while defeated bosses and cleared traps are reset to their original state. Exactly the same as it had been before. The dungeon might be in Mausoleum Mode, but this didn’t seem to have affected the tutorial text. “By the way, I’m curious about your unlock percentages. You’re at… Let’s see, here…” The meep pointed just above the head of the nearest player, Pearl. A number appeared, down to a single decimal point: 6.5. “Ooh, not bad, not bad. You can drive that number up by clearing the labyrinth’s tricks and traps, so one way to enjoy the game is by shooting for that elusive hundred percent. This number could be called a measure of your passion for this labyrinth!” “Yeah, so we’ve heard,” Pearl said, staring at the number over her head. “But you said this is just for our own satisfaction, right?” “Yes!” “It really doesn’t matter at all, right?!” “That’s why the number doesn’t reset even if you respawn.” Pearl’s unlock percentage vanished, whereupon the meep turned to address them all once more. “Best of luck on your journey to one hundred percent completion! Incidentally, you may choose your respawn point at any time—either the Execution Grounds here or the dungeon antechamber. If you wish to make a change, just shout for me.” “Sure. We will,” Fay said, nodding at the sprite. Something still felt the slightest bit off. Why? Why was this meep so forthright in urging them to completely clear the labyrinth? It shouldn’t be possible to do that. The final boss is dead. This game is broken! “Ahh well. Only one way to be sure.” “Ready to set out? Then step through this newly opened door!” The meep pointed at a door that had opened upon the defeat of the Sleeping Lion, on the far side of the Execution Grounds. “See you next time!” “You mean when we die and respawn, don’t you?!” Pearl shouted. Leaving the meep and its portentous farewell behind, they went through the far door. And there they found… …a hallway that seemed to pulsate, extending onward for what seemed like forever. The floor was a mosaic of red and black. The red lines throbbed like blood vessels, spidering up onto the walls. The pillars dotting the hallway looked like they were covered in black mold. “This is sooooo grossss!” said Pearl, jumping back when she saw the pulsating floor. “It’s like we’re inside some gigantic living creature! What happened to the pretty dungeon?! It never looked anything like this!” “Yeah. Not a big fan of the design aesthetics here,” Nel said, taking a cautious step into the hallway. The blood-vessel-like things might pump and throb, but it didn’t seem to matter if anyone stepped on them. “I guess it’s safe. I was ready for blood to spray everywhere and kill us all when I stepped on this thing.” “That’s an awful thing to be ready for!” “The point is, we have to keep moving. Master Fay, I’ll take point.” “You’re sure?” “My Arise makes me extremely good at evading. Just let me handle any traps that pop up.” So Nel went in front, with Fay and Leshea behind her. Pearl came behind them, and Uroboros brought up the rear as they walked down the hallway. However… Uroboros could hardly be expected to just put up with that order and walk quietly along. “Hoh! So this is how it feels to play a game as a human. Ooh, what’s this?” It hadn’t taken her long to find something. She skipped over (adorable!), breaking away from the line to investigate something on the wall. “What are you doing, Miss Undefeated?” Pearl asked. “There’s a golden button on this wall, Chesty.” “A button… Very suspicious. Don’t go pressing it, okay? First we have to make very, very sure there aren’t any traps around.” “Poke!” “You pressed it! You didn’t even hesitaaaaaate!” There was an unmissable whoosh, and the walls split open, spraying red mist at them. “Oops!” Uroboros managed to dodge the mist even at point-blank range. Instead, it drifted through the air, straight for the girl behind her. “Look out, Chesty!” “Huh? Yaaaaaaaaarrrrghhhh!” The mist scored a direct hit on Pearl, settling around her head. She pressed her hands to her eyes and collapsed. “My eyeeeees! Argh, it hurts! What is this, pepper spray?!” Just getting the stuff near her eyes was enough to blind her, apparently. The silver lining, such as it was, was that this apparently didn’t induce a respawn, but if Pearl continued to suffer like this, she was going to wish it had. “I knew it! This is something new!” Leshea said, her eyes widening. “They plan to whittle down the players’ sanity with cruel little tricks like this and the whole creepy-vibe thing. And that’s before we even get to the real traps and monsters. We better be careful, Fay.” “Yeah. I’m betting there’s going to be more traps than before.” “Enough philosophizing, do something about my eyes! Argh…” Pearl continued to rub her eyes vigorously. “No more pressing suspicious buttons, you understand, Miss Undefeated?” “I daresay I didn’t do anything.” “You pressed the stupid button! I was watching you!” “…Shh! Everyone be quiet!” Nel hissed. There it was: ka-clink. It was coming from down the hall, from the direction of an intersection farther down the seemingly infinite hallway. A sound like a bell, the kind of thing you might hear in a horror movie. “Welp. Already got a bad feeling about this,” Fay said, smiling dryly in spite of himself. Whatever that bell was, he didn’t think it was another player. Most likely, it was some kind of monster. Furthermore, it struck him as unlikely that some minor enemy would announce itself with a noise like that, almost as if it was saying, I’m coming… Were they already facing an area boss like the Golden Puffball? “Nel! I th-think you’d b-better drop back,” Pearl said, taking her own advice and edging away. “You’re right. Discretion might be the better part of valor here.” Nel joined her, putting some distance between herself and the sound. They watched the intersection, fixated on the corner, the ka-clink, ka-clink drawing ever closer until it was nearly right in front of them… “Pui!” A small figure wearing a pointy, broad-brimmed hat appeared. It was so cute! It was probably about half Fay’s height, with long eyelashes and long, rabbitlike ears. It had a flat nose like a cat’s. It somehow exuded youthfulness; it was like a sprite out of a child’s story. “Oh my gosh, it’s adorable!” Pearl exclaimed. “L-look at that precious face—it’s like a toy! I can’t believe an enemy would be so cute! If it is our enemy, it can do anything it wants to us! I’ve already forgiven it!” “Pui?” The little creature turned to face Pearl, who was bearing down on it, breathing hard. “Haah… haah… Maybe I can just touch its little ears…” “Puiiiii?!” the little figure exclaimed and jumped up. Ka-clink! Ka-clink! It swung its staff, which had a bell on it, and raced off. “Aww! The Pui-Pui Spirit ran away,” Pearl said. “I’m not sure which of you is the monster… Hrm? Wait, Pearl!” Nel said. A new foe stood before them. It was a small thing; it didn’t even come up to Pearl’s knees. It had a fluffy, round body—it was one of those creatures they knew was among the weakest enemies in the dungeon. “A