Chapter 16

Girls of any age loved to talk about romance. As they entered their mid-twenties, with the prospect of marriage on the horizon, discussions of love grew more and more vivid. The question came up at a girls’ get-together of intercollegiate graduate students. They were chatting away over a pasta lunch at an Italian restaurant in Omotesando when someone asked, “Hey, Ruiko, how do you not fall for someone like that when you’re always around him?” “Someone like that” was Akira Takatsuki, the associate professor whose research lab Ruiko Ubukata belonged to. He had a model’s build and dressed himself impeccably in elegant British suits. His face was the epitome of handsome. He spoke in a beautiful voice that made people stop and listen, and he had a friendly, adorable laugh that rang into the air. His manner was kind and gentlemanly, and on top of all that, he was young, too. “That professor is single, right? Are you telling me you’ve never thought about marrying him?” “…Huh? No, I haven’t thought about that.” Ruiko shook her head slowly, laughing. It was a question she had dodged many times before. Similar questions had been posed to her on countless occasions. She’d heard it from graduate students in other departments at her own university, and even from her own parents. “I mean, I do enjoy looking at him every day, and I do like and respect Professor Akira. But marriage? Mm, nope, no way.” The other girls lamented noisily. “A top-tier guy like that doesn’t come around often, you know? If it was me, I’d definitely ask him out.” “Right?! I wish we could swap professors! I want to have a hottie for an adviser.” Ruiko stabbed her spoon into her panna cotta dessert while the others squealed and gushed. “Okay, but listen, what if you ask out your adviser and get completely rejected? It could shatter your future as a researcher after going to all the trouble of getting into grad school.” “That’s true, but…but he’s really, really hot.” “But don’t you think he’s too good-looking to even consider as a love interest?” Ruiko said, her face serious, and the other girls looked at one another. “…Yeah, I get that. It might be hard to go on a date with a guy who’s prettier than me…” “Now that you mention it, that may be true… Are hot guys only good for eye candy?” The girls nodded in agreement and Ruiko joined in with a “Totally.” Conversations like this one usually died down once they were steered into the “but with a guy that good-looking” zone, so they weren’t really hard to handle. “Listen, Professor Akira is the prince of our research seminar. Discussions about love and relationships and stuff are prohibited.” “I mean, he does have the looks of a prince.” “Professor Akira is the Marshmallow Cocoa Prince.” “Hold on, wait. The what? ‘Marshmallow Cocoa’?” “Because he only drinks cocoa with marshmallows in his office.” “Seriously?! Wow, what a girly drink! Now I really want to trade advisers!” “No thanks. Please don’t try to steal our prince. Anyway, we all admire him the way you would a pop idol! That’s what keeps things peaceful between us. Love-related disputes in the lab are no joke.” “Well, I guess you’re right. Oh, that reminds me, not to change the subject, but the other day…” They never ran out of things to talk about during girls’ lunch, and the conversation quickly moved on to other topics. Relieved, Ruiko scooped some of her panna cotta into her mouth. It was velvety, rich, and delicious. She thought she’d try to re-create the flavor next time she made it at home. If it came out well, she’d bring some to the lab and have everyone try it. Her mother was a chef, so Ruiko was quite good at making sweets. Takatsuki loved sweet things, so Ruiko was sure he’d enjoy it. Imagining Takatsuki smiling with a spoon in his mouth, Ruiko smiled, too. When people asked her if she was in love with Takatsuki…it was difficult to give an answer. The feelings that welled up in her heart when she thought about her prince were pretty far removed from thoughts of wanting to kiss or marry him or anything like that. They were more—how to put it?—soft, wholesome feelings. Ruiko was selected as part of the first batch of students in Takatsuki’s seminar. Just as she was entering her fourth year of undergrad, Takatsuki was promoted from lecturer to associate professor, thus marking the joyous start of his seminar at Seiwa University. Takatsuki’s courses had been popular even during his lecturer days, which naturally meant that there was a flood of applications to join his seminar. Ultimately, a lottery system was employed. Ruiko later learned, however, that Takatsuki had personally selected several applicants before the lottery was implemented. Ruiko was one of them, as was another girl in her class who ended up continuing on to graduate school, Shiori Narahara. The last was a boy who ended up becoming the seminar