Eavesdropping wasn’t good. She could say she was being considerate and waiting, but that was no excuse. She had to go away soon. She had to run away soon. She had to protect herself.
Yet her small, frail feet stayed fixed to the floor, as if they had been sewn there.
“She’s already killed someone, hasn’t she?”
She was paralyzed.
“…One of the insurgents who attacked the villa, wasn’t it? Everyone knows she saved herself by consuming their life.”
Nadeshiko couldn’t move a single step. Breathe a single breath. Sense a single beat of her heart.
“Obviously I’m glad that she survived, but people who see such divine powers are going to be afraid. Even if you know the Agent of Autumn will only sacrifice another to save themselves, and that it’s automatic—people can’t help how they feel. The escorts quit because they were afraid of even touching her in normal times, didn’t they? How many would willingly pick her up? Very few people would touch her without hesitation after all that.”
Nadeshiko’s body was immobilized, like a criminal with a sickle to their neck.
“…”
Rindo did not answer for a while.
The fact he didn’t deny it meant it was true.
What?
Nadeshiko didn’t know.
Her memories of the events in that sunroom after seeing Rindo off on that spring day were muddy. The doctor said it was normal for painful events to be forgotten, and she’d reluctantly accepted the explanation. She didn’t remember anything after the glass came raining on her.
But what happened next?
Somehow, she had been captured by the insurgents without any meaningful injury, and she did look for a reason why.
The violence from Misuzu did not let her question it.
How had she been safe after that?
Screams.
She thought she’d heard screams, but she wasn’t sure. Her memories were fuzzy. She could only properly remember what happened once she was in the insurgents’ hideout. Rindo rescued her, she saved Ruri, and she was sent to the hospital and then discharged soon after. Then she cured a lot of people.
Among them was Shirahagi. Everyone had praised her. Nagatsuki disappeared, and she was told that Nagatsuki was a bad person. Nadeshiko had always thought she was nice.
That was most of what Nadeshiko remembered.
Yes, they said I was badly injured.
The head of the insurgents, Misuzu Henderson, had said that she’d saved Nadeshiko.
But Nadeshiko had no wounds; she was only anemic. Later, she figured Misuzu had lied, but…
What’s the truth?
It all would have made sense if she had been badly injured. Kikka said it was one of the insurgents; that would mean Nadeshiko “devoured” one of Misuzu’s subordinates through touch. That would connect the dots.
Ahh, now that I remember, Rindo said…
Nadeshiko thought back upon the events in summer.
…that I should be careful of how I use my powers.
After spring, Rindo had prevented Nadeshiko from using her powers lightly.
Back when she defeated the Four Seasons Agency staff, too, instead of praising her, he’d scolded her, telling her to be more careful.
She’d used her powers to protect him, but he told her that she shouldn’t have.
He wasn’t so angry that she was afraid, but she felt bad for not being of any help. She’d been sad and embarrassed, and she was more scared of angering the adults by doing something wrong.
The storm of emotions made Nadeshiko cry, and Rindo gently explained:
“Nadeshiko, look at me.”
“I want to be with you forever. But if something happens due to my lack of supervision, I won’t be able to.”
“If the people from the Town think that I can’t guide you, that I can’t show you what’s right and what’s wrong, they’ll make me leave you.”
“N-no… Nooo! I’m sorry… I’m sorry.”
“I know. I don’t want that, either. I’m glad that you tried to protect me…but I don’t want you to use your powers lightly. The Agent of Autumn’s powers have to be used with special care. I told you after what happened in spring. Remember why?”
“…Because it deals with life…?”
“Yes, exactly. I know that you’re a kind girl, but some people don’t see it that way when they look at just the facts about what happened.”
The signs were there back then, but she hadn’t understood.
Even though she had noticed that people were leaving her side.
Because I killed someone.
All the people who had served her before withdrew like the tide.
She had worried that they were afraid of her powers.
But after Sanekazura and Shirahagi were appointed, her anxieties had lessened, and since she had little contact with anyone other than them, her fears remained unproven. They were so kind and warm that she forgot her worries. So she told herself:
It’s okay. The adults are just making adult decisions.
I killed someone.
This was why her Guard was exhausted from reorganizing the security system.
She had never blamed him for not giving her attention, but she was saddened.
However, it had all been her fault.
He was doing it to protect the killer goddess.
I’m…a murderer.
Rindo was so kind. He must’ve worked hard not to let Nadeshiko hear anything about this.
Sanekazura and Shirahagi must’ve made some effort, too.
All to let her live like a normal girl and let her enjoy watching the flowers.
The adults were at the mercy of the whims of the goddess, and she’d put them through such hardship.
Their efforts had not been in vain.
After all, Nadeshiko had lived in peace up until this moment.
“…It’s not Nadeshiko’s fault…”
Rindo spoke with pain, as though he had swallowed poison.
Kikka replied kindly. “I know. No one blames her. I was furious that the insurgents took such a small child. I’m really grateful that she’s back alive. But this is separate from whether you’re staying or quitting. It’s separate from my feelings as your father, too…”
“Does it freak you out that I serve a goddess who killed someone to save herself?”
“…Has someone told you that?”
“I hear the rumors. But it was self-defense. They tried to kill her. Are you saying she should’ve let them? Would you say the same thing to Winter? I doubt it.”
“Rindo… No, I…”
“They’re treating her this way because it’s easy. How dare they. They think they can treat her like she’s less than… They’re such assholes!”
“Rindo…”
“And those kinds of people are always scared of authority! They shut their mouths the moment anyone tries to call them on it… Stop taking those scumbags seriously!”