puffball?” Pearl said, rubbing her eyes. Not because the pepper spray was still bothering her—she was simply surprised to see it there. “Puuufff!” The normally brownish fur was a moldy greenish-blue. Its voice sounded parched, and most notably of all, it reeked like rotten trash. You could almost call it a Zombie Puffball. “Oh no! A poor, adorable puffball reduced to this awful state?” Nel exclaimed. Even she couldn’t hide her shock. That was when the Zombie Puffball jumped at them. “Puuufff!” “Hrk?! Wait… It doesn’t hurt?” Nel discovered she was unbothered by the Zombie Puffball’s attack. The change was purely cosmetic. It turned out to be no more dangerous than the average puffball. “Hrm. So only its look changed. It may stink, but it’s no threat to our adventure. What a sorry sight it is, though. I wonder if we could change it back somehow… Hmm? What’s wrong, Puffball?” The Zombie Puffball had started shaking. Nel bent down to give it a hug… “Bleeeggghhh!” It vomited all over her, expelling a stream of filthy, thick stomach juice that smelled like garbage. “Eeeyaaahhhh! My clothes are covered in zombie spew!” Nel cried, leaping backward—but it was too late. The entire top half of her was covered in green goo. “Nel, you stink!” Pearl said. “No! It’s not me, it’s these stomach juices!” “Bleeeggghhh!” “It threw up again! On the floor this time?” This time, the bile landed on the floor. It didn’t appear to harm anything, but it stank to high heaven. Plus, it looked awful. So Fay made an executive decision to run past the thing. “Don’t bother with it. Let’s go!” The Pui-Pui Spirit (name by Pearl) had already fled, and the Zombie Puffball didn’t move quickly. It didn’t appear to have any impact except for its stench and the filth it spewed out, so they just had to leave it behind. “Puuufff!” “Oh no, it’s coming after us!” Pearl sighed as they set off down the hallway as fast as they could. “Nel, turn right at the next intersection!” “Do you have a plan, Master Fay?!” “That’s where the Pui-Pui Spirit went! There might be something there!” “Got it!” Nel said, speeding along at the head of their formation. They no longer sensed the Zombie Puffball behind them; maybe it had gotten tired and given up. “Huff… huff… I think we lost it, somehow,” Pearl said, her shoulders heaving. Then, however, she coughed violently. “Urk… I can’t take a deep breath. You smell too bad, Nel.” “I told you, it’s not me, it’s the stench of the puffball’s vomit!” “Which is all over you, which means eventually you’re going to start smelling like it!” “Don’t say that, Pearl! Ugh, let’s just get going!” Nel pointed ahead, almost desperate. She took a big step, ready to speed off down the hall, when Leshea said, “Hey, what’s that door?” She was pointing down the hall to the left. There was an ornate silver door with gold along the edges, the entire thing sparkling like a work of art in its own right. Flowing letters on the door said TREASURE HALL. “Look at this! If this room isn’t designed for a special event, nothing is!” Pearl said, running up to it. It did feel similar to the Execution Grounds, the room that had contained the Sleeping Lion. An event was waiting on the other side of that door, no doubt about it. When Pearl grabbed the handle, though, there was only a thunk and a scraping of metal. “Huh?! This door won’t open—it’s locked!” “So I guess we need a key,” Fay said. They shouldn’t have been surprised the door was locked. This dungeon didn’t just give progress away. If it had just been sitting there open, Fay would have suspected a trap. “My guess is the key to the Treasure Hall is somewhere back the way we came. I’m curious about that Pui-Pui Spirit—maybe it drops the key.” “You don’t think that Zombie Puffball might be waiting for us, Master Fay?” “It probably is. We’ll have to explore everywhere we can.” It was time to fall back. Just as they were about to set off again, a dazzling light appeared above their heads. “Ah! Little lost sheep?” The light spread across the ceiling, forming a circle much like one of Pearl’s warp portals. From the circle descended a humanoid monster with wings on its back. “I am the angel Pizarisdet Prinkethyumeriquelbrilliant III, the most loving and compassionate being in this labyrinth. I am known for bringing salvation to those who wander.” “Ho-hoh!” Pearl said, her eyes gleaming. “Your name is so long! May I call you Angel Pizaprin?!” “But of course.” The angel smiled radiantly; at the sight, everyone but Pearl felt a distinct shock. “It actually agreed to Pearl’s nickname?!” Fay said. “What a terrible name… This isn’t just any angel!” Leshea added. “It said it’s the most compassionate angel in the labyrinth, and it looks like it was telling the truth,” said Nel. “O! Truly, fate has smiled upon you all,” Angel Pizaprin said, spreading its hands. “For I am a messenger of good fortune. I shall grant you one wish that shall be to your rescue. What do you desire? Only speak, and it shall be yours.” “Y-you really mean it, Angel Pizaprin?! Then give us the key to this door that won’t open!” “It is done. For to me, nothing is impossible.” The angel waved its staff—but then it froze. It stared intently down at them, and then its expression began to shift even as they watched, growing hard and dangerous. “Wh-what’s going on, Angel Pizaprin?” “Such impurity…” “Sorry?” “You! Yes, you two, right there!” The angel pointed to Nel and Pearl. Nel was still covered in the filth and stink from the Zombie Puffball, while Pearl’s face was stained red from the pepper spray. “I shall grant your true wish. That is, purification!” “What? But we haven’t—” “Be you reborn with pure souls!” There was a flash of light from the angel’s staff, whipping up to a whirlwind of brightness before they could blink. The angel used Purify. The two polluted ones were eliminated. Their vision went black. Then they respawned. When they came to, the five of them were back at the Execution Grounds. “““………””” Everyone was quiet for a moment. Finally, Nel said, “So that’s how it works. If you’ve got Zombie Puffball vomit all over you, the angel gets mad at you and wipes your party.” After another long pause, Pearl muttered, “You really did stink, Nel.” “Hey, I wasn’t the only problem! The angel said it was the two of us! The two of us!” It wasn’t just Fay and his party who were experiencing the Mausoleum Mode of the Lucemia labyrinth. “What the hell is going on here?!” bellowed a team leader at the head of a group of a dozen or so apostles. She was looking down a hallway that pulsed with what appeared to be veins, and the sky outside was as red as if the end of the world were at hand. The young woman was Camilla, leader of Archangel (motto: The great angels). She had wavy brown hair, and her glasses gave her an intellectual vibe—but at that moment, Camilla had been all but robbed of her wits by the sound that crept nearer and nearer. Ka-clink… They could hear it, somewhere down the hallway, but it echoed so crazily that they didn’t know if it was coming from in front or behind them. They didn’t know which way to run. “Leader!” one