representative. “I mean, you guys didn’t apply because of my looks or just out of curiosity. I’m happy to take on students who want to do serious research. Besides, Miss Ubukata and Miss Narahara, you want to go to graduate school, right? I’ll provide whatever guidance I can, so give it your best shot.” Ruiko had been very surprised when Takatsuki said that. She hadn’t told anyone she was thinking about going to grad school. In fact, she was still worrying over the options by herself. When she asked later on, she found out the same was true for Shiori. Nevertheless, she was overjoyed. It warmed her heart to realize Takatsuki had been watching over her. He probably had hundreds of students, but he was still able to figure out what Ruiko’s and Shiori’s aspirations were. Since their first year, both of them had been frequently vising his office to ask him questions, so perhaps that was how Takatsuki was able to predict they would go on to grad school, but it made them happy nonetheless. That may have been the first time Ruiko thought of Takatsuki as an angel. He was like a being looking down from the clouds, watching each and every individual no matter how many people there were, extending a helping hand to those in need. Shiori had laughed when Ruiko told her this, but looking at Takatsuki’s gentle smile really made her feel that way. After a lot of deliberation, the deciding factor in Ruiko going to graduate school was Takatsuki. She thought that given the chance to learn from him, she would take it. Incidentally, during that year’s seminar camp, there was a bit of a commotion. The camp was held at a hot springs resort that the university had partnered with. A portion of the girls in attendance spied on the men’s open-air bath from the outside and were roundly scolded by the innkeepers. The perpetrators claimed that it “wasn’t fair that only the boys got to see Professor Takatsuki totally naked,” but thankfully, Takatsuki hadn’t been in the open-air bath at the time. Rather, according to the boys, Takatsuki hadn’t even shown up to the indoor communal bath, so in the end, no one got to see him naked. …It wasn’t until much later that Ruiko learned why that was. Ruiko and Shiori passed their entrance exams and became Takatsuki’s first graduate students. Takatsuki was overjoyed for them, and they—Takatsuki, Ruiko, and Shiori—celebrated at an izakaya near the university. “I’m so happy,” Takatsuki said, grinning, after kicking things off with a cheers. “Now I get to say things like ‘my graduate students,’ too.” Shiori let out a small laugh. “What, Professor, don’t tell me you’ve been wanting to say that this whole time?” “Well, when I go out drinking with other professors after conferences and research seminars, that’s where the conversation always goes. ‘Most of my students are so hardworking,’ or ‘That kid is enthusiastic, but his methods aren’t so great.’ They all sound like proud papas. I was a bit envious.” “In that case, from here on out, we’ll look up to you as if you were our father,” Shiori said, laughing. Takatsuki blinked and scratched lightly at his cheek. “I’m flattered, but I don’t really know how to feel about that. Suddenly, I’ve got two totally grown-up daughters.” “Don’t worry, it’s not like we’re going to call you ‘Daddy.’” “Yeah, I wouldn’t want that. I can only imagine what others would think.” Ruiko raised her hand eagerly. “—Oh, then maybe you could call me by my first name,” she proposed, “instead of ‘Miss Ubukata.’” “Your first name? Why?” “That’s what you would call a daughter, right? Plus, everyone else in my life calls me ‘Ruiko.’ I think it would help us bond going forward.” “Hmmm, then just ‘Ruiko’ might be a bit too forward, so how about ‘Miss Ruiko’?” Takatsuki smiled. The moment he called her that—“Miss Ruiko”—a warmth exploded in her chest again. A cozy, gentle, white ball of light was growing in her heart, filling Ruiko with even more joy, and she tried desperately to hold back the smile that threatened to burst forth. Now that she was finally a graduate student, she was hoping for just a touch of special treatment from Takatsuki, but she absolutely could not allow him to know that. Takatsuki turned to Shiori. “So, Miss Narahara, you’ll be ‘Miss Shiori’ from now on!” “Oh, I like that, using first names. Then why don’t we call you ‘Professor Akira’?” “Sure, I don’t mind.” Watching the smiling exchange between the two of them, Ruiko tried to remind herself that it was only natural. As if she alone could receive special treatment. Takatsuki was a very fair person in that way. But…if the warm feeling in her chest deflated a little, that was just another thing to keep to herself. Once she became a graduate student and started spending more time in his office, Ruiko began to see a host of sides to Takatsuki that she hadn’t been privy to before. For example: He actually