I could totally understand that, especially after what an unexpectedly brutal day this had turned out to be. If she wasn’t in the mood for even a short bus ride after that grueling delay, I couldn’t blame her. I was borderline traumatized by it myself. Although…it was also possible she just didn’t want to spend any more time with me. If anything, that was the more likely answer.
“No, it’s not that,” she said. “I do still want to go see the cape. It would be a pretty big waste not to, after we came all the way out here.”
“Okay. Well, I’m glad to hear that.”
“…I want to apologize for what I said earlier.”
Ushio shifted around on the bed so her whole body was facing me. She looked me in the eye for a moment, then lowered her head.
“I shouldn’t have said the things I said,” she continued. “I was just frustrated, so I took my anger out on you. And I’m sorry.”
“Hey, don’t worry about it. Not like anything you said was wrong. It was a stupid, last-minute idea on my part, and it ended up being a total disaster. If anyone should be apologizing here, it’s me.”
Still hanging her head, Ushio gripped the bedsheets with both hands. “I mean, the long bus ride did suck, yeah. And walking through that blizzard wasn’t my idea of fun either. But those things weren’t painful for me in the same way that Otaru was. They were more like…the ‘fun’ kind of shared adversity, if you know what I mean. A bit like the school marathon, for instance. When you look back on stuff like that, all you usually remember is how hard it was, and how relieved you were when it was finally over—but there aren’t that many people who will tell you they hated those experiences, even in spite of all those struggles. They tend to come away with a positive impression of the event as a whole.”
“Uh, speak for yourself,” I said. “I don’t know about you, but I despise big athletic competitions like that. Pretty sure most kids do, honestly.”
“Okay, maybe that was a bad example… I guess it’s just people like me who enjoy those kinds of things.” Ushio held her head in her hands. “Ugh, sorry… I know I’m doing a really bad job of explaining it…”
She was pretty frazzled. I felt bad for thinking this, but it was almost kind of cute to see her scrambling to get her point across.
“It’s okay,” I told her. “I get that you’re trying to express that you didn’t mean it, which is probably the most important part. And I can understand what you’re saying about how certain kinds of painful experiences aren’t necessarily as bad as others. If it makes you feel any better, I’m really not that bent out of shape about it.”
Ushio looked up at me with nervous eyes. “You’re not?”
“Well, maybe a little bit.”
“…Sorry.”
“Aw, c’mon. I’m just kidding.” I flopped backward onto the bed, then pulled the comforter over me. “Anyway, we should get some sleep. Wanna be well rested so we can get up bright and early tomorrow to go see Cape Soya.”
“Yeah, okay.”
Ushio gently lay down as well, and I pressed the button embedded in the headboard to turn the lights off.
The three-quarter bed was decidedly not that big. When I scooted in toward the middle a bit because I had one leg and one arm hanging off the edge of the mattress, my hand brushed against hers. We were close enough that if one of us rolled over in their sleep, they’d definitely bump into the other person (or fall right off the bed).
I thought I’d be able to fall asleep right away, yet my eyes remained wide open. Maybe I’d gotten so much sleep on the bus ride that my body didn’t need any more now.
“…You still awake, Ushio?” I asked.
“Yeah,” she replied immediately.
She rustled around a bit. It was too dark in the room for me to see her, but I could tell from her breathing that she was closer to me now than she had been before.
“Guessing you can’t fall asleep either?” I asked.
“Not really,” she said. “Think I probably slept too much on the bus…”
“Same, yeah. Feels kinda weird not to be able to fall asleep when you know you’re so physically exhausted, though, doesn’t it?”
“Well, for me…it’s not just that.”
“Huh? What do you mean?”
“Never mind. Don’t worry about it.”
“You know, it made me pretty happy when you stepped in and said we’d take the couple’s room earlier. It was kinda nice to hear you call us that again…even if I know you were probably just saying it to save us some money or whatever.”
“It’s really not that big a deal.”
“You remember that time we got crepes on one of our dates? They gave us a couple’s discount there too, didn’t they?”
“That they did.”
“It’s kinda funny, isn’t it? Being able to reap some sort of benefit just purely by virtue of ‘being a couple’… I mean, it’s not like you have to sign a legal contract or anything to go out with someone. It’s just a verbal understanding between two people—yet it still can have tangible perks sometimes.”
“I suppose so, yeah.”