of the other apostles called. “It’s right on top of us—keep up your guard!” said another. Swallowing hard, Camilla and her subordinates stared at the intersection—and then an adorable little figure in a pointy hat appeared. “Pui?” it said. Then it turned toward them. Oh, shoot. “W-wait! We’re not scary, I promise! We’re not your enemies. Look! See? We’re not scary at all!” “Puiiiiii?!” The creature screamed when it saw the humans. That’s right: Just like humans were terrified of monsters, some monsters were terrified of humans. So what did this horrified dungeon-dweller do? Ka-clink! Ka-clink! It started running, shaking its staff at them as if to say, Take this! And this! “Crap, watch out! They’re coming right for us!” “Everybody, run!” Camilla instructed. They had to get out of there, fast. No sooner had she had the thought, though, than Camilla felt a rumbling and countless presences coming up behind her. Down the hallway, an immeasurable swarm of furballs that were a bluish-greenish, mossy color came like an avalanche, crashing toward them. Dozens and dozens of Zombie Puffballs. “““Puuufff!””” “I’m so sick of thiiiiiiis!” Camilla fled the Zombie Puffballs at top speed. The Pui-Pui Spirit might not look like much, but it possessed a terrible power: When it saw humans, it waved its Staff of Summoning to call forth up to fifty random monsters. “Puuufff!” “Hyah! Time for you to freeze!” Camilla said, using Frostbite. A bullet of ice went flying at the Zombie Puffballs as they bounced down the hallway, slamming straight into one. It was driven to the ground, but it popped right back up. It was a zombie—so it could come back to life. It wasn’t just Camilla’s magic—her teammates with Superhuman Arises had tried everything they could, beating and kicking the creatures, but they just couldn’t defeat them. This was Mausoleum Mode. It wasn’t just the appearance of the dungeon that had changed. Every monster in the labyrinth had evolved into newer, more dangerous forms. “The Zombie Puffballs come back no matter how many times you knock them down! How are we supposed to make any progress like this?!” “We’re supposed to be the rescue team, ma’am, but it looks like we’re stuck here with everyone else now,” one of the apostles said. “Did I ask you for analysis and commentary?! Argh! Dammit, Dax, you said you were busy, so I came here instead! If I never get to go home again, I’m gonna really hate you!” Camilla was cursing out the foremost apostle in the Mal-ra branch office. This wasn’t really Dax’s fault, mostly, but she needed some way to blow off steam or she was going to go insane. “I can’t spend the rest of my life down here!” Camilla wailed. “This was the year I was going to have a date at the beach with my darling boyfriend, and we were going to have an awesome barbecue and everything!” “I think you need to find a boyfriend first for that to work.” “…What did you just say?” “Nothing, ma’am!” “Arrrgh! Somebody help us! Let them be a passerby, let it be my destined one, let it be a miracle, I don’t care! …Fay! Where the hell is Fay?!” she exclaimed; the next person to come into her head after Dax was that boy from another city. Ever since the Sunsteal Scramble with the Sun God Mahtma II, he had been one of the people she trusted most to help her in a jam. Wasn’t Fay supposed to be somewhere in this labyrinth with one of the rescue teams? “All right, forget about Dax! Where are you, Fay, and what are you doing?!” “Great question!” Clack. There was a sharp sound of a shoe scraping against the floor, and a young man in a black coat appeared from down the hallway. He had dull silver hair, sharply defined features, and eyes that conveyed strong willpower. Camilla doubted her eyes when she saw him. “Wait… Dax?! So you are here!” “So I am. I arrived with the second wave of rescue teams.” Dax Gear Scimitar: an apostle of the Mal-ra branch office of the Arcane Court, his dashing good looks and powerful gameplay made him deeply charismatic and had earned him the nickname “the Prince of Games.” “And I’m afraid he’s as meddlesome as ever,” said a young woman who emerged from behind him—Kelritch, a brunette. “We just dove in a little while ago. We were wandering the maze when we heard a scream, so we followed it.” “And whose fault is it that someone was screaming?” Camilla asked. By all rights, Dax should have been leading the original rescue team, but he’d claimed to have other business, so Camilla had been sent in his place. On some level, it was Dax’s fault that she was here suffering now. “All right, whatever. I’m just glad we were able to link up.” She breathed a sigh of relief. Finding friends in this massive labyrinth was beyond good fortune. Except then Dax said, “Camilla. I have something to talk with you about.” “Gee, look who sounds all official.” She couldn’t resist a dig at his unexpectedly formal tone. Dax had about as much confidence—and about as high an opinion of himself—as anyone in the world, so it was unusual to hear him take such a deferential tone. “Don’t worry, I know all about it,” Camilla said. “You were like a poor, lost child in this maze, and just when you were despairing of ever finding human connection again, you came across a redoubtable teammate in the form of yours truly, and you’re so relieved! Now, together, we can—” “Have you seen Fay?” he asked abruptly. “Huh? No, not to speak of. If I had, you think I’d be futzing around in some random corridor?” “Ah. Sorry to interrupt, then.” Dax promptly did an about-face. “Let’s go, Kelritch. I can feel it… The crossroad where I’m destined to meet Fay is just before me.” “You’ve been saying that for the last five hours. We’re lost,” Kelritch remarked. “…Hold it right there, you!” Camilla yelled at the young man as he began to stride away. “This is the part where you’re supposed to tell me how relieved you are to have finally found me and suggest we work together! …Okay, fine! Help me clear this damn maze!” “That’s exactly what I intend to do. I shall turn all my powers upon the rescue of the trapped apostles. However…” Dax turned back around, and Camilla could see his expression was resolute, that of a man possessed of absolute conviction. “Fay and I are the perfect rivals, guided by the destiny of games. We will find each other, no matter where in the world we may be. But I believe destiny is something we carve out for ourselves.” “Meaning…what, exactly?” “Even if destiny does not draw us together, I shall find Fay myself. This is the way—my way! Let us go, Kelritch—onward to our glorious Victory Road!” “But where are you going? Seriously, help us out, here!” Camilla shouted, but with a flourish of his black coat, the Prince of Games proceeded into the labyrinth, toward his “Victory Road.” 2 Back at the Execution Grounds… “Hmm?” “What is it, Fay?” “I thought I just heard someone call my name. Someone familiar. Maybe I’m just imagining things…” This was their new respawn point, but when they looked around, it was only the five of them. “Well, looks like Uroboros is part of the same system,” Fay remarked. “…?” The