had a horrible sense of direction. That the only thing he drank in his office was marshmallow cocoa. That he had an incredibly frightening-looking childhood friend with whom he was still very close. That he was surprisingly childish. That he quickly lost all sense of reason when excited. And—that he was really, truly, shockingly kind. Sometimes, ordinary people would come to Takatsuki for advice. People who had been caught up in events they could only describe as supernatural would seek his help upon learning the focus of his research. Given Takatsuki’s trouble with directionality and his habit of succumbing to senselessness, Ruiko accompanied him on several occasions as a caretaker. The majority of the cases brought to him weren’t actually supernatural; they were simply the work of human beings being dressed up as extraordinary phenomena. Still, Takatsuki’s method of explaining them was often gentle. Many faux-supernatural incidents were, put in other terms, acts meant to threaten or frighten someone. Uncovering the truth behind them could result in hurting those involved and irreparably damaging interpersonal relationships. Takatsuki tried whenever possible to offer interpretations of events that could help people find a silver lining. He tried to show them that even truths that only caused harm when mercilessly exposed could be seen in another light if considered from other angles. Watching Takatsuki work from the sidelines, Ruiko had thought many times, Ah, this is someone who truly believes in people. He believed there was some “goodness” inherent in them. He really was like an angel. Ruiko hadn’t met many people like him in her life. He must, she thought, have lived his life up until that point surrounded by people who were kind like him. The Marshmallow Cocoa Prince was surely loved by everyone around him, just as his looks were, just as he was blessed by the gods, and that’s why he’d become the sort of person he was. Yes—Ruiko had thought so, at least. She found out about Takatsuki’s secret in her second year of her master’s studies. It was summer. Shiori wasn’t around at the time. She had gone back to her parents’ house for a memorial service or something, if memory served. And so that day, it was just the two of them, Takatsuki and Ruiko, going to a research presentation together. On the way back, they were caught in a heavy downpour. The deluge came out of nowhere, as if someone had overturned a massive bucket. To make matters worse, neither of them was carrying an umbrella. The sheer amount of rain was so intense that they hesitated even to make the short dash to the train station, and instead, they hurriedly took refuge under the eaves of a nearby multipurpose building. They were both utterly drenched from head to toe. Looking at each other, they couldn’t help but laugh. “Professor Akira, you’re positively dripping with handsomeness.” “Hmm, I hope you’ll forgive me for being literally dripping in this case.” As he spoke, Takatsuki’s expression suddenly changed. He hastily took off his suit jacket and draped it over Ruiko’s shoulders. Wondering what was going on, Ruiko looked down at herself and was shocked. Her soaked blouse had become totally see-through, and her underclothes were on full display. “I’m s-s-s-sorry for showing you such a shabby sight, Professor…!” “Is that really what you’re worried about? Listen, just keep my jacket on for now. I know it’s wet, too, but…” Takatsuki diverted his gaze from Ruiko. Looking a little uncomfortable, he muttered quietly, “Anyway, the issue is that it isn’t shabby.” Face on fire, Ruiko pulled Takatsuki’s jacket over her chest. She deeply regretted leaving home in a white blouse. At least her skirt was a dark color. Covered in raindrops, her glasses were basically useless. She took them off, wiped them with a little cloth, and put them back on. Checking her shoulder bag, she saw that the rain had barely touched the contents. The papers and tablet inside were safe. “It doesn’t seem like the rain will last for very long, so let’s try waiting it out. Although, I do hope a taxi comes by. I don’t relish the idea of people staring on the train.” Takatsuki dabbed at his wet face with his handkerchief. He was wearing a two-piece suit that day. His dress shirt wasn’t that damp yet, probably because it had been covered by his jacket. His “people staring” comment was likely meant in reference to Ruiko. The two of them stood side by side under the eaves for a while, held captive by the rain. Staying quiet didn’t help settle their nerves, so as they waited for the rain to clear, they chatted idly about their impressions of the research presentation they had just attended. The rain kept coming down hard, the sound rushing in their ears. Ruiko furtively stroked the collar of Takatsuki’s jacket as it sat around her shoulders. Slightly heavy from being