Oh god.
I clutched at my chest in vain, hoping it might calm my racing heart. This was a sensation I knew; I’d felt it before, if only once. In another corner of the building, the wind ensemble began to play—a booming orchestral number that sounded like the start of some grand adventure. From outside, I could hear the cheers and shouts of the school baseball team building to a fever pitch, before momentarily falling flat—and then came the telltale ping of metal colliding with cork and rubber.
I was pretty sure I’d just fallen in love.
The whole way home, it felt like I was soaring through the wind—standing tall on my pedals, never once touching the seat. As soon as I made it back, I headed straight for my room and practically dove into bed. My heart was still fluttering like crazy. I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and opened my address book. Seeing the name “Natsuki Hoshihara” slotted in amongst the others, I felt a goofy smile creep up onto my face, and my body shivered in euphoria.
“Congrats, Kamiki-kun!”
Her voice still rang in my ears as her radiant smile flashed through my mind. Burying my head in my pillow, I squealed and gleefully kicked my legs against the mattress, drawing loud creaks from my bedframe. Even this did little to calm me down, and with no other outlet for my pent-up excitement, I started pacing in circles around my bedroom. It wasn’t long before there came a pounding on the wall from the room next door.
“Would you shut up and die already?!” came the disgruntled voice of my sister, Ayaka. Although I thought it a bit harsh for a girl in her second year of junior high to wish death upon me over a little bit of noise, I agreed that I needed to calm down—so I sat on the edge of my bed and took deep breaths, one after another, until eventually I felt like I’d regained my composure.
Hoshihara… Natsuki Hoshihara. A peppy, energetic girl whom I’d only been in the same class with since the start of sophomore year. Up until today, I only ever thought of her as just another cute and cheery girl, but now that I’d actually gotten to talk to her one-on-one, I saw that my preconceptions clearly weren’t giving her enough credit. There was something irresistibly endearing about her goofy, sheepish smiles and over-the-top reactions. How had I not realized just how attractive these things were, considering we’d been in the same class for months now? I was actually looking forward to going to school. Imagine that.
Oh, wait. That’s right. I was supposed to shoot her a message with some book recommendations, wasn’t I? She said she wasn’t much of a reader overall, so I guess I should try to pick things with lower page counts just in case she doesn’t like them, or—
I punched myself in the forehead.
“No… Calm down, you idiot,” I said, rubbing my brow as I shook my head.
She’d only given me her contact info. What was I getting so ahead of myself for? Sure, it might have been a big deal for me, but was I really stupid enough to think it was a big deal for a popular girl like her?
Had I learned nothing from what happened last time in junior high? Clearly I was letting my feelings blind me to the reality of the situation again—only seeing what I wanted to see in her, and only interpreting her words and actions in the way that had the most positive implications for me. I needed to start thinking rationally. Objectively.
I mean, think about it—this was a cute girl who was extremely friendly and very sweet. Did I really think I was the first guy in the whole school to have noticed? Surely there were plenty of other guys who had their eye on Hoshihara. Not that I’d ever heard of any relationship drama involving her, but it certainly wouldn’t have surprised me to find out she had a boyfriend. Even if she didn’t, it was entirely possible that she already had a crush on some other guy, just like the girl I fell for back in junior high.
Had I already forgotten the lessons that mess taught me? Never mistake kindness or a sweet smile for affection; everyone always has their own endgame they’re working toward—and usually, in the long run, it doesn’t involve you.
…Okay. I could feel my common sense returning to me. For now, the best policy was to play it safe—assume she’d merely gotten excited that I was reading her favorite books, and that she’d only shared her contact info because she got caught up in the heat of the moment. Under no circumstances should I interpret that gesture as anything more—or, god forbid, get carried away and try to ask her out. I swore to myself, right then and there, that I would not make the same mistake twice.
But just as I finally began to regain my composure, I felt my cell phone vibrate from where I’d placed it on the bed. I picked it up and flipped it open to find that I had one new message. It was from Hoshihara.
Hey, just wanted to let you know I went ahead and bought that book you recommended—The Echidna’s Dream! Might take me a while to get through it, just ’cause I’m a slow reader, but I’ll definitely let you know what I think when I’m done!
The message was accompanied by a photo of a hand holding up the cover of said book, taken in what appeared to be her bedroom. No way. Had she really gone out and bought it the very same day I’d recommended it to her?! My previous emotional headspace came roaring back with a vengeance. All bets were off now. I jumped back on my stomach into bed and kicked my legs against the mattress even harder.
Right on cue, there came another banging on the wall.
“Drop! Dead!”
I still thought that was a bit much.
Hoshihara and I exchanged a few messages back and forth after that, but then the conversation reached a natural end. I was amazed how much mental energy it took just to compose a decent message—and how agonizing it was having to wait for a response! There were several times when, as I sat counting every minute and every second between replies, I’d think of a cleverer response, or a better way of wording things, and kick myself for only having come up with it in hindsight. Even so, I couldn’t complain; I was so elated, my hands were still trembling with excitement long after I hit send on my final reply. It was so bad that Ayaka picked up on it at dinnertime, asking why I was “grinning like such a creep.” But she was always saying things like that about me, so I didn’t pay it any mind.