silver-haired girl gave them a quizzical look at the mention of her name. “What about me, Tiny Human?” “I mean this game. The rule is that if even one member of your team dies, the entire group respawns. Er… I guess what I’m saying is, don’t get too mad if someone screws up.” “Ho-hoh. Very well, very well,” Uroboros said, sounding noticeably enthused. “I see there’s no way around it. You and I are teammates now, Tiny Human, so…yes, no other choice indeed. I am, in general, the rarest of rare gods, the last to be joining anyone’s party. If that’s how the game system works, then I may see fit to simply grin and bear it. Goodness gracious me! You just love me far too much, Tiny Human!” For some reason, she was grinning madly. Fay didn’t really know why, but she seemed to be in excellent spirits. “Hello, and welcome back!” The meep made its appearance. “Oh ho! I see you’ve cleared something else new. You found the pepper spray button down the hall—another of this labyrinth’s wonderful little traps. Because you pressed that button, your unlock percentages have all gone up from 6.5 percent to 6.6!” “This number really, really doesn’t matter at all, right?!” Pearl exclaimed. “Keep reaching for that hundred-percent clear! Do you have any questions?” “That’s very kind of you,” Fay said, and even the meep probably didn’t realize that was sarcasm. “Each time we get wiped, you show up to greet us, encourage us, and even entertain our questions.” “But of course! Such is the duty assigned to me by my divine master.” “You mean the already-dead game master?” “Yes!” “All right, I get it. I don’t have any questions for now. Let’s get on with take two.” They started out from the Execution Grounds, making sure there didn’t seem to be any monsters coming down the hall. “I don’t think we have to worry too much about the way the labyrinth’s look has changed,” Fay said, glancing around at the pulsating walls and ceiling. Then he stared down the hallway again. “But the way the monsters have been updated for Mausoleum Mode—that could be dangerous.” They’d already encountered three different enemy types. The Zombie Puffballs, the Pui-Pui Spirit, and the Angel Pizaprin. All creatures they hadn’t run into before. The tough part is that the monsters have gotten more challenging, Fay thought. They’re connected now. Like, if you had a Zombie Puffball vomit all over you, then Angel Pizaprin got mad. The ties between enemies were growing stronger. “If that Treasure Hall is our next destination, then we’re going to need a key to open the door. And there’s that angel with the really long name to deal with.” “You mean Pizaprin!” Pearl chirped. “Uh… Well, I guess it did say that nickname was okay. Angel Pizaprin works like this: If you get caught in any of the traps on your way to the Treasure Hall, you end up with an event where it gets mad.” For example, if you pressed the pepper spray release button. Or if a Zombie Puffball retched all over you. Those traps didn’t seem to do much besides make you dirty—but they were an indirect one-hit KO. Pearl raised her hand. “Then all we have to do is avoid those Zombie Puffballs and their stomach juices!” Fay shot her a sidelong glance. “That’s one right answer. Okay, Pearl, what else?” “We ignore the pepper spray button. In fact, we ignore anything that looks like it could be an environmental hazard!” “Two right answers. There’s one more.” “Huh? Uh, the… The last one is… Let’s see…” “It must be the Pui-Pui Spirit!” Nel said before Pearl could answer, her eyes going wide. “The bells they carry are so inordinately loud. If we assume those bells are for calling their friends, then we have to avoid being spotted by them!” “Exactly. I think that’s going to be the most important thing, actually.” Ka-clink. No sooner had Fay said this than they heard that very sound from down the hall behind them. “Oh, shoot!” Pearl exclaimed. “Run! Take that corner to the right!” Fay said, and they flung themselves around the nearest intersection, hiding on the right side. It was time for a change of strategy. They would no longer try to defeat the enemies, but sneak past them. Until this point, a brute-force approach had been a possibility, but the game had evolved into something that required wits to survive. “Huff… Huff… I think it’s an awfully high hurdle, not being spotted by anyone!” “I don’t think I hear the Pui-Pui Spirit’s footsteps anymore,” Nel said, peeking around the corner. “I really think I should be in front. Everyone stay one step behind me.” With that, she set off, one careful step at a time. They worked their way forward, sticking to the shadows so they would be hidden from any powerful monsters and wouldn’t repeat the mistakes of last time. “H-how’s it look to you, Nel? You’ll tell us right away if there are any monsters, won’t you?” “It’s not a monster, but…I do hear some kind of strange sound.” Nel stopped for a moment to listen. “It’s a waterfall.” “A waterfall?! Why would you hear a waterfall in the middle of a dungeon?!” Pearl said. The sound of water spraying was coming from the hallway to the left at the intersection. They’d rushed through this spot so fast last time that they must not have noticed. “Master Fay, how should we handle this?” “I think we should see all the environmental gimmicks if we can. If it turns out to be a trap, we can always try again.” You couldn’t be afraid of messing up. Was the waterfall a trap or not? Like the meep had said, even if they died, they would be left with their “experience points,” and that would help them get closer to completing the game. Fwwsshh… The sound grew louder and more defined as they proceeded down the hallway. Soon enough, they could even feel the spray on their faces. Nel followed the sound down the halls and around corners until she stopped and looked up. “It’s a real waterfall!” There it was, cascading down. A massive, almost picturesque column of water falling from a hole in the ceiling, collecting at the bottom—just like the real thing. “That looks about as natural as waterfalls come,” Fay said. “And the water looks clear and clean…” “Look, Fay! Over there!” Leshea pointed to the waterfall basin. On the far side of the tremendous spray, they could just spot what appeared to be a golden chest. “Think it’s some kind of treasure chest?” Fay asked. “Maybe it’s got the key to the Treasure Hall in it. I’m gonna go grab it,” said Leshea. “You sure that’s all right?” “Sure I’m sure! I’ve been wanting to try one of these weird environmental things anyway.” Then Leshea dove into the spray. Her feet disappeared underwater with a splash, but thankfully, the lake was no deeper than her knees. I must admit, I’m surprised. I thought for sure some aquatic monster would jump out at us. Even Leshea had to be careful. By choosing the PMD (Player Must Die) difficulty at the beginning of the game, Leshea’s power had been decreased to that of an ordinary human. They had to be awfully careful about whatever might be living in that pool…but it seemed like nothing was. “You think it’s one of those things where they totally freak you out, but