“So hey… Assuming we still go out and do stuff together after this…do you think it’d be okay for us to keep taking advantage of couple’s discounts and things like that?”
“Is this a roundabout way of saying you want us to get back together?”
“I dunno. I’m not sure, really.”
“You’re not sure?”
“Lovers, friends, colleagues… They’re all just labels we use to describe different types of relationships, aren’t they? And I guess lately I’ve been starting to wonder…how much value there really is in making those kinds of distinctions. Like, what does it matter whether we call ourselves friends or lovers at the end of the day, y’know?”
“You’re saying we should just call ourselves a couple because it means we can exploit the system and get better deals from time to time?”
“Yeah, kinda. I mean, there’s no downside, is there?”
“…That’s not right, though, Sakuma.”
“Huh? Why not?”
“You’re basically deceiving people for your own selfish gain at that point. You can’t lie and say you’re a couple to get a better deal when you’re not actually dating one another.”
“But, like, didn’t we literally just do that to get this hotel room?”
“That’s different. And these are extenuating circumstances.”
“If you say so…”
“Besides, didn’t you know? A lot of places will actually make you prove that you’re a couple somehow before they’ll give you the discount. Like, they’ll make you give the other person a kiss on the cheek or something.”
“Wow, really? Huh… I had no idea.”
“And if you can’t even do that, then you obviously can’t call yourselves a couple.”
“Right, yeah.”
“But if you can do that…then I suppose you can call yourselves a couple.”
“Hm? Sorry, did you just say the exact same thing twice?”
“No. No, I didn’t, actually.”
“You sure? Oh, wait. I think I get it now. You’re saying you want me to give you a kiss on the cheek, aren’t you?”
“No! Don’t put words in my mouth, stupid!”
“I dunno… It kinda sounds like that’s what you want.”
“Well, it’s not. Not even a little bit… And even if it was, it wouldn’t matter…because I know you’re not comfortable doing that sort of thing.”
“Yeah, guess you’ve got me there.”
There was a long pause.
“You’re right,” I went on. “Kissing is pretty uncomfortable for me, if I’m being honest.”
“I know,” said Ushio.
“But I’m totally fine with hugging or holding hands, for the record.”
“That’s barely even romantic, though. Plenty of people do those things with their friends, their parents, or their siblings.”
“Okay, fair… But there are also plenty of people all across the world who do way more ‘intimate’ stuff than that with people they don’t even know—whether they paid for it, or decided to hook up after a night out drinking, or whatever it might be.”
“Why did this get far more explicit all of a sudden?”
“Look, my point is: It shouldn’t just be about whether you’re checking all of the boxes when it comes to physical intimacy. Merely doing those things doesn’t mean you’re in a ‘more intimate’ relationship, necessarily—it’s the emotional connection that really matters. And when you truly get to know, and love, and cherish someone on a deeper level like that, well…I feel like you have every right to call that a romantic relationship. Even if you’ve never kissed or had sex or whatever.”
“And what if the other person wants more than that?”
“Then…I guess you’d just have to find ways to compromise with each other.”
“Yeah? And how are you supposed to do that, exactly?”
I reached over and gently interlocked my fingers with Ushio’s. “Maybe something like this, for a start?”
“That’s just a plain old lovers’ handhold,” said Ushio.
“Yeah, see? It even says ‘lovers’ right in the name. Surely that makes it far more romantic and intimate than that three-letter word people throw around like it’s nothing.”
“Okay, now you’re just playing word games with me.”
“Yeah, I know… Sorry, do you want me to let go, then?”
“I never said that. In fact, I think I’ll go to sleep just like this, so don’t even think about letting go until I give you permission tomorrow morning.”
“All right. I’ll do my best.”
“…And one other thing.”
“Uh-huh?”
A pause.
“What’s the one other thing?” I pressed.
“If we were to start going out again,” said Ushio, “then I expect you to give me at least two hugs per day, minimum. Those are my terms, if you want to compromise.”
“Okay, sure. I think I can agree to that.”
“Well, go on, then.”
“Huh? Go on with what?”
“It’ll be midnight soon. Better hurry up if you want to hit that quota.”
“Oh, I see how it is, heh heh… All right, all right.”
I wrapped my arms around Ushio.
And the two of us stayed there like that for a time.
“Okay, good night,” Ushio whispered.
“Night,” I whispered back.