rained on, the jacket smelled faintly of a particular scent—the kind of scent a grown man would wear. As soon as she noticed it, Ruiko’s heart began to pound for some reason, and she turned her eyes to the road several feet in front of her. Oh, she thought. A taxi was in the process of passing by. Catching sight of the light indicating it was vacant, Ruiko instinctively turned to watch the taxi go with regret. “Aw… We missed it.” “Oh, the taxi? That one was no good,” Takatsuki said. He seemed to have noticed it approaching and let it pass by on purpose. What had he meant by “that one”? After that, Takatsuki let two more taxis pass them by with the same “no good” declaration. Wondering whether he felt some loyalty to a particular cab company or something, Ruiko obediently went along with his wishes. Eventually, the rain started to let up somewhat. Then, suddenly, Takatsuki dashed out from under the eaves toward the road. He raised a hand, and a taxi approaching from the opposite direction came to a smooth stop. Takatsuki opened the back door. Ruiko started to rush frantically toward the cab but stopped short halfway there. For a single moment, she felt her heart leap violently. What are those? she thought. On Takatsuki’s back. Soaked through by the rain in an instant, Takatsuki’s shirt had—like Ruiko’s blouse—stuck to his skin and become completely transparent. And there, on his back, she had definitely just caught a glimpse of something. Pushing his wet bangs out of his eyes, Takatsuki turned toward Ruiko with a puzzled expression. The next moment, however, his face stiffened. As if to shield his back from Ruiko’s gaze, Takatsuki turned his whole body so he was facing her. Ruiko jolted. She walked jerkily toward the professor on legs that felt like they were sticking to the ground. Shepherding her into the taxi, Takatsuki handed the driver some bills. “Excuse me, could you please take her home? She’s soaked, so I’d appreciate it if you turned down the air conditioning, too.” He started to back away from the car as he spoke, but Ruiko rushed to grab his shirtsleeve and stopped him. “U-um, aren’t you getting in, Professor?!” “I’ll take a different cab. We live in opposite directions, don’t we? Get home quick, Miss Ruiko, and take a warm shower. I know it’s summer, but you don’t want to catch a cold.” “At least let me pay for the taxi. I don’t mind!” “It’s fine, it’s fine. Now is no time for good manners.” Takatsuki gave her a smile, water dripping from his bangs. The rain still showed no signs of stopping. The longer they kept talking, the wetter Takatsuki’s clothes and body would get. “Ah…um, then I’ll…return this,” Ruiko said, taking off Takatsuki’s jacket. Covering her still see-through blouse with one hand, she held the jacket out to him with the other. Even if he was taking a taxi home, Takatsuki was sure to be uncomfortable without his jacket. Looking down at her with a slightly troubled expression, Takatsuki took the garment from her. There was water running down his cheeks. Of course, it was just rain, but for some reason, watching them made Ruiko’s chest ache, and she found she couldn’t say another word. “…Make sure you don’t catch a cold, Miss Ruiko,” Takatsuki said, stepping away from the cab. “Professor Akira, um—” As if to cut her off, the door slammed shut, and the taxi drove off. Ruiko looked back out of the rear windshield. Takatsuki was lightly waving good-bye to her as he donned his jacket. In that moment, a horrible, inexplicable apprehension came over her, and Ruiko clutched at the back of her seat and stared out the rear windshield as though clinging to a lifeline. She felt, without knowing why, like Takatsuki was going to vanish into thin air. Framed by the windshield, Takatsuki’s figure grew more and more distant. Eventually, she saw him turn on his heel and walk away from the road. When he was no longer in her field of view, Ruiko felt like crying. He had probably just gone back under the building eaves to shelter from the rain. That had to be it. Despite knowing that was the most likely case, the anxiety that gripped her heart would not be shaken off so easily. What if Takatsuki simply disappeared somewhere and never returned to his office ever again? Stupid, Ruiko thought. Such a thing wasn’t going to happen. This was just like that time in her childhood when she had almost burst into tears worrying that her mother would never come home again, simply because she was a bit late coming back from shopping. It was the same immature, baseless anxiety. Nevertheless, for some reason, something that felt intensely like a premonition had taken up residence in her chest and would not go away. “—Miss. Where is your destination?” Ruiko was startled by the driver’s question. She turned around quickly to face forward, realizing she had indeed forgotten to give the driver an