it turns out there’s nothing there?” Pearl asked. “Looks that way, doesn’t it? I guess if you spot the chest hidden by the waterfall, that’s all it takes to clear the area,” Nel said. As the two of them looked on, Leshea arrived at the basin. Hair wet with spray, she held up the treasure chest. “I got it!” “Perfect, Leshea! Now bring it back!” Pearl waved to her. The golden treasure chest gleamed as if to telegraph what an important item lay within it. Oh-so-carefully, Leshea carried it back and set it down in front of them. “I sure hope we find the key to the Treasure Hall in here!” Pearl said. “I don’t know. It might be a super-rare crafted item, or a crafting component,” said Nel. “There are so many things we can dream of! C’mon, Leshea, open the box!” said Pearl. Leshea brushed the lid of the chest with her hand. She lifted it, and they all waited with bated breath… And then, at the exact same moment, they deflated. “Uh, excuse me? What is this? Pieces of cloth?” Pearl looked into the treasure chest, slowly, fearfully. There wasn’t a key to the Treasure Hall inside. But these things didn’t look like some sort of critical crafting component, either. Inside were scraps of cloth—one with a flower pattern, another a dark navy. “Are these handkerchiefs?” Nel asked. “They seem a bit too…three-dimensional for that.” “………No way!” Leshea exclaimed. “You know what they are, Leshea?” asked Pearl. “Yeah! I’m sure of it!” She plunged a hand into the box, then grabbed one of the cloths and showed it to all of them. It had two round, water-resistant bulges on it. “It’s a swimsuit!” she said. “…I’m sorry?” “There’s five of them in here! A game system that can get swimsuits ready for all of us—that’s something else! Oh, this one with the extra-large chest must be for Pearl!” “That’s not a thing! That can’t be a thing!” Pearl wailed, her face flushing furiously. She snatched the swimsuit Leshea held out to her and flung it to the ground. “Why would there be swimsuits in a treasure chest?!” “It’s a clear message: You can enjoy a little bath here!” “Is this supposed to be a joke?!” Pearl’s breath came hard. “First we find an in-your-face environmental detail like a waterfall in a darn dungeon! Where there’s clearly supposed to be some terrifying aquatic monster, but then there isn’t, and then there’s a treasure chest that should obviously contain a key, but instead it’s swimsuits?! How many rugs does this dumb god have to pull out from under us before they’ll be happy?!” “Swimsuits are water-repellent, right? Maybe they could repel the vomit from the Zombie Puffball!” “No, Leshea, definitely not! Just look at the item description,” Pearl said. The item name was “Swimsuit,” and the description said, “Cannot be used in crafting. Can be used when going in the waterfall, but you don’t have to wear it.” Not a very impressive effect. Not very impressive at all. “Let’s go back. Come on, Nel. This area is only here to be mean to us.” “It does look that way… Let’s get our heads back in the game and keep going,” Nel agreed. This direction ended at the waterfall, so they went back to the last turn they had taken and went to the right instead. There were three choices: left, right, and straight ahead. Straight goes to the Treasure Hall, and the left branch brings us to this waterfall, so that leaves us here…the right branch. If there was a key to the Treasure Hall, this was where it would have to be. But something bothered Fay. Yes, process of elimination suggested the key had to be here—but this wasn’t the kind of game that would yield up its secrets by something as simple as process of elimination. “Huh?! Everyone stop!” Nel said, signaling them to halt. Her gaze was fixed on a series of paintings neatly lining the wall. But they weren’t just any paintings—each one showed a bright red apple. “Are those—?!” Pearl said, her face going pale. Any player who had visited this dungeon would recognize them. The apples in this labyrinth were more than just fruit. They were Killer Apples, bathed in the blood of countless human victims. And paintings of them absolutely crammed this dungeon hallway. “I see what’s going on here! Everyone, steer clear of those paintings!” Pearl howled. They moved toward the window side of the hallway, staying away from the left side, which was lined with the paintings. “Those can’t just be pretty pictures! I just know that if you get anywhere near them, a real apple will burst through the canvas and kill you!” “You’re right—Pearl, that’s a good instinct! That’s just the sort of trap they would have in here!” “Right, Leshea?!” Pearl puffed out her chest, full of confidence. Then she herself started walking toward the corridor full of canvases, one slow, vigilant step at a time, working her way down the hallway. “Careful, Pearl. I’m sure you’re right. You never know when an apple might come flying…” Pearl turned toward Nel. “Just leave it to me, N—” The instant she took her eyes off the paintings, there was a riiip, and bright red apples came flying through the canvases, aiming directly at her undefended back. “Pearl, behind you!” “I said, just leave it to me, Fay. Yah!” Pearl dodged neatly, crouching to avoid the first apple. She let her momentum carry her into a roll along the floor, away from the second one. “Huff… Huff! I knew it! I knew this would happen!” She got to her feet, her fist raised in triumph. “Don’t let your guard down. You aren’t even halfway down the hallway yet.” “Right, Fay! Look at that, though. I’ve already figured out the trick here. You can’t use the same gimmick twice on a top-notch gamer like me!” Pearl spread her arms wide and started forward. She stuck to her strategy—the apple paintings lined the left side of the hallway, so she kept to the right side, by the windows. “It doesn’t matter where or when those apples pop out of those canvases! I’ll be more than ready to dodge them!” Riiip. The second attack. Another apple came flying through a piece of canvas at Pearl as she sneaked along. But of course, she’d seen this one coming, too. “You’ll have to do better than that!” she said with a graceful leap. She tossed herself toward the windows with room to spare; she’d seen this trick before. “Heh! You ought to know when you’re beat, Killer Apples.” She didn’t even bother to look contemptuously down at the fruit on the floor. She had no interest in losers. With a gleam of overwhelming victory in her eye, Pearl gazed upon the dozens of paintings. “I’ve seen through your attacks. There’s no point in fighting any further. Go back to your homes. You must have families.” Crash. A sound of breaking glass came from behind Pearl—specifically, from the glass of the window set in the wall Pearl was currently pressed up against. “Look out!” Fay cried. “Huh?” Bonk! With unerring accuracy, a Killer Apple from outside came flying through the window and nailed Pearl in the back of the head. “Gagh?!” she exclaimed and pitched forward. Fay and the others held their breath—were they going to respawn now?