I quickly turned out the light, crawled under the covers, and pretended to be asleep.
I heard the sliding door open before my heart could stop pounding, and I could sense that Asamura was getting into bed, too. Our futons were on opposite sides of the room, with our parents sleeping between us.
That was good, because it meant we didn’t have to be overly conscious of sleeping in the same room. As long as I didn’t turn in his direction, he wouldn’t see my defenseless face as I slept. There was still distance between us.
He hasn’t noticed that I’m awake, has he?
My heart was thumping like mad. The sound was ringing in my ears, and there was no sign of it settling down.
My cheeks were burning. It was below freezing outside, but I was hot and uncomfortable in my futon.
I was worried Asamura might hear my rough breathing, so I pulled my cover up over my head.
“She’s kind and honest…and a hard worker. That’s how our Saki is.”
That was what he said. I was sure of it. Saki. He called me Saki. Not Ayase.
I had gotten up to go to the bathroom and realized that Asamura wasn’t in his futon. But in my sleepy state, I couldn’t consider any more than that and left the room simply thinking, Oh, he isn’t here.
I was walking back down the long corridor, a little lost, when I heard his voice from behind a sliding door.
I hadn’t meant to eavesdrop. I just happened to step a little closer.
I could hear him clearly when he declared that he had no complaints about Mom.
And that wasn’t all. He even defended me. I didn’t know what had led him to say something like that, but…
Kind and honest. A hard worker. I hadn’t expected him to say those things about me. I began to wonder if I was even worthy of such praise.
It made me happy, and at the same time, I started feeling scared.
I hadn’t trained myself to be lovable. All I had to do when facing someone looking to attack was arm myself.
But I’d never thought about getting someone I liked to like me back.
Well, of course I hadn’t. I been completely preoccupied with preparing to live on my own. I’d never felt the need to get along with anyone else.
All that fell apart six months ago.
I’d told Asamura that I wouldn’t expect anything from him, and I didn’t want him to expect anything from me. At the time, I hadn’t even considered trying to make him like me. And that wasn’t the end of it. The only reason I’d been nice to his dad was because I didn’t want to destroy Mom’s happiness.
Not only did Asamura agree to our deal, but he also took the time to talk it over with me.
I fell in love with him before I knew it, and I came to understand that Dad wasn’t simply the man Mom was marrying; he was also a nice person.
From there, I gradually started to think that I, too, should take care of people important to the one I loved.
I could have made up an excuse and avoided coming here to visit Dad’s relatives. I could have told them I had to study or that I had work at the bookstore. I don’t think they would have forced me to come if I said I didn’t want to.
I was the one who volunteered.
As Dad brought up in the car, there was no telling if the four of us would get the chance to go on more trips together in the future, and Mom had mentioned that he was very close to his relatives in Nagano.
I wanted to like the people important to the one I loved, and I wanted them to like me, too.
But interacting with distant relatives I didn’t share any blood with was tougher than I’d thought. I was the daughter of Dad’s second wife. It was difficult for Mom and I to come to an understanding with people we didn’t know well when we were out of our element, and it took us time to develop a mutual understanding with them. In a situation like that, you need someone to act as a shield, someone who can help you fit in with that wider group of people.
Asamura served as that shield.
Or maybe I should say he was more like packing material. Dad probably played the same role when he talked to Step-Grandfather.
Thanks to them, I got the feeling the old man’s gaze would be a little softer from now on. If he’d gotten over his preconceptions, maybe I could be a little less tense, too.
Of course, it also meant that I would be the shield when he met my relatives.
I’d long ago decided to live on my own. But now I was considering moving forward by someone else’s side—with Asamura.
I turned my attention to the quiet, empty hallway. There was no sign of anyone approaching. I figured Mom was busy talking with Dad’s relatives. Right now, Asamura and I were the only ones in the room.
I carefully peeled back my cover and crawled over to his futon. I gently touched his shoulder. It wasn’t like me to touch someone’s body without asking, especially if I didn’t know when our parents might come back into the room.
I murmured his name on a whim, just because I wanted to.
“Thanks, Yuuta.”
Then I snuggled up against his back. There was almost zero distance between us, and it seemed as if his warmth and love were flowing into my body through my palms.
Like melted ice crystals, reason can turn into an irregular mineral with an awkward shape. But at that moment, I thought even that awkwardness was beautiful. Asamura stiffened up, and it felt like an eternity passed before he hesitantly called my name. All the while, I remained motionless, still touching his body.