If I get in bed, I might wake her up. Thinking so, I had decided to sit on the sofa and smoke. I did not take the trouble to turn off the television.
I exhaled the smoke. I looked at her white arm. Then, I suddenly recalled one thing.
“Fuko.” I called the name.
She opened her eyes.
She raised her head, looked at me, and smiled happily.
Smoke was drifting at the center of the room. Below the haze was her smile. I noticed that her lips were dry. I had better eyesight than average. I could even recognize the freckles near her eyes.
“Sorry. I fell asleep before I knew it.”
“Keep sleeping. You must have been exhausted.”
“Yeah. I think I have never driven for that long.”
“I bought cigarettes. I have already smoked two of them.”
She raised her upper body languidly, and reached for the cigarette pack. I stood up, took the package on the cabinet, and brought it to her.
“That’s strange. You can just toss it to me.” Saying so, she received the pack and pulled out one of the cigarettes.
I handed the lighter to her. Then, I got back to the sofa and sat there. I was still in the middle of smoking. The room was becoming whiter with smoke.
“When you are piloting an airplane, are you allowed to smoke?”
“No.”
“For hours?”
“That’s right. We cannot fly for many hours anyway. During the flight, we are prohibited from smoking.”
“Why?”
“There is oxygen only for humans.”
“Is that so? I think oxygen is everywhere.”
“Even on the mountain top, the air is thin.”
“Suddenly, I am losing interest in getting on it.” She smiled. “I wanted you to have me on an airplane. But that’s not good if I cannot smoke.”
“You cannot drink alcohol, either.”
“What? Why?”
“When you drink alcohol, you get drunk.”
“But, do we not drink to get drunk?”
“We do not have to get drunk in the sky.”
“What do you mean?”
“We are already drunk there.”
“Oh ...” She nodded without closing her mouth. “I see. I think I can understand it.”
“We sometimes get intoxicated and vomit.”
“During the flight?”
“Yes.”
“Hmm, do you open the window in that situation?”
“We can’t do that.”
“Whoa ... So ... That’s a tough experience.”
“Well, the pilot is drunk, and no one is around. So, that’s not such a serious issue.”
“Umm, though you say so ...” She inhaled the cigarette smoke deeply and exhaled it like a sigh. “Did you call the company?”
“Yeah.”
“How was it? Did they order you to come back?”
“I have to go to a bit of distant place.”
“Really ...” The angle of her eyebrows indicated her sadness. “Where?”
“Sorry, I cannot tell you that.”
“Will you not be able to see me anymore?”
“I’m not sure.”
“You are surely honest.” She smiled. “I like that characteristic you possess.”
“Fuko,” I called her name again.
“What?”
“Thank you.”
She stared fixedly at me.
Then.
She burst into laughter. During the process, she probably choked with the fume.
“What on earth ...” She coughed.
“You saved me.”
“You will say goodbye to me tomorrow, won’t you?”
“Or right now, if you are okay with that.”
“What about money?”
“I want you to lend me just a little money. I swear I will pay it back.”
“No, not now. I will lend you money tomorrow morning. Is that okay?”
“Yes. Thank you.”
I nodded. I might have been looking as obedient as a zebra left alone in a savanna.
“Oh ...” She made a sigh again. “You know, I had a good dream, yeah. We might be able to live alone together in a distant city.”
“I thought it was supposed to be in a grassland.”
“Any place will do.”
She leaned her head to one side while smiling, and gave me a penetrating look.
“Any place is okay for me.” She whispered quietly.
I had no word to say.
“But ...” She raised her chin and took a breath. “But it cannot be realized. I know ...” She slowly shook her head horizontally. “How can we possibly lead such lives?”
“You might be able to,” I said. “I mean, with someone else other than me.”
“Right.”
“I think you can do that by yourself.”
“By myself?”
“Yeah, you can live even alone.”
“I cannot imagine it.”
“I think you just have not thought about it.”
“I have not.”
“If you think about it and lead a life, I believe you will be able to do that in the future eventually.”
“Can I live alone?”
“I believe so.”
“I doubt it.”
“You can do it.”
“Funny. Why is a person like you giving me the lecture? I am older than you.”
“I don’t mean to lecture you.”
“But, yes, you may be right. Well, will I live alone ...? I wonder if I won’t be lonely.”
“If you are with many people, do you not feel lonely?”
She shut her mouth and appeared to be thinking about it. She exhaled the cigarette smoke three times.
“Yes, I have been lonely. It is the reason why I want to run away. I thought I would not be lonely if I am with a man I love.”
“Have you fallen in love with someone because of the reason?”
“Oh, whom do you mean?”
“Is there such a person?”
“I don’t understand what you are talking about.”
“Do you love someone because you want to run away? Do you love someone because you are lonely?”
“Maybe, I do.”
“In that particular order of priority?”
“Your questions are too difficult for me.”
“Umm, sorry ...” I apologized.
“The person I love. I might not have such a person.” She showed her front teeth and frowned. “Right. I think I cannot love anyone. That is me. Rather, there are more people that I dislike than I like. I hate many things. No one loves me. So, I always get drunk and behave as if I don’t care about anything. However, you know, I didn’t drink in front of you, right?”
“Is it because you were driving?”
“No, no. But thank you. I am feeling composed. I wonder why. I think I am getting cheered up a little.”
“That’s good for you.”
“Can we spend one more day together? Can’t you leave the day after tomorrow? Let’s be together for another day.”
“But, we might get into a downright quarrel tomorrow.”
“Yeah, maybe. That’s possible. Umm, but ...”
“If you get back tomorrow, you will not be suspected. We can make it so that nothing has happened in your life.”
“Yeah, right. I have to work until I pay back all my debts ...”
“Do you have debts?”
“Oh, no, that’s not correct. That’s a lie. Do not worry about money.”
“I will send you money as much as possible.”
“Heh.” She laughed while shaking her shoulders. “You are funny. You need not try to please me like that.”
“That’s not a lie.”
“Oh, no.” She put her fingers on her eyes. “I am about to cry ... I should not do that, right? I will cry tomorrow morning. We will do something fun until then.”
I stubbed out the cigarette in the ashtray. She stretched her body and snuffed out the cigarette in the ashtray on the sideboard. The production of smoke has ended. Then, I turned off the television.
The tranquility was mixed with the remaining smoke.
She wrapped the blanket around her white body, and stared fixedly at me. The tears for tomorrow were trickling down on her cheeks.