—but even as they watched, Pearl got unsteadily to her feet. “Owww, ow, ow, ow… I thought my head was going to split open!” “Pearl, you’re all right?! I thought for sure we were in for a respawn,” said Nel. “N-no… I guess Mausoleum Mode did something to these apples, too.” Pearl rubbed the back of her head, then started picking bits of exploded apple out of her hair. “They’re so ripe, they’re starting to rot. They became Killer Rotten Apples, just like the puffballs became zombies. I guess I should be grateful.” “There’s still some in your hair, Pearl,” Nel said; bits of overripe fruit still clung to Pearl’s head. As she helped pick it out, Nel said, “So the pictures were just to distract us from the real core of the flying-apple trick—the ones from outside. I’ve got to admit, this labyrinth lives up to expectations.” “Don’t expect that!” Pearl yelped, still rubbing her head. Would another apple come flying through the window? Or maybe from one of the pictures? She was on her guard. “Phew… A fine strategy on the part of my enemy, I admit, but it wasn’t quite powerful enough to bring me down. Have those Killer Apples truly rotted within—until they’re no longer killers at all?” She was obviously feeling better. She started walking—and just at that moment, she was bathed in light from the ceiling overhead. “Ah! Little lost sheep?” An angel-type monster descended from above. Fay and his party took a step back; they knew this one. “Angel Pizaprin?!” Pearl said. This didn’t make sense. This was an event monster who should show up by the Treasure Hall. What was it doing here? “I am the most loving and compassionate being in this labyrinth, known for bringing salvation to those who wander.” The angel smiled. “I am a messenger of good fortune. I shall grant you one wish that shall be to your rescue. What do you desire? Only speak, and it shall be yours.” Fay could almost hear his entire group getting ready to fight—after all, the last time they’d heard those words, the angel had immediately destroyed them. “S-say, uh, Pizaprin?” Pearl asked hesitantly, looking up at the angel. “Do you really mean it? Last time you said that, but then you annihilated us. This time, you’ll really grant our wish, won’t you?” “But of course.” “Th-then please tell us where the key to the Treasure Hall is!” “Ha-ha-ha! What a very simple wish. Right away, then.” The angel raised its staff. But then it stopped. It gave them a long look, and its eyes grew hard. “Such impurity…” They were getting déjà vu—they had definitely heard that before. “I don’t like where this is going,” Fay muttered. “No way! But… But we made sure the Pui-Pui Spirit never saw us, and we didn’t get covered in Zombie Puffball juices!” “You! Yes, you, right there!” Pizaprin pointed at the blond girl. “Me?! What about me is impure?!” “Behold the back of your head.” “Wha? Oh… Oh noooo!” Pearl went pale. The back of her head was drenched in rotten apple juice. All the relief of having survived the apples’ attack vanished in an instant. Just like the Zombie Puffballs’ vomit, this rotten apple juice was another target of the angel’s cleansing impulse. “W-wait a second, Pizaprin! This isn’t—” “Be you reborn with pure souls!” The staff flashed with light. The angel used Purify. Pearl with the polluted back of her head was eliminated. Their vision went black. Then they respawned. When they came to, the five of them were back at the Execution Grounds. “Hello, and welcome back!” “………” Fay didn’t say anything. “………” No one else said anything. Except Pearl, who cried, “Who’s polluted Pearl?! That stupid, stupid angel!” She stomped her feet. “I use a very expensive, special shampoo with extract of apricot peel. The back of my head smells amazing!” “I wonder if there’s some kind of condition that makes that angel show up,” Nel said, almost to herself, frowning. “Last time it was outside the Treasure Hall; this time it was in the corridor. Maybe that first appearance in front of the Treasure Hall was just happenstance, and it can show up anywhere in the labyrinth?” “There are other possibilities, too. Like, maybe it appears after a set amount of time. Or maybe it goes back and forth between the Treasure Hall and hallway. We’ll definitely gain something from getting past it,” Leshea said, taking the lead of the group. At least, that’s what it looked like she was doing—but then she seemed to have a thought. She stopped and folded her arms. “Or maybe it really was angry the back of Pearl’s head was so filthy.” “My head is perfectly clean, I swear! Are we seriously considering this possibility?!” Take three. Now they knew they would have to get through the Flying Killer Apple Picture Zone completely unscathed. “Want me to take point this time, Pearl?” “No, Nel, that’s all right. If I run away now, I’ll be a loser for the rest of my life…” Pearl gritted her teeth and shook her head. “Give me another chance to clear this trap!” They went back toward the hallway full of apple art, steering clear of where the Pui-Pui Spirit had appeared. So far, so good. “Their little trick is to get you to focus on the paintings while the real threat comes through the window,” Pearl said. “Pearl, your legs are trembling.” “I’m just proceeding very, very carefully! If memory serves, it was the eighth and eleventh canvases that the apples came flying through. And the window was the fourth one ahead of us!” “Ooh. Nice work, Pearl! You really remembered.” She was showing she hadn’t claimed the vanguard for no reason. Still, there were no guarantees the apples would come from the same places as before. “Don’t let your guard down, Pearl.” “Right. You’re suggesting the apples might show up at random. But I’m prepared for the possibility they’ll come flying from somewhere else this time!” Pearl took a step forward, then stopped, checking both right and left. She worked her way down the hallway, paying utmost attention to anywhere an apple might emerge from. She took several dozen more steps this way, and then, rather abruptly, she found herself safely at the far end of the hall—which was long enough to contain some fifty paintings. “Yes! I did it! Now, where is that Treasure Hall key?