I had to find some way to resolve the situation—but all I could think to do right now was start ravenously devouring my buttered potato to distract from the awkward silence. I crammed the whole thing into my mouth like a starving prisoner who hadn’t seen a bite of food in days. Sure enough, Ushio and Hoshihara were flabbergasted.
Unfortunately, I’d made a minor oversight, as it promptly got caught in my throat.
“Mfgh?!”
Oh god. I’m gonna choke!
“W-wadder!” I pleaded.
“What are you doing, Sakuma?” muttered Ushio, shaking her head as she passed me the mineral water she’d bought at a vending machine earlier. Like a glutton, I greedily guzzled it down, not even having the time to care about it technically constituting an indirect kiss.
“Phew, thanks… That was a close one.” I handed the water back to Ushio. Before they had the chance to ask me why I’d done such a thing, I added, “Gotta eat these things before they get cold, y’know?”
“True that!” said Hoshihara. “Buttered potatoes always taste best when they’re still piping hot!” She proceeded to stuff her cheeks with a big bite of her own potato.
“Hey, hey, hey! Don’t you go choking on us too, now!”
“Don’t worry! I’m not an amateur like you, Kamiki-kun.”
“Ha ha ha, ouch… Yeah, we’ll see about that.”
From anyone else, this comment probably would have stung a whole lot more, but Hoshihara was so cute that I had a hard time feeling insulted by it. Ushio watched us banter with each other, and her expression finally lightened a bit. This was such a relief to see that it made almost choking myself to death feel totally worth it.
We made it back to the meetup spot right on time. We let Ms. Iyo know we were back, then climbed aboard our next shuttle bus. Once all of the other students were accounted for, we set off for our hotel in Jozankei.
The whole bus ride was fairly quiet throughout; maybe everyone was feeling too tired to socialize after several hours of frolicking around the city. Most kids spent the hour-long journey napping, reviewing the photos they’d taken on their phones, or engaging in some other restful pastime. Me, I just gazed absentmindedly out the window as we headed up the mountainside, watching as the buildings slowly grew farther and farther apart. It was already getting dark out.
“Not sure I’ve ever seen Natsuki that angry before,” Ushio said softly. She was sunken down in the seat beside me, staring listlessly down at her knees. She looked totally spent.
“You mean when we were talking to those girls?” I said. “Yeah… Though I guess I’m not too surprised. That does seem like the sort of thing that would set her off.”
“What about you? Would you have just let it go?”
“Nah, I definitely would have said something if she hadn’t. In fact, I was literally about to before she cut me off.”
“Gotcha. Yeah, I guess you would, wouldn’t you…?”
There was a faintness to her tone that I wasn’t quite sure how to interpret.
“I mean, I definitely appreciate her sticking up for me,” Ushio went on. “But at the same time, like… I don’t know. I suppose I feel kinda guilty.”
“Well, you shouldn’t,” I said. “She wouldn’t have done it if she wasn’t genuinely offended on your behalf. I’m sure she didn’t feel obligated to or whatever.”
“No, that’s not what I meant. Like, yeah, I do feel a little bit bad for putting Natsuki in that position… But I mostly meant that I feel bad for those three other girls.”
Ah. Now I could see what Ushio was trying to say.
“How come?” I asked anyway, just to be sure.
“For one thing, I really don’t think that girl who laughed at me meant anything actively malicious by what she said. She probably didn’t even think twice about it. Though I know a lot of discrimination can be subtle and inadvertent like that… But now that one negative interaction will probably put a huge damper on the whole rest of their day, when all they were trying to do was enjoy their class trip.”
“That goes for us too, to be fair.”
“Yeah, I know. I’m not saying we’re the bad guys or anything. I guess it made me reflect a little bit on how I’d like those around me to react when someone laughs at me or says something hurtful.”
I nodded for her to continue.
“I know I’ve said this already, but I really am grateful to Natsuki for standing up for me. At the same time, we all have our blind spots when it comes to what is and isn’t discrimination—you and me included. If there’s no malicious intent behind it, like with what those girls did, then I’d like to think it was just an honest mistake—no more worth making a huge fuss about than when someone accidentally steps on the back of your shoe, for instance. I suppose I’m realizing that my ideal resolution to that situation would have been just a quick ‘Oh, sorry!’ and then for us all to go back to chatting and having fun together again.”
Unfortunately, things hadn’t played out like that.
I recognized that she wasn’t trying to criticize Hoshihara for her actions—nor those other girls for theirs. Ushio was lamenting something far greater than any one party’s behavior here; she saw it more as a problem with our society as a whole and how defensive people tended to get in these sorts of conflicts.
“I wish it didn’t feel like my identity was such a nuisance to others,” said Ushio.
“Oh, come on… That’s not true at all,” I said. I wasn’t just trying to console her either—I was simply stating a fact. “And it’s precisely because everyone has those blind spots that we could all stand to be a bit more careful and considerate of others. Part of that is letting people know when they’ve done something hurtful so they won’t make the same mistake again. That’s why it’s important to call people out on these things.”
The air inside the bus felt dry on my tongue, so I swallowed.
“Sure, it might make the other person feel pretty bad for a moment, but it’s not a nuisance at all—any half-decent person would rather know they messed up so they can change their behavior. I’d sure wanna know if I hurt someone like that. And you shouldn’t feel like you have to sacrifice your own comfort for the sake of others either—or else those heels of yours are gonna turn black and blue from being stepped on all the time.”
Ushio slowly turned to face me. “Sakuma… You’ve really grown up, it feels like.”
“Wait, what? You think?”
“Yeah. I’m genuinely impressed.”
“Dang, seriously? Huh, I wonder what happened… Maybe this cold weather is toughening me up or something.”
“Is that a thing?”
“Yeah. I mean, don’t you always feel like some badass, hard-boiled lone wolf detective with a big ol’ trench coat on when you’re walking around in the freezing cold with your hands shoved in your pockets? I know I sure do.”
“Hm… Okay, I take it back. Maybe you haven’t grown up at all.”
“Wow, okay! I see how it is!”
Ushio smiled gently at this, then cast her eyes down. “I mean it, though. It’s really nice to see how much you’ve matured.” Upon saying as much, she let out a big yawn and hunched her shoulders. “Gosh, I’m tired… I think I might take a little nap, actually.”
“Sure thing.”
Ushio closed her eyes.
I turned my gaze out the window once more, resting my elbow on the armrest and my cheek on my palm. I could almost feel the howling wind through the glass. Nights would be a whole lot colder here in Hokkaido than in Tsubakioka, that was for sure.