As I expected, our operation took place above the ocean. I guessed that the enemy had already noticed our move. It was mysterious to me how such a huge operation could actually be realized in the first place. Is it that one of the two sides starts the project? However, both sides always fought against the other with almost the same combative capabilities. If only one side mobilized the large force, the confrontation would not develop into a battle. Such a one-sided fight could rarely be seen in recent times. In short, there was no such thing as a large-scale surprise attack. Come to think of it, it sounds strange.
They explained to us about the expected combative capabilities on the enemy side. But, no matter how much the numerical data was put into our heads, the only decision that we could make during the battle would be when I should lean the control stick to which side. We might need the data to make the decision about whether we continue to fight or break away to retreat. But once we took off from the ground, we all would forget about such a decision. Unless we are commanded to stop, we will always lunge at the enemy. It is the characteristic of pilots that we are. If anything, many of us are rather mild-mannered under usual circumstances. But, once we reach the sky, we all will tilt to the more active side like that, without any exception. It is never equivalent to becoming combatively aggressive. Fighting against the other is our courtesy. It is our respects for the opponents and the loyalty to ourselves.
At the end of the general meeting, a person wearing many military decorations delivered a speech. My guess was that no one bothered to listen to it. The reason for our having to fight just sounded ridiculous, no matter how much it was explained verbally. I was already getting tired of hearing such kind of terminologies in my short life. Friendship, love, society, family, nation, ethnicity, humankind, glory, honor ... None of them is correct. We were not fighting for such darn things. If we have something to be explained with words, the closest one would be “living”, I thought. Right. We fight to live. I mean, this is our job.
Those who objected to war tried to emphasize the ugliness of combats, but it was beside the point. They just enumerated beautiful words such as the preciousness of lives and the future of children. They just tempted us by telling us, “Hey, you can find more beautiful things here.”
Why have human beings never stopped the acts of war?
Why have there been conflicts in all ages?
Why do such ugly, empty, and sad deeds continue?
I wonder if they have thought about such things.
They insist human lives are precious.
But, there are things that are more important than such lives.
Those who know the fact have been fighting.
No matter how beautifully they try to express it, the fact cannot be denied. Those who fight and those who do not both dislike the ugliness.
Speeches by elites in high positions are always beautiful and full of affection. They held out the bouquet of justice. Those who like the bouquet can accept it. They can just give flowers to each other, and carry them proudly. However, such a bouquet cannot be loaded onto an aircraft. When we ascend to the sky, they are just extra weight.
Human beings have strength.
They admire the strength.
They crave for the strength.
Because they know it is the freedom.
What type of freedom will the bouquet bring us?
If we have a bouquet, can we climb the rocky stretches?
If we have a bouquet, can we dive deep into the water?
What makes people free is the strength.
Humans have it.
Believing in its own strength is the meaning of the strength.
I can fly. It is my strength and my freedom.
In order to keep flying, I will fight.
For nothing.
I want nothing.
For no one.
No one praises me.
I just want to keep flying.
I want to continue to be what I am.
As long as I am alive.
At the team meeting, we confirmed the radio communication frequencies and the codes to contact with each other. We were given fairly minute explanations about how to cope with the change of plans and the way to deal with troubles that may occur.
We got the information about the sortie time that might get shifted ahead of the original schedule. The schedule change made us prioritize the final checks of our aircrafts.
Then, we were summoned again for another meeting. We heard the sortie time would be moved up by one hour. I erased the numbers I had written in the reference material, and corrected them.
After that, we waited.
Silently, we were sitting on chairs.
Occasionally, I took a look at others. All the pilots were in the room.
One of them was standing by the window, and looking outside. There was also one who was walking in the deeper part of the room.
A clerical operator came to the room to hand me a small piece of paper, on which a message indicating that I had a phone call was written. I recognized the name of Somanaka from YA Newspaper Company. His message was: I will call you again. It took a few seconds to be reminded of the face of the man. Ah, I remember him, I thought. I crumpled it and threw it into a trash can nearby.
The leader came back to the room.
Everyone looked at him.
“Alright, let’s go.”
The time has come.
The rest will follow, as it flows automatically.
I will move naturally just by breathing and living.
As a mechanical part of my aircraft, I will climb up into the sky.
While moving fast to the hangar, I looked up at the cloudy sky. But, I squinted at the brightness above them.
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