………Huh?” There was no key. There, at the far end of the apple painting zone, was a bend in the hallway. And around the corner was a familiar silver door. The Treasure Hall. They were back, and they still didn’t have the key. “But why?! I worked so hard to clear the painting zone—how can I be back at the Treasure Hall without even having found the Treasure Hall key?!” It was then that light showered down from the ceiling for a third time. “Ah! Little lost sheep?” “Angel Pizaprin?! No, wait! I know how this must work!” Pearl had taken a step back at the appearance of the angelic monster descending from the circle of light, but she quickly regained her composure. “None of us is covered in any rotten juices. Therefore, my dear Angel Pizaprin… You said you’re a messenger of good fortune, didn’t you? That you would grant us any one wish?” “Indeed I am, and indeed I shall. But only to those who are pure and undefiled.” The angel smiled. “I see that none of your number is impure. To show my esteem for your commitment to hygiene, I shall grant any wish you may request.” Finally! Fay and the others clenched their fists, triumphant. They’d hidden from the puffballs, then gotten successfully through the picture zone, and it had all been worth it. “Then I make my wish! Give us the key to the… No, I mean, open the door to the Treasure Hall!” “Very well. As you command!” The angel raised its staff. But then it paused. It paused for a long time. “………” Something wasn’t right here. The angel, who had been smiling until that moment, froze with its staff raised. And worse, its expression grew stern. “Wh-what’s wrong, Angel Pizaprin? We’re pure, you saw it yourself. Behold! There is no spot of filth on our outfits!” “This smell…” “Huh?” “You speak truth, there is no spot of filth on your garments or your skin. But I detect a rotten odor… I know! You were befouled by the digestive juices of a Zombie Puffball in a past life! And a rotten apple as well!” “Whaaaaaaaat?!” “Hold on—you can’t be talking about when we got wiped out the last two times, can you?!” This was an entirely new pattern. Respawning was supposed to be a complete do-over. But just like the human side got to take their experience with them, now they were faced with a monster that retained its experiences as well. “The smell! You reek! First you were bathed in the vomit of a Zombie Puffball, and the second time soaked in the juice of a rotten apple! Respawn as you might, you can never erase the stench!” “That’s ridiculous!” “Purify your bodies and try again!” The angel used Purify. The two polluted ones were eliminated. Their vision went black. When they came to, the five of them were back at the Execution Grounds. “Hello, and welcome back!” “………” Fay didn’t say anything. “………” Nobody said a single word. One of them frowned, one stared at the ceiling in silent thought, and still another stood with her arms crossed. This wasn’t like their other respawns. They felt like they had hit something resembling a dead end. “All right. I see we need to stop and think about this,” Fay said. To be perfectly truthful, he’d been virtually certain the last strategy would work. They’d fled the Zombie Puffball and avoided the apples in the painting zone—their run had been perfect. He had never expected the angel to continue to consider them polluted even after they’d respawned. Is it impossible to clear this if you make even a single mistake? That’s a kill-on-sight approach. Does the game master not actually want us to get through this game? He certainly hoped that wasn’t the case. But then again, given the labyrinth itself had a fatal bug that made it impossible to finish, they couldn’t rule out the possibility there was some dead end along the way. Was this a dead end? Or was there some way to get past it? “Huh… I’m starting to think this might be a pretty tough spot,” said Leshea, arms folded. She seemed to have come to the same conclusion as Fay. “If the Treasure Hall really is our next destination, then we’ve got two choices: one, find the key, or two, ask the angel to open the door for us. But we haven’t found the key, and we can’t ask the angel because the Zombie Puffball got us that one time. So have we overlooked the key somewhere? What do you think, Fay?” “I was just wondering the same thing.” He hadn’t managed to narrow it down yet. There were plenty of things he wanted to try—especially the following three possibilities. Idea 1: The possibility that they had overlooked the key to the Treasure Hall somewhere. Idea 2: The possibility that the key was a reward for defeating a specific monster (probably the Pui-Pui Spirit, the Zombie Puffball, or the Angel Pizaprin itself). Idea 3: The possibility that the key didn’t actually exist but had to be crafted. “By the way, what about you, Uroboros? Notice anything in particular?” “You are asking this of me?” the silver-haired girl said, turning toward him. She acted as if she were thinking for a brief second, but then she gave a portentous smile. “Heh-heh! I see you are in trouble, unable to open this door of yours.” “You have an idea how to open it?!” Fay exclaimed. “Not a clue!” “That was very misleading of you!” “What do you want? You know I am a god. If I sought to perceive the device by which that door operates, I could do so—but that would be boring. I have been trying to think the matter through properly, but when I think how easily I could solve this problem, I just can’t concentrate!” “Ahh. We could cheat.” If we compare the situation to people taking a test, Fay and the others were studying as hard as they could, but Uroboros was allowed to cheat as much as she wanted. Even if she wanted to actually study, knowing she could always just cheat if it came down to it made it hard to really take things seriously. “So I think I shall leave it to you, Tiny Human.” “You got it. Well, you heard the lady—shall we try take four?” Fay clapped his hands. “The name of the game is find out how to open the Treasure Hall. Nel, Pearl—you on board?” “……” “……” Neither of them responded in the least. The two young women to whom Fay had spoken were both muttering to themselves, looking at the ceiling and the floor respectively. “Uh, hello? Did I say something wrong?” “…Stench…can’t be removed… But he said to come back, so does that mean…?” Pearl, in particular, was standing stock-still, her hand on the back of her head, which the angel had deemed stinky. “Pearl?” Suddenly, she gasped and exclaimed, “Euuuuuureka!” It came completely out of the blue. It was the loudest yelling she’d done since the game had started, and now she bellowed at the ceiling, “I figured it out! Fay, I know how to open the Treasure Hall!” “…Cool.” “Why do you seem so exasperated?! Like, ‘There she goes with her weird pronouncements again’?!” “No, no, it’s just—we haven’t narrowed down the options yet.” They were still at the stage of articulating possible solutions. The best thing to do would be to try them one by one, everything they could think of. There was no way to be sure which one was the right answer yet. They didn’t even have any hints. “There was a hint!” Pearl declared with a mischievous smile on her face, the hair at the back of her head bobbing. “Fay, a woman’s hair is her life.” “…?” Fay gave Pearl a look. He had no idea what she was talking about. “Oh! My! Gosh!” This time, it was Nel’s turn to shout. “I get it! You’re right—I knew something had been bothering me. Now it makes perfect sense. Yes, Pearl, you’re absolutely right! A woman’s hair is her life!” “Yes, of course, I’m sure of it!” Pearl replied. She and Nel were in complete agreement. Agreement about what, however, completely escaped Fay and the other two. They had never cleared a challenge quite this way: with Fay, Leshea, and even Uroboros still flummoxed while Pearl and Nel solved the riddle. “Master Fay, let me and Pearl handle this one,” Nel said, sounding unusually upbeat. “I can’t blame you for not noticing. It’s something you wouldn’t worry about much in your daily life. And Lady Leshea and Mistress Undefeated are still new to the human