Admitting that Mukai was pretty much spot-on with all that didn’t quite feel the same as my usual pessimism. Everything she’d said was just the simple truth, and getting all indignant about her saying it to my face wouldn’t un-fail any of those tests or make me into a capable athlete. I was doing my best to improve myself, for what it’s worth...but that was still a work in progress.
“I...looked down on you, Hazama. I’m gloomy, and don’t have any friends. I wasn’t excited about the cultural festival at all. Why would I be? I couldn’t even participate in any of the preparations, really, and I wouldn’t have anyone to walk around the festival with when it happened. I didn’t fit in...and it hurt to think that everyone knew it.”
Tears had begun to dribble down Mukai’s cheeks. They started out slowly enough, but then the dam burst and they really started to pour. Mukai wiped away at them with both her hands, still talking all the while.
“That’s why I thought I’d just go off into a corner somewhere and do random chores, even if it was all just for show...and that’s where I found you. I was always lagging behind everyone else and could barely make any friends, but I thought that at the very least, I couldn’t let myself be on your level...so I decided to tell you about my drawings. It was a way of showing that I wasn’t like you—of bragging that at least there was something I was good at. I was trying to make myself look superior to you.”
“Mukai, did...did you...hate me?” I asked.
“N-No, not at all!” Mukai frantically replied. “The only person I hated...was myself. How could I lack self-confidence that badly and be that stuck-up at the same time? The second I found someone who seemed worse off than I was, I used the drawings I love to reassure myself that I wasn’t as bad as her. Isn’t that awful...?”
I nearly denied it reflexively, but I forced myself to swallow the words back instead. I didn’t think that Mukai was awful...but I also barely knew anything about her at all. We’d only started talking when the cultural festival preparations began, and I had no clue what she’d been like or what sort of life she’d lived before that point. Even if I said she was wrong, my words wouldn’t carry any weight at all.
“But then you smiled at me. You told me I was amazing, right to my face, and you said you thought my drawings were pretty. It made me so happy to hear that, but it hurt just as much...and I ended up deciding that I wanted to be like you.”
“Whaaat?! Like me?!”
“Yeah. You always think so hard about absolutely everyone except for yourself, right? You’re a genuinely kind person, and that kindness gave me the courage I needed. I don’t know if anyone else could have made me take a step forward like you did. And so...” Mukai said, taking hold of my hand with both of hers, “I’m sorry. It’s taken me way too long to apologize to you. You were always just so nice, and I let myself keep kicking it down the road...”
“No, no, you don’t have to apologize at all!” I yelped. “I mean, I’m not even upset! I’m actually happy to hear all this, if anything!”
“What?”
“I mean, it sounds to me like you only decided to tell me about your drawings because I’m always such a hot mess, right? I know how hard it can be to open up about the things you like. There’s always a chance that people will be nasty about it, after all...so no matter what your reasons were, I’m still glad they ended up convincing you to share your art with me.”
If I were the sort of person who seemed like she could do anything and everything, like Koganezaki, then Mukai never would have talked to me to begin with. I wouldn’t either, if I ended up in that sort of position myself! And so...in a certain way, I actually agreed with her. Maybe me being the way I was actually had helped, just this one time.
“Thank you, Mukai,” I said. “Hee hee... And hey, feel free to open up to me about anything else from now on, if you ever feel like it! I really like the idea that I’m someone who’s easy for you to talk to about these things, so go ahead and make yourself look as superior as you want! I’m always up for it!”
“Heh heh... What’s that supposed to mean?” Mukai chuckled. She was finally smiling again, and I was relieved to see it, even if she was still crying a little.
I don’t mean it in a self-deprecating way at all when I say that for once, I was actually glad that I was such a weak person. Even if I was weak, after all, I’d managed to be worth something in my own sort of way. Not that I was about to start declaring my weakness to be my greatest strength and get all stuck-up about it, or anything like that!
“But...sorry,” Mukai added.
“For what?”
“I can’t open up to you about everything anymore. There’s absolutely no way!”
“Whaaat?! Why not?!” She spent that long talking me up, and now she’s dragging me back down to reality?! I was so sure she’d be all for it, after everything she just said!
While I was reeling with shock, Mukai sort of bashfully glanced away from me. She still had my hand clasped in hers, and was actually squeezing it pretty tightly.
“I mean...I love you way too much to do that now,” Mukai said. “I want you to think that I’m a cool, incredible person—more than I do with anyone else! I want you to be glad that we ended up being friends!”
“Wait, but I already am! I’m super glad already, actually?!” I protested.
“That’s not enough! I want you to be even gladder!”
Mukai pulled my hand toward her chest. Despite the tears that still lingered in her eyes, the smile on her face was both brilliant and remarkably bold.
✦ ✦ ✦
“I’m going to do everything I possibly can to make you like me more than ever, Hazama—so let’s stick together, okay?” said Mukai.
“S-Sure... Let’s, Mukai!” I replied as I squeezed her hand back.
We’d met under the pettiest of circumstances, but now, looking back, I was thankful that the wild twists and turns of fate had ended up leading me to befriend such a wonderful girl. I wanted nothing more than for the two of us to stay friends for the rest of our lives.
A moment later, Mukai let out a slight, sharp gasp. “I, umm... O-Okay, I’d better get going!” she said. It looked like everything she’d just said to me was finally sinking in, and judging by the blush on her face, her own speech had her pretty embarrassed.
I watched as Mukai ran off on her way. I would’ve liked to take a little longer to let the concert and the exchange I’d just had with her sink in...but I barely had the chance to start before I got a text that made me realize this was absolutely not the time.
Mio Kuruma is making her way toward Oda. I’m doing what I can to delay her, but you should hurry here as quickly as possible.
“Wait, what?!”
There’s basically no way that Mio tracking Makina down right now could be good! Actually, it’d be bad in all sorts of ways! Makina will end up questioning why Mio’s here in the first place, and then there’s how Mio’s trying to get Makina to go back to the idol industry, and...so...umm...!
“Anyway, I’ve gotta run!”
Thinking the situation through would have to come later. For the time being, I set off at a sprint! If I remembered the schedule correctly, Yuna, Rinka, and Makina would have gone back to class 2-A’s room to take a break and get changed. Mio shouldn’t have known about any of that...but it also wouldn’t have been strange for her to check our classroom first if she was searching for them.
“Oh! Another text... Gah, I knew it!”
Koganezaki’s follow-up text confirmed my worst fears: Mio really was heading straight for our classroom.
Oh, jeez! Gotta hurry!