“You’re going to the Agency now, Rindo?”
“Oh, leaving already?”
Rindo furrowed his brow. “Yes, there are some documents and applications missing for the new organization. I’ll get that dealt with and speak with Foreign Affairs, since I’ll be around. It should be easier to work it out over there. Ms. Sanekazura, take care of Nadeshiko.”
“Yes, of course, but…”
Sanekazura looked at Nadeshiko. The queen of Autumn dropped her gaze to the floor with sadness.
Rindo tried to cheer her up. “It won’t be long. I’ll be back soon.”
“Okay.”
It was not unusual for him to go on business trips alone.
He felt bad for Nadeshiko, but work would be smoother with her not there.
If he took her along, he would feel bad about leaving her with nothing to do while he worked, and he couldn’t rule out the possibility of an insurgent attack. Maybe if there was a meeting with the other Seasons, but in this case, it was better for her to remain in the honden.
Him going alone was better for both of them.
“Teishu is too far away for a day trip. I’ll have to leave the honden for a few days, but Shirahagi and Ms. Sanekazura will be here for you…”
Even Nadeshiko could see the fatigue in Rindo’s face; she was an observant child.
His smile was bright, and his suit was ironed to perfection, but exhaustion was clear in his eyes. He hadn’t been sleeping right.
“…I’m sorry.”
It was all so Nadeshiko didn’t have to go to Kyokoku.
She hung her head regretfully.
“Why are you apologizing? I should be saying sorry to you… Please forgive me for having to leave your side despite being your Guard.”
Rindo reached out to hug her, but she leaned away.
It wasn’t the right thing to do in this moment.
“Nadeshiko…”
“No, it’s fine. I’m fine. Don’t worry.”
The little goddess was vexed by her inability to properly express her frustrations.
“But you look sad… You’ll be lonely,” he said.
“No, that’s not it. You look so troubled… I don’t like it when you’re upset, because I love you. That’s what hurts…”
Her young heart and lips couldn’t properly form the words to say to this man whom she loved. Frustrated, she kept speaking in the hopes that she would find the right thing to say.
“I’m sorry I’m so young… If I was older…I could’ve done something for all of you…”
Nadeshiko knew the people around her stayed by her side because it was their job.
They were not family, unconditionally standing by her side. Though even her family was distant. Her special circumstances made her anxious, and her thoughts were built upon this foundation. She felt bad that she had to put them through this.
The little goddess was only eight, and she was far from able to protect her retainer.
She was at the whims of her circumstances, which vexed her to no end.
“Nadeshiko…”
She could’ve acted more like a child, but then she would be an entirely different person.
Rindo regarded her with mixed feelings, now that she had rejected his gesture of affection. His lady was concerned about him, and it strengthened his drive to work hard for her sake.
“I hate that you can’t live in peace.”
Rindo bent a knee and met her gaze. Nadeshiko pouted.
“…If you were the retainer of someone older, or someone as strong as Lord Rosei…”
“You would ask me to serve someone else?”
The force in his voice made Nadeshiko flinch back a little.
“No, I…”
“You’re the only one I serve.”
“…”
“I only serve you. Why do you speak so badly of yourself?”
“Because I can’t do anything for you or for anyone else in Autumn…”
Nadeshiko seemed to think she had to show more dedication. Rindo sighed.
“Nadeshiko, my job is to shut the outsiders up.”
“Yup,” Shirahagi and Sanekazura agreed.
“That’s not your job. Leave this to me. And also…if you’re going to compare yourself to other Seasons, remember their full circumstances. They are wonderful people, but each of them has their strengths and weaknesses, and their Guards complement them accordingly. They each have their role. I’m working hard now because it’s my time to work. It’s not yours yet. That’s all.”
“…”
“If there’s anything I would like you to do, it would be to greet me first when I come back. A simple welcome home would make all my weariness go away.”
Nadeshiko found the request odd, but Rindo seemed to be serious.
“That would make you happy?”
She would’ve done that without being asked.
“Yes, that would make me so happy that I’d forget about anything else.”
Nadeshiko didn’t understand; she didn’t know how affection could become a well of courage.
“…”
Rindo didn’t understand, either; he didn’t know how important each and every one of his words were to her.
Yet even if they didn’t fully understand, their care for each other kept them moving forward.
“Okay. I’ll be the first one to greet you.”
Rindo gave a big nod before holding out his arms again. Eventually the day will come when she rejects this, too, he thought, but at this moment, he wanted her innocent love.