world.” “That’s right. But for me and Nel, this is our specialty.” Pearl pointed to the far side of the Execution Grounds. This would be their fourth attempt. Despite having been annihilated on three previous occasions, Pearl’s eyes glowed with joy. “All right, let’s split into two groups. The rest of you go wait by the Treasure Hall. Nel and I have some preparations to make.” “Preparations? Hey, I’ll come with you,” Fay said. “If there’s anything I can help with—” “N-no, don’t! I mean, you can’t…” “Huh?” “You absolutely can’t come along. Okay? This is just for me and Nel. If…if you peek, you have to take responsibility, all right?!” Responsibility? Responsibility for what? “I can’t say I get it, but…all right. Just be careful, you two. Don’t let the Pui-Pui Spirit or the Zombie Puffballs find you.” “No worries on that account!” “Yeah, we’ll be all right even if they do spot us!” “You will…?” When he thought about it, Fay realized this might be as surprised as he had ever been in a game. Leshea, beside him, looked almost as shocked as he did, but Pearl and Nel just turned around and marched out into the hallway. “They seem awfully sure of themselves. Huh… I wonder if I missed something,” Fay said. “I like that about this labyrinth,” Leshea said with a giggle and a little smile. “I’m not looking for a game easy enough for you and me to clear on our own. Any game where those two get to say ‘Leave it to us’ is a good game.” “Sure…but I think clearing this thing is going to take some time.” Fay nodded, but the smile on his face was strained. Leshea was right: This was how the gods’ games were supposed to be. Only when everyone on the team—Fay and Leshea and Nel and Pearl—used their wits to the utmost did victory come into sight. That was certainly the mark of a good game. About an hour later, Fay and the others stood in the intersection by the Treasure Hall, having avoided all the various enemies on the way. Pearl and Nel came up to them. “Thanks for waiting!” Pearl called. “Sorry we’re late,” said Nel. “The preparations… Well, we got so into them that it took some time.” Despite their extensive “preparations,” the two of them looked exactly like they had before. There was no sign they had crafted any new items, either. “But you’re ready now?” Fay asked. “Yep! Our countermeasures are in place!” Pearl strode up to the door of the Treasure Hall, where she stopped, took a deep breath, and then said: “Come out, Angel Pizaprin!” “Ah! There is one who summons me,” the angel said, appearing from the circle of light. How would this go? The party had already been destroyed three separate times. Would Pearl and Nel’s “countermeasures” really work? After a moment’s silence, Pizaprin said, “You are very pure indeed.” The angel smiled. “I urge you to maintain that dedication in the future. You may proceed.” Pizaprin flourished its staff, and with a great creak, the treasure chamber’s elaborate door swung slowly open. “It worked! Fay, we did it!” Pearl said. “Yeah… You really did. Wow.” On the other side of the door was a blinding light. Silver and gold, perhaps? Fay turned away from the dazzling light to observe his two companions. “All right, clue me in already. What did you do to stop that angel?” “Stink,” Pearl said. “And filth,” Nel added. They watched the angel disappear back into the ceiling. “As we learned, that angel hates dirty things. Nel got spat on by that Zombie Puffball, and I took that apple to the head; they stained both of us. But the smells didn’t come off even when we respawned, right?” “Yeah, that’s why I was trying to think of a different approach.” “No, that’s wrong!” Pearl pointed a finger directly at Fay and smiled like a kid who’d had an especially mischievous idea. “I know how you feel, Fay, but us, we’re girls. Two young ladies. And as maidens of a certain age, certain things are nonnegotiable.” “I’m sorry, what?” “Do you really think that when someone says we stink, we would just sit by silently?” “Umm…” Fay still wasn’t sure. He didn’t get what Pearl was trying to say. “As you can see, I’ve got a bit of social anxiety… So I sweat a little, so I use deodorant and perfume. And I try to pick a hair treatment that smells nice. But when you just can’t get rid of those nasty smells, the very best thing you can do for yourself is…” “…a bath.” Nel nodded, adding just those two words. At that, Fay and Leshea finally understood the nature of the girls’ “preparations.” “You were taking a bath!” Fay said. “Ah, that waterfall,” said Leshea. The waterfall of obscure importance at the dead end. There had been a treasure chest containing bathing suits there. “Pearl and I scrubbed away any smells as thoroughly as we could. Bathing has been seen as a way to purify the body since ancient times, right? And the bathing suits helped, too. Speaking of which, mine fit perfectly, but Pearl’s…” Nel glanced at her. “I guess one part of her body was still too big, and even the bathing suit from the god was a bit tight for her. She ended up skinny-dipping, and let me tell you, the sheer power of her twin peaks—” “Nel?!” “It was incredible, wasn’t it?” Leshea asked. “Now I am most curious,” said Uroboros, piling on as if she might never have another chance. “W-well, anyway!” Pearl said, clearing her throat. “What do you think, Fay? We made ourselves pretty helpful, right?” “………” There was only a choked silence from Fay. “Fay?” “Yeah… Of course.” It wasn’t that he had been lost for an answer. He’d just needed a moment to look within himself to find the very best words to communicate exactly how he was feeling right now. “Pearl, Nel, it’s all thanks to your hard work. I’m really glad to have you both on this team, and I can’t wait to see what you’ll do next.” “……!” “……!” Both young ladies beamed with absolute joy. “Hooray!” Pearl said. “We did it!” said Nel. They high-fived with both hands. They dashed through the door the angel had opened and into the treasure room, carried by the momentum of their own excitement, and soon they could be heard exclaiming eagerly. “Wow! Look at all this treasure!” “It is truly a spectacular place…” The first thing that jumped out at them was the golden walls. The candleholders set in the walls were made of crystal, while at their feet were mountains of gold coins, piled up like snow. Buried in the heaps of gold—were those a sword and shield made of platinum? “Huh. I wonder if this is the biggest treasure here,” said Leshea. She was looking up at a statue of a monster made of pure silver. It stood some three meters tall, a winged lion resting standing in the center of the room. “If we brought that back home, we’d be rich!” Pearl said, her eyes shining. “Fay, let’s take it with us!” “I think it’s too big to carry. Hmm… You know, I wonder if you even could bring these gold coins back to the human world if you put them in your pocket or whatever.” He picked up one of the coins at his feet. The obverse showed a girl’s face, while the reverse depicted…was that a tombstone? A strange combination of pictures if there ever was one. Fay pocketed the coin.
Chapter 63
58 min read