address. And that was the moment Ruiko finally realized just why Takatsuki had let three taxis pass them by without hailing them. The driver of the cab Ruiko was in was a woman… The other three cabs had probably been driven by men. Grabbing at the front of her wet blouse, Ruiko let a tiny laugh escape along with an exhaled breath. Her body, soaked through by the rain, was, in fact, a bit cold as Takatsuki had predicted. But suddenly, Ruiko felt the warmth blooming in her chest again. Exactly how much of an angel was that professor? At first, Ruiko thought what she had seen on Takatsuki’s back was a tattoo. But that wasn’t it. They were probably scars. Starting over both shoulder blades and going down to his waist, the marks spread widely from left to right. Their shape made it difficult to imagine what in the world could make such scars. Once, during seminar camp, Takatsuki hadn’t ventured into either the communal indoor bath or the open-air bath where the others were. And now Ruiko knew why. He probably didn’t want others to know about the scars on his back. Returning to the apartment she rented by herself and taking a warm shower as instructed, Ruiko pondered. What had happened to Takatsuki to leave scars like that? It looked as though his wings had been clipped. Ruiko had always thought of him as something of an angel. Could that gentle man really have had wings growing out of his back once? The thought made Ruiko ashamed of her own fanciful tendencies. Still in the shower, she squeezed both of her cheeks in mortification. There was no way. Of course, it couldn’t be. This wasn’t a fairy tale. It wasn’t like Takatsuki could actually be an angel. Still—she thought pure-white wings would look really lovely on him. When Ruiko came face-to-face with Takatsuki after that, all he said regarding his own back was that he had “sustained a bit of an injury a long time ago.” That was all he offered, and Ruiko didn’t feel it was right to pry. Takatsuki was still his usual, kind, smiling self. He still grinned after taking sips of his sickeningly sweet cocoa with marshmallows. And the strange anxiety Ruiko had felt that day still lingered in her heart. “Professor Akira.” “Hmm? What is it, Miss Ruiko?” “…I don’t want you to go anywhere.” The words tumbled from Ruiko’s mouth. Takatsuki blinked at her. “…Um, well, I’ve been called to the academic affairs office after this.” “That’s not what I meant.” “Then what did you mean?” “I meant, if you go anywhere, please make sure you come back.” “Oh, is that it?” Takatsuki laughed. His smile was bright, angelic. “Don’t worry. This is where I belong. Even if I go somewhere, I’ll always come back.” Pleased with his answer, Ruiko’s chest swelled with that warm, tender feeling. “—How do you not fall for someone like that when you’re always around him?” The people in her life often asked her that. “—Don’t you ever think about wanting to marry him?” Some people asked that, too. Every time, Ruiko was at a loss to answer. How could she explain this feeling that was like a warm, soft light burning in her heart? She definitely loved him. That was for certain. But how she felt was a bit different than what other girls expected her to feel, she thought. Admiration. Respect. Unadulterated affection. She didn’t know what to call it. Ruiko thought that, perhaps, as long as Takatsuki was there, she would be happy. As long as she could open the door to his office and see him there, smiling and drinking cocoa, she would be satisfied. When the girls’ lunch in Omotesando was done, Ruiko decided to go back to campus. The thesis she was working on was coming together, so she wanted to consult with Takatsuki about it if possible. On her way to the station, however, she came across a cutesy-looking general store and stopped walking without meaning to. Drawn inside the store, she found a section of sweets and cookies meant to be given as gifts. Among them were some plump marshmallows in the shape of a cat’s paw. Snatching them up, Ruiko went straight to the register—they were a present for Takatsuki. They would look adorable floating in a mug of cocoa, and he would definitely look cute drinking it. Returning to the university, Ruiko made her way to the third floor of the faculty offices building and glanced at her watch. At this time of day, Takatsuki was likely in his office. Standing in front of door 304, Ruiko took a single deep breath. Checking that the marshmallows were still in her bag, she lifted her right hand slightly and knocked. Knock, knock, knock. “Come in,” called a voice from inside, and Ruiko put her hand on the knob. When she opened the door, a sweet scent wafted over her. Takatsuki, at that very moment in the process of making cocoa at the small table by the window, turned to smile at her. “Ah, welcome, Miss Ruiko.” Thank goodness, she thought. He’s here, as he should be.