“The moment I learned the truth, I decided to give up on everything.”
They were in a space created by the connection between Maria and Linus’s consciousness. Surrounded by a soft light, in a strange place where even gravity was ambiguous, Linus had been shown Maria’s past. When her memories had flooded into him like a raging torrent, Linus had been in a state of semiconsciousness, but now he could see clearly. Maria, who seemed like she was about to give up on everything again now, was hugging her knees, a delicate, frail look on her face.
“Everything I believed in and came to love… The whole world had betrayed me…”
She couldn’t believe anything anymore. She wondered if love really existed. She wondered if even those who loved her wouldn’t betray her eventually.
“But even if I use that as an excuse, the fact remains that my family died. And I dragged Sara into a painful and difficult battle. It’s my fault! It’s all my fault!”
And questioning that betrayal led to self-loathing.
“But I don’t understand. Why am I the only one at fault? That’s not right, is it? The demons destroyed my home and killed all of my blood relatives! And the church, humans, ordered them to do it. They betrayed me, who believed in them and followed them! So aren’t they all at fault, too?! But I can’t do anything about it myself… I can’t do anything…” Maria, wailing, looked even younger than her actual age. Ever since she was twelve years ago, she had been used as a convenient tool—the “Saint”—the whole time. She wanted to be loved and fawned on but couldn’t. Surely this was the true Maria, the one that should have been revealed to the world originally.
When Linus wished, “I want to go by her side,” the distance between them gradually closed, little by little. He reached out, pulled her closer, and held her tightly with both arms.
“Stop, don’t embrace me…” Though she said those words, Maria didn’t refuse him. “If you weren’t here, if only you hadn’t reached out your hand to save me, I would have died long, long ago…” She buried her face in his chest, letting her tears soak through. “Why do you love someone like me, even though I am so tainted?”
Even though she was expressing her self-loathing, she couldn’t resist the desire that swelled within her heart, far surpassing those feelings of self-hatred.
“Because of that, I can’t help but see hope in the world again… I find myself wanting to live…” Even though the world was so tainted, both inside and outside, just being held in his arms like this filled her heart with happiness.
Linus spoke to her as he held her.
“I tried learning more and more about you, Maria, but there was something I just couldn’t understand. I didn’t get why it wasn’t just demons you hated, but everything.”
That hatred that she had occasionally shown. Linus could sense the weight of the emotions behind it. But no matter how much he investigated into her past, he couldn’t find the reason for such hatred. That was because only the upper echelons of the church and the “Saint” herself could know the truth.
“You’ve known for a long time that there were traitors among the demons who are connected to the church. You couldn’t trust humans or demons, so you hated the whole world, and you tried to revive Origin to destroy everything.”
“The truth is that I’ve killed many people, too. I am not what you think I am… I am not a beautiful woman who should be loved! I am a worthless piece of trash who takes the lives of others using ‘giving up’ as an excuse! I don’t deserve to be loved…”
“Maria, you seem to think I’m some kind of prince or something.” Linus looked embarrassed, like he didn’t know what to say. Maria was taken aback by his expression, which seemed out of place in the gravity of the moment. “I’m not. I’m not a hero, and I’m not even a respectable person that people ought to admire. I’m just a man.”
“That’s not true!”
“In that case, I’m gonna say something that’ll disillusion you about me, so please don’t hate me.” Just then, his facial expression suddenly tightened, and he looked serious. That contrast made Maria’s heart pound. Linus paused for a moment and then looked her straight in the eyes and spoke.
“I just like girls with big tits who seem to have a darkness in their hearts.”
Maria froze for a few seconds. Afterward, what finally came out of her mouth was a confused “Huh?” Then Linus repeated what he said once more, to emphasize the point.
“I said that I like girls with big tits who seem to have a darkness in their hearts.” While Maria looked at him blankly, dumbfounded, Linus began to explain in detail. “When I first saw you, right away, I was like Whoa, Maria is totally my kind of girl. Why, you ask? Well, I’m a guy, so I love boobs. Plus, it’s even better if I can save a girl like that. It’s a kind of narcissism, I guess. I want to look cool.” His true intentions were so pathetic; they were far from the kinds of desires a prince would have.
“And my reason for accepting the invitation to join the hero party was the same. Everyone else has a really cool reason for joining, but not me. I wanted money and fame. I also thought that if I got the title of hero, I’d become more popular.” That’s right. That was undoubtedly his way of thinking.
“There you have it. That’s the kind of guy Linus Radiants is.” He knew very well for himself that he was a worthless person. He knew it, but that was the truth. Linus sounded fed up and disappointed with himself when he said that. Maria reflexively argued back.
“But there’s no way you could have come this far with such reasons!”
“I could.” That short response alone was enough to silence her. Linus continued talking in a flippant, foolish manner. “Men are idiots, and I’m the dumbest one of them all. Just because I fell head over heels in love, I ended up doing all of this.” Then he smiled gently at Maria.
“So? Shattered your illusions about me, didn’t I?” It was a parade of words that you would normally never say when trying to woo a woman. He had said it with the intention of making her dislike him. Maria’s eyes filled with tears and her tightly closed lips trembled. Then she closed her eyes hard, and at the same time, smiled warmly at him as the tears began to fall.
“Linus, I should say that you’re the one who misunderstands me.” She clung to Linus’s chest and grabbed hold of his clothes tightly. “Because there is no way I could hate you because of something like that!” Maria spoke in a trembling voice, but she spoke clearly and definitively.
“And you said that you loved me, even when you saw me in that hideous form. Linus, you are most definitely a hero to me!” Though she was shedding tears, she was radiant. She smiled brightly, as if she had been freed from something.