Nadeshiko threw herself against his chest, knowing he would catch her.
Rindo immediately wrapped his arms around her.
“I love you, Rindo.”
Despite the difference in their ages and the intensity of the love they had for each other, they hugged with innocence, but this could only last for a few more years.
Within his arms, Nadeshiko timidly asked, “Umm, once you’re back…can I give you a princess kiss to welcome you home?”
Fear of rejection flashed across her face, but Rindo grinned back at her. He hugged her tighter and whispered, “Of course. But don’t you have to kiss me good-bye first, my princess?”
Rindo’s playful response brought a smile back to Nadeshiko’s face, and she rained kisses upon him. The other two watching over the lady and retainer of Autumn sighed in relief.
Rindo left the honden that afternoon.
While he was gone, Sanekazura, Shirahagi, and the guard dog Hanakiri took care of Nadeshiko.
Nadeshiko felt little anxiety, as she knew how kind the three of them were.
They passed the afternoon snack time inside the honden, and then she asked the question that had been on her mind for a while now.
“You two are always with me… Don’t you need to go back home?”
It was a very important question for her.
Yet Sanekazura and Shirahagi didn’t seem to realize.
“I live in the honden. I get a big room, since I’m the head maid, too,” Sanekazura answered first. That was why she could take care of Nadeshiko from dawn to dusk.
Her work circumstances were similar to Rindo’s. He was also given the big Guard room in the honden.
They had both great privileges and equally great responsibilities, and their work hours were long.
“…And you’re not inconvenienced…?”
“I’d say it’s very convenient, actually… I have a kitchen and a bath. It’s like they gave me a small castle. I’m very satisfied.”
“You don’t feel lonely not seeing your family?”
Sanekazura curved her lips in a smile, but the expression was not reflected in her eyes.
“Lady Nadeshiko… You’ll understand once you grow up… Unmarried women in the Four Seasons bloodlines can’t get a break. I grew up in a household that’s particularly bad about nagging me, too. They think a successful career is worthless when you have to give birth. I couldn’t stand that. But now I have an important job and get to live in the honden. I’m happy. For some people, not having to see their families brings them peace.”
“Really…?”
“Yes, really.”
One could tell how stifled the maid had been under her family by the refreshing bluntness in her response.
The fate of marriage was heavy on the women of the bloodlines that produced the Agents of the Four Seasons. They were urged to give birth and strengthen the bloodline.
The women were encouraged to marry within the clans, even if they were from another Town, but they were not prohibited from marrying outside. The passage of time had moved them away from inbreeding.
So, whenever there was a potential candidate, the pressure to marry soon followed.
Then what about any gay, asexual, or transgender individuals? What about those who did not believe in marriage? Those who found it difficult living with another? Those who did not wish for children? Those who could not hope to have children?
These people tended to be ignored, and arranged marriages such as the one between the Agent of Summer Ayame Hazakura and Renri Rouo were common. They maintained a social facade while protecting their own future.
It was a blessing that the aforementioned couple fell in love together and celebrated a happy marriage.
“Then you’re happier being here?”
“Yes, of course. This is my job, and I want to do it well. I’ll cry if you tell me to go away.”
“I’ll never do that!” Nadeshiko clenched her fists.
Sanekazura blushed with glee. “This might be the most fun I’ve ever had in my life…,” she said earnestly.
Nadeshiko tilted her head. “Why?”
“I can make my own decisions and give directions to others. I’m free. And by doing my job, I make you and other people happy. Seeing the fruits of my work makes it all worth it.”
“…You weren’t free before?”
“No. Other people decided everything for me…”
“…”
Based on the conversation, she must’ve meant her family circumstances.
Sanekazura’s life lacked choice, and her opinions were not respected by those around her. She had endured it her whole life, thinking it was inevitable.
But now, she’d finally found a place where her skills were appreciated and useful.
Nadeshiko had a hard time picturing the feeling; she was used to such oversight and even found relief in it.
“I wanted to decide a lot of things for myself. I wanted to make my own money and be independent. I wanted to be able to say that this was my life.”
Sanekazura got embarrassed after saying all that about herself.
“But maybe it’s too late to be saying all that in my thirties…”
“That’s not true!”
“Not at all.”
Nadeshiko and Shirahagi replied at the same time.
Sanekazura smiled bashfully. “Thank you. This really is the freest I’ve ever been, and the most I’ve ever enjoyed my life. You only live once, and every day you get a little older. I’ll never be younger than I am right now. I’ve gotta try all sorts of things.”